eclecticcreative

[eclecticcreative]

Random personal ramblings on gender.

When I was a kid, I liked to be a girly tomboy. I think this was the best you could describe my gender. I wasn’t afraid of bugs. I liked picking up worms, and I wanted to be outside digging in dirt, etc. I also liked sports well enough, though my dad, subconsciously sexist, spent more time with my brother playing sports and ignored me completely. I wanted to wear lace because I liked it, not because it was girly. My gender wasn’t exactly a question. It’s more like... people called me a girl, and I accepted it, but I never completely subscribed to everything feminine, but I wanted to do both. Every gender test says that I’m 50/50. There are things “feminine” I don’t subscribe to. And there are things masculine I don’t subscribe to. I never quite saw gender as this perfect binary in the first place because I always fit somewhere in the middle. I didn’t like the violence of the subscribed male characteristics, but I didn’t quite love the “Have to go shopping” mentality and materialism of what women were supposed to be. I suppose, too, that since I jumped countries, my ideas of feminine and masculine aren’t fixed either. And I wonder if there are days that some cis women just don’t feel like performing as women like I do, but go with whatever is on hand anyway. Or sometimes have fantasies about dressing up in historical men’s clothes for fun. Or just love the idea of people challenging gender norms because the roots of gender norms are not fixed. Skirts are only coded feminine because of pants, but call them by a different name and then they can be manly, like the toga... Beautiful calves are something from Tudor Times for men... not women. High Heels were made for men, not women. Pants were made for horse riding, not men. Lace was for both sexes. Eyeliner was for men and women as sunglasses kind of thing. Knowing the history of gender, etc, I feel less enthused by gender roles, in general, and I can’t quite say I always feel like a super feminine woman. Most of the time I honestly don’t. Most of the time I feel like I’m foreign to a lot of the idealized feminine things especially in US consumerist culture. And I hate the European notions of men as violent creatures that can’t think or reason for themselves or FEEL anything. I want to ditch the whole thing. So what gender am I? I don’t give a fuck anymore. I wish that was a gender category. I’ll happily dress like a 19th century man. A Korean man, Super feminine woman, because I really don’t think it matters all that much. Why should I limit what I like by some arbritrary gender assignments given by culture in order to usually suppress women and LGBTQIA anyway? I’ll be 80 and dye my hair pink if I want to.

[eclecticcreative]

Sex Receptive Aces...

exist. But a lot of sex repulsed aces imagine sex positive aces to be more like sex neutral. “tolerate sex” is sex neutral or just below sex neutral. Open and receptive to the idea of sex. Just noting this.

[eclecticcreative]

Diversity Writing Discussion Drinking game 2019 Edition

What follows usually is the list of tools that people use to put down people of color. Watch for it.

- White writer has a semi-racist existential crisis. OMG, My are you MAKING ME WRITE POCs with all this talk of diversity!!!!?!! *big fat white tears* Drink twice if the conversation started this way. - Token character argument.

Well, you’re going to make them into a Token character, or the other side, “Don’t make them into a Token character!” 

OMG, all PoC are token. I sit here with PoC skin and am Token.

- Colorblind argument

“Well, you know skin color doesn’t really have an impact on anything.” - Why #Ownvoices?

- This is just Identity Politics (New one--borrowed from the racist right) - What about LGBTQIA (let’s shove that one aside and ignore because being called homophobic is more toxic to me than being called racist.) [Note I’m ace, so the inanity of this argument isn’t lost on me. And yeah, there is TQIA and B in there, but people focus on the Homophobic bit.] - Why DO I HAVE TO RESEARCH???!!!!??? *Cries* 

Though this is more than half the life of a writer, but directed towards real human beings, somehow... you know extra.

- Doesn’t really matter anyway argument.

- I don’t get why I have to READ POC FICTION IN ORDER TO WRITE THEM? You’re torturing me! (Insert some racist epithet about X group can’t write anyway and never liked their books, but why can’t I write them? for extra drinks)

- Well, why not all white setting? 

(A lot of the Well, in the conversation is a sucker punch, actually).

- Racism’s definition wrong and flung at people of color, who in turn are flummoxed and can’t correct the definition from the shock. (School system fail)

- What about Ableism, socioeconomic, etc (ignored--can’t be caught hating on someone with Cerebral Palsy and poor people... then I would be a bad person.). Also not lost on me, since I have a lot of this diversity... (you can check my profile) - WHY DO I NEED A SENSITIVITY READER? (which reads like, Why do I have to mix with THOSE PEOPLE???) People not get how racist this sounds? - Plug own books somewhere, because really, that’s what this conversation just needs. 

People not say... using real examples and academia and doing self-promotion.

- White person says something about melanin count and uses it against a PoC.

- A PoC chimes somewhere with a #notall, making things worse, not better, because they equally don’t know how to deal with the shit storm and why the various movements started.

- White person does a #notall

Drink three times. (It’s that common)

- White Person pulls a colorblind argument.

Varieties are things like:

It doesn’t matter what their skin color is... it’s who they are.

But I don’t see color.

(you can look up for other examples)

- Smells like White fragility

- Smells like, you’re taking away my ability to write books by forcing me to actually *cries* get to KNOW people DIFFERENT from me. (This is like almost the whole point of books...) And thus taking away my pay check. - White Tears in general. Why are you calling the thing I said racist?

- *Mod Lock by white person who doesn’t know how to deal with race discussions*

- Why can’t I write _insert most stereotypical thing ever_?

- I wrote _most stereotypical thing ever_ Drink twice (because they are going to say and that’s OK).

- It just happens to be that all of my good characters are white and a PoC is evil. And that’s OK. Throat punch them then drink twice.

- No one wants to talk Ethnography, Ethnic Studies, or how to research PoC. Drink twice.

- People think asking a sensitivity reader isn’t research. Drink twice.

- White Savior.

- Best friend/whomever is whatever, so I can do whatever the fuck I want as an outsider.

- This faceless mob of people I don’t know are attacking me because I don’t want to get to know them.

- It’s fiction and I can write whatever the hell I want.

- Someone mention dragons? Drink once. If they mention dragons and compare them to People of color throat punch them for comparing real human beings with a MYTHICAL ANIMAL (racist fuckers), and then drink 3 times.

- There are more important things argument

- Mention Liberals or a party affiliations somewhere in the argument. (Newer one).

- I’m not racist but...

Yeah, don’t...

- White person does a I have color too argument.

Four shots, you don’t want to hear where this is going. You need to be drunk enough to not remember it in the morning.

- Plain straight racism.

Someone deems it OK to use the N word and discuss the N word at length, spelled out (mostly to tick off black people who spoke up against them). A white mod refuses to delete it. Another user talks about black people eating watermelon on porches. *gags* White Mod refuses to use their mod powers. General references to going around and dressing up with white hoods and burning crosses on lawns, upsetting several People of color, Jews, and so on, generally directed towards people of color. White Mod refuses to delete it or chastise the people for saying it.

You need to be knock out drunk. Good luck.

- Drunk until eternity if White Mod chastises a Person of Color for calling someone racist, when their comments were racist double drinks to eternity if they threaten to kick the person of color for it and trying to change the rules. (Because the previous (real) examples aren’t problematic at all. It’s the Person of color that’s the problem.)

And people wonder why PoCs want a PoC-safe space to talk about deeper issues of representation beyond the usual How do I write this different thing and put in the emotional labor for me to research? (And then those threads, BTW, are usually banned by the white admin, who immediately lock them because, can’t exclude white people because that’s racist.) BTW, if you inserted something like “Doctor” into a lot of these arguments it will show how ridiculous this really is. Why do I have to talk to doctors about medical advice? Why do I have to research health topics when writing a doctor? What if I don’t have doctors at all in my world? What about nurses? Doctors are attacking me by telling me I have to research when I write about doctors. It’s fiction so I can write doctors however I want without consequences. Well doctors are like dragons. There are more important things than sound medical advice. You’re just a Liberal/conservative, etc because you want me to write Doctors. Let’s have non-doctors save a bunch of non-medical professionals. You’re just asking me to insert doctors because my character lives in a city where a lot of people tend to get hurt and how dare you! It doesn’t matter if this person is bleeding out, why do I have to insert a doctor/healer into this scene or anything to do with medical information?

But soon as race comes up, Oh hell no, that makes no sense why we have to do the things we do as writers with other backgrounds. And why we would believe, say a doctor over someone else when they write a fiction book about the daily life of a doctor.

BTW, I do not actually advocate drinking/alcoholism, as I do not drink alcohol... but during these discussions, it feels like you’re drunk and in another universe.

[eclecticcreative]

Degree

I’m due to get my degree soon in Anthropology, though I mainly focused on systems. I also have officially a minor in Comp Lit. (Comparative Lit which does World Literature--Or compare everything to Europe which is the real title they don’t tell you). Systems, means things that are prejudiced and discriminatory in our societies, say, LGBTQIA, women, gender, socio-economic class, etc. I’ve wanted since High school to focus on media exchange (i.e. import and export of say books and movies) and how the diversity changes with that importation and exportation. I was also interested in the importation and exportation of food and the impacts to economy, etc. However, my university really doesn’t recognize this as a subsub field at all... so this is why I’m quitting at a BA. Also Psst. The university is sooo white. I only have one math class to go after this current one. And then I might get a certificate or AA in Graphic design. Which is to say, I know what the fuck I’m talking about when I talk these subjects, but personally, I think I knew a lot more going in than I gave myself credit for. Because I only found 3 of the classes really useful overall for the Anthropology degree. And none of the Comp Lit classes really useful, because I knew and could challenge more. (Maybe 1 out of all of them--Modern Middle Eastern Lit). And through this, I, too, am going to say that it feels more and more like Uni is for the piece of paper rather than education. And Education needs reform and accessibility. Not just getting in, but to undo the whiteness and privileged systems within the university system. To let students challenge the very fabric of the university and be on the cutting edge, rather than being light years behind where we need to be. Also we need to not tax students with unbelievable amounts of debt. My education wouldn’t have taken so long if it wasn’t so expensive. But there I go again, talking systems.

[eclecticcreative]

My Most popular post on my blog. Retrieving it from the bottom.

What White Writers worry about when Writing PoC

Most White writers with questions, claiming the white bubble usually do the following. 1. OMG, the skin. And then after that the features. There is a fix for that. It’s called reading PoC fiction by PoCs. When you ask them, “Have you ever read a book by a PoC author in your genre?” The answer is usually, “No.” Or “I never thought of that.”

Really??? You are writing about PoC, but have no intention of reading books and referencing books by PoC. No wonder you are in this mess. Go and read. Support the cause before you try to write it.

Keep reading

[eclecticcreative]

Fruit Ninja Sex

Yeah-- this might run a bit PG-13-ish.

But yeah, a lot of books tend to treat sex like it’s fruit ninja. And I have to ask WHY? What if we rewrote men as not knives, swords, etc, but as say... I don’t know fruit or meat products? Would it sound the same? So let’s explore both.

First off, I kinda think comparing people in general to food items is weird. What? Is this cannibalism? Every time you have sex you are eating off their arm or something? But I thought we could show the usual, and then reverse it for educational purposes to show why this is stupid. He pressed her against the wall and squeezed her melons plunging his fingers around her grapes, squeezing them until she moaned. And then wrestled his hands down her stomach to her sweetness. She moaned to have her petals parted. He took her with his sword deep until she cried out. Compare with... She led him like a dog by his tie to the bedroom, and reached for his sausage and kumquats. Her nails were like daggers of pleasure. He screamed in delight. Her mace-like breasts pressed against his chest. To me, both are pretty terrible, honestly. I also kinda feel like there is shame put into English at least at calling sexual body parts by name. And as I said before, if the character thinks it’s sexy, you can make the reader think it is too. You just need to frame it that way.

[eclecticcreative]

Slurs

The majority of slurs are food or animal comparisons--this is true cross culturally. So if you want to invent a slur, then you just choose an animal or a food and compare that person to those things. Animals is easy to figure out... cross culturally, most humans think they are superior to animals. Food, is interesting to dissect cross culturally. What I’ve noticed is that imperialistic countries are more likely to use it towards imperialized countries. So in some way they are literally “eating” them. It’s also common with sex terms, but mostly towards women. And why do women have to be the ones who get “consumed” in that scenario anyway? BTW, I’m one of those women who is like, can’t we stay away from comparing women from food and men to knives and other sharp instruments? What is this? Fruit Ninja?

[eclecticcreative]

So “THIS CHARACTER IS DRAWN TOO THIN KILL YOURSELF!!! or “DIE CISHET WHITE SCUM GO DIE A PAINFUL DEATH!!1!1” is helping and is REEEAAAL Social Justice? You’re a fucking idiot.

So, you scared anon, side with people who do rape threats, doxing, stalking, and death threats like in Gamergate who flung the term at a woman asking people to change like it was the worst thing in the world. You know illegal activity such that Anita Sarkeesian had to involve the FBI. Good to know! Thumbs up on supporting rape culture and the patriarchy. I’m sure women are right behind you when you call them hysterical too, because their message is hard to hear. You know, blame their uterus, because balls (testes) are just the best ever.

[eclecticcreative]

On your last post, you mentioned the problem with adoption being that many of the adoptees are taken from poor PoC and given for rich white people. I was wondering what circumstances you feel adoption is okay? (I haven’t really heard this discussion before and I would like to know more)

When is adoption OK?When the surrender is 100% voluntary and not under coercion from a well off woman/family who understands 100% of the implications of surrender and possible trauma to follow and implications for the child involved. This may be the case in a slim number of adoptions where a woman may have a child she feels too old to raise by herself and decides to give birth to the child with full knowledge of all consenting adults in the family of what she is doing and then gives the child up for adoption, knowing the effects it may have on the child. In such cases, often the woman asks for open adoption or semi-open adoption.The other extremely rare case is that both parents are literally dead and a family member because of those circumstances comes to be guardian for the child until they come of age AND they’ve been carefully screened by the government. In this case, the child’s name is not erased.These are the only narrow scenarios where you are 100% sure the adoption is clean–you have contact with the birth mother to know it’s clean. But, unfortunately, this is NOT the majority of adoptions. The majority come from preying on the poor, people of color, disabled (mentally or physically), and mostly women or being asses about the Foster care system. And International adoption is one of the worst for this. The more faceless the birth family, the less you can communicate with them, the more you can dehumanize them so you can overwrite their stories, especially when you come from a position of power socially, economically, etc. Insert a rescue and grateful narrative. Neglect==poverty. Drug addiction?==poverty. The top reasons for separating kids from parents most often? Poverty. We failed them as a society, so we punish them by taking their children away, by scamming them, scarring those children with higher rates of suicide, mood disorders, and learning disabilities.In any case there is nothing in this world that gives someone the absolute right to someone else’s child. Nothing supports this. Not the Bible or any other Holy book supports this.

[eclecticcreative]

If you are a White Feminist You are anti-woman

I know what you are thinking right now--how could you be anti-woman if you are any kind of feminist? So let me break this down nice and easy. If you are anti-trans, you are saying that the patriarchy can define gender roles and gender constraints. If you are anti-LGB/P, you are saying that you support the constraints the patriarchy puts on sexuality and expression of sexuality.

If you are anti-PoC, you are saying appearances matter more than ability and character.

If you are anti-religious diversity, then you are saying that people should have no choice over their belief systems or autonomy.

If you are anti-disability rights, you aren’t only just an ass overall, but also saying that people have no right to bodily autonomy and understanding for their given differences. Say the need for tampon machines in ladies’ bathrooms.

If you are pro-adoption, then you are pro taking (mostly PoC) children from poor women 99.95% of the time and giving them to rich white folks.

And each of those things I listed women have fought for. We’ve fought against the idea that women belong only in the kitchen. That women can’t go into the workforce. We’ve fought for the right for women not to be victim blamed. To be able to wear what they want. We’ve fought against the idea that boobs and large hips are the only way to express womanhood and that this should determine our characters and who we are. The exact fall of women’s rights have often fallen with the rights of those listed groups. In another words, when you spew forth hate to other groups, you are re-enforcing hate upon yourself. This is why you need to quit being a white feminist.

[eclecticcreative]

Deported Adoptees

Me and a friend are going to do a film on deported adoptees, in this case to Korea. Because it is important. Because it’s unfair. Because awareness of the issue is so low outside of adoption communities.

I’m setting it up this way: The adoptees that come to visit Korea, the adoptees that choose to stay there, and the adoptees who are deported and have to start from scratch, often separated from their families. We need a documentary like this. I want a documentary like this. How are we going to make this deportation end if we don’t make people aware and angry enough to act on it? I’m thinking of the title “A Place Where We Belong” as a title.

[eclecticcreative]

Lori Brotto and Anthony Bogaert on Asexuality

My exact problem with them, besides their inherent academic masturbation in a circle jerk reaction, is their idea that all aces must be alike and fit the majority when Aces often contradict them, but then the aces that contradict them aren’t considered “reliable sources” only they are, quoting themselves. The idea of a biological imperative for all of sexuality, in of itself is problematic. If there is a biological element, it’s not locked into ideas of things like religion or height. Neither of which are particularly 100% genetic to begin with, because environment plays a big role. Also, the way they talk about sexuality, has this strict Eurocentricism, which I loathe. And has the added shiny on top of because it’s ace, it’s a “special” discovery, when they don’t look at if zedsexual people also have this “special” feature, which inevitably, they do 99.99% of the time. Look, Ace people, most of the time can see color~~ let’s write a paper on it, and use material from old populations of ace, to justify why this is a “new” discovery. And then self congratulate themselves for what David Jay already said, who, BTW, is trained in sexology to begin with, but his word is somehow invalid without Bogaert, a non-ace to “discover” what David Jay already said without giving credit to David Jay, BTW, which kinda super ticks me off, though I suppose David Jay forgave Bogaert since Jay gave the book a positive review, but still ticks me off. And no, not a teenager. Long past that. So the loathing is genuine. I’m not for the biological imperative mode of defining asexuality. I’m for listening to voices and paying attention to how the movement changes over time so that one can capture different kinds of asexuality on an individual basis. Asexuality is not a monolith.

[eclecticcreative]

Reading on asexuality and how academics get it still largely wrong.

Doing an anthro paper on asexuality. So depressing. I want to know from aces, why oh why do you even BOTHER talking to Lori Fucking-us-up Brotto. Why do you even let Anthony Bogaert into your spaces when they will not and do not honor asexuality in its full definition and seem to have this deliberate stubbornness not to get it right. I mean, seriously, fuck them. They spent sometimes over 7 fucking long years getting it wrong, then retconning, and then topping it off with still getting it super wrong and then crunching us down to single digit numbers. WTF? Why are you, as aces, even letting them talk? Shut them down. Seriously. I had to read their shit, including them throwing fits over Julie Decker a legit ace and someone who is also an academic. If people deliberately take your hospitality and spit all over it, then shut them out. I say this as a double gray-a. I say this because I hope to god, they don’t get to write another paper about us because they can’t even get their heads out of their asses long enough to get the basics of sexuality, let alone asexuality right. I say this because we, as a community deserve better researchers and ones in our corner who will help undo the damage they’ve clearly done to us. We are not all white, cis. We clearly have range in all major definitions we use as aces. From sexual attraction, libido, romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, sexual desire, to physical attraction. Conflating that into single numbers is what Brotto and Bogaert continue to do. Calling us a “sexual dysfunction” and not owning it... Brotto and Bogaert need to be taken down. Shut them out. Support Ace researchers and researchers who do care. Say like Julie Decker and Emily Lund. We don’t need a physiological or psychological reason we are ace. We just are and people should just take it or leave it as it is. We don’t need that level or justification.

[eclecticcreative]

I hate the word Nice.

Such a white word. And often used for white women’s violence. “Why can’t you be nice?” Also used often in off-handed manner. “Isn’t that nice?”

[eclecticcreative]

What does culture serve to do?

My Anthro Prof put it this way: Culture serves to define the grays of chaos to make them more manageable, but in doing so, it always leaves people behind.

Also my profs repeat over and over, when you hear the words, “Standard” and “Natural” to examine it. Because often there are whole groups of people left behind. If that’s so it’s not standard at all.

I take this to mean, when you can embrace the chaos inherent in the universe, there is also a beauty in the diversity. When you can embrace the beauty in the diversity, there is far more order than you initially thought, but it’s not the order that you first came up with.

[eclecticcreative]

23andMe, BTW, updated recently, and my percentage of Japanese fell significantly. It’s worth it to cross correlate to other websites too, if you have the funds/time. Still waiting for them to describe Ainu and Okinawans in the results.

genealogy test came back and I’m 67% korean and portion Japanese (I believe it’s 20% at the most). that’s still neat to find out and something I’m curious to explore.

[eclecticcreative]

You know where the negative connotation originated? Gamergate. This is when women actually spoke up and asked for change so that gamer culture would actually include *gasp* diversity. They were called Social Justice Warriors. You know, the women that wanted to discuss the inclusion and representation of women in games, particularly of diversity within that. You know, race, class, gender, LGBTQIA. The start of that as I remember was Feminist Frequencies where men got angry at Anita Sarkeesian and started to justify death threats by calling all women who participated in this asking for change Social Justice Warriors.

So it was stolen, but had previously meant Social Justice Activists. Had nothing to do with Liberals and everything to do with conservative fragile white straight males. (Conservative as in not wanting change, nothing to do with political party) And yep, to guard against Truthiness. Washington Post article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2015/10/07/why-social-justice-warrior-a-gamergate-insult-is-now-a-dictionary-entry/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.b9d9feb632f8

So nope. It wasn't started unfounded, it was started by white male fragility towards inclusion of better representation of females and diversity. Apparently, people asking for change and better representation are terrible people and it has nothing to do with fragility of the person receiving the comments because they are an outsider to the group. And it's OK to call females, irrational human beings who just don't know better.

Fragility, BTW, is a Social Science term made by Robin DiAngelo to describe how whites (she being white) react to race discussions, including tone policing and saying that the person is irrational which is everything that Gamergate has tones of when calling women Social Justice Warriors. I side with the women who asked for change. Because it's asking to engage in the conversation, not the banning of games. And death threats aren’t NEVER acceptable. Do you want to side with the death threat people or the people that asked for discussion? Do you want to side with rape culture and privileged fragility or do you want to recognize that the first fling of the term was misplaced?

We need to stop using Social Justice Warrior as if it’s a Bad thing.

So the conservative base has put it out there that a Social Justice Warrior is a hugely bad thing.

But in history they are the people I love the most–sure they weren’t always perfect, but they are still the people who moved and shook the world to the core.

Martin Luther King Junior Gandhi Sojourner Truth Nellie Bly MeToo Activists Yuji Ichioka Florence Nightingale

Don’t you admire those who rose up against oppression and asked for change? Don’t you imagine that, you, too, could have been in the French Revolution, marched in the Poor People’s March, and fought for not only white women to vote, but ALL women to vote? Don’t you admire the heroes that fought against Hitler? The person that tried to bomb Hitler and helped us win the war? The Lawyers fighting at the Southern border of the US to reunite the children with their parents? Some of their names are forgotten in history. But they still fought.

I enjoy the 40 hour workday with overpay and safe work conditions because people died, people fought, people were disgusted at those things. Don’t you know factory workers had to die for fire safety to be required in buildings?

You no longer have to worry about getting compensation if your workplace is deemed unsafe. Someone fought that battle to do that.

Someone fought for you. Someone risked their livelihoods, their dreams, their thoughts to think about YOU. And who were they? They were the social activists, the advocates, they fought hard as warriors would in war. And often they lost. Often they made mistakes. But you know what? They fucking tried. And telling me that you don’t want to try to make this world a better place for everyone in it is socially irresponsible.

So stop saying Social Justice Warrior is a bad thing, for you that can read and write a reply to this–rights that they fought for. For you who can own a phone and a computer. For you that had an opportunity to go to school, have access to public libraries, earn even close to fair wages, gets to vote, own land, own a house, and so on. And for those of you who came from diversity–you too, especially you who get things like ramps, accommodations at schools, the ability to attend school at all–there are people out there still fighting for you. There are people who don’t have these rights yet and more people will have to risk themselves for the future of their own people. They also fight a war they might not win. Stop stabbing them in the back as a woman, person of color a person with a disability, a non-Christian, poor person–the not super privileged. There are movers and shakers.

Don’t take your rights for granted. Someone fought for you to get them. Even if it was refusing in some way to bend to one time. That person rose up, risked themselves and fought. They were Social Justice Warriors.

Don’t you admire people who were that awesome that said this is wrong, let’s change the world? Or do you admire people who just watch and do nothing as your heroes. My heroes and heroines all tried their best to change the world for the better despite the risks, dangers and their own flaws. I hope it’s that way for you too.