earthenfay

[earthenfay]

I miss you. I miss your laugh and your smile and how positively you look at the world. I wish things were different.

I'm happier now than I've ever been. I do not wish a single thing to be different. I still have no idea who you are, but if you aren't in my life anymore than it is certainly for a reason. I've grown beyond my limits and I am thriving, anyone who harmed me before doesn't belong in my now.

That being said, I hope good things for you and your life, anon. ✌🌻

[earthenfay]

New home = plant upgrades 🥰

[earthenfay]

@hiscalifornia tagged me for a selfie! Thanks girl, I've missed this platform. 😁

I've been slowly getting things done that need to be completed, since there is a plethora of opportunities to focus in quarantine. I've been happier than I expected to, so I think coming back to Tumblr will help stretch my mind.

Happy Sunday!

I tag @portlandy @parentinginplaid @wishing-for-baby-bean

[earthenfay]

I'm sure u can narrow down who this is that sent the last anon if you think of who knows your real name but would only msg u anonymously, bc im still pretty sure u wouldnt want to hear from me 😔 either way I'm glad things are looking up for u! Just remember, you're a strong independent woman 😋 miss ya

Actually there is a number of people I know would be aware of my blog. 😂👌

[earthenfay]

03.10.2020.

Well, well, well. That turned around! So since the rut, a few things have happened. It is true that although life is hard sometimes, it always gets better. In waves.

The new car is still wonderful, and the mileage is so satisfying. 

My coworker introduced me to one of her friends. He is a ‘super dad’ (her words), whom has a son. We went on a date, he took me to a nice restaurant, picked me up, made funny jokes, held doors for me (including the car door, so sweet). We had a fantastic time, and I can’t wait to see him again. I am over the moon with a big fat crush. 

My new job is really rewarding. I have lovely coworkers, and the time goes by so quickly when I work. I have been balancing two main workplaces, and school. It’s not as chaotic as I thought it was going to be. 

The sunshine is coming out, and I am moving soon. I’m feeling the positive sunbeams lighting up my life. I meditate more; do more yoga; go to the gym; read more often; and feel good about myself. Everything is looking up. I just had a bit of a rut. 

[earthenfay]

Today is better.

[earthenfay]

Work today isn't horrible. I'm feeling sick and dizzy. I only cried once in my car on my lunch break and once on my drive to work. I woke up late and my new boss is too forgiving.

Today's emotional state feels slightly better than yesterday, a little bit.

[earthenfay]

@anonymous

Thank you for the message, I'm just not okay but I appreciate it. I just don't want my first name on my blog, but I really appreciate the message. I'm feeling pretty alone lately.

[earthenfay]

My favourite black dress pants ripped at work last night at about 9pm, and I had to work at my new job this morning at 9am.

A coworker laughed and said, "Not your day, huh?"

I sat in my car in the parking lot and cried before picking up River.

I scoured my house for the one other pair of comfortable dress pants that I usually wear to photography gigs, but nowhere to be found.

So this morning I had to get by without proper pants on my first day. Embarassing.

Not my day. Not my week. Not my year. Not my life.

[earthenfay]

I think I'm broken.

[earthenfay]

Life right now. 

- 🙁 My car died, I suspect my mechanic lied to me when I explained the battery was the problem and he reassured me twice after diagnostics that that battery wasn’t a problem at all, just needed a recharge. He told me he needed to fix something completely unrelated. I told him that as long as the battery is NOT the problem, then fix what needs to be fixed. If the battery IS the problem, I will be selling it as is and not putting extra money into it. Mechanic fixed the unrelated part, and then afterwards said “oopsies, the battery IS the problem”. So I got really angry, sold my car after paying the mechanic for the unrelated labour+parts, and bought a new car. 

- 🙂 I’m loving my new car, and it’s very exciting to have a warranty and not have to worry about the car possibly not starting in the morning, or dying while driving, or any stupid little thing that would go wrong with my old car. Car payments are not fun, but it’s the way the world works, I suppose.

- 🙁 My part time job has been cutting my hours because of my car problems causing me to not be able to come to work, or my car breaks down on the way to work, etc. So they cut my hours about 60% of what they were before. 

- 🙂 Got an additional job to supplement my recently lost income after applying absolutely everywhere. I was getting very discouraged until recently got an interview. I know another woman that works at this new location, because we had worked together and been friends when I was a teenager. Sounds like she put in a good word for me! I got the job, and start tomorrow. 

- 🙁 My school life has left me feeling like I’m falling behind, and I have been struggling to go to class and take notes effectively. 

- 🙁 I have been avoiding the gym, eating sporadically or not at all, and crying non-stop. Also uncontrollably. In the grocery store, at school (a lot at school), in my car going to work, in the bathroom at work. It’s getting to a point where I feel constantly foggy, rarely anything close to happy, and in constant need of sleep. I’m hitting a very low point with all the stress. 

- 🙁 River had an emergency dental procedure that was fairly traumatizing, and it was right in the middle of the week with exams. I was overwhelmed last Wednesday to say the least, and worried about my baby. 

- 🙁 Life is rocky with co-parenting, and Jamie and my relationship with each other isn’t clear. He told me some things he did when he lived in another city and I feel very broken about it. Things I didn’t need to know. I have to be at work in about an hour and my eyes haven’t de-puffed from the crying all night. I’m feeling very yucky about the whole situation, and honestly not sure how to heal. 

I want to feel financially secure, emotionally okay, and in control of my life again. I’m just not okay at this point in time. 

[earthenfay]

I've been getting a lot of messages lately and to all of you, I'm sorry, I just don't have a lot of energy at the moment to attend life normally. Lots of bad news has come to my attention and my path of 2020 has been wildly disrupted. I am here. I am exhausted. And I'm trying to get back on my feet.

Thanks for all the love ❤

[earthenfay]

My car's hybrid battery died today. 😔

This is a bad, bad day.

[earthenfay]

01.23.2020.

Happy Thursday! This week has flown by, and I got a couple of important things done from my list of overdue tasks. It doesn’t sound like a feat, but I have been dragging my feet so badly since the beginning of December. I finally feel put together and prepared to get everything done.

In good news, River and I are moving! I am absolutely in love with our current little abode, although it is small. Like -small- small. Our storage space is approximately a 3 feet by 7 feet space, located in the hallway closet. Otherwise, we don’t have much in the way of storage. I adore the aesthetic of our house though, and the natural light that pours into every nook.  

We aren’t moving until the end of March, most likely, but I’m sort of mourning this little beautiful abode we made ours. 

The new house is two stories + finished basement + garage + fenced yard though! Soooooo I can’t say no. 

A photo dump to appreciate this little cute abode we love.

[earthenfay]

Today is better, class is out early and I have time to catch up on a few things. Mostly just focusing on breathing today, the rest will follow.

[earthenfay]

Do any other moms have suggestions for how to avoid burnout? 

I’m noticing that even though physically I can handle the day;

8am: wake up, breakfast, do school readings, look at To Do list for the day.  9am: house cleaning, make sure River is dressed and his outside gear is ready. 10:30am: drive River to daycare, then head to University for 11:20am.  Class. Class. Assignment/essay/study time, if there is time. 4pm: Get River from daycare, drop off at babysitter’s house. 4:30pm: Either WORK until 11pm, or class until 7pm(TUES)/10pm(THURS).

So either way, I feel like it’s completely attainable but I feel like without having a single day off, I’m burnt out already.

And also, duh Saturday/Sunday are no school but I do study/get housework done and then work 4pm-2am both those days. 

I feel like I’m not handling it?? I don’t even think it’s that insane of a schedule, I just don’t understand why I’m struggling. I don’t see having a day off to go out to the bar with friends or sit at my house stressing over the amount of things I have to do...remotely relaxing?? Like a day off would just make me think about all the things I’m not doing.

I just feel so not-relaxed and there isn’t a second to spare to relax or else I fall behind. This morning I was late to everything because I just felt so burnt out and couldn’t get out of bed. 

Complainy-post to complain.

[earthenfay]

Save The Date : 2020

The 13 Full Moons of 2020

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

🐺 Friday, January, 10th

❄️ Sunday, February, 9th

🐛 Monday, March, 9th

💗 Wednesday, April, 8th

🌸 Thursday, May, 7th

🍓 Friday, June, 5th

🌩 Sunday, July, 5th

🐠 Monday, August, 3rd

🌽 Wednesday, September, 2nd

🏹 Friday, October, 2nd

💙 Saturday, October, 31st

🐿 Monday, November, 30th

🥶 Wednesday, December, 30th

Retrograde Planetary Movements

Uranus Retro in ♉️ : Aug, 12 (2019) – Jan, 1st

Mercury Retro in ♊️+♒️ : Feb, 17th – Mar 10th

Pluto Retro in ♑️ : April, 25th – Oct, 4th

Saturn Retro in ♑️+♒️ : May, 11th – Sept, 29th

Venus Retro in ♊️ : May, 13th – June 25th

Jupiter Retro in ♑️ : May, 14th – Sept, 13th

Mercury Retro in ♋️ : June, 18th – July, 12th

Neptune Retro in ♓️ : June, 23rd – Nov, 23rd

Uranus Retro in ♉️ : Aug, 15th – Jan, 1st (2021)

Mars Retro in ♈️ : Sept, 9th – Nov, 14th

Mercury Retro in ♏️+♎️ : Oct, 14th – Nov, 3rd

Celestial Signs

♑️ Capricorn : Dec, 22nd – Jan, 19th

♒️ Aquarius : Jan, 20th – Feb, 18th

♓️ Pisces : Feb, 19th – Mar, 20th

♈️ Aries : Mar, 21st – Apr, 19th

♉️ Taurus : Apr, 20th – May, 20th

♊️ Gemini : May, 21st – Jun, 20th

♋️ Cancer : Jun, 21st – Jul, 22nd

♌️ Leo : Jul, 23rd – Aug, 22nd

♍️ Virgo : Aug, 23rd – Sept, 22nd

♎️ Libra : Sept, 23rd – Oct, 22nd

♏️ Scorpio : Oct, 23rd – Nov, 21st

♐️ Sagittarius : Nov, 22nd – Dec, 21st

Sabbat Festivals (Northern Hemisphere)

🕯 Imbolc – Candlemas : February, 2nd

🌺 Ostara – Vernal Equinox : March, 21st

🔥 Beltane – Mid Spring : May, 1st

☀️ Litha – Summer Solstice : June, 21st

🌾 Lammas – Harvest : August, 1st

🍁 Mabon – Autumnal Equinox : Sept, 23rd

🎃 Samhain – All Hallows’ Eve : Oct, 31st

❄️ Yule – Winter Solstice : December 21st

Sabbat Festivals (Southern Hemisphere)

🌾 Lammas – Harvest : February, 2nd

🍁 Mabon – Autumnal Equinox : Mar, 21st

🎃 Samhain – Witches’ New Year : May, 1st

❄️ Yule – Winter Solstice : June, 21st

🕯 Imbolc – Candlemas : August, 1st

🌺 Ostara – Vernal Equinox : Sept, 23rd

🔥 Beltane – Mid Spring : October, 31st

☀️ Litha – Summer Solstice : Dec, 21st