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i hate it when customers get mad about policy and go “well i’ve always thought it worked differently” like ok. when i was a kid i thought the drains in sinks and bathtubs lead to Hell and i would pour things down them for the dead people. it turns out that you can think things that aren’t true

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hey kids did you know that computers didn't used to automatically connect to the internet. it used to make this screaming noise. we should have listened.

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succession 1x05

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not even JRR Tolkien, who famously developed the concept of the Secondary World and firmly believed that no trace of the Real World should be evoked in the fictional world, was able to remove potatoes from his literature. this is a man who developed whole languages and mythologies for his literary world, who justified its existence in English as a translation* simply because he was so miffed he couldn't get away with making the story fully alien to the real world. and not even he, in extremis, was so cruel as to deny his characters the heavenly potato. could not even conceive a universe devoid of the potato. such is its impact. everyone please take a moment to say thank you to South Americans for developing and cultivating one of earth's finest vegetables. the potato IS all that. literally world-changing food. bless.

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release me you bastard i am not a yummy gyoza dumpling

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imagine if your boyfriend was like I can smell an ant. and started tracking

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laughing so hard there are tears running down my cheeks

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Yeah hey mom I know it's been a while since I called. I have bad news. My cigarette broke in half. Yeah.. yeah Google said no way to fix it either

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The Birdcage (1996) dir. Mike Nichols