diary-of-cai - Tumblr blog

[diary-of-cai]

“I refuse to tell anyone how bad it really got again.”

— Because I know they can’t handle to go through this again

[diary-of-cai]

[diary-of-cai]

My dearest forever baby Serenity,

My baby girl... please don’t hate me.. I loved you so much anak.. kamo upat sa imong mga igsoon ang reason why dili nako gusto mamatay. Pero di na makaya ni Mama nak that is why I gave up. But please nanak baby girl, please know that I love you nak.. so much!!! I wanted to guide you while you grow.. kasi I never felt being guided while I grow. Directed, oo pero ang iguide? Never. I have so many plans nak.. unang una is to buy you clothes.. lots of clotes and accessories for you pag magdalaga naka.. I do not have the luxury of having that when I was young. I only have 5 panties na tinahi pa jud kay pila na ka years ginagamit while gadalaga.. I don’t want you to go through with that.. but I am sorry baby girl.. Mama has its own demon to fight with. And obviously, I lost.

I just hope you will forgive me someday nak. It’s hard to live each day dealing with my mental problems. Someday you will understand. I hope you will.

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[diary-of-cai]

TAGAI KOG SIGN LORD PARA MAWALA NA TANAN SAKIT NGA AKONG GIBATI

[diary-of-cai]

What pills can I take to end my life while sleeping???? Tried to commit suicide but there is a lot of people in my house.

[diary-of-cai]

[diary-of-cai]

YOU DONT HAVE A FAMILY TO CALL YOUR OWN

YOU HAVE AN IRRESPONSIBLE HUSBAND

YOU ARE UGLY

YOU CANNOT END YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU ARE WEAK

You are afraid of DYING!

Why??? YOU WONT BE MISSED!!!!

YOUR CHILDREN WILL FORGET ABOUT YOU SOMEDAY.. YOUR EFFORTS TO MAKE THEIR LIFE CONFORTABLE WONT BE APPRECIATED EVEN IF GOU WORK SO HARD FOR THEM SO YOU BETTER DIE ANYWAY!!!!!!!

Use your pain to end your life.....

BUT HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

What are ways to die!!??????

Can I die in my sleeeeeeeep???? Please please...

Any demon who can take my soul please do now.......

[diary-of-cai]

DIE NOW CARMELA

Please die now

Please

Please

Stop worrying for your children

THEY CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU

You have to end everything! You have so many heartaches and efforts that are unrecognized and unappreciated by your husband BECAUSE YOU ARE UGLY

YOU ARE FAT

YOU ARE NOT WORTHY

YOUR FAMILY DONT EVEN KNOW YOUR PAIN!!!! Hahahahahahhahaha

You are tired, Carmela.

You are fed up.

BUT YOU ARE WEAK. YOU CANT EVEN END YOUR LIFE!!!!!

Dumb bitch!!!!!!!

[diary-of-cai]

I want to stop caring for others.. I want to stop working. I want to stop doing anything for this family.

But I fucking can’t.

I am tired of caring for others. I am tired of working. I am tired and want to stop doing anything.

But I fucking can’t.

I am the sole responsible for this family that if I stop doing anything, they cannot parttake to anything. My children are all too young. I am afraid of leaving them. I am with an irresponsible manand unloving husband and father toy children. He has anger issues and easy to get mad. Not even passionate of anything about his children. Not playing with themor giving them quality time. He’s always playing witht his phone. And not even minding about us. Not even teaching my children to do homeworks.

I wanted to sooooo much for my family but I am too fed up.

I

Am

Tired.

AM I SELFISH OF THINKING ALL THESE?????😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Die, Carmela. Please DO IT!

[diary-of-cai]

Selfish ba kaayo ko BECAUSE I WANT TO END MY MISERABLE LIFE? I realllllllly wanted to die😭😭😭😭🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 end this painnnnnnnnnnn

[diary-of-cai]

[diary-of-cai]

[diary-of-cai]

Everyone is better off without me. Why do I keep forgetting it?

[diary-of-cai]

models (1999), dir. ulrich seidl

[diary-of-cai]

Its been almost 24 hours I’ve been awake.. huyyy naunsa ka self??? Ana na jud ka lala? Palargaha ng barko oy!!!😅😅😅😅

[diary-of-cai]

I made a progress today.. i promised mu self yesterday to not be affected of whatever he says or do. Just ignore. Sa una.. when he won’t fetch me, i always feel pain. Sakit sa heart.. sa mind.. sa tanan!!!! Pero karon.. i am so proud of my progress.. i did not felt anything.. o diba??? Was i too much hurt na already???? I think we both are... and tired😅😅😅

Someday, I will let my self heal.. from everything!!!! One step at a time lang cai... everything will turn out okay.. so hold on lang kay may anak ka.. they need you!!!!!

Especially your little baby girl.. mamaya na mag wosh to end your life if she can handle her self na.

Also.. put make up na! Be fit like sa una.. so your self a favor cai..love yourself though di ka kamahal mahal😅😅😅😅 imohang sarili lang ang imong masandalan in times like this... so better fix your self.. pano mo makaya lahat ng trials along the way if di monkaya i love sarili mo gurl..

Ang pangit ko kasi

Ang losyang

Mag 32 pa pero parang 45 na😅😅😅😅

Ang taba... baboy😅😅😅😅

Pangit.. sobra hahahahahha

You can’t even brush your hair in front of the mirror kasi tou don’t want to look at the reflection in front of you🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Arayyyy hahahahahha