easyryl

[easyryl]

i have a story preview written and thought of how it goes but i don't know if i should post it or not.

[easyryl]

ややこしい デイ

feeling : ????

i felt so much negative emotions today and confusing ones too?? my mom keeps asking what i want to do, i still haven’t thought of it so i said my old previous dream career ‘song producer’ she had a disappointed face, of course what do i expected she is never happy or proud of what i do.

she wants me to be a doctor or a lawyer. she couldn’t care less about how i feel i felt like shit. she said the being a song producer won’t give me money, success and ‘a good life’ . hearing that from her hurted my feelings. even being a song producer was an old dream of mine it still made feel out of the place.

she kept going on about how she might die and i have to take responsibility honestly i just want to live for myself and get out of this household. i want to live with my friends and just do what i want, i want to work on a career that i truly enjoy. i don’t care about the hardships i will have to face. i don’t care how much good heavy amount of money i will get from doing business, accounting, doctor or lawyer will give me, as long i have my friends and we lived together i am happy.

but... aren’t i being selfish being like this? aren’t i being ignorant of what my mom wishes or pressure me onto? am i being childish? am i being inconsiderate of my mom feelings?

........ that.. i don’t know...

i have a reallly complicated relationship with my mom. there were moments of how much i hated her because of the horrible things she has done.

but what if i am overlooking or overanalyzing it?

i’m tired. i’m tired of having to make her pleased. making her proud of me even just a little, no matter how much i improve she doesn’t care.

it leaves me wondering if she cares about my feelings or not. does she care about my happiness? i feel so conflicted.

i just wished she supported what i do. what i dream to be. what i am passionate in.

but she is never is.

i end up dropping all the things i am passionate about. music, dancing and arts. i end up losing confidence in what i use to do. maybe i was being delusional and what she says is true.

but it angers me at the same time because i just want to do what i want and live the way i want with my friends.

pressuring me to study get good grade must be A or otherwise. get a very good paid job.

i honestly want all of that to go eat shit.

those words have always been repeated so many times.

your doing this because you love me?

your kidding me right?

pressuring your own child into your expectation. saying his dream career is shit. not giving less about how he feels?

which part of this is love.

[easyryl]

introduction post

hi i am ry / ryeol i also go by the name ramuda. i am a minor(16) and i'm turning 17 soon. i am a lesbian, aroace and genderfluid. i have psychosis disorder, i am very attached to yuta okkotsu(jjk), samatoki aohitsugi(hypmic) and natsume sakasaki(enstars). i also need tone indicators since i have a hard time reading tone messages.

my pronouns are xe/xem/xyr/xemself, he/him/his/himself and vam/vamp/vamps/vampself.

please don't use she/her or they/them on me.

my interests

i like to play rhythm games, watch anime and read manga. i really like listening to music!

list of rhythm games i play

ensemble stars

hypnosis mic arb (i read the manga + watched the anime)

project sekai

d4dj

bandori

list of anime i have watched

tower of god

bungou stray dogs

the disastrous life of saiki k

jujutsu kaisen

attack on titan

my hero academia

kakegurui

danganronpa

list of manga i have read

chainsaw man

jujutsu kaisen

attack on titan

bungou stray dogs

can't defy the lonely girl

kimi to tsuzuru utakata

list of other games i play

your turn to die

mahoyaku

twisted wonderland

persona 3

honkai impact

list of people i listen to

eve

takayan

lilypichu

hiiragi kiran

mafumafu

vocaloid

ateez

why am i starting a blog?

for fun! i don't have the greatest writing or an interesting person but i talk alot. plus i might use this to vent post(?) i might probably talk about my personal life or my interests. there's a chance i might forget about this blog but i will try not to. i have twitter though but i don't want to vent around my oomfs timeline... my mind constantly think alot and become a mess when i try to write or talk about something so please bear with me i will try not to go out of topic too much!

please go away if you're

very nsfw, against lgbtqia+, invalide neoprouns, proship or condone it, racist and ableist.

note

i don't know how tumblr works since i'm new to it so i will try my best! my thoughts may be impulsive(??) so please forgive me for it and if i ever make offensive comments please do tell me!

[easyryl]

it's my first time doing a blog and i don't know what the fuck do i do first.