dr-amelia-shepherd-md

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

doctor-derekshepherd​:

Derek gives a quick glance and sees the onlookers. He see’s a nurse throwing him a curious glance but he shakes his head slightly, and reaches to pull the curtain around them for privacy. “I don’t know,” He says honestly. He’s not sure why there seems to be a curse on their family, not sure why they have to handle things like this all the time. “You’re not fucked up,” Derek argues, putting an arm around her as best he can with her in the reclining chemo chair. “You just…you explain what’s happening as best as you can for a kid her age,” He says, thinking of when they lost Abby, how they told Zola, Olivia, and Allie and Evan’s kids. “You don’t have to do it alone,” He promises. “I’ll take you home when you’re done here. I can help you,” He says. Even if she wanted to be the one to tell Elena, which he would get, he wasn’t letting her go home alone. She couldn’t drive home like this. 

Amelia silently appreciated her big brother protecting her, yet again, when he pulled the curtain around them as they spoke. She could feel all eyes on her, and that was the last thing she needed in that moment. “We keep losing people that we love and I’m tired of it. And I may not be as fucked up now, but you’re lying if you said I never was.” She said quietly, biting her bottom lip and wiping her eyes again. Hearing that Derek was going to take her home, she nodded and looked at him. “Thanks big brother. I definitely need to tell her....but not having to do it alone would be good.” She mumbled, taking a deep breath and laying her head back, feeling the hot tears run down her cheeks as she thought about everything happening. She leaned into Derek as he wrapped his arm around her. “Chris is dead. He was finally coming home to us....and now he never will.” She sobbed, the reality and depth of the situation hitting her all at once.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

Text || Lena

Lena: Sure. I'd say that sounds good, but...

Lena: I know. What the fuck is even happening.

Amelia: I know. None of it sounds good.

Amelia: I wish I had any idea. Honestly I do.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

Text || Amelia

Derek: Are you sure you don't want me to pick you guys up?

Amelia: Yeah, I'm sure. We're actually going to pick up Lena on our way. I'm still just watching Elena sleep. I don't want to wake her, but we have to get ready. Breaks my heart. Not even three and she's saying goodbye to her daddy.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

doctor-derekshepherd​:

“I know,” Derek says softly, because he knows. That it seems so impossible, that it doesn’t add up, that this happens to other people but not me. He knows that feeling all too well. He remembers the disbelief after their father died, even though they essentially watched it happen. He remembers feeling like they were living in a movie when Abby was taken. He knows what she’s feeling. “I’m so sorry,” He says softly. “Amelia, I wish it wasn’t true.”

Amelia wiped at her eyes, wishing more than anything she could get up and run but also was still attached to her IV of chemo. “Why. Why do men that I love keep DYING. We lost dad. I lost Ryan. I lost Alexander. And now Chris. Why does this keep happening?” She exclaimed, but quickly realized the attention she was getting and ran a hand over her face. “How the hell am I going to tell my daughter that her daddy is dead. I lost my dad, just like her now, and look how much it fucked me up.” She cried, her heart breaking for not even herself now, but their sweet girl.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

Text || Lena

Lena: Yea, sure. I don't blame you.

Amelia: We'll be there in 45 minutes, ish? This still doesn't feel real....we are burying empty caskets.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

Text || Lena

Lena: Me either.

Amelia: Do you want us to pick you up? El is still napping...I don't have the heart to wake her yet.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

Today, just the day before my girl turns three, we say goodbye to the love of my life and her daddy, as well as her uncle. I know I need to wake her up and get her ready for the day, we have places we have to be, but maybe I have myself convinced that if I don’t, we don’t have to do this. After hoping for so long that there was a mistake...that they weren’t really gone....we have to come to terms today that they aren’t coming home. Every day I wake up hoping that all of this is a nightmare. That I’m going to wake up in his arms. But I know it’s not. This is my life now. I’m going to miss Chris every single day for the rest of my life. I’ve never known a love like his. And Clay was hands down one of the best brother-in-laws I could’ve ever asked for, and Elena loved her uncle. I know Chris will live on through his daughter, and I will keep both of their memories alive for her.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

Text || Lena

Amelia: I'm not ready for today.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

doctor-derekshepherd​:

She bombards him with questions, and for a moment he sees the five year old in their father’s shop, his hand over her mouth to keep her quiet. For a moment she’s five, tears running down her face, asking him what happened to daddy. But she’s not five, and she’s had a whole life with too much pain, and now he has to add to it. “Chris,” He says softly. “And Clay,” He says. “Their plane went down. Catastrophic engine failure.” Derek says, direct, to the point. “There were no survivors, Amy. I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry…but it was Chris. Chris died.”

Amelia watched Derek with a suspicious look and as soon as she heard her fiance’s name, her heart dropped and she started shaking her head. “No. No that’s not possible. They were finally coming home next week. Elena has been talking about daddy coming home. We’re finally going to get married....” Amelia rambled on, her eyes welling up as she just stared at her brother. “Stop. Stop saying that Derek. He didn’t die. He can’t be dead. No.”

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

This girl is a trooper. I’m about to jump into this snuggle pile with her.

I don’t know how to do this without him.

I don’t know how to tell her that her daddy isn’t coming home.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

doctor-derekshepherd​:

Like always, she’s full of energy, even with chemo. She starts talking about Chris right away, about a party her and Lena want to throw for them, and Derek’s heart sinks deeper. “Amy,” Derek says, stopping, not wanting to continue.

Hearing the way Derek says her name, Amelia immediately stops mid-sentence and looks at him. That wasn’t his fun tone. That was his serious tone. “What’s wrong, Derek?” She asked, her heart rate increasing. “Tell me what’s going on. You have that look on your face like someone died. Who died? Who is sick? Is it Mer? Or the kids?” She asked, narrowing her eyebrows at her brother.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

doctor-derekshepherd​:

She sees him, and he’s stuck then. If he waits until it’s over, it will be worse.  Pushing away from the door, he heads over, waving to the nurses as he passes. Thankfully, she’s the only one getting treatment right now. “Hey,” he says, leaning down to kiss her cheek. “How’s it going?” He asks, sitting on the chair next to her. 

Amelia smiled as her big brother kissed her cheek, then shrugged, putting the magazine on the table next to her. “It’s not bad, just sitting through some more chemo. Hoping to knock this cancer out once and for all.” She sighed, then smiled wider. “Lena and I are thinking of planning a surprise party when Chris and Clay come home! It’s been so long since they’ve seen everyone, so we want to try to throw something together. They should be home soon, so maybe in two or three weekends? Are you and Mer and the kids around do you think?” She questioned. She couldn’t wait to see her fiance and to have everyone she loved home again.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

doctor-derekshepherd​:

Goodbye Love || Amelia & Derek

Derek stands at the door to the chemo room, staring at his sister across the room. She’s reading some sort of magazine he thinks. She’s reading something, getting chemo, and his niece is in the day care, he’d peeked in at her before coming up here. Overall, they’re happy right now. Blissfully unaware. And for a moment, Derek wants to turnaround. Run. Not be the one to upend his sister’s life, take away her fiancee. He knows, he didn’t do this. He didn’t do this, but he had to tell her, because this impossible, horrible news may be even slightly, barely easier to deal with if she had him. He couldn’t let her be alone, couldn’t let Bailey be the one to shatter everything. He had to be there, and if he and Bailey had shown up together, she’d have been thrown off. But maybe he could wait, maybe he could let her get through this without telling her. He’s about to turn and slip away, but then she looks up. 

Amelia had grown accustomed to this chair. Number 6 was always her treatment chair and she almost hated that she had gotten used to it, but hopefully the end was in sight. She had spent the first bit of time scrolling through social media and looking at local caterers for the surprise party she and Lena had planned to throw for Chris and Clay when they got back from Australia. A smile crossed her face again as she remembered that her fiancé would be home before she knew it. Glancing up at movement by the door, she saw her brother and smiled and waved, then gestured for him to come in. She had been meaning to mention the party to him anyway, so now was the perfect opportunity.

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

This sweet girl has no idea that her daddy will FINALLY be home in two weeks!! We’ve already started planning her birthday party for June (how will she be THREE) and now I’m excitedly planning some adventures for our little family once my man is back. I’m also excited that I’ll have him with me as I enter another round of treatment, and that this girl will get all of the quality time with her daddy! 

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

Text || Amelia and Lena

Lena: Did you talk to Chris?!

Amelia: YES! TWO MORE WEEKS!!!! I literally cannot wait. We should have a get together for everyone as a surprise for them!!

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

askbiggrey-xx​:

Don’t mention it. We’re family. That’s what family is for. [nods] Right. I mean, he could also come and visit before going back… but my guess is he wouldn’t go back. [pauses, gulps] You still haven’t told him, have you. 

Well, I’m super grateful for this family I have. No, no. He’s not coming to the US, so this would be an out of the way stop. And...no. I haven’t told him. He can know once he comes home and I’m in remission. He needs to be right where he is, doing the research he’s doing.

Originally posted by chloesdecker

[dr-amelia-shepherd-md]

lenalarson-md​:

Noted. We’re about to get on our connecting flight, so I’ll talk to you later. Good luck. 

Thanks, Lena. Have a great trip!