dulcecarpediem-blog

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People killin’, people dyin’

For a 2017 “millenial”, I tend to be pretty anti-social media compared to my peers. I think of myself as “beyond the days” of feeling like I have to post my feelings on Facebook, but every now and then I get the urge to post. 

Then my anxiety takes over and I’m worried of either saying too much, or being too cliche, or being judged by my friends and coworkers even though I claim to not care about people judging me. And then I just lie on the DELETE button until every letter is erased and I take a deep breath as I realize I’ve now just wasted 40 minutes constructing a well-thought-out status, only to completely demolish it. And then I get anxiety because I feel like I’m missing out on this era that I really don’t want to be a part of, but it’s the “norm” and do people think I’m weird for not partaking in this craziness?

Anyway, I digress.

I can’t help but have an urge to post during times like these. But I often don’t know what to say. So I process for a few days. I take in everything else while remaining absent to the social media world. And then, days later, I am ready to express so many feelings. But again fear the rejection or judgement, so I tend to find one of my favorite songs to summarize my thoughts.

“Where Is The Love” has become one of those songs that out of my 30 posts a year, probably accounts for 5 annually. I first heard the song when I was in 7th grade in a Catholic Elementary School. In our biweekly music class, we typically sang church hymns, old John Denver songs, or musical numbers. Once a month, we got to read and sing from a cool current magazine that always featured a new song. I’ll never forget singing “Where Is The Love” with my classmates. Unknowingly only understanding a minimal amount of the deepness behind the lyrics at the time, but nonetheless feeling the emotion behind the music. I became re-obsessed back in 2015 after a tragedy and played it until even my dog became sick of it. I wish I could tell you the exact tragedy that sparked this fascination. I remember it being the height or beginning of Black Lives Matter. I live in the Chicago suburbs and had just started working in a culturally diverse school and was just feeling and experiencing so many new and different things for the first time. I remember a bombing or shooting had occurred and my boyfriend at the time fixated on it for weeks. People were (and still are) being shot and killed daily. I was interested but as soon as I’d try to understand, I’d feel sick. Not human. No longer living for what I thought was the purpose of life anymore. It was like I was still holding on to that childhood innocence but also came to terms with the fact that this wasn’t just “a part of growing up”, but that the world was changing. and fast. I couldn’t escape it. I refused to subscribe to cable TV at the time because I refused to watch the news. Not because I wanted to live in denial, but because I fucking LOATHE the media. They are 90% of the problem and are only puppeteers for the puppeteers. It’s all bullshit. But then I felt ignorant. So I would try to catch up online, or via word of mouth, and found myself still not understanding.  I empathized with people I felt like I had no business empathizing with. I just wanted to spread love and attempted to in every opportunity I had. But I didn’t know what to say to any side of any argument. I don’t understand the government. I don’t understand society. I don’t understand war or politics. I don’t even understand religion anymore. I remember feeling this way for some time, but this was the first time in my life 

I played this song on the piano, came up with my own melody for the raps, listened to hundreds of covers on YouTube, and then finally sat down and rewrote it myself. I was hoping to one day get a friend to sing it with me and put it on YouTube. (Again, I am a 25 year old that can barely even navigate YouTube. The last video I uploaded was when I was about 17 for a Spanish class project.) But I felt like I really found something. A modernized version of the song. Line for line, aligned. But with a (at the time) 2015 take on it.

Can you imagine how elated I was when I heard the remake last September? Since then, I’ve posted it for the majority of times when I was empathizing with our nation, hurting and feeling every feeling of anger and sadness and confusion, but just couldn’t find the words to say it all.

Over a year ago, I somehow lost all of the notes in my phone. (Again- for the third time- have the technological skills of my 77 year old grandmother. Scratch that. Sorry Grandma, you’re actually better than me at all of this. I didn’t mean it. See you at Christmas. :* ) But I just now somehow synced my phone to an old email and crossed my fingers to find this note. From July 1, 2015...still applicable today, here is my rendition.

Where Is The Love?

What’s going on with the world, mother?

Everyone’s living like we don’t share the same planet with each other.

I think everyone secretly thrives off another’s pain,

Like we only live this life for our own gain.

We are so concerned with our neighbor’s hate,

That we can’t see past our own problems- our own sad fate.

We seek to demonstrate ignorance and intentionally isolate.

But if you only have love for people who are exactly just like you,

Then you’ll never even try to treat others who,

Could help you understand the world from a different point of view,

You’ll never walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.

And this only leads us back to only wanting and craving the bad news.

Everyone seems to have lost their minds,

How the fuck is war and hatred perceived as a “compromise”?

You have to find love within yourself,

Take a book or a bottle off the highest shelf-

Whatever calms your down or eases your mind.

And realize we are all only here

For such a short time.

But there are men taking their neighbors lives,

For the sake of the safety for their own children and wives.

We all bleed red, yet nameless and countless children go unfed.

Do you not hear their cries?

Can we all not spare a dime?

We are all from the same stardust.

Why do you think you need to outshine

Those who need a little extra time

To work things out, so that they can one day join the sun in lighting the world since the beginning of time.

Dear God, Abba, Buddah, Mother Mary, or Mother Earth, Whomever you may be,

Won’t you please come down and save humanity?

SOS- We surrender. Please send help from above.

Because this place has got me questioning,

Where is the love?

We need less Face books and more books in our face,

God grant us the strength to trade our hate in for grace.

Trade in your despair for a heart that is fair,

Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself- Do I really care?

If so, step up.

Put your iPhones down.

We only got a short amount of time before this world stops spinning round.

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"I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons in a land apart" 

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Here’s Some Really Cute Chicks Wearing Hats To Brighten Your Day

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Lana and Shania are all you need to describe our love for each other 💞

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"And on the seventh day, God said but first...lemme take a selfie"

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The more one judges, the less one loves.

Honoré de Balzac, Physiologie Du Mariage (via purplebuddhaproject)

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The world doesn’t want your GMOs

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I want to be beautiful for myself. Not for anyone or anything but for myself.

Unknown (via bootycaller)

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n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate...

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Got this texted to me today.....classic.

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I know it seems backwards but rainy autumn days make me smile #october (Taken with Instagram)

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Barndance round two! #hoedownthrowndown (Taken with Instagram)