edemkay - Tumblr blog

[edemkay]

HI! It's almost going to be one year since I opened Tumblr lol- I don't really know what to do here so I'll probably tell you about my life - anecdotes, photos, music I like and such :) I missed this app and it's cool to have a blog ☆°☆ (and it makes me work on my English!)

so.. i'll talk to you another day? bye! :)<33

-Edemkay•°𓆈

(I have a hyperfixation with this music-)

[edemkay]

Today I will speak French, sorry but I need to talk..

Maintenant 3 mois et quelques jours que je le suis rendu compte que mon corps et mon esprit n'allait pas ensemble mais contrairement à ce que les gens peuvent avoir comme image de la transidentité je suis TERRORISÉ..

Quand j'en parle à me quelques "amies" qui le savent je suis soit sur de l'autoderision soit je suis un peu déprimé mais la réalité est que j'angoisse.

J'ai peur de me faire agressé, du regard des autres, des insultes, du traitement de transition, des hormones, des opérations, de MOI, j'ai peur de tout.

Mais je ne peux pas en parler on compte sur moi pour consolé et mes proches vont pas très bien alors je doit me taire et sourire e conseillant les gens alors que j'arrive à peine à tenir debout. La vérité est que je ne suis même pas sur d'être trans, de vouloir prendre des hormones etc.. La seule chose que je sais est que je me DÉTESTE.

Je donne à mes proches l'image d'un adorable sur de lui un peu paumé et qui n'a pas vraiment de problème mais ma vie est actuellement en miettes. C'est horrible de ne pas passer une journée sans idée noir, sans se critiquer intérieurement, d'avoir l'impression que personne ne l'aime etc..

J'en est marre. Je veux être moi mais je ne sais pas qui je suis là seule chose dont je suis persuadé est que en fasse de moi dans le miroir ce n'est pas moi que je vois.

J'ai aussi appris que j'avais potentiellement un trouble qui s'appelle "la reverie compulsif" en gros je rêve TOUT LE TEMPS. Perso je vois ça comme si je fuyait la réalité mais c'est plus complexe, je l'ai depuis enfant, je ne passe pas une journée sens rêver éveillé minimum 3heures. Je m'inventes des mondes, des personnages incroyable qui me comprennent mieux et qui font plus attention à moi que les gens dans la vrai vie. Que ce soit le soir, la journée, chez moi, en cours, avec du monde, seule, je ne peux m'empêcher de partir..

Aussi j'en est jamais parlé à personne mais je pense que j'ai récemment souffert dhyperphagie très légère ou autre mais je vais pas rentrer dans le détail car j'ai peur que ma copine tombe la dessus..

J'écris car à l'oral je n'arrive pas à trouver les mots et je ne sais pas comment aborder le sujet avec les gens..

Je me sens seule alors que je suis entouré cets con hein? Ma mère m'a dis que j'avais d ela chance d'avoir pleins d'amis mais ils sont des amis si ils ne sont pas là pour moi?..

J'aime la fiction car je peux vivre des vies qui finissent bien pendant un cours instant, la nuits avant de dormir je peux rester éveillé 1h voir plus dans la peaux d'un personnage qui vie sa vie en l'imaginant et je peux vivre des histoires que je rêve de vivre.. je perd espoir en réalité. C'est bête, j'ai passé tellement de temps à vouloir crevé alors que ça allait être maintenant que je veux vivre rout vas de travers..

Je vais probablement plus écrire ici car cela me fais du bien ❤️‍🩹 bonne journée à vous <33 (et pas de relecture sorry pour les fautes d'orthographe-)

[edemkay]

Hello ! Today, update about my trans identity, It's been a long time since I spoke to you..

I did my trans coming out to my mother, and it was really.. special?

I think she didn't understand that I'm a boy, not a girl.. it's so difficult for me to write about this lol..

I'm so sad and lost.. I need help, but who can help me? Nobody-

I have a lot of disphoria of gender and HATE my fuking body, my fucking chest, my long blond hair... I wanna be a normal boy like others..

but it's impossible to speak this to my mom and others.. I wanna live, but it's so difficult to be a trans man.. I have the impression that nobody understands me.. my mom, my brother, my friends, my girlfriend.. I love their SO MUCH, but they didn't understand..

I think this blog will speak of this and of my life..

~It was Edem, a lost trans man~

(Sorry if my english is not good-)

[edemkay]

Hello my.. potatoes? '-' today I wanted to tell you about my day :)

my schedule for today:

French (2 hours)

English (1 hours)

Music (1 hours)

PE (2 hours)

History Geography (1 hours)

My day was good👍🏻 but I very hate the Ep, and it is so difficult for me cause I had a lot of gender disphorie.. I've been talking about this a lot lately, lol

In the morning, I saw that my girlfriend had sent me a rather disturbing message but finally it was nothing bad -

I don't know what say- Goodbye 👍🏻

(I'm so sorry again if my english is not good- I'm so dumb sometimes lol-)

listen to this music NOW it's an order >>

[edemkay]

Hello! It’s been a long time that i didn't write on my blog. (I think my sentence doesn't mean anything :')) SO I come on again for speak to my life :D (very sorry if my english is not good- I remember you, i'm French T^T<3)

Today, it was back to school for me, and it was really complicated :') I have my friends in my class, but I was very dysphoric today.. (dysphoria of gender) it was really hot (35 degrees), but I kept my jacket on because I wanted to hide my chest.. I HATE be a trans man it's so difficult <//3

Monday, I start the week with PE (Physical education). i think I will die T^T

I saw my girlfriend during the holidays! I was soooooooo happy <33 I love her so much ❤️❤️ and she loves me :) (I think-) we visited Lille and bought manga :0 (rather she bought me some even though I didn't want to-)

by the way I finally found my male first name so call me Edem :) i LOVE this name omg-

that's the end of this post, goodbye ❤️

[edemkay]

Hello! Here are some music recommendations by Cavetown! I also recommend "dysphoric" but unfortunately this music is only available on youtube :'))

[edemkay]

Today I introduce myself in more detail! (I had no idea lol-)

I posted this presentation on my Tik Tok account: Advice_.Robbie (this is a Cavetown fan page)

i LOVE boys love too>>

I forgot Bunny (Butters x Kenny - South park) and Tomtord (Tom x Tord -eddsworld)

I hope you learned a bit more about me :) (even if no one reads my blog-)

[edemkay]

Hello ! New post on my life! This post is told over two days. ❤️🌻

Yesterday I ate a special breakfast and since I found it aesthetic I took a picture of it! (Like the flower at the restaurant lol)

In the afternoon I went to the beach with my mother and my granny! It was nice. My grandma is really a hateful person..

In the evening we went to "friends" to eat! I didn't eat anything that evening because I didn't feel well. My grandma was unbearable and people were commenting on me because I was on my phone. Luckily my girlfriend was there to cheer me up by text!

At the end of the evening I almost fainted and threw up but it was all over good!

Today my grandmother left and went home! I'm happyyyyy! At the end of the afternoon I went to the shops and bought a Stan key ring from South park! And I also bought a present for my girlfriend! (I hope she'll like it!<33)

[edemkay]

Hello my name's Kayko, I'm a dumb teen boy and this is my first publication. Today I went to a restaurant in Cap d'Agde in the south of France and it was not good urg- 🫠

I ate a breaded chicken poke bowl but the mango was super acid and dominated the whole dish- but the edamame was really good!

Otherwise the restaurant was really beautiful! But i wonder why my family brought me there because I don't like seafood..

I thought the flowers were cute so I took a picture of them! (It's fake flowers, so what? '-')

For the dessert I ate an ice cream but I forgot the name (names are really hard and varied so i'm lost-)

Other photos: