dumblydorring

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The day the first Weasley grandchild is born, Minerva McGonagall smiles fondly at the picture of the new ginger. She pulls out her calendar, marks the day the child turns eleven as “first day of retirement”

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Harry: hey Hermione

Hermione: no

Harry: what, I didn’t ask you anything

Hermione: you didn’t have to, the answer is no

Harry: are you sure?

Hermione: the answer is no to whatever you wanted to ask me

Harry: HEY RON SHE SAID SHE DOESN’T MIND, GET THE CANNON REA-

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Hermione and Ginny come home:

Ron: *standing on a table* good evening ladies

Harry: *clutching Ron on the table* you look lovely today

Ginny: where’s the spider

Harry: what, there’s no spider haha

Hermione: Ron?

Ron: please it’s under the chair it’s so big and yucky and it HAS SO MANY LEGS

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What tattoos I imagine the Harry Potter characters have:

Harry: a small deer&doe, a dog and a moon, a firebolt, his mum’s signature and the initials of Ginny and his kids

Hermione: a timeturner, Ron’s and her’s wedding date in Roman numerals

Ron: the coordinates of the burrow, quidditch hoops and the dates of his children’s birthdays

Draco: a narcissus flower on his left forearm

Luna: a ton of small magical creatures, her mum’s favorite flowers, star constellations, the moon & sun, the D.A. coin, the initials of Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Neville

Ginny: a broom, her team number, a lightning bolt, Fred in cursive

George: ‘gred & forge’, Weasleys wizard wheezes logo, a rocket, a 9

Arthur: a 7, and a rubberduck (don’t tell Molly)

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d’you ever think about the reputation the golden trio had at Hogwarts, besides the whole Voldemort thing? Because I do:

“Did you hear about the two boys who drove to school in a flying car??”

“I heard that the minister of magic once brew an ILLEGAL polyjuice potion in the abandoned bathroom!!!”

“Quidditch isn’t that dangerous, occasionally someone falls 300 feet, but we’re pretty good at catching them”

“There’s a rumor that says the head Auror once went into the school pipes and was dragged out of it by a Phoenix? Yeah I know it sounds unbelievable, but it was professor Longbottom who started it!”

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the annual Weasley quidditch tournament is legendary and is rumored to be more intense than the World Cup. the legend goes that once, Charlie Weasley competed on a dragon, and that the chosen one has never won over his wife. some say that Ron Weasley goal-keeping strategies are infamous for his bum-blocking. once, 14/15 players (including the referee) was admitted to st. mungo’s, the only one not admitted was Fred Weasley with the Weasley-cup cluthed in his hands.

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What the houses do when they can’t open a jar:

Gryffindor: uses a knife or other dangerous tools to open it

Ravenclaw: googles how to open it and uses the techniques

Slytherin: gets a different jar

Hufflepuff: asks for help

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the characters meet a locked door:

Neville: knocks

Hermione: alohomora

Ron: turns around

Luna: crawls through the doggy door

Ginny: bombarda

Harry: expel-

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Things that make the Hogwarts houses happy:

Hufflepuff: enjoying the food you just made for yourself, going to bed early, spending afternoons in the sun, eating berries straight off the bush, relaxing after a long day, binge-watching a new show, visiting relatives

Ravenclaw: the smell of new books, completing an assignment, watching nature documentaries, daydreaming, sleeping on the shoulder of a loved one, solving a problem, starting a new hobby

Slytherin: achieving a goal, going on trips with friends, family dinners where you talk about every subject under the sun, being praised by loved ones, gaining the trust of a friend, finding a new favorite show, thinking of happy memories, self-care days

Gryffindor: watching a favorite movie, laughing until your stomach hurts, re-reading a comfort book, doing something scary and getting through it, going on adventures, inside jokes with friends, eating ice cream with family, having big birthday parties

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Harry: sometimes when I’m doing this, I hear this alarm going off in my head, telling me to not do it

Harry: it sounds like hermione

Harry: which is why I’ve gotten so good at ignoring it

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*3 am in the 5th year Gryffindor boy dormitory*

Harry: if I was an animal, I’d be a whale

Ron: why

Harry: to just swim all day sounds nice, and I’d get to make splashes

Ron: I’d be a lion

Ron: lots of food, no work for me

Neville: I’d be a caterpillar, cocoon time sounds comfy

Seamus: I’d be a dragon, like the one in the hobbit and just burn everything and everyone

Dean: goddammit seamus not again

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Every time Harry was in accidents after 7th year:

Harry: I’m fine.

Harry: but I also might be dead

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Ginny: Harry really doesn’t have his life together

Ginny: the other day I found a note that he wrote to himself

Ginny: it said “put on pants”

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Sirius at any inconvenience: well, when life gives you melons!

Remus: you’re dyslexic

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Snape talking:

Sirius: light travels faster than sound

Sirius: that’s why some people seem bright until you hear them speak

Sirius: you just always seem dumb

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how the characters react to a spider in their room:

Harry: places a cup over it and waits for Ginny

Ginny: likes to race it against the cockroach she found earlier

Luna: pets it and adds it to her mini spider home

Neville: doesn’t notice it, when he does he screams a bit then uses paper and cup to throw it out the window (whilst shaking)

Ron: screams bloody murder and stands on the table until Hermione comes home

Hermione: uses a vanishing spell

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if Ginny had named their kids, it would be something like this:

Hedwig pigwidgeon Potter

wingardium LevioSA Potter

winifred hercules potter

giant squid Bertha Potter

cat mcgonagall Potter

quidditch quaffle Potter

firebolt nimbus Potter

snitch Gryffindor Potter

don’t forget that this is the woman who named a bird pigwidgeon. but anything is better than Albus Severus