diaperedautistic

[diaperedautistic]

im afab and get frequent vaginal infections, thinking abt diapers but worried ill get more infections from it

I don't have experience with AFAB hardware, but I would hope that with prompt changing it wouldn't be a huge deal.

[diaperedautistic]

I guarantee you there is one manifestation of disability that almost everyone on this planet has actively laughed at and made fun of. yes, even you

can you guess what it is?

it's something there are constant gags about in media, something people mention in passing as a joke

something that if it presented itself in a public space i guarantee in most situations would be openly and loudly mocked (and if not humour, most people would at least express disgust)

don't believe me, do you?

✨ incontinence ✨

yep, it's incontinence. (get your giggles out now folks)

I am partially incontinent due to a fun cocktail of mental and physical disabilities and i know for a fact this is where people will stop reading, have a little laugh, and move on thinking this isn't worth the read anymore

but please, if you want to be a true disability ally, stick around and listen.

5% of the world population is estimated to be incontinent to some degree. 1 in 20 people (and no, that is not just elderly people)

so yea when you're in the grocery store, or at the gay bar, or seeing your college theatre's rendition of Grease - chances are there's a good handful of people in the crowd who struggle with incontinence.

it might be just someone who has minimal stress incontinence - something very common in people who have been pregnant - or someone who has adhd and forgets to go to the bathroom, missing the cues from their body that they are desperate, or yea it could be the 85 yr old grandma who wears diapers.

the point is, all of these people deserve respect for their bodies. everyone does. and this includes bodies that malfunction sometimes.

'omg thats so funny im gonna pee myself' 'reddit boys can go piss in ur little baby diapers' - great comeback bestie, but can we move on from them now? im gonna be honest these don't offend me personally, but it's worth being aware of where the humour of these comments comes from. its rooted in ableism

but something that does offend me and something that genuinely triggers me to have panic attacks and can push me into an anxious depressive state for days at a time, is when a character wetting themself is used as the butt of a joke on screen.

i'm thinking season one of stranger things. yeah, most of us know the scene right? when eleven forces a bully to pee his pants in front of the whole school? yep, triggers my ptsd right good that one does. and my siblings ptsd. and im sure many many many more ppl with incontinence (or even ppl without it who had the unfortunate experience of an accident in school)

if you found it funny, i dont care at this point. keep doing you. i dont blame you, okay? but i just want to ask that you reconsider WHY you laughed. 'because he pissed himself' okay but WHY is that funny? 'older kids and adults arent supposed to piss themselves' yea well it happens sometimes to most people at least once, and to 1 in 20 people much more often than that. so WHY is that funny?

keep asking why why why... and if in the end you can't think of WHY, then maybe there isnt a reason for you to laugh at it except that you've been taught to by osmosis. because everyone else laughs

dont give up here, because this is where i want you to really think. is it worth it?

is it worth laughing at something just because everyone else is, and risk 5% of the population going into a self conscious spiral, a panic attack because of your mocking, making them think they will never be accepted?

obviously u making a "im gonna piss myself" comment while laughing does not put 1 in 20 ppl into a panic attack, but u get where im coming from now i hope

so if you're still reading, im guessing you want to reconsider some of your behaviours and comments about this subject. thank you! now that you've realised where these jokes are rooted, you're going to start noticing a lot more often just how much this disability is mocked in society.

but what else can you do to help?

consider sticking up for us because understandably incontinent people dont tend to stick up for themselves lest it out us as incontinent. because admitting that is still met with laughter and disgust. help us jumpstart the incontinence acceptance by speaking up for the silent minority whenever an incontinence joke comes up in class/family gatherings/general conversation (this is my opinion, any other incontinent folks are v welcome to challenge this if u would rather ppl didnt for whatever reason!)

another thing you can do is - you won't like this - dont call ppl disgusting for buying adult diapers with silly animal characters on. unpopular opinion here on tumblr dot com, i know

but listen: incontinence products are disability aids! pullups, incontinence pads/pants, adult diapers, these are all disability aids. not products of k!nk, not things to snigger at in the pharmacy.

and would you complain about someone putting hello kitty stickers on their walking cane? would you think it gross for someone to doodle little stars and affirmations on their wheelchair armrest? is it wrong if someone wants pink hearing aids instead of a nude coloured ones? no?

then don't laugh if someone wants lil hearts on their pullups, and don't fake gag if you happen to see purple patterned adult diapers on ur dash. sometimes humans just like to decorate their bodies and extensions of their bodies. this is just that. and lets be real, plain white nappies just aren't the vibe sometimes

~ while we're at it, ppl with stoma bags are beautiful and deserve to wear whatever they want to feel comfortable and handsome as hell 😘 ~

and let me address the elephant in the room. yeah, some people have a f3tish for this stuff (just like anything can be made into a f3tish). whatever. if ur against that stuff then idc pls dont talk abt it in the tags and comments. anyway it is NOT an excuse to find actual disabled ppl disgusting for needing these aids.

and heres the funny thing: you usually can't tell if someone uses diapers for a f3tish or for their disability, or possibly both!

so you're gonna have to not attack random ppl on the internet bc you don't know what their life is like (what a shocking new hot take)

if a 46 yr old balding man with a beer belly and chest hair who isn't visibly disabled mentions he uses diapers, don't assume he's a creep and its a k!nk. it might be, sure, but it might be a condition or disability that you have no right to comment on or judge him for.

so if youre squicked by it just block and move on, don't send anon hate, dont make a post about how these types of people make you sick. you might just lose a valued mutual who was secretly incontinent and thinks you hate them for it now (whether this is right or wrong, its often how these things come across)

(btw if anyone fuckin talks abt k!nk on this post im going to scream directly in ur ear :) make ur own posts and don't bring any f3tish discussion onto mine)

had to get that out of the way unfortunately because this is a condition that is so unfortunately overrepresented by the f3tish side. i wouldnt have to talk abt k!nk on many other posts about disabilty aids but this one unfortunately was necessary

it's exhausting

imagine having a disability that requires aids thats almost EVERYONE winces at, laughs at, mocks loudly. and then to come on tumblr, the place that is meant to be full of acceptance from strangers in similar circumstances, queer and disabled and poc - but the moment your aid is brought up in discussion its seen as something disgusting and the property of freaks and creeps and people who are evil and want to do children harm

it's exhausting, like i said

i dont have much else to add honestly, im shit at writing cohesive posts (especially when im physically shaking with anxiety bc woohoo announcing to possibly thousands of ppl that im incontinent) but if anything i just hope you will question yourself if you laugh at this stuff in future

im going to go back into my little anxiety hibernation hole and never open up about this condition again ✌🏼

as for the incontinent population, we’re pretty silent about this condition so it’s easy to forget abt us. but please just keep us in mind and stick up for us when u can

— for clarity: incontinence is not ALWAYS a disability, it is a condition that can affect ppl on a sliding scale. for some it is a mild inconvenience, for some it severely impacts daily life. for some it is the only physical condition their body experiences, for some it is a symptom of a predetermined mental or physical disability such as generalized anxiety disorder or paraplegia. whether or not it is considered a disability, acceptance of ALL incontinence is a good step to eradicating this source of ableism —

no one has to reblog this but pls consider it if this has opened ur eyes a lil and u wanna open some more

[diaperedautistic]

As an autistic diaper wearer, have you or anyone you have known as autistic had any spasms type disoders that responded well to using diapers for thier intended purpose.

The reason I ask is that has been the case for me. It has also helped some with anxiety as well as had huge impact on lessening my extreme startle response.

I haven't experienced this, and I don't know anyone who has, but I'm happy to share in case anyone has.

[diaperedautistic]

hi!

i am an autistic in my 20s (maybe adhd, i have a diagnosis for that but the situation in which it was given was pretty messed up tbh so while i can kinda see it, i'm not really sure) with hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome.

i've experienced some of what you talk about with focus and proprioception for a very long time, and recently have found that (i believe due to my hEDS) those issues with proprioception have worsened, as well as finding that i have almost no actual bladder control even when i am paying attention. because i also struggle with mobility due to EDS, i've recently (~6 months) started using diapers. i was wondering if you had any thoughts on what a starter guide would look like, since i've basically just been going with what i can find doing my own research. my GP's response when i brought the EDS symptoms to her (this kind of thing is pretty common, from what i understand, with EDS patients) was just to order a urine test, find that it looked normal and send me on my way, which is about what i expect from most doctors at this point, but it was no help. most of what i've found has been kink content, which i guess is fine for those folks but does not actually help me.

because of the nature of struggling with incontinence and the social stigma, i find this exceptionally difficult to talk about, or request help with, hence this being anon. apologies that you seem to be the best resource i can find; any help or advice is greatly appreciated. thank you.

hmm, a starter guide is a good idea! I don't know of one, but off the top of my head, here's what I'd put in it:

shapes of products available (pads, liners, pull-ups, diapers, plastic pants, diaper covers, etc.)

grades of products available (drugstore, medical, premium)

pros/cons of various products (price, discretion, cuteness if that's your thing, etc.)

other supplies needed (wipes, disposal bags, rash cream)

considerations for changing at home (where to change, standing up/lying down, trash can/diaper pail options, etc.)

considerations for changing elsewhere (how many spares to bring, what to bring, how to handle disposal, etc.)

considerations for skin health (changing promptly, using wipes, using rash cream when needed)

other treatments for bladder issues to consider (pelvic PT, bladder training, timed voiding, etc.)

pros/cons of embracing diapers vs. using diapers while pursuing other treatments

and a lot of reassurance that wearing diapers is okay and valid

let me know if you'd like more information (insofar as I have it) on any of those things!

[diaperedautistic]

im afab and get frequent vaginal infections, thinking abt diapers but worried ill get more infections from it

I don't have experience with AFAB hardware, but I would hope that with prompt changing it wouldn't be a huge deal.

[diaperedautistic]

Can I add you as a friend because I also have ADHD and I’m also autistic

sure, no need to ask :)

[diaperedautistic]

Are there reusable incontinence pad options that will work with boxer briefs? Or relatively normal-looking boxer briefs that are reusable and absorbent? I have stress urinary incontinence exercising and I don't want to wear other kinds of underwear, or generate a bunch of additional trash. I also just have difficulty from a sensory standpoint with most disposable absorbent products.

Hmm, I'm not sure I have any good ideas here.

Most reusable incontinence pad options I know are designed to snap around the narrow part of a pair of briefs. You could try them, but I think they'd scrunch up the boxer briefs uncomfortably.

There are some options for boxers with built in absorbency, like TomboyX's First Line products, but I wouldn't expect them to hold as much as a cloth or disposable pad. They might hold enough for lighter stress incontinence, though.

(My incontinence looks like losing bladder control entirely when I'm deeply focused enough, so I don't have a ton of experience with lighter weight products.)

[diaperedautistic]

Hellooo this ask is written with absolutely no malice whatsoever and just genuine curiosity (/srs). In your pinned, you say that you are not intellectually or developmentally disabled. But autism is a developmental disability? So what do you personally mean by ‘not developmentally disabled’. Once again, this is just for clarification and I apologise if it comes off as rude as that is not the intention. :)

This is actually an extremely good question, and one I answered for myself while I was away from Tumblr for a while:

I was wrong.

Autism is a developmental disability. I am autistic. Therefore, I am developmentally disabled.

I fell into the same trap here as some folks do with autism: recognizing only the more impactful and stereotyped forms of a neurotype/condition/disability while ignoring the more subtle forms.

I figured, "hey, I can live independently, so I can't really be developmentally disabled"... just like my therapist figured, "hey, you can communicate quite well, so you can't really be autistic".

We were both wrong. I taught her that autistic communication issues can be subtle and compensated (masked). I went on to learn that developmental disabilities in general can be subtle and compensated.

Thank you for speaking up to correct me; I was inadvertently propagating a narrow stereotype of developmental disability, and it's important for me to know and fix that.

[diaperedautistic]

hey! i have a very similar experience as u when it comes to diaps! im an autistic adult who sometimes has problems knowing when i need to go and holdinf it i but i never realized diapers were an option i recently got into them this past year and thought they could only be a fetish thing but id like to wear them casually as i could see it as something helpful! ive only ever bought two and there some cutesy cloth-back ones from etsy that im too attached to use so i just throw them on for comfort

do u have any pointers or tips on how to get comfortable using them? im also worried i'll never find a partner thats ok with that :/

Honestly, for me, it just took practice to get comfortable.

At first I was super self-conscious wearing diapers in public, but over time I realized that people either didn't notice or didn't say anything. On the off chance that someone did notice and say something, I had a variety of options, from telling them to mind their own business to explaining why I wear them.

I've mostly lucked out with partners by hanging out in autistic circles where people aren't super judgmental, but I recognize it's tough. If anyone else has some advice here, feel free to reply!

[diaperedautistic]

someone sent me a mean and nasty ask so I'm reblogging this out of spite.

live your best life. wear diapers if you want.

finding diapers as a continent/semicontinent autistic

(This essay is not in Plain Language. Please tell me if you want a Plain Language version and I will write one.)

I was slow to toilet train: I routinely came home wet from kindergarten and was still wetting myself occasionally in third grade and later. This was mostly an executive function problem; I usually knew I had to pee, but didn't have the executive function to stop whatever I was doing to use the bathroom.

I didn't get much in the way of help for this: I was kicked out of diapers before entering kindergarten. In kindergarten and first grade, I was 'on a schedule', which meant staff would pull me out of class to take me to use the bathroom periodically, hopefully before I'd wet myself. As early as kindergarten, my parents yelled at me for wetting myself, and past first grade, yelling was all the help I got. No one suggested diapers as a way to avoid the shame and humiliation of accidents; it was apparently better for a third-grader to wet herself in front of her classmates than for her to wear diapers.

Eventually, like some autistics, I 'grew out' of it: I learned to absorb the executive function cost of interrupting myself to go pee, or the pain of holding it because I didn't want to interrupt myself, and I stopped wetting myself.

At some level, though, I always understood that diapers were something I needed: when I hit puberty, they became a fetish object; when I transitioned in my late twenties, they shifted to a non-sexual emotional comfort, and I started wearing them more often. As I worked through some of my childhood trauma in therapy, they shifted again, to a radical way of 'rewriting the story' for my younger self who'd needed them, and I started wearing them full-time.

(I want to stop here and acknowledge that I was privileged to be able to make this change in my life: I can afford to live by myself to avoid judgmental family or housemates, and I can afford to buy disposable diapers out of pocket. Many people can't, and I'd love to see diapers as a voluntary adaptation for autistics destigmatized and covered by insurance.)

Once I was wearing diapers full-time, something magical happened: my brain settled back into those same patterns from elementary school, using my diaper when I'm hyperfocused and using the toilet when I'm not. I find focused tasks easier and less stressful, since I don't have to interrupt myself to go use the bathroom in the moment or cope with the ongoing sensory and executive function cost of feeling and knowing that I have to go to the bathroom eventually. I don't worry about burning something on the stove, forgetting important context while programming, or losing the plot of a movie or TV show I wanted to watch. I can get what I wanted to get done more easily, and have more energy and cope left for other things.

Despite the obvious benefits, I still felt ashamed when I found myself wet after a period of hyperfocus; I wasn't 'supposed' to wet myself, and I wasn't 'supposed' to wear diapers.

A couple weeks ago, as part of a larger effort to find better accommodations for myself, I found @endeverstar's wonderful article "Finding AAC as a verbal/semiverbal autistic". It talks about how xe found speaking with mouth words difficult and stressful but was nonetheless forced into a bunch of speech therapy as a kid so xe could be considered "speaking"; nobody offered xem AAC as a kid because xe didn't 'need' it and it was stigmatized. Xe discovered AAC as an adult, quickly realized it was easier and less stressful than mouth words, and is at this point mostly-nonspeaking.

This was me, toilet training, and diapers. Everything suddenly made sense.

I found toileting without diapers as a backup difficult and stressful, but was nonetheless forced to so I could be considered "toilet trained"; nobody offered me diapers as a kid past the 'normal' age because I didn't 'need' them and they were stigmatized. I rediscovered diapers as an adult, realized they were easier and less stressful, and decided to wear them all the time.

Overnight, that last whiff of shame disappeared. Diapers aren't just a fetish object, an emotional comfort, or a way of 'rewriting' my trauma. Diapers are a valid adaptive choice for autistics, even those who are technically capable of always using the toilet!

So, to paraphrase endever*: if you're a continent or mostly-continent autistic person and you're wondering whether diapers might be useful for you -- consider this your permission slip! You're allowed to try them if you think they might help, and you're allowed to keep using them if you find them helpful. Toileting works for abled people, but isn't inherently superior; don't listen to anyone who says you're 'not allowed' to use diapers unless you 'need' them or that you should force yourself to always use the toilet if that doesn't work for you.

Everyone deserves access to the full range of communication methods that work for them, and likewise everyone deserves access to the full range of toileting strategies that work for them.

[diaperedautistic]

congrats @skysailing2016! please feel free to throw questions into my asks if you have any.

Finally got my order!

After waiting almost a month between visiting the doctor to now, I finally got my prescription for pull-ups from Aeroflow Urology! I'm glad I had some spare supplies I could use until it arrived!

The package was very big and used more packing material than I expected. I received 3 packs of 22 each, along with 2 packs of wipes and some gloves. The code on the package was PV-511. It feels good knowing these aren't too tight or too big, and have great protection if I have a bladder or bowel accident. I finally have the help I need, and I feel ready to go to work, or do anything! I look forward to wearing these more often! Thank you all for your support!

[diaperedautistic]

I can't find your pinned post, may I ask what it entails?

My pinned post is here:

In my bio, I ask ABDLs to read my pinned post before they interact with me so they will see this part:

This blog doesn't talk about wearing diapers for fun or for sexual reasons. It also doesn't show pictures of people wearing diapers or having sex.

If you do those things, that's okay! But please don't like, comment, reblog, or follow from a blog that does those things, and please don't do those things in comments or reblogs.

[diaperedautistic]

same! my ADHD brain has better things to do.

I have a question about an icky subject, sorry if it bothers you! Since I was little I've had an issue similar to incontinence but no doctor could explain why it happened or how to solve it. It got a little better when I was around 16yo but it's still not 100% & I'm 21 now. Now I got diagnosed as autistic & learned more about stuff I struggle with like executive dysfunction & alexithymia & I was wondering it they could be related? Idk if other autistic people struggled with something similar

Ask date: September 15th

First, no subject bothers me.  My blog is for autistics to come and talk about EVERYTHING we deal with, including every biological and health issue. We need this, because where else are we going to talk about these things? All questions are always welcome <3

So my knee-jerk reaction was to say “yes, I can totally see autism affecting this”, and then I went looking for proof and found some really useful stuff.

There was a small study (only 35 people) that found a higher rate of incontinence among autistics vs non-autistics:

“Relatively little is known about bladder and bowel dysfunction (BBD) among adults with autism spectrum disorder (ASD)....Urinary incontinence was present in 85% of children and 82% of adults with ASD versus just 5.7% of [non-autistic] controls. Nocturnal enuresis, fecal incontinence, and constipation were also common, impacting 59%, 36%, and 68%, respectively, of adults with ASD (vs 0%, 0%, and 9%, respectively, of [non-autistic] controls).”

That paragraph is kind of a blob of words and numbers so I made a chart out of the info in it:

This study clearly shows that yes, autism affects this, and in a big way.  Unfortunately, the study only showed that autism affects incontinence, it didn’t look into why.

I think your theory about alexithymia and executive dysfunction could absolutely be part of it.  I know that I, personally, struggle with “knowing when I have to go.”  Very often I’ve had to go for a LONG time before I realize I need the bathroom, and this has caused some accidents for me.  

I’ve struggled with this a bit myself, and I understand your frustration.  Having doctors be like “Welp we don’t know why, have a nice day” is really frustrating, because of course you want to fix it!.

The best advice I have with this is to “take a body inventory” more often.  A body inventory is when you stop doing everything, and go through your body: 1) Am I hungry? 2) Am I thirsty? 3) Do I need the bathroom? 4) Am I hot/cold?

If you find it hard to get into the habit, set an alarm on your phone!  I’ve gotten into the habit of doing a body inventory every time I stand up, and also when I’m stressed out (so often, it turns out my lack of concentration was just because I was parched, lol).

It doesn’t fix the entire problem, but it helps me avoid those situations where I’ve had to pee for like, two hours and have been ignoring it.  Your body will thank you, for sure.

[diaperedautistic]

Friendly reminders:

You’re not gross for having bladder weakness / bladder problems

You’re not disgusting if you need bladder weakness pads

You’re not bad if you need diapers

You’re not nasty if you deal with bed wetting

You’re not unclean if you deal with wetting in general

[diaperedautistic]

you're welcome! DMs and asks are always open if you wanna chat.

finding diapers as a continent/semicontinent autistic

(This essay is not in Plain Language. Please tell me if you want a Plain Language version and I will write one.)

I was slow to toilet train: I routinely came home wet from kindergarten and was still wetting myself occasionally in third grade and later. This was mostly an executive function problem; I usually knew I had to pee, but didn't have the executive function to stop whatever I was doing to use the bathroom.

I didn't get much in the way of help for this: I was kicked out of diapers before entering kindergarten. In kindergarten and first grade, I was 'on a schedule', which meant staff would pull me out of class to take me to use the bathroom periodically, hopefully before I'd wet myself. As early as kindergarten, my parents yelled at me for wetting myself, and past first grade, yelling was all the help I got. No one suggested diapers as a way to avoid the shame and humiliation of accidents; it was apparently better for a third-grader to wet herself in front of her classmates than for her to wear diapers.

Eventually, like some autistics, I 'grew out' of it: I learned to absorb the executive function cost of interrupting myself to go pee, or the pain of holding it because I didn't want to interrupt myself, and I stopped wetting myself.

At some level, though, I always understood that diapers were something I needed: when I hit puberty, they became a fetish object; when I transitioned in my late twenties, they shifted to a non-sexual emotional comfort, and I started wearing them more often. As I worked through some of my childhood trauma in therapy, they shifted again, to a radical way of 'rewriting the story' for my younger self who'd needed them, and I started wearing them full-time.

(I want to stop here and acknowledge that I was privileged to be able to make this change in my life: I can afford to live by myself to avoid judgmental family or housemates, and I can afford to buy disposable diapers out of pocket. Many people can't, and I'd love to see diapers as a voluntary adaptation for autistics destigmatized and covered by insurance.)

Once I was wearing diapers full-time, something magical happened: my brain settled back into those same patterns from elementary school, using my diaper when I'm hyperfocused and using the toilet when I'm not. I find focused tasks easier and less stressful, since I don't have to interrupt myself to go use the bathroom in the moment or cope with the ongoing sensory and executive function cost of feeling and knowing that I have to go to the bathroom eventually. I don't worry about burning something on the stove, forgetting important context while programming, or losing the plot of a movie or TV show I wanted to watch. I can get what I wanted to get done more easily, and have more energy and cope left for other things.

Despite the obvious benefits, I still felt ashamed when I found myself wet after a period of hyperfocus; I wasn't 'supposed' to wet myself, and I wasn't 'supposed' to wear diapers.

A couple weeks ago, as part of a larger effort to find better accommodations for myself, I found @endeverstar's wonderful article "Finding AAC as a verbal/semiverbal autistic". It talks about how xe found speaking with mouth words difficult and stressful but was nonetheless forced into a bunch of speech therapy as a kid so xe could be considered "speaking"; nobody offered xem AAC as a kid because xe didn't 'need' it and it was stigmatized. Xe discovered AAC as an adult, quickly realized it was easier and less stressful than mouth words, and is at this point mostly-nonspeaking.

This was me, toilet training, and diapers. Everything suddenly made sense.

I found toileting without diapers as a backup difficult and stressful, but was nonetheless forced to so I could be considered "toilet trained"; nobody offered me diapers as a kid past the 'normal' age because I didn't 'need' them and they were stigmatized. I rediscovered diapers as an adult, realized they were easier and less stressful, and decided to wear them all the time.

Overnight, that last whiff of shame disappeared. Diapers aren't just a fetish object, an emotional comfort, or a way of 'rewriting' my trauma. Diapers are a valid adaptive choice for autistics, even those who are technically capable of always using the toilet!

So, to paraphrase endever*: if you're a continent or mostly-continent autistic person and you're wondering whether diapers might be useful for you -- consider this your permission slip! You're allowed to try them if you think they might help, and you're allowed to keep using them if you find them helpful. Toileting works for abled people, but isn't inherently superior; don't listen to anyone who says you're 'not allowed' to use diapers unless you 'need' them or that you should force yourself to always use the toilet if that doesn't work for you.

Everyone deserves access to the full range of communication methods that work for them, and likewise everyone deserves access to the full range of toileting strategies that work for them.

[diaperedautistic]

Shouts out to all of us who struggle with proprioception!

[diaperedautistic]

It’s fine to wear diapers and have incontinance problems. It doesn’t make you less of a person. It’s neutral. The stigma is the problem.