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my stencil idea works but is very fiddly. i’m going to ask if there is a laser cutter in the workshops that i could use

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A photoshop mock up of what I want the words to look like. I have white and black paint as well as red spray paint so I am going to test which one produces the best affect. 

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Information on Arthurian legends in Edinburgh.

Apparently there was a shrine to Morgana (a powerful enchantress) in Edinburgh Castle

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Research on Edinburgh’s folklore. 

There is also a lot about King Arthur (particularly surrounding Arthur’s Seat)

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My (not quite final) poem for my city/words project

I have been thinking about how I can distribute the words (as seperate stanzas around town) and have decided i am going to test out stencils. I have sheets of A3 card and so I am going to use my scalpel to cut out the words and then practice spray painting to see if the writing is clear. Each stanza is written for a different area of Kingston (near Middle Mill, Bushy Park, Union Street, near childrens park/play area, by the river) but I want the writing to be in places where you would typically find graffiti, stickers etc. so I am going to go on a recky around Kingston and photograph the places that I want to use.

Also, in terms of audience interaction I am going to print out a stack of instructions and hand them to the public (with gloves on) and also friends. I am going to also ask a friend to follow the instructions to read the poem and then give me feedback on how the interactive side of the piece works. 

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more paintings

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painting for animus project, exploring shadow and body shape

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The same video previously posted but this time with music. 

I really like the effect that the music has on the video. The recording comes from a voice note that I just have on my phone from when I was at a friend’s house and they had found a box of old records on the street and they brought them home and we played them on their record player but they were different sizes so the record ran too slow. It was incredibly haunting and we also messed around a lot by spinning the record faster. This makes it quite unexpected. I wish that the audio was longer but I just repeated it. Also, if I were to do it again I would probably put more time into collecting items for costumes to make them more detailed/accurate. Also I would want a better setting, although the off centre angle of the three doors does add something unsettling like th music. 

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Performace/video piece exploring my animus. 

For me this piece is a performance as the act of dressing up in itself is an exploration into my animus. The clothing and poses are based on the 4 levels of the animus. 

1. Bad Boy

2. Action Man/Romantic

3. The Professor

4. The Mediator

I want to add music and maybe title cards to make the subject of the video (the concept of the animus) clearer. I am not sure whether the music should be playful or off putting. Some of the ideas that I have had so far include the famous Girl youll be a woman soon as the purpose of exploring my animus is to better understnd myself as a woman. OR I have a piece of sound on my phone that creates an uncomfortable atmosphere as I created it by playing a record on a record player that was too small and therefore the sound plays in the wrong timing.

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This is my writing so far for my city/words project

I need to finish the mother and write the old lady and then obviously revise and do another draft. At the moment I am trying to make the piece as one that can be fragmented, following the same woman.

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Jala Tutorial today

In my group tutorial today with Jala we spoke about my city/poem project. There was an agreement that the characters that I create to write about around Kingston should be one woman at 5 different stages/situations in life rather than 5 seperate women. Jala also said that she liked that i had thought about the fact that it would be temporary and added that I should consider what may be left over after the rest goes. Also, when speaking about how I coud set the language in these places Jala said that there are different ways to go about it, varying from beng kind and gentle wit an area to being destructive. And so I think I will consider this once i have finished the writing as I want the medium to relate to the words. 

- do i want the words to stand out or be embedded?

- EPHEMERA (this word got mentioned a lot which is funny because I recently got a tatoo of this word under my arm)

- Ariana Reines as a poetry reference for her casual style

- Psychogeograohy (maybe talk to Mez?)

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Trying to see the proportional relation By Ariana Reines

Trying to see the proportional relation Of one memory to another One is so strange, and then To try and see what looms And doesn’t for the other person Who was there, it gets stranger, Especially when you’ve read His email. I don’t know how people Understand their lives, measure Their sensations against “objective” Or so-to-speak democratic estimations, Whether people accept the externality Of events, “events,” as things That happen to them. I refuse To accept some coagulate Of other people’s Impressions in exchange for this Privacy, no matter how flawed it is. This is lyric poetry. It has to be. It has No other hope. What was it About you and me that made whatever Happen to us. In New York Everything fell apart. What I dreaded And expected. But still. Tonight It is dark and the weather is cooler Than it’s been. It has taken A while for Fall to break; the global Warming kept me in summer Love with you like I was under a Fermata. Now that the times Are changing, I feel Even more for you; or I feel nothing. I can’t tell; it’s kind Of scary. I was sick of thinking About you this morning but I was listening to Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen in order to think about You for literary purposes. When I feel nothing for a person I get scared I’m losing my humanity And that turning cold means My heart’s been botoxed: we’re All fucked. I watched a movie on YouTube Called Ladies and Gentlemen, Mister Leonard Cohen that was made when He was still just a poet and only Famous in Canada. He’s a pretentious little nerd In it, self-important, teacher’s pet wit. I think that, making music, he became So much nakeder, much more desperate. The talent, real, even pure, even Natural, had to ripen in The artificial man. Alain Badiou, on the day Of his class, said, “Because an event Is pure rapture, an event disappears Immediately: it does not exist Objectively, but only by appearing And disappearing.” This is both Precise and vague; it is attractive I guess. I guess since you and me did not Disappear immediately, it was Not pure rapture, not in these Terms, but my smile Was real each time I swallowed Your cum. Getting Fucked by you was great; I could Feel it in my organs, but You didn’t make me go insane Except for maybe once Or twice. Actually maybe I am Being unfair. Maybe the fucking really Was that great. In this moment I Can’t remember. I just read a poetry Review in which the reviewer States that a certain book Made his cock feel as though It were tall as a tree. That’s Nice. I have no idea What it feels like to have A cock. Sometimes I feel As though I’m getting close To understanding and then Something happens to make Me have no clue again. When Sinan Fucks me, we lose our individuality So severely it’s like we’re both Gasping after an animal that’s his Cock that is beyond us and I lose All sense of the world. His cock’s Not even him, and he’s not him either And we aren’t anything. It’s strange, the possessive. Didn’t Thomas Mann write a book called Herr Und Hund or something like that? Man’s best friend. What belongs To him. Me and Sunder Talked about how scary and arousing It is to watch men masturbate, cos Everyone relates differently to his. Like dicks are always almost but never Quite another. Je est un autre, Said that brat Arthur Rimbaud. I am definitely in love with you As I write this. You are so petty And superfluous I cannot stand You. Sinan is definitely In love with me. I know, because I saw him tonight. I love Him too. You are gracious To accord me the space and time In which to develop, or to elaborate Upon, as the French say, these Extreme emotions I am, despite The odds and certain lapses, So capable of feeling. It was good to slap Your face and to admit That your asshole Made me nervous. Your eyes had a way Of going soft and shiny When you said the really Tender things. We admitted It was intimidating For us both to hear each other describe People we’ve fucked and been In love with. I’m proud of what We accomplished together. Alain Badiou Ended his class with a reading Of “Ariane et Barbe-Bleue” which Is an opera by Paul Dukas. You And me had gone pretty far By the time this day came, and Something very fragile in me breaks When somebody says my name, or Even a variant of it. I was tired. I think Badiou discusses “Ariane” In Being and Event which I have not read. In class he said That the story of the opera is About the relationship between law And freedom, and that it shows That the desire for freedom is not So simple. Ariane experiences an Event That causes her to demand freedom, Badiou Said, but she is unable to convince anybody Else, any other women to want freedom; she ends up alone. She genuinely falls in love with the wicked Bluebeard at the beginning. Bluebeard Who previously got women by having a castle To lock them in. This woman Ariane Does not have to be taken By force. When she enters His castle he hands Her seven keys, six Of which he gives her permission To use, and leaves. She hears the cries Of his other, imprisoned wives, Coming from behind a door. So she uses The forbidden key, releasing them. Meanwhile Bluebeard is assaulted By the local peasants, who want To free Ariane, fearing her fate will turn out like That of the women who came before her. But Ariane is already free In herself, and proves this freedom By bringing the wounded Bluebeard Home, caring tenderly for him, and then Declaring that she’s leaving him for good. By the end Bluebeard’s shattered, sobbing, Bleeding. Ariane Invites the other wives to leave with her In a wrenching aria, pleading With them one by one to taste With her the freedom awaiting Them, The World. But they all prefer confinement Even though they had longed For freedom before Ariane opened Their door. Once liberty arrived they were no Longer capable of it, preferring to serve; even a gutted, Hollowed-out power. Ariane exits Alone. The end. Badiou narrated This with emotion and I cried. Maybe cos I was tired and That thing about my name or because I am not heroic or free. I had missed half of Alain Badiou’s Lectures messing around with you On the couch by the fire; in the women’s Toilets; up on the hill. If this were a suitable parable, And it isn’t, I would try to tell myself That those very early mornings in Brooklyn when I sat Up in your bed feeling wrong and Got dressed and walked away, I should Have stayed away cos I don’t need you. Maybe I don’t need you. But I want You. Maybe I don’t love you. But I am getting to know you. Maybe What made me cry in class was how tired I was and how sad and hard It is, and how rare, to undertake an act That’s truly free, and not just a response To a confused surge of drives and  fears.

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The top image here is my final selection of images (representing the cliffs in Brighton, an ultrasound scan of a developing foetus and then the two merged together as one) that I want to do repeated cyanotypes with onto fabric. 

The middle image is my original inspiration, a painting by my grandpa. And then below is his explanation of his painting along with the buddhist message that ispired my own work, stating that all living things (in my mind, all things subject to transformation) should enter Nirvana (the ultimate and final transformation)

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I’m sure that I already have these somewhere on here but I was just looking back over my work and the initial drawings that I did before I began photoshopping the foetal scans onto the cliffs. The top image is the original scan and then the bottom image is my final version.

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Mood board for photographing myself as the 4th and final level of the animus - the mediator. the 4th level is supposed the incarnation of spiritual meaning and therefore i am taking inspiration from depictions of religious figures, paying special attention to colours and poses

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Mood board for photographing myself as the third level of the animus - the word/professor/clergyman

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Moodboard for photograohing myself as the second level of the animus - the romantic/action man. I decided to use the imagery of cowboys as they are the ultimate action hero as well as also being great romantic leads.