diavlita - Tumblr blog

[diavlita]

just a regular old update

I cant actually remember when i last posted on here i feel like maybe a lot has happened i graduated highschool, earlier this year one of my old ex bestfriends/ex boyfriend committed suicide i know in probably not allowed to but sometimes i get sad when i think about it. New nephew was born in october lowkey he cute. ive had ups and downs with my boyfriend thankful that he stayed with me and didnt leave me even when i was being silly. we made 2 years together in october. ive had a lot of downs with my bestfriend sometimes i dont want to consider him my bestfriend i know its terrible. ive gotten more addicted to minecraft tooo i used to only play overwatch but then i started backup with minecraft and sims last night i played mw and friday the 13th with my boyfriend i was a wimp the first round of friday i literrally was in my chair i made my character go into a bathroom then i turned myself around and stared at my bed oh i also went with this person they basically told me i have depression and i should go to an actual doctor/hospital to get it treated and they also told me to spend less time with video games and do other things like art or music or all that jazz i think thats it for now im probably forgetting something but i only summarized this year so far thanks for reading this is anyone even does read this i also need friends so hmu:-)

[diavlita]

I wish i was good at making people feel better or having something to say to someone when they're sad, but im not and most of the time i try to say crappy jokes i feel like i get awkward and it probably seems like i dont care. But i do i wish i was better at words so i could show him i care and that he can come to me if he needs to

[diavlita]

Sometimes i wish i wasnt so fucking stupid, i always end up hurting myself and who knows maybe i hurt him too

[diavlita]

Bleh

I honestly wish he lived closer to me or i lived closer to him because honestly i want a hug right now, from him of course, i really miss you even though i talk to you everyday.

[diavlita]

I love you 😜😗😂

New phone who dis? Lol if its who i think it is then I love you too😊😊😊

[diavlita]

Erase

I feel like its a good thing that i don't delete my earlier post even if what has been posted is bad or good or if i dont talk to someone like i used to. Now it has a memory and once i write about them why should i delete it sometimes when i try to distract myself from doing what im supposed to be doing ill get on and look at my old post like right now and i saw that i had written about cristian and i was thinking about erasing it since it might be weird for my boyfriend. But im not, if its written it's written and you cant always take back what you've already said.

[diavlita]

I heard you like taco bell

Thats a straight up lie don't you ever insult me like that ever again good day person -_-

[diavlita]

Yo

Yo cabron i love you and you make me very happy even if you dont think so, so dont put yourself down. I just get sensitive and emotional. Especially if i haven't actually cried, you're doing an amazing job babe dont doubt yourself. I love you Jelly bean lol

[diavlita]

October 11

Today wasn't a good day for me and i dont want to explain why but im laying here at 12:40 crying on a school night, i just feel sad i feel like ive done something wrong, have i? I know ive been acting rude and mean and im sorry im so so sorry. Do you ever feel ignored even though its you whos not talking to someone or just pushing someone away. Im starting to feel like i felt when i was with one of my ex bf as my best friend would call him giraffe. I just feel lonely, ignored and sad, and i know its bad of me but some times I think about going back to my old habbits. And i know thats wrong but i just dont know whats wrong with me. Okay if you ask whats wrong with me i dont know okay. I don't know what to tell you. Im trying hard not to do something stupid. And i just try to keep to myself even though i know ill end up how i am right now.

[diavlita]

Oh man

its been a good while ive cried twice in a row yesterday and today lol. But i asked out my crush on a date today he said yea. Its on friday im excited but im nervous its the first time i asked someone out on a date, I started crying cuz i dont anything to go wrong i want him to enjoy it but i guess i started over thinking. I love him. Is it bad to say it? Even if it is i dont care i do love him he knows i do at least i hope he does.

[diavlita]

:-)

I like my friend, like i like him as more than a friend. He makes me happy. Also today or well yesterday Cristian was a dick.

[diavlita]

Silly

I find it funny how someone could mean so much to you and then just like they can mean nothing. I broke up with cristian on july 24 at around 5 or 6 a.m. I didnt sleep i was gaming all night since i was getting a new bed. I was told to clean it but i was too lazy so i told myself hey just stay up and clean it in the morning. I realized why i wanted to break up with him, i had started to lose feelings for him. It makes me sad that he had noticed before i did, it makes me sad that he didnt put effort into our relationship when he noticed that i had started to lose feelings. But im happy. I found an amazing friend that helped me through my stuck phase when i didnt know whta to do. Im so grateful for him.

[diavlita]

Im in trouble

I have a problem. Im with someone who i love very much but i want to break up with them i donut know why.he makes me so happy and i love him but i want to break up with him but i don't know if i should or not. Im so confused by this because if i do do it i don't want to stop being his friend we've shared so much and i just don't know what to do.

[diavlita]

Note to self

I just realized that when i write what im feeling even if other people can read it i feel better, it makes me feel better... Im gonna need that for next time i feel down Note to self : Just write when you feel down I promise you will feel better Now i better get some sleep its 3:06 am right now

[diavlita]

Fear

Honestly... If someone asked me my biggest fear i would tell them "i don't have one", but i know that the in my mind i would be thinking about it like i am right now. My biggest fear is him finding someone better than me, someone that will give him everything he wants, everything he deserves and much more. I just don't see how anyone can hate him or anything, he's just so nice to everyone even if they don't deserve it at all. I just my fear is just losing him in general. Even though i think about it, it only happens when im upset or usually when im up late like right now. But gosh i never knew that long distance relationships could be like this sometimes i just think its hard because you never know what can happen, but i trust him i do i really do. You wanna know something one time when we were skyping he told me how this girl was trying to grab his hand at first i was jealous but then i was happy when he said he didnt let her now this might be wrong but i always tend to forget things but i think he might have told me that he told her that he had a girlfriend.

I love you with all my heart (Cristian).

[diavlita]

Cristian

My boyfriend is a very special person to me. He makes me feel so happy when ever we talk he can seriously text me a “hi” and it would probably make my day. He has such a big effect on me and he doesn’t know how much he affects me. Im always getting butterflies when we talk and so much goes through my mind when we do talk, I always want to tell him stuff but I can never actually say what I’m thinking

I honestly hope you don’t read this but if you ever do I want you to know that I am so deeply in love with you and you truly make me the happiest I’ve ever been. You really are the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and knowing you, you would most likely say “why?”.

[diavlita]

Feelings

I’ve never been good with words. So I guess my way of letting my feelings out is by crying, and although when I cry I end up with a headache or I get sleepy. It’s my way of letting my feelings out and it makes me feel better well most of the time at least