dildonut

[dildonut]

[dildonut]

Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny photographed by David LaChapelle, 1997

[dildonut]

cant have sex with my IOS wife because my dick doesn't fit her portussy so now i have to go to the shitfuck apple store and buy the like 200 dollar strapple

[dildonut]

oh fuck this is a really good hill i gotta die on this

[dildonut]

Things going well is pretty nice and all but by god does it decimate your excuses. You'll be sleepy at work and be like "by god, I'm not even besieged by the horrors currently. I just need to go to bed earlier."

[dildonut]

anyone else remember being 13 on tumblr and every morning youd scroll down until you got to posts from the night before like it was the morning paper 

[dildonut]

imagine we finally undeniably make contact with aliens, like they land on the white house lawn and walk out of their spaceship in front of news cameras and thousands of people, but they all look slightly uneasy as they get their first proper look at humans in the flesh. one of them starts saying something that sounds like "nänga hūlu?" before the alien next to them shoots them a glare and shushes them. everything goes fine after that, they meet the president and solve world hunger and cure cancer, whatever.

a decade later you're on the first cultural exchange mission back to their home planet. they land you in a field so you can get an appreciation for the local wildlife and you're taking it all in with childlike wonder: the bright purple "grass", the "trees" resembling fungi... suddenly you notice an animal emerge from the forest that looks like a cross between a bison and a sea slug. you ask your alien tour guide what it's called. they look extremely nervous and use their translator to say "well in our tongue we would call it a 'nänga', but it's actually extremely dangerous and you shouldn't be that close to it," and they start trying to escort you away and divert your attention. but before they can, the nänga rolls over to reveal what is unmistakeably its genitals, and they look exactly like a scaled-down human, down to the fingers and toes

[dildonut]

Truly incredible things are happening on white dog instagram

[dildonut]

[dildonut]

found footage horror film

agitated girl: mike put the camera down

mike: He ha why its a home movey

[dildonut]

[dildonut]

i want so badly to be more offline but alas the siren call of images

[dildonut]

[dildonut]

images that WILL go triple platinum if i have my way

[dildonut]

not now darling i'm beating manifestations of my repressed sexuality with a lead pipe

[dildonut]

mentally a living corpse