danllames

[danllames]

Today marks the 3rd anniversary of the lockdown in the Philippines. It's hard to believe that three years have already passed since that fateful day. I remember my initial reaction to the news of the lockdown was a mixture of happiness and excitement. I was happy because there was no work, and excited because my friends from Naic, Cavite were going to pick me up from Pasay. At the time, I thought that the lockdown would only last for a few days. Little did I know, it would be the beginning of a long and challenging journey. On the first day of the lockdown, I didn't really have a routine as it was my first day at a new company. However, I was scheduled to start my shift at 11 am. The lockdown announcement happened later in the afternoon, so I was able to make it to the office without any problems. The streets were empty, and it felt like I was in a scene from Train to Busan. The MRT stations were closed, and the weather was gloomy. The challenges I faced that day were mostly related to commuting home after my shift. My shift finished at 8 pm. It was a struggle to find a ride back home as public transportation was limited. I remember walking from Ayala to Magallanes, which took a lot longer than usual. It was scary because there was already news of COVID-19, and the zombie apocalypse-like atmosphere outside made it feel even more unsettling. Despite the sudden change in daily life, I learned to be more responsible and plan ahead during that time. It wasn't easy because going out was strictly regulated, and we had to have a valid reason for leaving our homes. But I tried to maintain a positive outlook and not let the situation get to me. Looking back, I realized that I had to learn to be more adaptable and flexible. The lockdown gave me new opportunities, but it wasn't easy to grasp them. It's a bittersweet thing. The lessons that I took away from the first day of the lockdown are to be more resilient and optimistic. I learned that it's important to not be afraid of jumping into the unknown because there will always be people who will support and guide you along the way. https://www.instagram.com/p/CpyyJ9WrQWV/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[danllames]

Im just done.

[danllames]

I don't ask for you to reciprocate what I do for you, but at least appreciate what I do for you.

[danllames]

Privacy or Secrecy, magkaibang usapan yan. Tama namang wag basta basta ipagkatiwala yung account/password mo. Pero kung nagdadalawang isip ka pang ishare sakanya lahat ng nangyayari sayo, i think may dapat pang iworkout.

- Kaiy Serran

[danllames]

Hi, it's been a while. I'm so sorry if I only go here whenever I feel bad. This is my only outlet whenever my heart is being pounded by a lot of negativities.

These past few days I experienced a lot. My collar bones was nearly crashed and was pushed out of the stairs. Hahaha...

But still, here I am, alive and sharing this to you. I really don't know what's happening. I don't know what to say. All I want is to share what I feel right now without saying anything about the person who keeps on hurting me. Being me is so hard, very, very, very, hard.

So it all started 2 weeks ago, when this person became so irratated in everything that I do. Since I am a very understanding person I just let this person throw stupid and blasphemous words to me, this keeps on happening everyday for 2 weeks I let it happen because I know that this person feel so much pressure for whatever reasons right now.

Until last Friday, we had a fight because of a misconception about what I said. The madness took over this person's being same as me, as a result that person kicked the office chair and it hit my collar bones, I shouted so loud that even our neighbors started to look at us. Right at that moment I know that I might lose my temper and hurt this person, but I calmed my mind and turned away from that demon.

I grabbed the pack of cigar and went out, as I walk towards the door this demon keeps on shouting that it is not my money that was used to buy that cigar. The demon run right where I stand and pushed me off the stairs and the demon locked our front door so that I cannot go inside.

This made me so mad that I kicked the door three times while cursing. Fucking shit, I will die alone here. I need to find a way how I can get out. I know that I need to leave.

I keep on reminding myself that no one should ever hurt me, but I always let it happen, I let other people hurt me over and over and over again. I don't know why, and surely it don't give me satisfaction. I'm tired already, so tired of other people mocking me, so tired of other people bullying me. I don't want to fight anymore. I want this to end now.

[danllames]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Danielle Alexis Narvaez Llames (@liahthepomeranian)

F E E D M E N O W H O O O O M A N ! ! https://www.instagram.com/p/CHjYB6tlF39/?igshid=140bi59ouo4ha

[danllames]

I had a very awesome day! I got to play with other fur babies at BGC High Street. 😍 #LiahThePomeranian #WeekendStroll (at Bonifacio Global City) https://www.instagram.com/p/CGchILWFBO6/?igshid=1ia31ao2xz871

[danllames]

Thank you so much #PawsitivePetSupplies my fur smells so good and soft! 😍😍 🐕🐕 #LiahThePomeranian #BathTimeFun https://www.instagram.com/p/CGZl7gTpvh6/?igshid=11xny8nh51dwi

[danllames]

I love you more than what you think. But it hurts so much already. So much pain that will literally kill me. #LeavingSoon https://www.instagram.com/p/CD0n3yPgXmV/?igshid=xok53lfwdw4e

[danllames]

I just want to go home and leave everything here in Manila. I'm just tired of understanding, I'm so tired of being treated like a garbage. I'M SO TIRED!

I just want to rest and find myself again.

This is not the life that I wanted. This is not who I am now.

[danllames]

Miss mo na sya, yun lang yun. https://www.instagram.com/p/CC5QbrzgyER/?igshid=edeerb61f2i6

[danllames]

Nakakasawa ka ng mahalin.

Iiwan din kita.

[danllames]

This dreadful and crying nights that you will never understand.

[danllames]

Di sapat yung mahal mo lang, tanungin mo ang sarili mo kung masaya ka pa.

[danllames]

Nakakapagod din na lagi akong may kahati.

[danllames]

LONELINESS

Here in my window is the view of the moon reigning the night, together with it is her pawns of stars. As I watch her beauty I reminisce the days that my heart is leaping with joy because of our memories.

I observed for several minutes till those minutes turned into hours when suddenly I felt tired while my head is looking up to the moon ray.

And so what I did was I turned my back from the window and walked slowly towards my bed.

I dived to my bed, the sea of sheets of my story. The only witness of those days that my leaping heart is weeping.

I layed my head to my pillow, the only shoulder who dried up my eyes while the river of tears is flowing.

The breeze brings a heavy emotion, so heavy that I can't contain it.

The ambiance is now cold as the night goes deeper and deeper, the darkness turned into a very sharp knife as it goes through my weeping heart.

I pulled up a sheet under my pillow just to comfort me, but that blanket sealed that heavy emotion, the coldness, the darkness and the sharp knife in my heart.

My bed begins to pull up another sheet to write a new story of mine, and my pillow offered its shoulder again as my eyes started to flow its crystal tears.

Daniel

[danllames]

Gusto kong sumigaw hanggang mapahagulgol ako. Ang bigat at ang sakit.

Daniel