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Burning my old as dirt binders in post op flame ritual

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We really have harmed a whole generation of trans and gnc children by failing to communicate how serious a decision binding actually is, how there’s no ACTUALLY safe way to bind, how it permeneantly damages the body, how it can make top surgery more difficult in the future. I don’t think we should be keeping trans kids from binding (we let kids do all sorts of things they’re really not old enough to understand the potential consequences of) but we owe them the ability to make informed decisions at LEAST

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This isn't my official bill, but here's the breakdown according to my monthly EOB.

somebody hold me.

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chilling the fuck out in my "top surgery tank" i bought... four? four years ago as a visual goal to get surgery.

i feel amazing. bandages are off finally! I'm still wearing bandaids on my nipple grafts for a while until I'm comfy, but otherwise I'm free.

wow.

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me: waking up from top surgery

doctor: here are your male presenting nipples sir

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Post-op Results!

I had surgery with Dr Haruko Okada in Columbus Ohio (she's with the Ohio Health Network). Not only is literally everyone amazing, nice, inclusive, and EDUCATED, Dr Okada herself is simply pleasant and honestly fun to be around. She's a stickler for details; paperwork, drawing incision lines, aftercare, everything. She makes everything simple and safe.

ANYWAY I'm literally shaking at how amazing everything looks.

I'm sorry but i can't get over how incredible my nipples look.

I can't be happier with the care and the results I've recieved.

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In the time since i originally posted this on my main, these feelings have been waning. however, in this week after surgery as I've sat here on my couch in the same clothes for seven days I've been REALLY active (read as: active AT ALL) in communities on reddit. and I've been lurking quite a lot and really just finally loving acknowledging this part of my life again.

i realized the other day how much like… internalized transphobia im dealing with.

i became so uncomfortable with my transness and insecure in my male identity especially after the Pulse nightclub shooting, and since then its all gotten worse for me. ive been avoiding lgbt spaces, avoiding lgbt discussions, not wanting to acknowledge key aspects of my identity. i hate being trans. often i forget that im not a cis guy, and whenever im reminded that im not, i get angry, isolated, and dysphoric obviously. 

ignoring my own issues and failing to come to terms with my gender and queerness causes me to not care or take others seriously when it comes to lgbt stuff. another big contributor to my attitude the past year or so is all the ~tumblr discourse~ surrounding lgbt and especially gender issues and the rampant immaturity, ignorance, and general bullshit i cant find in me to care about whatsoever. ive NEVER been able to connect with the tumblr trans community, but again, this honestly stems from me not accepting myself for it. 

i feel unsafe being trans, uncomfortable being trans, i feel like i dont fit in any lgbt spaces and i dont really have any solutions. ive been putting this post off for a while because i dont want the tumblr trans community trying to come down on my case about whatever fucking ~problematic opinions~ i have like, look I KNOW and i want to talk it out without someone policing my thoughts and my voice. there isnt one trans narrative. 

is anyone else out here experiencing the same stuff??

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IT HAPPENED Y'ALL!

I'll detail my experience later, for now, just know that I'm doing fine and I'm so happy

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HO 14 DAYS TILL SURGERY!

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41 Days until surgery!

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throwing this here too

I've wondered if after having surgery, I'll remain stealth. for me, it's about getting taken seriously i guess? and once i have surgery I'll be able to feel like I'm getting taken seriously as a man enough to tell folks that im trans?

i think thats it.

happy coming out day

Ok btw since it’s coming out day and I’ve pretty much literally never really"come out"in my life i guess I’ll do that.

Hey I’m Leon, and I’m a polyamorous bisexual transman, tho i live stealth, and I’m married to a Tall lesbian wife who i love so much

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Another multi-hundred dollar project on my car... replacing the calipers as well as rotors and pads.

At this rate, I will probably have to leave the bulk of the diagnostics on my brakes until after surgery unless I will be able to afford to take it into a mechanic

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I barely made it through this week with both food AND gas to get to work, and thanks to the support I've received I made it to another paycheck. everything matters so much and i am grateful for ALL of the support

Help Leon Get $3k for Top Surgery

The great news is this - I’ve met my surgeon, had my consultation appointment, and everything looks good-to-go as far as my physical ability to have double incision surgery. The not so great news - 

I have a snowball’s chance in hell being approved by insurance. 

Which, granted, is not a shocking thing. Needless to say, I’m not optimistic about that part.

  I’m Leon and I NEED top surgery because quite frankly I’ve been binding for over 5 years and it’s taking a real toll. I’m a martial artist and my style requires hard effing work, mostly done with my elbows as close to each other and my body as possible. Anyone who wears a binder can imagine that kind of discomfort and potentially damaging effects. 

I’ve chosen to see Dr. Haruko Okada in Columbus Ohio where I live, and she’s incredible. Trained under Medali, she only performs double incision procedure and usually is a hand surgeon. I’ve already had my first appointment at no cost, now we are simply waiting on the chopping block for insurance’s answer. 

I am not looking to crowdfund the entire 10k potential cost of my operation. Somebody else needs that more than I do. I can realistically cover half that cost in about 6 months if I bust my ass, and my in-laws are always willing to lend me a hand, even if I don’t want the help. So I’m looking to raise three thousand dollars.

Coming up in October I’m taking a trip to Hong Kong that has already siphoned my savings account and I haven’t even gotten there yet. On top of that I’m paying rent and utilities, and I’ve loaned out a large sum of cash for the deposit to a roommate that put me back as well. My monthly living expenses don’t make it impossible to save money, but if insurance calls next week and I have my surgery scheduled asap? That’s going to be quite an issue. I DON’T have that money right now.

venmo: LeonAlexandar-Christian

Paypal: achristian4690@gmail.com

Facebook: Leon Alexandar Christian

If you choose to donate any amount, please follow my transition blog eff-tea-em . I will be posting any insurance updates, surgery updates, etc there. 

Otherwise thanks for giving this post your time, please share it around!

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Pal, i used to REALLY look like that didn't I😂🤣

This is what high school and the gay bomb did to me

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One of these days I should make a T-timeline photoset

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Recieved "the call", that is, the insurance decision.

AND MY SURGERY GOT ACCEPTED! However I know that this is a tentative victory at best, as insurance tends to skyrocket procedure costs and\or resind any offer of coverage after the fact.

But I know that I can add will fight any adverse decision reached by insurance, and I have the very competent office staff to guide me as well as legal services at work.

WE CAN MAKE IT!!

I'm the meantime, this means I may have celebrated a bit after the call, but I am still preparing as if I never got that call at all.

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Didn't expect to have to re-do the brakes on my car AGAIN this year as well as replace the rotors. At this rate, in saving for surgery, I might BARELY have enough cash to eat a meal everyday in Hong Kong OTL

I also had to purchase a new (refurbished) phone, as my current one doesn't work unless the temperature is above 75 degrees, and I honestly wish I were exaggerating.

It's a rough financial year, but I know I can make it somehow, and I truly appreciate the help I receive from you guys and my friends at home. Surgery looks more and more possible everyday!