cyraspace01

[cyraspace01]

🧸 - well loved plushies

[cyraspace01]

"cant believe youd make this about your current interest" i will make the birds in the sky and the grass in the fields about my thing. for free. i will look at gods ineffable creation with a mind filled with images and thoughts of my guys.

[cyraspace01]

Get yourself a fabric store that will light your fabric on fire for you

No but legit I asked what the fiber content of something was and the guy didn’t know so he cut a chunk off and lit it on fire and felt the ashes and was like. Yeah this is mostly cotton with a lil bit of silk. And that was the moment I knew. This is it. This is the fabric store for me. Also that guy is marriage material. Not for me but damn some person is gonna be so happy with him.

[cyraspace01]

equinox here! i wanted to make a masterpost for my zines! if you haven't checked them out already, we write zines about queer history with some resources and statistics within, as well as anecdotes from my 32 years being a genderqueer transsexual butch dyke. i am also intersex and speak about my experience with medical intersexism and prejudice toward androgynous and gender vague people.

if you are interested, the help would go a long way, as i deal with psoriatic arthritis, hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome, degenerative disc disease, GI issues, schizophrenia, DID and other health issues. i'm currently applying for disability but it takes quite a while to get approved in the US. all proceeds go towards my monthly rent, bills, and necessities. thank you for your support!

[cyraspace01]

This is so beautiful! I'm so happy for you Faun, thank you for sharing this. You've opened eyes a lot about regression isn't inherently a thing you have to "hide" from your caregivers, platonic relations, or your parents. It's a good thing to explore and I'm happy it was totally plausible for you and aligns with your support needs. I hope a lot of people who come across this post and find it uplifting can take you as an example 💙

PS: I hope you receive your toys/gear and enjoy it well!!

I opened up to my mom about age regression

(if you are reading this and are new to my blog I am high support needs autistic and I already have childish interests please don’t say I’m infantilizing autism)

So first of all she kind of knew something was up with me, I brought my plushie with me to my disability day program. I showed her my blog, she said she hadn’t logged into my account to check yet so it was a surprise to her. First of all she was very proud and said I was brave for opening about some of my struggles and being so candid about it, I don’t know if it’s bravery or just autism making it so I don’t know what’s appropriate to share haha. Then I showed her my posts about age regression and how I learned about it here and was like, instant hyper fixation for me. I told her about how I never felt negatively infantilized by her and my dad almost never compared to people at school or strangers and I enjoy the connection we have when my parents kind of “baby” me the right way when they take care of my support needs. Like I need to have physical touch to calm me down and being cradled and my diaper changes are met with nick names, hugs and tickles, yeah very embarrassing I’m sure but whatever. I told her about “little space” and how I already enter it when she takes care of me sometimes and she said she always knew something like was going on but never pushed me or into it and made sure I was enjoying myself in those moments. She said if it would make me happy she and my dad would for sure be willing to help me out with little space. I told her that I want to take the power back from people who infantilized me negatively and assume I can’t think for myself by doing this and that surprised her but she said it made sense. I mentioned that I want to keep what independences and adult privileges I do have and I don’t want them to think I want this 24/7 and they said of coarse they will and I trust them. She had a talk with my dad real fast and they agreed to let me spend some of the money I saved up doing internet surveys, like a hundred dollars for an age regression starting pack essentially, my dad asked if this is really what I want and I guess the way I looked at him after and nodded made him believe me. My dad talked to me about how it’s important to keep my regression inside so others don’t get the wrong idea and I said of coarse and I shouldn’t do more then take my plushie with me in public and I agree. However I’m getting an adult sized bottle and pacifier, a mobile for my special needs cubby bed and a few fisher price toys. I am over the moon ecstatic and my mom said she’ll throw in the money for overnight shipping cause I earned it for using coping mechanisms when meltdowns could of gone worse lately.

I told them about pet regression too and they were still supportive of me being interested in it, they said they would feel uncomfortable with treating their disabled child like a pet personally and I can see where they’re coming from on that. They told me that one day I can find someone special to do that stuff with. As you can imagine dating is really hard with my level of needs but I’m not completely discouraged I’ll find somebody but that’s a post for another day. We did have a talk about how much I enjoyed being on an anti elopement harness and how I would pretend play as a puppy when out on walks with her, she said she knew had a feeling that’s what I was doing. Also I had my pacifier till 4 or 5 years and she said me giving it up was one of the hardest things she saw me go through and joked about it like I’m a drug addict about to relapse on it. I still have so many oral stims and use chewerly throughout the day so I think she has a point. Imagining what a paci would feel like in my mouth makes me feel so happy. I am just excited all around and can’t wait till tomorrow. For now my mom asked if I wanted some “little time” tonight and of course she said yes. We watched In the Night Garden on the big TV while she stroked my hair and cuddled when I normally only watch shows like that on my tablet as a form of stimming I guess. It was nice watching it where I could relax. I felt extra giggly at all the dumb stuff in the show, my friends describe it as an “acid trip” if that gives you an idea about what it’s like. My mom after the episode tickles me down and played games with me like I did when I was a little kid and I loved it. I started crying tears of happiness because I felt so loved I guess you could say. She teared a little bit too and told me every mother secretly wishes they could still baby their grown children so she said she had fun, I don’t know if it’s true or not but it’s a funny thought.

I feel so happy I wanted to write this out and share with you guys. I don’t know what else to say I think I wrote out enough. Now my mom wants me to get into my pajamas early I think she’s having too much fun with this but so am I and my dad is gonna run to get some of my favorite ice cream when I was a kid. I feel so lucky to have parents who can support my physical and emotional and disability support needs.

[cyraspace01]

Wild concept that shouldn’t be wild and the coldest take ever: disabled adults are *adults* and not just children trapped in adult bodies

Disabled adults have sex

Disabled adults do drugs

Disabled adults curse

Disabled adults get piercings and tattoos

Disabled adults can make adult decisions and act and behave like adults because we are adults

It’s just so weird for people to constantly infantilize me all because of my mobility aids when I’m not a child!!!

[cyraspace01]

I've seen a lot of level one autistics say things like "Have an urge to run? Hell yeah! Elope, bitch! Freedom!". This frustrates me, so I want to talk about elopement, and what it actually is and feels like for me.

I am someone who elopes when in severe distress. It isnt that I want freedom, or even that I want to leave. Its that my body takes control of me, and I involuntarily run anywhere I can to get out. I've run out of my house before, I've run into the middle of the street, etc. It isnt fun. It isnt freeing. It's scary, it's dangerous, and it feels like I am being controlled by my own body because I have no say in it. It just happens, and suddenly I am sprinting out my front door.

I've also seen level one autistics be upset with parents for having those "child leashes" on their autistic kids, saying how they "arent dogs". I think more people need to understand that these are SAFETY TOOLS and are often times NECESSARY for people who elope frequently. Stop shaming parents for having these leash backpacks.

[cyraspace01]

It really really frustrates me when some people, disabled or not, say "well I can do [x thing] because I was forced to" in response to someone saying they can't do something.

"Well I had to eat whatever was for dinner or else I would have starved."

Me too! And I became severely malnourished because I could not eat what was put in front of me.

"My parents hit me if I didn't get good grades so I had to."

Mine too! Except I could not get good grades in a mainstream class no matter how hard I tried or what was at stake.

"I have to mask because I need to keep my job."

Me too! Except I can't even pass an interview because of my limited ability to mask.

"I can't have meltdowns around other people or else I'll be bullied/abused/mocked."

Same here! But I can't hold in my meltdowns.

You need to understand that some people will never be able to do the things you can, no matter how hard they're pushed or what the consequences are for not doing it. I'm really sorry that you were forced to talk, but someone else being unable to speak does not mean that they could if there was enough pressure. Stop assuming that everyone who doesn't mask/speak/etc. grew up in a safe and supportive environment. There are people who would (and do!) die because they're neglected and can't learn to just do things themselves.

I really don't want to be the "other people have it worse" guy or come across like I don't think people are allowed to complain about something just because it's less extreme than someone else's situation, but some of you need to have more compassion for people who are not like you. Just be kind. And if someone says they can't do something, don't assume that it's because they were coddled or whatever.

[cyraspace01]

people with tooth decay aren't bad people. they aren't lazy either. neither are they unclean or irresponsible. tooth decay doesn't make you a bad person. you don't deserve mockery, judgement, or tooth pain for having any. the only thing people with tooth decay deserve is healthcare.

[cyraspace01]

[cyraspace01]

A lack of empathy is not a moral failing.

Some neurodivergent people feel low or no empathy towards other people. This is not an indication of moral bankruptcy or a sign someone is a bad person. You need to stop saying things like "Conservatives are evil because they just lack empathy.", or "The left is the party of empathy."

The word you are looking for is compassion.

Empathy is a feeling in which the suffering of others causes you to suffer to some extent.

Compassion is a conviction to do good for your fellow human beings because you feel their suffering should be alleviated.

The correct statement would be "Right-wing politics lack compassion." And the inverse "Leftist ideals are built on compassion."

We as leftists should not assume those incapable of feeling a certain emotion are incapable of acting with compassion, as that is deeply ableist.

The feeling of empathy can motivate compassion, but it is not required for a person to be compassionate. Those with low or no empathy can and do act with compassion. To care for others even in the absence of an instinctual pack-bonding drive to do so is truly revolutionary, and it should be recognized as such.

[cyraspace01]

Thank you for the response! What would be some specific ways you'd like writers to include characters with profound mental disabilities? I don't want to include them as just a "hey look at this" prop, nor downplay how much their condition affects how they interact, and I don't really know how to get the balance right.

Hello!

That's very much a fair question - I'll try to go over as much as I can think of since this is probably my first and last opportunity to give advice on writing characters like this, so apologies if I include some things that weren't really mentioned in this ask.

Suggestions on how to logistically include a character with profound intellectual disability:

A profoundly ID person will spend the majority of their time either at home or in some sort of care facility since they will require 24/7 help. The easiest role to put them in is probably a family member of another character. I've mentioned on this blog before that the "ID characters always end up as the annoying younger sibling" thing is overdone, but none of these necessarily have to be true for this suggestion to work (especially not the "annoying" part). A non-ID character could have an intellectually disabled older sibling, twin, cousin, uncle/aunt, the sibling of a grandparent, etc. Seriously, a severely disabled person can be an adult, or even an elder. Just not as a parent since a profoundly disabled person can't consent (a lot of ID people very much can, but this is the one disability where your level of functioning is baked into the exact diagnosis - profound ID comes with the inability to consent/understand the consequences enough to consent). "They're a family member" is basically the easiest "excuse" to include a profoundly intellectually disabled in a story (and as a bonus you don't have to figure out how the other character would react to meeting them for the first time, since they probably knew each other for a long time already). If your story isn't about the profoundly disabled character and instead just features them as a character, it would be much easier to not make the other character their primary caregiver. It's simply a ton of work and the character wouldn't have time for fighting dragons and whatnot - it'd be easier to have the abled character spend time with the disabled character at home (or care facility, you can very much visit someone in one) hanging out rather than actually doing the caregiving part.

Another way is having the disabled character in some sort of high position - in real life there were quite a few cases of profoundly and severely intellectually disabled royalty. Depending on the place and time there might have been pressure to not let the public see them, but this wasn't always the case.

In fiction you can do whatever you want anyway, especially if you aren't including other kinds of ableism - and even if you are, there are still different kinds of ableism you can portray that aren't the "literally killing-the-disabled-baby/hiding them in some dungeon level of eugenics" kind. Maybe a rich family who cares about their image would actually be unable to shut up about their kid to show how "saint-like" they are for caring for the disabled - it is unfortunately realistic, and can be a potential way to have the character exist in public, not ignore ableism, and also not go the aforementioned literally-just-murder route that writers usually do to show an ableist family.

Now for including them as an actual character and not a piece of cardboard:

Warning; the bar here is somewhere in the Earth's inner core. If your character has a single characteristic beyond aggressive/loud/unmanageable*, they're automatically at the top of most complex fictional representation of severely/profoundly ID characters. Congrats. * - Some people are those things but, unsurprisingly, they're other things too. A lot of profoundly ID people can actually be completely quiet, BTW - you notice people who are loud because they're loud.

As with literally every character, you need to figure out what they like and not like. This can be quite literally anything, but try to think of the basic stuff. Do they have something they really enjoy eating (and conversely - something they refuse to eat)? Do they have some sort of comfort toy or object they don't want anyone touching (and maybe showing them playing with it with a different character could be a way to show how much they trust them)? In more modern settings, do they have a favorite show they always bug everyone to put on? Are they really clingy or do they hate physical contact (again, maybe they only enjoy it from a specific character)?

Keep in mind, you have to show this all in non-verbal manner. A profoundly ID person is probably not using any sort of AAC device (the most robust one I remember seeing right now was a low-tech one with "yes" and "no", but there are probably ones who operate on a larger amount of singular words). This is basically another opportunity for characterization - what do they do when they're happy - laugh, flap their arms, make sounds? - and when they're upset - scream, hit themselves, make different sounds? Obviously, you'd have to take other disabilities into account (e.g. many profoundly ID people won't move much, some might not be able to make much audible sound, etc.) but almost anything helps.

An important thing (concept?) I'll throw here is "total communication" which can mean different things in different contexts, but here I'll use it to mean "using everything you can to communicate with someone who cannot do so in a traditional way".

So for example, eye pointing can be used to figure out what the character wants. A change in breathing can be used to tell that a character got stressed. Throwing an object can be used as a hint that the character wants to play. Maybe them reaching towards person A means they want to eat, but reaching towards person B means they want them to sing a song for them. Maybe them making a particular face means they just had a seizure and need to be comforted. Whatever their "tells" like this might be, other characters who know them would probably be able to tell more-or-less what's going on - you don't have to go really in-depth, especially if it's a minor character, but figuring out the ways your character communicates with others will make it less prop-like.

Another characterization could be comfort objects. A lot of profoundly ID people are autistic (which I'll touch on later) and will have an object that they bring everywhere the same way that non-ID autistic people might. There's nothing really specific here, just another layer of "this character is a Person". Maybe they have a blanket they really enjoy chewing because the texture feels good or some sort of plushie they like to throw around because it makes a sound they find funny. Lots of options.

If you read some of these and go "that's a thing that a child would do" then you're not necessarily wrong. A profoundly ID adult might enjoy activities that primarily kids partake in. This is, I can't stress this enough, not the same as "mentally being a child". Otherwise, a whole bunch of adults on this very website would be "mental middle schoolers" based on the shows that they watch - but they're obviously not. A profoundly ID adult doesn't have the "mind of a baby" if their favorite game is throwing a toy, they have the mind of a profoundly intellectually disabled adult. Sometimes people assume that since ID people aren't mentally [incorrect age], they always "act their [actual] age" and essentially end up downplaying how much some people's ID affects them, when the point is that no matter what you do, you are your age. An ID character who is 26 years, incontinent, constantly puts their hand in their mouth, can't speak, whatever, is mentally 26 years old the same way that they would be if they had a wife and a mortgage.

For the last thing for this section I'll circle back to the assumption that all severely/profoundly ID people are loud, aggressive, etc. - as I said, some of them are (just like abled people). The thing is, this is not always an unreasonable response to being unable to communicate with the people who are caring for you. If you had a pressure sore but couldn't explain it to anyone you'd be pissed off and screaming too. That's an extreme example, but still applies. If someone is severely stressed out (for an abled person, this might be inheriting a ton of debt, for a profoundly ID person it can be a change in daily routine), they can lash out. It's an unpleasant but very much human reaction to have, even if what's behind the ID person's behavior is significantly different from what an average abled person might consider "a good reason". So I guess my advice is, try to show some empathy to the character, even if they genuinely are loud and/or aggressive. Intellectually disabled people - including the profoundly disabled ones - aren't some alien species that is just mean and hates their caregivers for no reason, some just can't process their feelings the way an abled person might because of their disability. That's not to say that caregivers aren't allowed to feel frustrated - because they are - but that very severely disabled people aren't purposefully evil. As mentioned in the communication part, all behavior has a cause, just like for literally everyone. So if the character is being "unmanageable": maybe they aren't some cursed burden, maybe they're just stressed out of their mind and now someone they don't know that well is trying to do *something* to them, which they can't figure out because of their disability affecting their receptive language skills.

Section about resources when researching profound ID since some can be potentially misleading;

Even if you specifically look for causes of the profound severity of intellectual disability, you will get results for mild ID. That's mainly because people with mild ID make up >85% of intellectually disabled people and those with profound ID make like 1%, so they're a minority in a minority.

Basically:

Down syndrome is a very unlikely cause. It's always listed as the main genetic cause of ID but that's only true for mild and moderate severities. If you choose any of the common causes of ID make sure it actually has the symptoms you're looking for.

Most profoundly ID people will have either severe brain damage early in life (and thus can come with cerebral palsy), cephalic disorders (e.g. microcephaly), genetic conditions that you've never heard of (e.g. Pallister-Killian or Emanuel syndromes, 3p deletion), genetic conditions that you've never heard of because they don't have an actual name (e.g. X-linked intellectual disability-limb spasticity-retinal dystrophy-arginine vasopressin deficiency...), or just have it without a known cause. The last one happens much more often than people tend to assume.

For a reason I'll probably discover at some point, most disorders and syndromes that come with ID are said to have "autistic-like features" rather than being "comorbid with autism". In practice it's the same thing. Your character is probably autistic.

In the same way, a lot of practical resources will assume that ID = moderate ID (since most mildly affected need no or minimal support, and severely/profoundly disabled ones are a small minority) so pay attention if you're looking at the right things. If it's talking about having a job then you got clickbait'd.

One good resource I can recommend is SBSK (which I shared before), to my knowledge this is the only place that interviews severely and profoundly ID people (+their families) and the interviewer is great at actually interacting with many of them. Most resources on the practical things only ever talk about caregivers (who are very important) but completely ignore the actual person being cared for which IMO kinda defeats the point.

I hope this helps!

mod Sasza

[cyraspace01]

🪞braids !

[cyraspace01]

🧨Part 1

[EDITED IN 30/07/23]

[cyraspace01]

wanted to join this heart-wrenching jayvik valstoick scene redraw trend

[cyraspace01]

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until you see me as out of touch with reality.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I spend hours plucking out my hair, and now I'm covered in scabs.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I threaten you when I'm upset.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I can't even make myself as simple as toast.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I smell terrible because I haven't showered in so long.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until even once I do shower, I still smell bad because I don't have the skills, strength, nor the willpower to clean myself properly.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I yell at you and NEED you not to yell back.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I throw hard objects against my wall.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I'm semi-incontinent.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I'm homicidal.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I feel no remorse.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I bite.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I feel no empathy.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I try to hit you with my cane during an episode or meltdown.

you "support mentally ill disabled people" until I throw my AAC at you during an episode or meltdown.

At that point I'm either gross, or a bad person.

[cyraspace01]

i understand that not everyone knows this, but i would really like the loki fandom to be a little more aware that psychiatry is institutionally biased against people with npd, and this bias is particularly magnified in social media and pop psych for sensationalist, commercial reasons. even the npd diagnostic criteria are Not Great (especially the short version - there is an expanded version!), and even if they were perfect, the understanding of the disorder you get just by reading a checklist is not a whole, rounded picture.

npd is (at least very, very often) a trauma disorder. people with npd having very low self-worth and self-destructive tendencies is incredibly common. npd is not "abuser disorder" or "evil disorder", it's just another mental illness, and honestly, any disorder can be framed in a demonising way if you try. (depressed people are scary because they're obsessed with death! adhd people are scary because they have no control of their emotions or impulses! etc.) i have yet to see a "debunking" of loki being "a narcissist" that gets past this popular, biased surface level.

here and here are two posts explaining how stigma can distort common descriptions of npd symptoms, and here is an unofficial suggested revision of the npd diagnostic criteria written by someone with the disorder to focus on the patient's experiences, and not on how others view them.

loki cannot "too good" to have npd, because having npd does not make you a bad person. reading loki as having npd is not inherently demonising or victim-blaming. and if a specific person's npd loki reading really is doing that, then the fundamental problem is not that they're biased against loki, a fictional character - it's that they're biased against a very vulnerable, stigmatised and real group of mentally ill people.

now that we've dealt with all that - DOES loki have npd?

personally, i go back and forth on whether i think he fully qualifies for the disorder, but as i interpret him, he absolutely does show many traits of npd, such as the following:

perfectionism and fluctuating, fragile self-esteem. he has to be best, because if he isn't the best that would mean he's the absolute worst, worthless, monstrous, unlovable, etc. even when he is succeeding in his goals then maybe he's somehow the best and the worst at once, and almost anything could bring him crashing down again.

constant comparison of himself to others, leading to insecurity, jealousy, bitterness, paranoia...

basing his feelings of safety/security on his connections to people he sees as powerful and/or admirable, and basing his self-esteem on their approval, to the point where he becomes dependent or defines himself by them.

desperately, sometimes destructively, acting out for attention - whether showing off (begging for approval) or picking fights (demanding it.)

experiencing loneliness, shame and guilt easily and extremely intensely, making him hypersensitive to criticism and the possibility of rejection or abandonment - which can provoke a fight/flight/freeze/fawn response.

defensive/paranoid distortion in his analysis of others' feelings - focusing intently on what they think of him (do you love me, hate me, want to hurt me?) while less aware of their own feelings (eg, he can be fairly insensitive to thor's own capacity to be hurt). (in loki, as in many real people, this seems to have originated as a defence mechanism against being manipulated, and from having to walk on eggshells in a toxic family where *everyone* has more social power than him.)

a deep-rooted fear of being manipulated or controlled, which leads to a very strong need to feel in control of himself.

a deep-rooted fear of emotional vulnerability which makes him very reluctant to express his emotions, and when he does, it's often either a calculated tactical decision (so he can tell himself he's still in control), or the result of an emotional breakdown because he just can't keep up the mask any longer.

a paranoid view of the world in which everyone always wants to control him, and controlling power imbalances are an inherent feature of all relationships ("freedom is life's great lie"...), leading him to try to "defensively" manipulate and control others. (this is the ugliest symptom on this list, but it's also arguably the least textbook npd - something this literal and pronounced might be better characterised as ptsd's "distorted understanding of own trauma"/"change of fundamental beliefs" symptoms.)

obviously everyone has a right to their own reading and headcanon, and of course you can reject any reading at all based on simply Not Vibing with it. this isn't the Mandatory NPD Loki post, just me trying to encourage you to consider the possibility. there's a lot here! it's a very plausible reading!

(and honestly, why stop there? you might also note that thor, who grew up in the same toxic household, display a fair number of these symptoms too...)

[this post is meant to be informative and to give people a little insight into an alternative perspective on npd to the dominant pop psych one. i'm happy to answer questions, but if you want to "debate" me or approach this as "discourse", please don't.]