deletemybaby

[deletemybaby]

Jorgelina Soulet

[deletemybaby]

Whitepaper Seguen Oríah | “Mis límites están ahí para protegerme, no para ofenderte.�� — Natalie E. West publicada el 02 de octubre de 2020 🌿.

[deletemybaby]

i feel like this is my only space to be completely me, like if i put this down the document where i'm writing my book it would be a disaster. I'm not ready for people who know me to read my thoughts, I thought I was but not really.

the thing is i miss you, i hate missing you, it was the way you made me feel, like i was special... i know it was a strategic move to make me feel that way but i could swear because it was the first time someone made me feel that way

i'm guessing you dont think about me not even a little, i'm guessing you already blocked me away, locked the memory of us and throw away the key with weight attached to it and deep in the ocean. i would like to have one last conversation, i have rehearsed it in my mind

you ask me to stay and have a cup of coffe with you in a bar in the city i live in. i hesitate but because it's a public space i accept, regretting it instantly.

you tell me you've been okey, things are working out with the wife, apologising for whatever it is you made me go through (because you dont really know) and ask me how i've been

i say i'm okey as well, working, having fun, the usual, i try not to give too many details about my life, i dont want to give you ammunition

you ask me if i've missed you, i say i have thought of you once in a while but don't make much of it. i say i'm glad you're okey. you say you missed me and you've never had a connection like the one we had, not even with your wife, that when i was in your city you saw me in that plaza but couldn't believe it was actually me

i try to keep distance from this words and repeting in my head my therapist's words, she wouldn't like it to know i was there with you, i say to you that that's not true, our connection wasn't special, you were grooming me and that if he wasn't happy or connecting with his wife well, that's his problem to solve and it doesn't concerned me, that i'm glad he's okey but i should be leaving. let's be honest, this is not going to a good place

you say that you're very sorry how things turned out, that you don't understand why i'm saying these things but okey, you say you hope we'll meet again. i get up pay my coffee and leave

and then in my head we meet again, this is were i don't quite understand where my head is at. in this dream, i'm in the bar ordering drinks for me and my friends who are in the table, i recognise your voice talking to, i assume, your friends. i glance quickly but try not to make eye contact but fail so you approach but is your friend who talks to me and ask me how i'm doing, whatever, he's flirting

i'm a flirt but i keep my distance. i feel my heart pouncing and i'm between excited and unconfortable, i look at you and you get your friend away saying he's bothering me and stuff. i go to my table like nothing happen

later that night i'm going to the bathroom and on my way out i find you alone smoking outside. you look at me, i don't say anything but i stay put where i am, like i can't move. you finish your ciggarette and ask me what i'm doing here, i say i came for the oasis concert, you say you too, i say what a coincidence and keep my gaze strongly like if i blink you'll do something i won't see

you grab me by the waist and tell me that we should be going upstairs to the bar with our friends. i'm frozen, is like that makes sense but i can't move, your touch gives me chills, the good and the bad kind. i take a step back to take of your hand and say i'll be there in a moment. you go upstairs, after a moment i go to my friends.

in another version of this dream you grab my waist strongly and pull me to the wall, you say you can't help it, this is too much of a good thing, i push you away and scream so my friends come rapidly and we leave.

in another cersion of this dream, i say what a coincidence and you ask me if i'm glad about it, i don't respond. you ask me if you can touch me, i nod. you grab me by the waist and caress my arm, i close my eyes, you kiss my cheek, my neck, my hand touches your hand and then your hair. i open my eyes and i pull you away

i cannot do this. it is not okey. you ask what's wrong? i say you're married, you say i'm not exactly single either but that never stopped us before. i say that i'm not that girl anymore and i promptly go up the stairs and ask my friends to leave

[deletemybaby]

https://www.instagram.com/p/B7twAeUlEcp/

[deletemybaby]

Odio que una canción que tanto me gustó, por alguna razón se la asocie a una persona.

Porque después de eso, ya nada vuelve a ser lo mismo.

Peregrino:

[deletemybaby]

tom grice

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[deletemybaby]

Typewriter Seguen Oríah | Autor texto: Anónimo.

[deletemybaby]

[deletemybaby]

The Not So Big House - A Blueprint for the Way We Really Live, 1998

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As I Was Moving Ahead Occasionally I Saw Brief Glimpses of Beauty, Jonas Mekas 2000

[deletemybaby]

And I won’t be here for ever but but the magnitude of my love will haunt every corner of this life

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together we sit in this room, together we listen to birds

[deletemybaby]

Untitled #4 (Lesbian Beds), Tammy Rae Carland (2002)

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can they change the temperature outside to something else

[deletemybaby]

Chrome Hearts Store (1999) Located: Aoyama, Japan