dearselina - Tumblr blog

[dearselina]

Middays and nights

I truly believed I had found a rare jewel upon this earth, destined to accompany me into old age. Our paths converged at a time when I languished in the depths of failed romances. We became one, and I always admired his patience in the many quagmire that befell us . Yet now, even that is lost. I cast blame upon myself for the monster he had become, for perhaps I too am one.

People I loved, friends, always vanished from my life. Never have I felt more lonesome than in this moment.

I pine for the presence of my family whom I left behind—their laughter over the simplest joys, their companionship, and above all, their care.

It has been a lengthy journey yet now I perceive... not one man has ever truly cherished and loved me.

[dearselina]

9th of July

It was a terribly hot day at work, and a busy one. I was preoccupied with sorting out books that needed to be cleared out from the display, which was surprisingly a lot. As usual, these days, my mind had been wandering with various thoughts, and feelings.. and while doing the chore, I found myself thinking about the unspeakably wild and delightful fragments of time. It kept the fire ablaze somehow.

[dearselina]

8th of July 2024

I’m ashamed of being that woman who prays daily for her family and for everyone, about everything in her life, trivial or not, seeks guidance, peace and humility but couldn’t even manage to light a happy home. I must admit it’s rather becoming taxing to think about the daily needs already, much more, the atmosphere of our abode which day by day, grows to be more gloomy.

It was a Wednesday night, and he came home late than usual due to the fact that he had quite a number of drinks and got intoxicated. Fine by me, because what’s a woman to do. I conveyed a little request through my daughter of buying my favorite snack once he goes home and as I regrettably expected, he indeed forgot. I did not lament too much as it was late in the evening and there’s still tomorrow, regardless.

The next day, I got word directly from him that he will be staying an additional 3 hours at the job, due to a new responsibility he had been most fortuitous about. He rang me once it had concluded and I must admit, I had reacted stubbornly, and then quiet, when he arrived.

Deep inside, I had hoped he brought the snack that I was requesting for the other night and all will be well, but again, as expected, he forgot.

And that stirred up a whirl of emotions out of my soft, fragile and beloved heart. It may sound silly but I felt unimportant at that moment. One can say it is petty and perhaps, selfish.. and I wouldn’t contradict. I had only longed to be given attention and tended to after a long day, and it did not happen. I could have reminded him but I intentionally did not, because for once, I wanted to know if he will indeed remember the littlest of things.

Silence, temper, coldness and distance had lingered since then.

Saturday got conceivably worst. I will not go into details but oddly enough, Lana Del Rey’s music have been playing in the background as an unpleasant moment was transpiring. I finally retreated, sat down and little by little, only heard her songs while my mind was wandering.. thinking and feeling I cannot bear it any longer. Whatever that meant.

To be called broken witted and tiresome by the man you married, had entrusted your life with, before the Lord, is harsh.

I am flawed, yes, but each day, I strive to nurture, care for and love.

I am holding back on tears for days now, as I dare not show it to my children. They heard what they heard, sadly.. but hereafter, my course of action is to fiercely fight for the life I dream of.

[dearselina]

proof of life

Wow! It's been 6 years since I last posted a tumblr blog. A lot has definitely happened. A LOT. Biggest of them all is moving to another continent. The Great White North if you may. There are so many stories to be told, photos to be shared and memories to keep and today, I decide to immortalize my life by writing here again. Not the serious-toned, polished to perfection type but just the plain, old and simple diary vibes. Ohhh I'm excited. Finally, a space where I can be me. Social media has definitely evolved the last 6 years and while I'm also invested in growing on other platforms, this blog has been my own quiet haven.

[dearselina]

✨💖🌷✍️

[dearselina]

✨💖👑🤍

[dearselina]

One of the good taco places in Toronto 💛🌮❤️

[dearselina]

[dearselina]

🩵⛈️🤍

[dearselina]

believe me, there’s something worth loving beneath all this chaos

Kai Masa (via wordsnquotes)

[dearselina]

Golden Rule in Marriage.

(source: Tumblr)

[dearselina]

[dearselina]

We’re all traveling through time, together, everyday of our lives… All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable life.

[dearselina]

The first time that you introduced me to your friends and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand when I was feeling down, you made that face you do There's no one in the world that could replace you

[dearselina]

"Money can buy some things but not everything. It doesn’t buy a happy spouse, happy children, a happy home, real peace or lasting joy, especially if the most important relationships are neglected."

- Came across this very meaningful article and I can’t help but share.This goes out to married couples out there. :)

[dearselina]

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:6

[dearselina]

What a beautiful promise!