cyberheartache

[cyberheartache]

dishonorably discarded // 09082023

you're the wounded soldier, yet somehow, i stand, three swords in my back, by your bloodstained hands.

you fled to the infirmary, cried to the nurses, "i found her in the trenches, but, she hurt me, i don't know what's wrong with her, why does she hate me?"

did you tell them you left me to die? crawling my way to the hospital, knowing i couldn't go where you've already lied. did you admit it wasn't you who pulled me from the trenches? you were the one to bring me there.

of course, you didn't, why would you?

love bombing and emotional landmines, i was doomed from the start.

and to think i ever fought by your side, only for you to retreat, abandon the fight, it's not my fault you don't know how to be a friend.

[cyberheartache]

i want to feel the impressions of your teeth, sinking into the flesh of my heart. give me heart-shaped bruises, lavender azure, as i watch blood-red juice, sweet and metallic, dripping from your lips.

rip the pit from my stomach, devour me.

[cyberheartache]

unearthed //

i'm covered in layers of muck, dirt, sand, rocks. i'm conjoined with the earth, had my time of sinking disconnect. for i don't feel the earth within me, i beg to crawl out, as i've been buried alive, my own doing.

i struggle to remember the warmth of the sun, endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, a natural high, a will to be alive. i've buried into myself, easier to slowly die, can't keep biding my time.

i desire to live, to grow into this rebirth. i despise who i have been, what had become. i need to grow, water myself, and crawl out of this cold ground, onto the warmed dirt above. please, i beg of myself, let us revive, relive, and remember, the joy of being truly alive.

[cyberheartache]

resurgence //

from the roots of decay, a new life shines amongst the moonlit mist peeking through the dampened leaves, revealing shadows in their dance, where nymphs are laid to rest.

embrace the rot, from beauty grows, underneath their mushroom tombs, like strawberries grown from the earth's embrace. i weep harder than willows until i am reborn, abandoning this mossy womb of a cemetery

[cyberheartache]

i feel it’d be soft, slow romantic and hot i try not to think too much, won’t get caught up in a fantasy, except at night, when i think of you i think of us, if things progress how you’d feel against my bare chest.

i love to think about you taking me out somewhere to eat, to talk and you take me home, making out in your bedroom. hear the rustling of our clothes taken off before they hit the floor, please be gentle…

trace your fingers on the tips of my honey-soaked petals i want to taste you, your sweat, fill me up with your nectar sweet, hot, and sticky i’ll beg you not to stop. i unfurl for you.

[cyberheartache]

alien //

we were children, stars in vain, wishes lost to childish cruelty. molded into an unhuman form. i began to reside amongst the constellations.

[cyberheartache]

enduring flames //

the cracks in the living, beating heart turn it blind from the heat of the fire emerging, engulfed in flames.

a natural consequence to opening your heart trust carries duality, like a double-edged sword. the heart opens for embrace while the cracks are still breathing

to feel able to trust lets the heart’s eye shine open heavenly certainty showers over with golden sun-like rays even when undeserving, coerced.

others have fueled the light to my heart only to leave it broken, burning, and crying.

[cyberheartache]

i've always adored poetry and admired the raw emotion that it encapsulates. i'm a painter before i am a poet. a picture is worth a thousand words, or so they say - i feel i can express my heart more truthfully via poetry. i enjoy freewriting style, as rhyme schemes feel restrictive. i'm working through rupi kaur's healing through words. some of my poems were born within this book, some were not, so i fear my style may seem inconsistent. but there are no rules when creating art from the heart (: currently, i am posting older poems i have written. anywhere from january 2017 up to september 2023. i wasn't ever planning to post my poems online, and i woefully forgot to write the date. i doubt anyone will ever see this, and that's ok. that's what i prefer. thanx <3

[cyberheartache]

unattainable affections //

mornings like these are the culprit for my lack of sleep, for my eyes tire only when they begin to witness the clandestine rendezvous of the sun and the moon, as they attempt their delicate dance.

the sun, a blazing artist, adorns the horizon painting the canvas of the sky while the moon, adorned in her silver glow, appears, her ethereal presence unveiled.

they meet in the heavens, a celestial union where light and darkness entwine, their eternal bound of opposing forces, entwined in harmony.

the sun whispers secrets of the day, filling the world with warmth and light, while the moon listens intently, absorbing tales of the hidden night.

their connection is bittersweet, for their love is forever unattainable, each destined to occupy separate realms, their affections are merely glimpses of stolen moments. though our eyes may marvel at this spectacle, the depth of their connection eludes us, for the true meaning of this celestial ballet resides far beyond our mortal comprehension.

[cyberheartache]

grief is:

a painful ache

an endless ocean, a boundless sea unceasing, always there

they say it gets easier with time, yet each resurgence crashes upon me like relentless waves, each more forceful than the last.

just a part of life.

it's supposed to get easier, but every thought of you jolts me back to that surreal moment the last sound of your voice, a goodbye over the phone you said, "i love you," and whispered your fatigue you knew you were dying, and i knew it too

wanting to reach out to a ghost

wearing a mask for the sake of family

tears hidden when your name is spoken

there's no moving past this, only learning to carry it

bottling up my thoughts

knowing this isn't what you wished for but i am still waiting to wake up from this living nightmare, praying i can see you just one more time.

still missing you

questioning the existence of an afterlife

accepting that i'll never see you again

[cyberheartache]

rotten peach //

you act so sweet, yet i can taste the bitterness in the way you speak, from the core of your pit, concealed beneath the flesh, you’re rotting, like a forgotten peach, in silent death. lying dormant on the market floor, sweet thoughts with a horrid aftertaste, unwanted by the flies and maggots, baking you with love is useless. people, like fruit, are perishable, too.