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Bolu-North Toraja, 28 January 2025 22.25

First post in 2025. I wish Allah show me the right one, the one that I love, the one who loves me. It feels I have met many ‘candidates’ but still blurry.

[deafm]

Makassar, 29 November 2024 20.27

The year-end vibes already here

Now I’m writing this while listening to my ‘melancholy playlist’

Still wondering what I want

I just make myself confused to uncertainty

[deafm]

Bolu-North Toraja, 12 October 2024 20.05 PM

Today is Saturday and I already set a plan to go to Makassar but failed because my project got evaluated today. I plan to go to Makassar because I got invitations yesterday to attend inauguration today. I’m not sad because I can’t attend the inauguration but I regret I can’t meet him. He was there and that was the chance we met. I only checked on my followers instagram story how the inauguration goes hmm I mean I want to see him. This evening he uploaded an igs about the inauguration and I liked the story.

WHEN I WRITE THIS, I CHECKED MY IGS AND FOUND HE LIKED MY STORY TOO. I KNOW I HAVE TO CONTROL MYSELF BECAUSE IT JUST NORMAL BUT I’M SO HAPPYYYYY. IT SHOW THE LOVE SIGN ON HIS PHOTO IN MY STORY AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO SCREAM “I LOVE YOU TOO”. I KNOW THIS IS TOO MUCH BUT LET ME ENJOY THIS MOMENT

[deafm]

Bolu-North Toraja, 21 September 2024 23:09 PM

A week ago, I visited Makassar only 2 days. Day 1 attending an election and day 2 had a little rest at home. The election was the sequel of the agenda I attended on august. I won’t talk about the election but someone that I hope I could meet in the past post

Yes, we met but didn’t have time to talk a lot. I think I saw him first when lunch time and when the election about to start, our eyes met. We greet each other by waving our hands from far. I can’t come to him because I had conversation with others. Everytime we pass each other, we greet. I forget how many times I tried to approach him but failed. Until a photo session with all the attendees, me and him walked together to the photo spot. He got his spot and I stood on the chair. He turn back and asked me to stand beside him but i said “I might unseen in the photo” I have to say that I regret my decision because I just throw my chance but I see the photo result and it’s not really bad. I stood right behind him so we look parallel.

Another moment when he got doorprize! It’s a washing machine! I talked a lot with him after doorprize announcement but also the end of the agenda. I was joking about sell the washing machine to our friend and he took it seriously but in the end he brought it to his house.

Before back to each other’s homes, almost all the attendees ate together. I didn’t see him but I know he was busy about the doorprize. Then I chat him “Where are you?” He replied that he take care his doorprize first then I replied “Better we eat first” he replied that he already on the way but might take time. I just finished my dinner when he arrived. I pointed an empty chair that not far from me but someone just stood up and asked him to sat there. He ate while having a chitchat with friends around him and I just staring at him and watch everything. Then he looked at me for a few second and I smiled.

My friends asked me to go home. Before me and my friends go, we say goodbye to many friends and I prepare he the last to say goodbye. He still eating and I sat in front of him then saying “Remember, don’t leave me, okay?” I mean about the colloquium. He replied “What if you leave me?” I replied “I think thats okay” we laughed then I continued “But you can’t leave me”. After that I stood up and saying goodbye while waving hand.

Another farewell but glad that we can meet again. Ya, the last conversation we had, I really mean it. I asked him to stay with me.

[deafm]

Bolu-North Toraja, 18 Agustus 2024 22.02 PM

I’m 27 now. 2 days ago was my birthday. I almost forget about it because i had another agenda on that day. I don’t ask anything. I just want a little moment with someone and It happened. I really enjoy that moment. I never hear/read he said/write my name but he did. That little moment really precious to me. Before i leave that place, i said “Don’t forget to text me when you got any info” I really mean it. Please keep in touch with me. I know i have to go, again. Yes, that was second time I said goodbye to him, a goodbye that full of hope that we will meet again.

[deafm]

Makassar, 2 March 2024 02.05 AM

Lately it’s hard for me to fall asleep. When I’m awake, I keep thinking about someone. I try to ignore everything about that person. I’ve promised to myself to accept whoever that Allah send to me. But I think I have to know what my type is and after long time I know who I will mention in my prayer.

Whoever Allah send to me a man, I hope that man who I always mention in my prayer.

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Makassar, 19 February 2024 02:48 AM

So, I want to share moments in 30 January 2024, the day when I did presentation for my thesis proposal and in the same day I had flight to Singapore. What a chaotic day.

But, there’s a moment, hm, I mean someone that I miss on that day. Because we threw smile to one another to comforting each other. He kept reminding me about the time because he knew I had flight schedule. I did gesture to respond him that everything’s ok and I would leave when all done. I don’t know when we can meet again because we already back to our personal busy schedule.

I keep thinking about him until now. I wish I could see that comforting smile again or could I have that smile forever and the man who own it?

[deafm]

Makassar, 2 January 2023

Yasshh Happy New Year! 

Today I was in a bank and it’s crowded. I got 200 as my queue number. Suddenly a man came and asking permission to sit beside me. No much later he stood up and going somewhere then a woman came and took his seat. When he’s back and found someone took his seat, he’s going to find an empty seat and sat on there.  No much later the woman also stood up and going to her friend. He noticed and back to the seat beside me. We were in silent for long time until he broke the silent between us with a question,

“What queue number that you got?”

“I got 200″ I answered 

“Still long to wait. I got 279, longer than you”

“Haha yes. Look, it still on 125”

“Yes, I almost don’t get any queue number. Fortunately my friend keep this number for me” pointing his friend

“Why don’t you ask to keep it early so you don’t have to wait for this long?”

“I forget to tell my friend. So, where do you live?”

“I live in Sudiang” 

“Wow, so far away. Are you working or what?

“I’m student but I also do some project”

“Oh I see. What major?”

“Architecture”

I forgot what we have talking. 

[deafm]

Mamuju, 6 March 2022 16:46 PM

I’m in coffee shop. Sitting in the corner, hiding. 

Adele’s song is playing. Someone like you. It’s representing my feeling right now.

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Makassar, 18 February 2022 23:23

Re-read the posts that I’ve been writing since many years ago. I feel sorry to myself for all the wait, all the sadness, and all the things that made me disappointed. 

My tears drop to every single word I read cause I knew the feels to every words I wrote.

[deafm]

Makassar, 23 March 2021 23:08

I don't know why I just want to hear mellow songs that keep my tears flowing. I don't know what make me crying.

Is it because a man? Or my friends that I will leave them soon? Or maybe I'm keep thinking about my future too much?

I don't know. I just want to cry.

[deafm]

Makassar, 18 January 2021 10:22

This January is different from the other year. We got many bad news almost everyday.

People saying if 2020 might be the worst. But I finished my study with satisfied in that year.

Hope everything will get better soon.

[deafm]

I miss you

Tanabatue, Bone Sunday, 15 December 2019 23:00 When the last time we had conversation? Or chat? I forget. It's been so long. Am I disturbing him? I'm just doing my best to support him. But I don't know why this kind of situation happened. We're being stranger to each other. I can't lie to myself if I miss him everyday. I just want to know what's wrong. Even to the worst thing, I've been ready to hear that. Please, tell me.

[deafm]

There's a lot of amazing things waiting for you

I ever thought about staying a bit longer in campus. I already got my comfort zone there. I talked about many things with many people. They gave me new knowledges. That's what I love. Also, I like my friendship with some friends despite drama happened sometimes.

Now, I start thinking to leave campus fast. I just feel old and yaa I'm old indeed. I start planning what kind of achievement that I need to reach every day, every week, every month, and every year.

[deafm]

August

August 2017

I was 20 years old. I met a boy in an event and become friend. We're born in August

"you look beautiful without your eyeglasses"

"patting your cat if you're stress. You'll be better"

And more deep conversations we had.

Also we wished each other on our birthday.

I was saying "happy birthday" in the middle of conversation on phone. Then he was laughing

He called me on phone in the middle of the night when I was sleeping just to say "happy birthday" then he asked me to sleep again

But in another day, I left. I thought it's enough. We had been going so far and I didn't want more.

August 2018

I was 21 years old

I already falling for someone. I loved him

Both of us were born in August

On my birthday day, he came to my house. We had conversation. Suddenly, he took something from his bag. It's harmonica!

"I don't know what do you like. I just remember on the day we saw a granny was playing harmonica then you said if you wanted to have one and learn to play."

I can't stop smiling while thanking him. I was surprised and happy

On his birthday, we're far. We only having conversation on phone. That night he said he was driving back to home. The road was deserted.

"Hm, We've been talking so long, it's already one year. Since you're 20 to 21." I said

Then he laughed. We were laughing.

August 2019

The boy I met in 2017, texted me again after 2 years.

Suddenly, I'm feeling bad

For the boy I left without any reason 2 years ago

Also for my love one

[deafm]

Toy Story 4 Lockscreens

Like or Reblog!

[deafm]

🔎Appreciation post

The level of detail in Toy Story 4 is insane! ❤️