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July, Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz / Wendy Cope / Frank Ocean / Anne Carson

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vous n'avez d'oubli

pairing: theon greyjoy x sansa stark

setting: soulmate au

wc: 768

link: ff

written for @provocative-envy. i read silt when i had never even watched an episode. months later, i am now theonsa trash.

notes: title from an excerpt from a victor hugo poem which roughly translates to "my heart has far more fire than you can frost to chill; my soul more love than you can make my soul forget." yes i am crying

The wolf sits on the side of his neck, its snout raised in a silent howl. Its body curls around his jawbone, its nose just brushing the tip of his ear. When he was younger, he thought it was for Robb. Some people's marks are easy to hide, on a lower pectoral or thigh or tricep. Not Theon's, no, not his, he's been wearing his heart on his neck since he was four years old. He knows it's the reason he's still alive, knows that Ned Stark saw it, understood, and kept him instead of his brothers. Robb, though. Theon loved him first.

---

The concept is achingly simple and horribly complicated. Humankind has been trying to figure it out for centuries. Every person is born with a mark, somewhere on them. It signifies who you're destined for.

That's the simple part. The complicated part: figuring out who exactly it is that your mark is for. Theon was luckier than most — or perhaps unluckier, given the circumstances. The wolf, what it signified, was always obvious: Stark. His father distrusted him for it, maybe even hated him for it when Ned Stark killed two Greyjoy sons and Theon was left standing.

Figuring out the wolf meant Stark was easy. Which one, though — that was the hard part.

---

The thing is, falling in love with Robb was as easy as breathing. Why look at any other Starks when there was Robb, beautiful, brave, first son, as honorable as his father and as clever as his mother? It was Robb, and it would always be Robb for Theon. Theon had loved him for as long as he could remember, quiet, worshipful. Robb inspired that kind of devotion in people.

Theon thought he knew. He knew nothing.

---

When they storm Winterfell, Theon does so thinking that it is the end.

When he mounts two heads on pikes, Theon does so knowing that it is the end.

Everything that comes after, well. Nobody can say he didn't deserve it, right?

---

What people don't understand is some horrible part of Theon wanted to become Reek. Wanted to not think, to not speak, to not have to choose, because every decision he had made up to that point had always ended up hurting someone. To forget himself was a gift. Robb was dead and Theon was never going to be able to apologize, Theon was never going to be able to say, Robb, look, Theon was never going to be able to say anything at all because Robb was dead and had died hating Theon. What was the point?

Loved by nobody, not by his men, not by his father, not even by the one who was fated to love him. Theon Turncloak, who looked his soulmate in the eye and betrayed him. Prince of Fools, who could take a castle but not hold it. Theon Kinslayer, who murdered his should-be brothers.

The turn of events — they're not ideal, certainly. But it's nothing more than karma paying him back tenfold. And Theon is...surviving.

And then Sansa comes.

---

Theon thinks he remembers Sansa. Pretty, foolish Sansa who followed Joffrey Baratheon around like a lost puppy and never spared Theon a second look. The Sansa he had known had not yet watched her father die, had not thought all her family dead, had not been married to Lord Ramsay Bolton. This Sansa...He looks at her and all he can think is steel.

Watching Sansa and Ramsay, it's like his heart starts beating again. For the first time in a long time, Theon wants to think again. To speak. He wants the ability to make a choice, a change, something that is anything but this.

Because this Sansa, he doesn't know her. But her eyes meet his as she lies beneath Bolton, and Theon—

Theon's neck tingles.

---

For weeks, Theon shadows Sansa around the castle, watching her. He won't talk to her, no, he's far too afraid for that. But something's shifting inside him, deep, slow, more flowing magma than violent eruption. He watches her, and he wants. Wants what, he's not sure yet.

He watches, and waits to figure it out.

---

This Sansa, the one he does not know, clutches his hand like a lifeline when they jump the rampart.

He lets himself clutch back.

---

There's a wolf on Theon's neck that curls around his neck and his jawbone. Scars mar its face and body, but it is still distinctly, indubitably a wolf. When he was younger, he thought it was for Robb.

Sansa, though. Theon will love her last.

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no man could ever satisfy me bc steve rogers started a war for james buchanan barnes and no romantic gesture could ever match up to that that has set the fucking standard for me

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duality challenge

16. light / dark

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i’m like [this is a love story] [if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known] [self recognition through The Other] [it’s rotten work not to me not if it’s you] [don’t you think there is always something unspoken between two people?] [ON PURPOSE, ON PURPOSE I AM GOING TO CARE ABOUT YOU] [don’t you think maybe they are the same thing? love and attention?] [i will take good care of you i will take good care of you everything you feel is good if you would only let you] [i’d take care of you if you’d asked me to in a year or two]

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live-action modern day “the lion king” NEW YORK, 1960s. The civil rights movement reaches its crest. Mufasa, a prominent activist leader in the city, clashes against his younger brother Scar, himself a prominent leader of the mafia underground. Politics against politics, brother against brother; Mufasa dies, Scar reigns. A new law governs New York in the 70s: blood and bribery.

Idris Elba as Mufasa, Michael K. Williams as Scar, Naomie Harris as Sarabi, Jaden Smith as Young Simba, Amandla Stenberg as Young Nala (not giffed), Taraji P. Henson as Timon, Mo'Nique as Pumbaa, Chiwetel Ejiofor as Older Simba, Kerry Washington as Older Nala, John Boyega as Kovu, Zoe Kravitz as Kiara.

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my most specific mood playlists

2 am summertime depression, a very long playlist of music that hits very different at 2 am (feat. Lana Del Rey, Lauren Aquilina, boygenius)

can’t stand to be where you don’t see me, for songs about wanting someone to look at you when they won’t (feat. MARINA, Soccer Mommy, King Princess)

i don’t want to be your fucking dog, a playlist for giving more than you ever get (feat. BANKS, PVRIS, Phoebe Bridgers)

in your car the radio up, for the final moments of a relationship (feat. Bad Bad Hats, Lorde, Sara Bareilles)

soul ascending final choruses, for when the final chorus comes in and changes your entire life (feat. Meg Myers, Florence + the Machine, Ms Mr)

womanhood is about yelling, for absolutely heartwrenching music to screech along to in the car (feat. Paramore, Lucy Dacus, Mitski)

i’ll care for myself the way I used to care about you, a playlist for high quality ex disses (feat. Sabrina Carpenter, Lizzo, Little Mix)

do you ever yearn? a yearning mixtape (feat. Mitski, Vance Joy, Hozier)

funny how I still forgot, a playlist for seeing someone you use to love (feat. Harry Styles, Camila Cabello, Kodaline)

the inherent politicization of tenderness, a longer playlist for love as something specifically revolutionary (feat. Carly Rae Jepsen, Hozier, Janelle Monae)

don’t read the last page but i stay, aka the peak tenderness playlist (feat. The Civil Wars, Ella Henderson, Taylor Swift)

just had a change of heart, a playlist about the feeling that someone has gone, they needed to be, and now you need to pick up the pieces (feat. The 1975, Hayley Kiyoko, Walk the Moon)

I’m in love, I’m alive, oh I’m burning, a playlist about radical joy (feat. Bleachers, Kacey Musgraves, Maggie Rogers)

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Granted I’ve been having a hard time but this poem made me cry

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Breaking Bad (2008-2013)

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my guide to summer internship workwear

a philosophical starting point: pick 2 “dark neutral” colors to comprise your suit separates and then buy everything in duplicate. navy is always a good choice. as for black, you will see a lot of your fellow summer analysts in black. i chose black. in retrospect, i would have gone with charcoal. it’s wack for men to wear black suits to work, so all the men wear gray or navy. the japanese analysts go all out in pinstripes.

pick 2 “light neutral” colors to complement your “dark neutral” palette. i was a little unfocused…taupe, white and heather gray.

When shopping, do cotton, “summer wool”, “four-season stretch.” Don’t do wool suiting, silk, camel/white skirts (explained below)

Not Worth:

- Theory suit separates. they’re cut incredibly conservatively and a little “older.”

- Equipment silk blouses. they’re see-thru so you will need a nude base layer and as you will find out, long-sleeved silk in the humid NYC summer commute is the definition of suffering.

- Manolo BB 105. Some women do wear them with pencil skirts and the like but I think they’re a tad too high to be practical. If you must, get the 70 instead!

Worth:

- Uniqlo merino wool cardigans

- J Crew* cotton shells

- J Crew blazers, Cameron slim cropped pants in ur regular size

- J Crew cotton pencil skirts

- classic cut Theory work dresses (my betty 2b is AMAZING)

- Gianvito Rossi 85mm heels (for summer: nude patent + black leather. super comfy and the sole is more flexible than most which gives your foot a wider range of motion. the black suedes are so soft + works best in the winter with tights)

- Longchamp Neo, black or beige. Or alternatively,

- Madewell Transport tote

*I only ever buy anything at J. Crew when they have their 30-40% off promo codes. They happen quite frequently.

Proceed at your own risk:

- Camel or grey pencil skirts. They show sweat very easily. I will never unsee the puddle of sweat “down there” on a woman who got out of the subway and into work ahead of me.

- Louboutins. My recruiter wore the fififa and rocked them. Someone in my analyst class got the iriza i think in the 70/85 height. It’s a good look until you’re 10 minutes late for a 30-min analyst class sit-down with someone in the C-suite.

- Perfume. Chanel perfumes especially have incredible sillage but please no.

- H&M, Zara anything. You will end up donating everything you bought there in your second year and that’s a waste of a lot of money. Buy things once but buy quality.

Fun things:

- Gucci loafers. Black. Aka “deal sleds”

- Designer bag for off-duty. Hermes and Chanel will endure, Gucci is fun for right-now

- Bright “networking event outfits” a la Barbara Corcoran

ADDENDUM:

Interview in your navy pantsuit, white shell.

I don’t really wear white with black, and have not found out a way to gracefully wear the colors together without looking like either a waiter or a spy. Lmk if u find the answer.

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business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press "send"

thanks for your interest: why'd you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i've done all i'm willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you're too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn't my problem

i'm copying in my colleague: this isn't my problem and i am thrilled about it

i'll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i'll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i'm hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i'm not mad at you

thanks!!: please don't be mad at me

thanks!!!: i'm crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i'm already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you're an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

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Ballet rotoscope by Masahiko Sato & EUPHRATES

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Studies suggest How may I help you officer? is the single most disarming thing to say and not What’s the problem? Studies suggest it’s best the help reply My pleasure and not No problem. Studies suggest it’s best not to mention problem in front of power even to say there is none. Gloria Steinem says women lose power as they age and yet the loudest voice in my head is my mother. Studies show the mother we have in mind isn’t the mother that exists. Mine says: What the fuck are you crying for? Studies show the baby monkey will pick the fake monkey with fake fur over the furless wire monkey with milk, without contest. Studies show to negate something is to think it anyway. I’m not sad. I’m not sad. Studies recommend regular expressions of gratitude and internal check-ins. Enough, the wire mother says. History is a kind of study. History says we forgave the executioner. Before we mopped the blood we asked: Lord Judge, have I executed well? Studies suggest yes. What the fuck are you crying for, officer? the wire mother teaches me to say, while studies suggest Solmaz, have you thanked your executioner today?

— Solmaz Sharif, “Social Skills Training,” published in Buzzfeed

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hp branding: Malfoy & Co., a London based law firm catering to both a muggle and wizarding clientele

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The Ends of Being, chapter 2

pairing: Lily Evans x James Potter

setting: marauders era, canon-compliant

link: ff

notes: seven years at hogwarts. multiple chapter story.

Summer passes in a haze of magic and tension. Petunia and Lily have settled into a sort of armistice at their mother's insistence. The few words that pass between them usually consist of a cold "pass the butter, please," and not much else. Lily wonders if Petunia misses her as much as she misses Petunia. Last summer they were still pushing each other on swings and collapsing in giggles. This summer it feels like they don't even know each other anymore.

All Lily wants to do is to laugh and giggle with Petunia by the water again. She wants to ask Petunia how she's been, and she really does want to know how she's been. What she's been up to, if Fiona is still as much of a bully as she was before, if there are any new cute boys in school. She almost tries, once, at night when they're getting ready for bed, but before she can work up the bravery Petunia shuts the light off with a huff.

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