dearest-stardust

[dearest-stardust]

Virginia Woolf in a letter to Vita Sackville-West, dated 31 January 1926

[dearest-stardust]

will there come a day where i find myself beautiful and worthy without needing to first be reflected in your eyes?

[dearest-stardust]

Anne Sexton, from a letter featured in Anne Sexton; A Self-Portrait In Letters

[dearest-stardust]

If I had to describe my soul, I’d say it feels like a song no one stayed long enough to finish.

[dearest-stardust]

I don't regret you but sometimes I wish I had walked away at the start and left things at hello. Because I rearranged my life to fit into yours and that's where I went wrong. Now I have to rearrange my life again and find a new future without you. And that's the hardest part of losing you.

[dearest-stardust]

I grieve the little things I did not get to say to you and the things I never will.

[dearest-stardust]

[dearest-stardust]

[dearest-stardust]

whenever everything gets too exhausting, my thoughts keep wandering back to that one night in mid november, the last time something still felt right.

[dearest-stardust]

Honestly. What I would love the absolute most would be to just lay in bed and have someone wrap their arms around me and hold me as if they’re holding something precious to them. I want someone to caress my cheek, brush the hair out of my face and tuck it behind my ear, make lazy circles on my skin. I want the softness, the intimacy, the love. I want to feel cherished just for existing and the fact they have me and no one else does.

[dearest-stardust]

i want a soft connection. i want to be asked how my day went and if i need anything. i want forehead kisses. i want the back of my hand kissed at red lights. i want to be asked how i’m mentally feeling. i want to hold hands everywhere we go.

[dearest-stardust]

[dearest-stardust]

no regrets on what i did out of love, i just won’t do it again.

[dearest-stardust]

what would it look like to be healed? no longer wishing i didn't exist? feeling like i'm not a waste of space? not having to rely on being needed by someone to feel like my life has meaning?

[dearest-stardust]

i'm sitting in an airport, stomach empty, waiting for a flight to a place i'm no longer looking forward to going to. what am i doing here?

[dearest-stardust]

time inches forward both too fast and too slowly. why am i still alive?

[dearest-stardust]

i've formed too many material attachments and that makes it really hard to disappear, even though it feels like everyone is actively trying to ruin my life.