dreamingofangelwings

[dreamingofangelwings]

For Mo!

Thank you for your words at Pomathon/Kupocon, it’s meant absolutely everything to me. I’d love to share the work I’ve done with a Zack roleplayer on this small adventure we’ve done here on Tumblr.

I can’t take credit for the amazing work this Zack has done and I felt really blessed to have met this person. Like Kupocon, I’ve made many friends via the roleplaying/writing community to Final Fantasy via Tumblr and share many fun times with everyone, enjoying their writing content, learning new techniques and so on.

Unfortunately, the Zack has had some real life issues and the story has cut off shortly and I’ve not heard from them as often anymore but I hope you enjoy it regardless and I’d love to hear your thoughts! I was the one who wrote Cloud’s parts. I’ve bolded my parts so it’s easier for you to see what parts I have wrote. I hope to become an aspiring writer like yourself one day. Enjoy!

- Rebecca

He’s been joined by a familiar presence – the blond, back again? It’s still not Cloud’s time, but today things are different… it’s not the same feeling he got when he’d seen him during the Geostigma episode. Is he… awake? There’s a dreamlike quality about the whole experience, descending over what would be Zack’s usual view of the situation. The whiteness of the Lifestream seems to be a bright glow when he living pay a visit. But… why him? Aerith was of more use, but now Cloud was visiting his superior in his dreams, was it something important?

He still can’t restrain a smile for all the questions running through his mind, he’s glad to see his friend and he’s not afraid in any way to show it. “Cloud–” the man takes heavy steps forwards towards the other, his walking confident and assured. There’s nothing to fear in this afterlife, no continuation of pain… though there is the inevitable heartache of remembering those left behind. The one he saved, more than anyone. “What are you doing here, huh? Thought we told you it wasn’t your time yet.” Last time they’d seen each other hadn’t been so long ago, back in the church. “And… isn’t everything going okay? Thought everything had been sorted out…”

Maybe that’s why Cloud’s here with him, rather than Aerith. Now that he’s close, he can see the tearful shimmer in the younger’s eyes, and he tilts his head, sympathetically. “Now – what sort of hello is this? You keep doing this… we see each other, you’re in shock for a while… and don’t say hi.” It’s a playful tease, he understands why the blond isn’t saying much, but somebody has to break the ice.

Cloud knew that it wasn’t his time to be joining both friends that had entered the lifestream, but it still felt rewarding to hear his voice again, to see those blue mako eyes staring back at him, to see those bulging biceps burst from his vest. Zack still remained to be that gentle soldier, that strong minded person from all those years ago. Nothing hadn’t changed, and that’s what probably made Cloud feel a little more at ease.

His throat and chest still felt tight from the amount of pain that was bursting throughout Cloud, and it weren’t exactly easing off either. Was it always this painful to see someone back again? Was it rewarding and meant to hurt as bad as it did? Who knows.

Blue eyes rose from the ground briefly to looking back at his best friend once again, that face giving him memories, both good and bad. Here came the guilt, here came the regret. Cloud didn’t want to break in front of Zack. It would just make him look weak, or so he claimed so.

“I…”, he said, softly. It was all he could manage for a short second.

He was always such a  tease. Even through the darkest of days, Zack was always there to shine some light on the moment, to break through the skies with the brightest of lights. Could he manage a hello? Could he manage a run and hug tactic? Cloud really didn’t know what to say. His bottom lip pressed up against the top in worry, in thought.

What could he possibly say to a deceased friend right before his eyes?

“….. Sorry.”, he mumbled.

Wow Cloud, very impressive work right there.

Really, that’s all he’s going to get – even after his prompts about the lacking welcome? It falls rather short, really, though perhaps it’s not a good idea to let Cloud know that… he’s already downhearted, clearly at a loss for words. “Apologising, now? Didn’t you tell Aerith that you wanted to be forgiven for somethin’, hmm?” Seems he still feels guilt about stuff, but maybe it’s just about not being able to greet his old friend properly. Hopefully it’s just that.

Leaning closer, Zack rests both hands on his hips, trying to make the most of seeing the younger without even knowing if there’s a purpose to be served yet. “I guess she didn’t help you with that – don’t tell me that’s what I’m doing here? To forgive you, give you closure or something?” It’s not hard to tell it’s not really his forte. Cheering up he can do, fighting or boosting morale he’s great at. Sincere chats… not so much.

Being so close he can happily observe how real Cloud is in this image. A creation of the younger’s own mind, of course he seems so tangible – but does he seem the same way? Only one way to find out… “C’mere, man.” The man steps forward, raising his arms toward the other and curving arms around his form, tugging him confidently into an embrace. It’s been so long. Too long. “Good thing one of us is good with words, huh.”

Cloud was honestly really struggling with this, he really didn’t know what to do nor how to respond. Everything just seemed really impossible at this point. But could you blame him? The one person who had meant the absolute world to him, then to come crashing down and leave him into the lifestream, to flourish into his vision once again, and now this.

Huh? He knew about that? Cloud quickly looked up in embarrassment as Zack had remarked that very thing. He really did want to be forgiven, there was too much to just let slip away from his fingers. But Zack didn’t seem to be taking it in the wrong way? Like everything just seemed like it was okay? Though, silly. He should have known that. He was always like that. Just like he always was to Cloud, a joker, a bright light. Everything just seemed so easy to Zack? Cloud couldn’t live like that, no way.

Honestly? Cloud couldn’t answer. He really didn’t know why Zack was here. This just had to be a dream, he knew it. Though… sadly it felt all too real. The words, his looks, the details. Nothing seemed like a vision or a hologram, nor an illusion.

Zack approached Cloud by moving towards him, making Cloud take a little flinch and a slight edging away with his boot before being pulled into a warm embrace by Zack. His eyes shattered open, his heart raced. Those words just… melted into his heart. Cloud started to feel complete once more. When was the last time he had felt like this…? Definitely a long time ago.

Poor Cloud, though. He really started to struggle with what to do. Hands started to shake, knees started to bend and his bottom lip quivered a little. He really didn’t want to show his weakness or let him crumble to Zack. That would be just a sharp embarrassment. However he couldn’t help it. His body now began to take over. Arms raised, now curling around Zack’s back and he tightly gripped to his vest, digging his fingers in slightly, just to show how happy he was.

Cloud wasn’t exactly good verbally, nor emotionally stable, but he was good at showing through physical emotions instead. He bit down onto his bottom lip to try and cease the quivering, letting his head burrow into Zack’s shoulder.

Now is not the time to cry.

Zack can feel Cloud’s form grow weaker against him, the trembling obvious and the risk of limbs buckling beneath the blond makes his hold tighten ever so slightly. Is it his hold? Can he really feel this – or is he a mere figment of the dream Cloud has created? Everything blurs for him, in the afterlife. Perhaps he’s the one wrapped in a dream. Any minute now, Aerith will pull him from his own mind and demand to know what he as daydreaming about. Until it happens, he’d better carry on as normal. Make the most of being able to see Cloud like this again.

The younger tenses up, and Zack can recognise the tightening in muscles and chest. His hand automatically runs over Cloud’s back as a comfort, he’s never been the type to judge. Few people he’s cried in front of, but then he’s not the man in his arms. They’re so very different. He grew up in SOLDIER, a hyper-masculine environment, in a career with a survival rate of massively low proportions. Instead, he understands. “Let it out if you need to, buddy.” His voice is soft, bringing down the tone of the embrace. “I know – seeing me can make anyone cry with joy, right?”

 After a few more moments, the older pulls back, examining the happiness in Cloud’s eyes… always so close to sadness. Too close. “You shouldn’t be like this, Saviour of Gaia. You’re doing so well. To be clinging to the past as you do… at some point, it’s gonna be time for you to let go and move on. Me an’ Aerith – we’re fine. Feels kinda weird to be saying this,” particularly to a guy who pretty much forgot his very existence not so long ago, “but your focus should be on those still with you. Enjoying life with you. You’ve got to a point where you can pretty much relax; don’t let that chance pass you by.”

His eyes show a cheekiness in them, lightening his topic of choice so it’s not so solemn. “Take it from me. Golden ages are few and far between. Happiness is hard to find in this sort of world, so cherish it when you’ve got it. And… that’s about the extent of my wisdom.”

Embracing felt as warm as it ever should, and to be honest, it felt really welcoming. He hadn’t felt this warm and good in a long time. In fact… Cloud felt happy. It’s not like he weren’t happy overall, it’s just that being with his best friend now just made his body feel a thousand times lighter than it had done over the past few years, ever since that moment they had on the clifftop.

A living legacy.

Again, this all felt too real to be a dream, even if it was just a short moment between the two men. Zack just meant the entire world to him and he can’t let go. He doesn’t want to lose him twice, that was just too much to bear. The fact that Zack could be gripped by his own hands, the fact that he could hear him breathing, feel his skin against him, was more than enough reassurance to make Cloud feel whole again.

Cloud didn’t want Zack to let go or pull away, but he understood eventually. The two needed to breathe after all.

‘Focus on those still with you’?, Cloud thought.

Okay there was a lot of people around him, friends, even family. Friends that were family in a sense. Still, Zack was always such a n inspiration to the blond. No wonder he was always talked about. Cloud felt pretty much speechless though. He was really thinking about what Zack had said.

“It’s… enough.”, he said. “You.. always find some way to inspire me. And it means a lot. You’re what I think of to motivate me… my limbs don’t move on their own mind but on the wings of yours. I’m finding it hard lately, Zack. A lot has been on my mind and it’s hard to focus on one thing. Instead I’m needlessly worrying over everything. I can’t afford any more mistakes.”

The shade listens calmly to his friend’s concerns, somehow deep down wishing that he could live to help Cloud out again – since two are better than one – but at the same time he’s weary. Suppose death does that to a person, they end up feeling somewhat drained. It’s a time for him to rest. He’s already done so much, lived his short life to the full until its abrupt and unfair end. It’s fact about him, but Zack has always been selfless, and in addition, he misses the other too. It’s difficult to spend 9 months pretty much attached to each other, semi-conscious though the blond had been, and then go to being so separated.

A nod, and his hand rises to rest on Cloud’s shoulder, gripping it securely.  “Needlessly, like you say. You’re like… what was it that it said in LOVELESS? The hero of the dawn. Jeez, I can hear it in Genesis’ voice…” He pats that shoulder, strong and tense, probably knotted with stress and neglect. “You’re doing great. Did more than I could.” Is that insensitive to say? It’s true, in a way, and his intention is to give Cloud a little bit of his own ego boost – goddess knows he’s always needed it.

“So what if you make mistakes? Everyone does. You do your best, that’s all that matters. That’s all you can do, right? And if you’re stressing out, you’re not gonna perform as well as you could otherwise. Can’t let it bleed into your duties, y’know?” He knows Cloud’s own selflessness, masked behind a façade of ‘disinterested’. Even nowadays people could assume his absenteeism is a sign of continuing to be self-absorbed, but it’s not the case. Zack sees through it. The younger has been through hell, and still all hopes are pinned onto him, expectations which are difficult to live up to. The pressure must be immense. “Look – we’re all cheering you on. Me an’ Aerith will help in any way we can, and so will the rest… you just focus on you. Get your head straight and focused again. When the time comes, you’ll join us, having done all you can for Gaia.”

He lets out a gentle laugh, though there’s a sincerity behind it. “You’ve done more for the Planet than anyone else. I mean – at least Aerith was kinda born for this sort of stuff. You’re doing everyone proud. Heh, am I your Angeal? I’m proud of you. Keep that in mind.”

Cloud felt that grip against his shoulder, touching and gripping to him. Damn it, this lifestream business was all too real, even if it were but a dream. This male that was blabbing onto him was a pure inspiration to the blond and he wouldn’t be where he is today without him. Zack meant everything to Cloud and he really didn’t know where he’d be without him.

He really did more than what Zack had ever done?  That was definitely hard to believe. Zack did a lot, too much in fact. A hero in Cloud’s eyes and a shining idol, there was no way that Cloud was at that level. And there he went again, speeches. However, these speeches weren’t just anything, they were inspiring, motivating, helpful, meaningful. Cloud wasn’t one for blubbering over things like this, but everything was definitely being taken to heart.

He was right though. Everybody makes mistakes. They were all human at the end of the day. Life can’t move on properly without at least making one mistake. It’s not that he was nit-picky, but more worried. He didn’t look like it, but he definitely cared about everyone around him and just wanted to keep them safe, just as Zack looked out for everybody too.

“.. I know.”, he nodded, a smile peeking at his lips. It was a rare thing to see these days, but Cloud did indeed know how to smile. He couldn’t help but chuckle too soon after Zack let out that chilled laugh of his.

“Don’t go too far, Zack.”, he joked. “… But that all means a lot to me.. a-as do you.”