definitely-not-a-dragon-hoard

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Support for my “Cultivation knew Honor wouldn’t survive Todium and it’s part of her long term plan” theory: Lift told the Nightwatcher that her ask was to stay the same when everyone else changed. She meant that she doesn’t want to grow up, which obviously wasn’t granted, but now the Stormlight is gone and she is the only true remaining Radiant…

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Cosmere Characters as Mall Santas

Mall Santas are volunteers who spend time talking to little kids in malls so that the kids' parents can take pictures and the kids can "meet Santa." If Cosmere characters worked as mall Santas, how would that go?

1. Wax

Was very excited and created an elaborate backstory with Steris...which he'll get to use one of these days...

Small child: But how do you fly all over the world in just one night? Wax: Ho ho ho! It's because Santa has access to duralumin! Small child: Du..ba..lura? Wax: ... Wax: Ho ho ho! It's magic! Small child: Yay! Wax (to himself): It'll work on one of these kids...

2. Shallan:

Thanks to her artistic talents and lightweaving, Shallan turns herself into the quintessential Santa Claus.

Small child: Mommy! Mommy! I think that might be the REAL Santa! Mother (in a whisper): I-I think so too...

3. Lightsong

Grumbled about it at first but ends up having a really good time.

Lightsong: You know, Scoot, you were right. Lightsong: Doing this is good for me. Lightsong: It's so great to listen to requests that don't require my death! Lightsong: AND I can talk to children without having to steal their souls! Scoot: ...You really shouldn't talk about your divine duties that way, Your Grace. Lightsong: I'm just saying--this is VERY refreshing!

4. Szeth

Gets a little...too concerned about whether kids have been naughty or nice.

Nightblood: Sure were a lot of kids who cried after talking to you. Szeth: Mm. Nightblood: The parents also didn't seem super thrilled that you "made the naughty children face their darkest sins." Szeth: I simply spoke the truth. Szeth: If I see a small child pull his sister's hair and say nothing, what kind of Santa am I? Nightblood: ...The kind who doesn't make children cry? Szeth: Exactly.

5. Marsh

Is a...well, listen. He tries. But he's a scary Santa.

Marsh: ... Marsh: ... Marsh: I can't believe there are NO kids in line. Marsh: I hung ornaments on my eye spikes and everything.

6. Kaladin

Gets somewhat...invested

Small child: An' what I REALLY want is for daddy to come home! Small child: I know he's gotta keep us safe fighting but I really miss him! Small child: [sniffles] Kaladin: ... Kaladin (in an intense whisper): It will now be my sole mission to... Syl: (clears her throat loudly) Kaladin: ... Kaladin: I-I mean, Santa knows that your dad is working hard and will make sure he gets a very special present this year! Small Child: Yay! Kaladin: ... Kaladin: I know I can't save every child...but can't I save them all a little?

7. Vin

If you've read the Discworld books, think Death from Hogfather

Mother: D-Did you just give my daughter a pair of glass daggers?? Vin: Yeah. It's what she asked for. Mother: That's dangerous! Vin: ...Well, yes. They're daggers. Mother: What if she hurts herself?? Vin: Tell her to turn the pointy ends toward other people. [Small girl runs by, waving the daggers overhead and screaming] Vin: I think she already gets it.

8. Lift

She's one of the elves, not Santa, but she takes her role very seriously. And her role, as she's decided it, is to coach the kids in line.

Lift: Listen: talkin' to Santa is fun 'n' all, but it's not the REAL point. Small child: It's...not? Lift: Nope! You're tryin' to tell your parents want you want AND you're tryin' to be so storming cute about it that they can't possibly say no. Small child: But I thought Santa-- Lift: Just trust me on this. You gotta go wide eyes, adorable smile, and say "please" as "pwease." Lift: You got this, champ! Wyndle: I-I don't even know where to start...

9. Wayne:

Makes sure the kids get what they wish for

Wayne: Okay, folks, that was a productive day! Wayne: We gotta hit the stores SOON and make sure we get EVERY item on this list delivered! Guy dressed as an elf: You...you know you're not really Santa, right? Wayne: How can you say that?? Wayne: Don't you SEE my hat?!

10. Cultivation

Does not give the kids what they ask for...she gives them what they need.

Small child: And I want an axehound puppy! Cultivation: [solemnly pulls an item from her sack] Cultivation: For you I have...a stick that looks a lot like a sword. Small child: !!!! Small child: [shrieking with delight] Cultivation: Nailed it again.

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Kandra under the Lord Ruler:

"We obey the Contract. Without rules we are no better than wild beasts. We must always act with dignity befitting our noble place as servants of the Lord Ruler."

Kandra under Harmony:

17 Kandra surround an undulating mass of limbs chanting "ONE MORE LIMB! ONE MORE LIMB!"

The mass in the middle shouts, "Okay! I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna make another leg!"

A new leg emerges from the mass, the other Kandra lose their shit over it.

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Hunger games movies hold up

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forgot about tumblr but realized I need an outlet for text posts and dumb memes that no one else will understand so here I am again lol

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It only took 60 years but Fitz has finally become a vocal ally of the gender nonconforming. Bless!

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My mom on chapter 14 of Golden Fool: “poor Fitz learning about Jek and Amber”

Me, knowing what’s coming: “uhhh yeah poor Fitz sure”

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OH FUCK OFF GOLD BURNING MISTINGS SEE AN ALTERNATE VERSION OF THEMSELVES. ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. AU. AU IS THE ELEMENT SHORTHAND THING FOR GOLD. FUCK YOU BRANDON. FUCK.

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ah shit im sorry man, my schedule for the week is all booked

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There's a joke about the Big Bad Wolf and your grandma in there somewhere

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Just two sets of besties

-The Iliad of Homer, BOOK XVIII

-Fool's Fate, Robin Hobb

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Listen. I know there are some wonderful theories about how Adolin Kholin is going to be a villain, or how he won’t be able to bond with Maya, but listen, Listen. He would make such a good freaking edge dancer.

“I will remember those who have been forgotten.”

“I will listen to those who have been ignored.”

My theory? This man won’t even need to speak the ideals to form his bond because he is out there living them. Every. Single. Day.

He visits his fathers Ryshadium on the regular, why? Because Dalinar is too busy to go ride him.

He never forces that beautiful, intelligent creature to bear him, he is so gentle and loving and goes just to groom him and be near him. When Gallant does let him ride, he treats him with the respect he deserves, and Gallant repays him at every turn, even allowing Maya to ride frequently.

He speaks to everyone, and listens, and learns about their lives. His troops love him, even Kaladin is forced to admit that Adolin is simply a good man because he listens. Always, his mind churns with questions and concerns, with brilliant dueling strategies, but he never rejects people who need him to hear. The one significant moment that he trips on this, he backtracks and apologizes and supports Dalinar despite not believing him.

He listened to his sword. He listened to what he believed was a dead object and spoke to her with such love and tenderness over years of never knowing that she was a living being that eventually even through the pain of his touch she grew to tolerate and even like him.

No. Maya doesn’t need him to speak the oathes, she has heard such oathes before. Their bond will be one forged in the purest trust, the deepest love, and the kindest hearts. It won’t be a Nahel bond, it will be its own, and it will reshape Roshar.

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i think its beyond funny that shallan and adolin try to cheer kaladin up by taking him to a grill and bar. like fucking. gonna take kaladin to applebees? gonna take kaladin to tgi fridays? are you going to cheer kaladin up by taking him to chilis?

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chase gives a lot of life advice for a man who spent most of his life full rat mode

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every normal fantasy author goes to Q&As and they get questions like "hii i love your writing! where do you get inspiration for all your amazing worlds and characters?" and then the author will respond like "I go on frequent woods walks and I like to watch history documentaries :) it gets me really inspired" and then brandon sanderson will go to Q&As and get a question like "if you had a nicrosil compounder, could they burn the stored investiture and then store it again to generate infinite investiture? and if so, could you use that to generate infinite stormlight, provided the nicrosil compounder was also a knight radiant? and using the infinite stormlight, could you establish a perpendicularity using bondsmith powers, travel through the cognitive realm at high speed with the infinite stormlight, go to sel, and use nightblood to eat the entire Dor, permanently disabling the magic of Elantris?" and then brandon responds with "RAFO. You'll find out in Stormlight 5"

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Dalinar Kholin: I’ve only had morals for a day and a half, but if anything happens, I will lecture everyone in this room.