csial

[csial]

i have two things to reply to here but unfortunately my brain is clinging onto the waking world by a mere thread so osial gets the actual birthday moments tomorrow. In the mean time i'm thinking about Osial experiencing lantern rite for the first time

[csial]

BIRTHDAY.

It takes Osial some time to decide upon in his birthday in his newly given life, but eventually he decides to choose the time of Lantern Rite. For his Qianfan guise and to an extent his Haitao guise, this is about him starting again, having a new beginning. For the scenario in which he chooses vengeance (see dossier), in which he goes by Xiyang, it is more about needing a date and plucking the first stand out one on the calendar. So Osial's birthday will be the 29th January in accordance with Chinese New Year this year.

[csial]

" burn his favorite palace down. " Sem to Osial ( fxtuii ) :3

There is the curl of his lip into something twisted at the sound of that odious cat, serpentine heads slithering from beneath his braid as skin dyes a vivid shade of blue. It had been long enough he had begun to hope to a miniscule degree that perhaps his drowning had finally bore fruition, that the creature's return pass to the living had finally been severed, and yet it was not to be.

Eventually he turns to gaze upon the other, his expression showing his derision clear, and he scoffs. "He has not palaces nor guilded halls, and were it something I would enact, my choice of method would be to drown them." Evidently. Why would he call to fire when his element was its opposite?

[csial]

❛ everything that defines me is nothing that i am. ❜ (slaps a human-shaped dragon having an identity crisis on osial's desk)

"No?" Osial drags his gaze away from the streets below and the bustle of humanity to look across at his companion at his desk, buried as he always is in the chains of his responsibilities, forged of his own making yet present all the same. Instead it comes to settle upon the sovereign his gaze one of unfathomable depths, studying for something unseen before it clears with a shift of the head to the side, the movement fluid. "Are you not the Iudex of Fontaine? The Sovereign of these waters? The one capable of bestowing power to those children of hydro you choose to offer a boon?"

He slips across the room like a lazily rolling wave, coming to rest at the edge of Neuvillette's desk. Audacious fingers stretch across to pluck the pen from his hand, casting it aside with little regard, weaving between until his grip is clasped. A tug will encourage Neuvillette from his seat, to return with him to the window, to the sight of the crowds and in the distance the deep blue. "Is this not all yours? Your kingdom as sovereign? Does that court room you hold not speak of your authority? Do the waves we dance in not bow to your whim?"

He raises their joint hands till they sit within their periphery and adapts his vessel letting skin stain blue and white markings surface till the skin itself is but a transparent hue for the rolling blue beneath. He does not hold it long, returning his arm to the blue stain and then the hue of the sands of Guyun. "We hide to adapt but we are still what we are. Am I any less a being of hydro because I take human form and play at the mortal life? Am I still but the monster that razed Liyue alone because the tale lingers upon Liyuen's tongue?"

He turns then, ceasing his direct questions that pierce the veil of questioning posed before him, so that their gazes meet once more, ancient eyes shining with a determination not so easily roused though for what he does not say. "All that defines you is but part of who you are. And if you wish for something other, seize it. You of all people have more than the right to take, have given enough to justify the want. Do not waste time in lamenting or chasing something that you are not. I spent too many years on that path."

Rare is it that he admits aloud so brazenly that perhaps, chasing the archon title of Liyue had been a mistake all along, but to Neuvillette he can admit his folly.

[csial]

BIRTHDAY.

It takes Osial some time to decide upon in his birthday in his newly given life, but eventually he decides to choose the time of Lantern Rite. For his Qianfan guise and to an extent his Haitao guise, this is about him starting again, having a new beginning. For the scenario in which he chooses vengeance (see dossier), in which he goes by Xiyang, it is more about needing a date and plucking the first stand out one on the calendar. So Osial's birthday will be the 29th January in accordance with Chinese New Year this year.

[csial]

YOU CAN BARELY TAKE MUCH MORE .

a collection of sentence starters taken from the warning's album 'queen of the murder scene' . edited to fit rp needs , adjust pronouns as necessary , note that there are spanish sentences ! warnings for darker themes ,

❛ come on in , walk this way , ❜

❛ in the end , everything just turns back into dust , ❜

❛ we shall start again , ❜

❛ where are you going ? ❜

❛ i don't seek right or wrong , ❜

❛ i seek the truth found in death , ❜

❛ is it something that is worth losing ? ❜

❛ la salvación es algo que se gana , ❜

❛ i don't know what it is that you do , ❜

❛ i know love shows in mysterious ways , ❜

❛ my screaming makes no sound , ❜

❛ i can't always be there to stop all the bleeding , ❜

❛ there's more to it than just wishing to be found , ❜

❛ you are my fantasy , ❜

❛ you bemuse my soul , ❜

❛ i am afraid to see what's become of me , ❜

❛ i just want to hold your hand , ❜

❛ time won't take the pain away , ❜

❛ i'll do anything to make it happen , ❜

❛ tell me your secrets , what are you hiding ? ❜

❛ please understand that i am not lying , ❜

❛ my heart is true , & it beats for you , ❜

❛ what is it i need to change for you to love me back ? ❜

❛ was it something i said ? ❜

❛ i want to kill all the love that's for you so only mine remains , ❜

❛ hold me like you really love me , tell me that you do , ❜

❛ i'm obsessed with what we both could be , ❜

❛ yes , or no , whichever , i'll have you someday , i'll have you forever . ❜

❛ why don't you know that you are mine ? ❜

❛ i want you to love me , to touch me , ❜

❛ tell me what i must do to atone for what i did to your soul , ❜

❛ don't reject the darkness that is in your eyes , ❜

❛ i'll show you what it means to be so devoted , ❜

❛ you have nothing left but this body you control , ❜

❛ have you quenched the hunger that was still dormant inside ? ❜

❛ you will never get to walk away from all the horrors , ❜

❛ you're an innocent sinner , a guilty saint above us all , ❜

❛ you'll never live until you die , ❜

❛ i'm plucking roses but keeping the thorns , ❜

❛ i found out that dull knives cut better , ❜

❛ you don't want to understand what it's like to have blood on your hands , ❜

❛ i can't be controlled by anything , but let's see you try , ❜

❛ give me something worth living for , ❜

❛ my sanity's gone & my morals are wrong , ❜

❛ better drop that gun while you still have a chance , ❜

❛ be proud of your pride & the things that you hide , ❜

❛ after this , there'll be nothing to feel anymore , ❜

❛ i'll be there to pull you under , ❜

❛ you can't escape your fate , ❜

❛ you went through hell , you'll go through it again , ❜

❛ there's no escape , ❜

❛ i know it was wrong , but there's nothing to be done , ❜

❛ i won't forgive myself because pity doesn't help anymore , ❜

❛ with bloodstained hands , i make amends , ❜

❛ it's a little too late to start over again , ❜

❛ the memories haunt me every night when i'm lying in bed , ❜

❛ oh what have i done ? ❜

[csial]

in the night, your loneliness crushes you, as if the sky itself has swooped down to smother you in its cold arms. for the first time since i can remember, i don’t feel alone. because of you. (two in one, from neuvillette)

The feeling of loneliness is one of the greatest tragedies one can bear. He remembers it well, sweeping him into a cold embrace as he languished beneath the depths, held in place yet unable to reach any at all, restricted as he was by the spears of Morax and his waning powers. The vice it held upon his heart had been agonising, festering and it was only the embers of anger that had allowed him to simmer in outrage rather than tumble down into despair, though the notion often dragged icy fingertips beneath his chin.

So as the hydro sovereign claims a similar feeling, Osial cannot help but allow his hand to find Neuvillette's own digits curling unbidden until there is no space between their palms nor their fingers, his thumb tracing tenderly against soft skin.

"Were it within my power I would wash away all sense of isolation from your very frame until your heart only knew the joys of companionship," he offers quietly, glad that in their shared quietude here in the open there is no cause to be restrictive with words, nor too cautious with gesture. Within the confines of the city he must heed caution, restrain the impulse to offer comfort when the other's brow furrows, a feat that grows more impossible by the day with how his heart swells, emotion coming in waves, begging for a little more each time.

It is a terrifying feeling, the way his affection fills him, it takes all his effort to not allow it to brim over. Should he touch the waters here, he fears that he would overwhelm the sovereign with what lies beneath his still surface. Like the ocean itself he encompasses far more than bleeds through, far more even that that which seeps through the cracks unbidden.

"I am glad that now, in the very least, I can offer you a reprieve from loneliness' cold touch." His thumb stills against Neuvillette's hand, but he makes no effort to detach, simply staring down at their joined hands, lost in his own thoughts. Wondering if perhaps he had been smarter, better, stronger, he might have been have been able to do more sooner to ease the sovereign's isolation. It is a cruel world to wander alone.

Impulse coaxes him then, raising their joint hands until he can press lips to a gloved knuckle in a sworn oath, a promise to himself and to Neuvillette, that he will no longer allow loneliness to take a hold of them. He need not voice it allowed, it is there on his lips as his lids descend over his cerulean hues briefly, there in the look he gives the other as his lids rise once more.

"Together we can stave off the cold embrace and ease the burden of the skies, for your company is the greatest gift you have given me... It is only right I should attempt to do the same."

[csial]

spies his wife kissing furina... good. Perhaps he gets a turn to tease now.

[csial]

EMOTIONALLY CHARGED SENTENCES STARTERS

❝  i need you.  don’t you get that?  ❞

❝  i’m right here.  i’m always here right in front of you but you never see me!  ❞

❝  you’re my person.  ❞

❝  no,  i don’t wanna have to talk to anyone else right now.  i just want you.  ❞

❝  i know you’re busy and i don’t want to bother you i just—  can i just sit here with you while you work?  ❞

❝  are we okay?  ❞

❝  honestly,  i’m always there.  in my head.  the scars on my body might’ve healed but i never really walked away from it.  ❞

❝  do you want me to make the others leave?  or we could go,  get some fresh air.   ❞

❝  look i’m not coddling you,  i’m just trying to help.  i wanna take care of you cause i,  you know— care about you.  ❞

❝  alright,  here’s your coffee.  are you ready to talk or should i find something to ramble about for a few minutes?  ❞

❝  eventually,  you just gotta learn to let go of the past.  it’s always gonna hurt,  but you can choose when to start focusing on something other than the pain.  ❞

❝  hey,  just breathe.  look at me— look at me.  in and out.  breathe with me okay?  ❞

❝  keep your eyes on me—  just focus on me.  we’re gonna be okay.  ❞

❝  no,  i’m not okay.  nothing is okay.  it never is.  but that’s just how i function most days.  so i’ll be fine.  ❞

❝  i’m not gonna pretend anymore.  i’m still fucked up from it all and i don’t know when it gets better.  ❞

❝  if you keep waiting until you’re done ‘working on yourself’ before you let yourself be with the person you love,  you’re never gonna be with them.  and they’ll find someone else who is brave enough to give them a chance to love them exactly how they already are.  ❞

❝  why do you stick around?  what is it you think you see in me?  ❞

❝  not everything needs an explanation.  i care about you.  i don’t have to sit here and figure out why.  i just do.  so maybe you should try just accepting it too.  ❞

❝  i don’t need your permission to fall in love with you.  you don’t gotta love me back,  but it isn’t gonna stop me from being here when you need someone.  ❞

❝  you love me too much.  i know how that sounds but—  fucking hell.  you shouldn’t care that much about someone like me.  ❞

❝  i don’t care if loving you hurts me.  the world already has enough pain to dole out for no reason,  at least i’ll have gotten these scars from something beautiful.  ❞

❝  if people can hate for no reason,  than i can love for no reason too.  ❞

❝  one day you’re gonna need me and i’m not gonna be there to fix it.  ❞

❝  no,  i can’t fix everything for you this time.  it’s your mess.  clean it up.  ❞

❝  i dunno who taught you that love comes with conditions and limitations,  but mine doesn’t.  not when it’s you.  ❞

❝  i don’t know how to ask for help i just— i’ve never had anyone to ask for help from before.  so…this is me trying i guess.  i need it and i’m afraid to ask for it.  that’s the best i can do.  ❞

[csial]

watches his wife happily. what is she up to?

[csial]

❝ i will love you without any strings attached. ❞ (from menogias ;D)

There is a beat of silence, the yaksha's earnest tone stilling his words as Osial stares at him. About his head the serpentine shapes writhe, a sign of emotion brewing within, though what it is unclear. Agitation is exempt alone, for they curl and twist together rather than outwardly towards the source of anger, but beyond that there's no indication. Then his gaze averts and a deep purple dusts across the ancient god's watery skin, there for but a moment, before it is washed away, his throat moving as he swallows.

"You are a fiend, you ought not wield words as easily as you twist those needles and threads." His words are accusatory yet lack any actual heat as his tongue presses against his teeth and he mulls over the words that are offered. The companionship between them has been more frequent as of late, those skims of fingers across skin a terrible tease that sent shudders down his body. When he recounted them to Beisht, she had laughed at his ignorance, teased him for not realising their deliberate nature. Now he sees she rings true. Again.

"I will love you as the sea loves the shore," he responds in kind, though whether he means for its tempestial nature of arriving and returning or for its persistence even when sent away he does not explain. He leave that to Menogias to fathom. "Sly geo creature that you are, using your work as an excuse to touch..." He exposes the action for what it was but there is no beration in his tone, rather an approving smirk that curls comfortably on lips. Had he but asked outright, he would have permitted him anyway.

@daybreakrising

[csial]

❛ in spite of everything, you’re still you. ❜ + ❛ what on earth… have i become? ❜ combined, from neuvillette!

A lazy tip of the head returns the ancient god's heavy gaze upon the Iudex, an amused smile curling at the corner of his mouth, despite the emotion of the statement given. He ought consider it a compliment, that after so many years he is recognisable, unchanged at heart from the brash, emotive creature he always was, but there is a voice that reminds him he is little more than a creature of habit, outdated in this current world. A being of a time long since eroded, trapped in a world that no longer belongs to his kind.

"Oh, I would not judge yourself upon my standards, Neuvillette..." he murmurs, one hand stretching out to beckon the other to join him in his perch. He has found Fontaine a soothing nation, one that lessens the thrum of anger within him. He knows not if it is simply the expanses of water, or the one in control of it, but either way he likes to linger when he can have to excuse. Perching upon one of the benches that over look the glistening blue, the kingdom that these humans will never know as well as them, and letting the soothing sound lull his being into ease.

"You are what you needed to be for the time you needed to be it. Would you have traded our positions?" He scoffs after, for there is no one who would have taken his position. To be pinned beneath the waves within his own realm was insult enough, under the weight of Morx's spears that left him only able to churn the seas in a storm's tempest, it was galling. He was shackled, restrained, and left to rot. Had the Harbinger not been audacious enough to summon him, he would likely still be there. The scars across his back will remain testament to that time.

"Have you diminished yourself, perhaps..." That sharp tongue does not hold back as he muses aloud and yet, though cutting it is not fraught with intention to insult. "But you see what has happened to those of us who refused to conform. You kept us alive, gave us hope and now you can find your way between worlds..." And guide those of us too stubborn to change. "You are still the creature I knew, no matter what form you take. Are you not a being of hydro? It is in your very nature to change and craft your vessel, your entire being to fit the container needed, to be what is required. That is the beauty of our element." One he had forgotten.

He waits then letting it sink in, before audacious fingers curl beneath the sovereign's chin, guiding their gazes to meet. "In spite of everything, you are still you. No matter how distant you feel. The truth lies within the pulse of the waves and the beat of the tides. Nothing can take that from you." His touch is gone then and his gaze returns to the sea before them, a content smile sitting upon his face. It is not much of a pep talk, Beisht was always better than he at such things, but it is crafted to make the other think. He can only hope it is taken as intended, but he will weather the storm if it is not.

@apocryphis.

[csial]

waving if you see this. I'm having a little clear up here, and resetting a few things starting with a clear up of the follows list and later a re-write of my verse pages + connection pages to make them clearer / ensure they are up to date. I'm currently still debating if I want to scrap all drafts and start again with just the inbox or if I'm going to see what I can write but I'll say either way when I decide.

[csial]

* 𝚂𝙻𝙴𝙴𝙿𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙰𝚃 𝙻𝙰𝚂𝚃 ( 𝚂𝙾𝙵𝚃 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽 ) 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂.

taken from the bands’ various songs,   but with a twist:    a lot of it are soft sentence starters meant for those quiet or glaringly tender moments.     nothing belongs to me.     feel free to change any pronouns or sentence structure according to your muse’s preferences.

❝   the world is brighter than the sun now that you’re here.    ❞

❝   you are loved, you are loved more than you know.   ❞

❝   i’ll give you everything i have, i’ll teach you everything i know.   ❞

❝   i will always hold you close, but i will learn to let you go.    ❞

❝   i will soften every edge, I’ll hold the world to its best.   ❞

❝   you taught me the courage of stars before you left.   ❞

❝   how rare and beautiful it is to even exist.   ❞

❝   sweetheart, you look a little tired. when did you last ate?   ❞

❝   it’s okay if you can’t catch your breath; you can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest.   ❞

❝   just wanna build you up till you’re good as new.   ❞

❝   with every heartbeat i have left, i will defend your every breath.    ❞

❝   i promise i’ll do better.   ❞

❝   your heart is far too young to realise the unimaginable light you hold inside.   ❞

❝   come in and make yourself at home. stay as long as you need.   ❞

❝   no, i don’t wanna talk about myself - tell me where it hurts.   ❞

❝   i just wanna love you well.   ❞

❝   i’d give anything to hear you say it one more time that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.   ❞

❝   i will rearrange the stars, pull them down to where you are.   ❞

❝   i will love you without any strings attached.   ❞

❝   i finally see myself—unabridged and overwhelmed, a mess of a story i’m ashamed to tell—but i’m slowly learning how to break this spell.   ❞

❝   make my messes matter.   ❞

❝   tell me if something’s wrong - you can count on me.  ❞

❝   we were full of life, we could barely hold it in.   ❞

❝   time is ruthless but showed us kindness in the end.   ❞

❝   we find our way back home.   ❞

❝   i wanna love you but i don’t know how.  ❞

❝   for the first time i see an image of my brokenness utterly worthy of love.   ❞

❝   you know i’ll take my heart and clean apart, if it helps yours beat.    ❞

❝   we will call this place our home.   ❞

❝   it’s okay if you can’t find the words; let me take your coat off and these weight off your shoulders.   ❞

❝   let our hearts, like doors, open wide.   ❞

❝   i will love you with every single thing i have.   ❞

❝   what a privilege it is to love.   ❞

❝   a little broken, a little new. we are the impact and the glue. capable more than we know to call this fixer upper home.   ❞

❝   let the years we’re here be kind.   ❞

❝   there is goodness in the heart of every broken man.   ❞

❝   we’re young enough to try to build a better life.   ❞

❝   i rebuild when I break down.   ❞

❝   don’t you worry, there’s still time.   ❞

❝   i’m short of breath standing next to you   ❞

❝   you are beautiful like I’ve never seen.   ❞

❝   goodnight, it is time to sleep. the moon will watch over all of your dreams.   ❞

❝   go ahead and laugh, even if it hurts.   ❞

❝   you’re enough. i promise you.   ❞

❝   oh, let me be right.   ❞

❝   we are infinite.   ❞

❝   we may fall in love every time we open up our eyes.   ❞

[csial]

quotes that broke me starters

feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !

quotes taken from random sources or tiktok. i claim no ownership whatsoever.

❛   i’m supposed to be the one who protects you from monsters. i’m not supposed to be one.  ❜  

❛   if i could make a deal with god, and i’d get him to swap our places.  ❜  

❛  no one heard our screams for a long time.  ❜  

❛   i know so many last words. but i’ll never know hers.  ❜  

❛   there is a home for every departed thing.  ❜  

❛   it reminded me that i will never truly know you.  ❜  

❛   i also buried a part of myself alongside them.  ❜  

❛   after you died i could no longer hold a funeral. so my life became the funeral.  ❜  

❛   you don’t have to be awake to cry.  ❜  

❛   forgive me, for all the things i did. but mostly the things i didn’t do.  ❜  

❛   the human eye is the loneliest creation of all.  ❜  

❛   fairness is for happy people.  ❜  

❛   the things we lost will always be heavier than the things that stayed.  ❜  

❛   perhaps it is the greater grief, to remain on the earth when another is gone.  ❜  

❛   you stain the pages with yourself.  ❜  

❛   tears will not wash away the sorrow.  ❜  

❛   beautiful things grow a certain height and then they fall and fade off.  ❜  

❛    who in all these centuries has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?  ❜  

❛   i have scars on my hands from touching certain people  ❜  

❛   despite everything, i believe that people are really good at heart.  ❜  

❛   you tried to change, didn’t you?  ❜

❛   you can’t make homes out of people. someone should have taught you that.  ❜  

❛   i hid my deepest feelings so well, i forgot where i placed them.  ❜  

❛   we have no scar to show for happiness. we learn so little from peace.  ❜  

❛   i didn’t leave because i stopped loving you. i left because the longer i stayed, the less i loved myself.  ❜  

❛   at every moment in our life, we have one foot in a fairytale & the other in the abyss.  ❜  

❛   there are too many sad eyes on happy faces.  ❜  

❛   it’s strange, i felt less lonely when i didn’t know you.  ❜  

❛   things change, friends leave. life doesn’t stop for anybody.  ❜  

❛   it takes a lifetime to die, and no time at all.  ❜  

❛   i am deathly afraid of almosts. of coming close to what i want and then falling just a little short.  ❜  

❛   i felt your absence.  ❜  

❛   what do we do now, now that we are happy?  ❜  

❛    you honestly thought anybody would love you? purely and truly love you?  ❜  

❛   don’t stop looking. he deserves to know someone saw his end, that someone noticed him.  ❜  

❛    i can bear my pain so long as it has meaning.  ❜  

❛   i dont have a single friend - not one.  ❜  

❛   i’ve had more than enough pain in my life, what’s a little more going to do?  ❜  

❛    it would have been you if i met you first.  ❜  

❛    i really thought he was going to be my forever.  ❜  

❛    maybe in the next life it would work.  ❜  

❛   in spite of everything, you’re still you.  ❜  

❛   the dead have it easy.  ❜  

❛   there’s an ocean of silence between us, and I’m drowning.    ❜  

❛   there have been countless times in my life when i thought i’d be better off dead.  ❜  

❛   what on earth… have i become?  ❜  

❛   don’t look at me! i don’t … i don’t want you seeing me like this.  ❜  

❛   i wish i could’ve been like you.  ❜  

❛   your fate was sweeping you away, like a flood.  ❜  

❛   the future should know the mistakes we made.  ❜  

❛   of course you have. you feel guilt. you want redemption.  ❜  

❛   i’m here because you can’t accept what you’ve done. it broke you.  ❜  

❛   even now, after all you’ve done, you can still go home.  lucky you . ❜  

❛   you’re all that’s left, and we can’t live this lie forever.  ❜  

❛    prometheus gave us light, and warmth, and eternal damnation.  ❜  

❛   take a gamble that love exists, and do a loving act.  ❜  

❛    i know i ruined your life. i suffer for it every day.  ❜  

❛   don’t let yourself get killed for… for pride. i’ve seen it kill too many folk.  ❜  

❛    you and me, we ain’t decent… but those folk… they were.  ❜  

❛   we’re more ghosts than people.  ❜  

❛   despite my best efforts to the contrary… it turns out i’ve won.  ❜  

❛   i gave you all i had … i did.  ❜  

❛   this whole time, I’ve blamed myself for that decision.  ❜  

❛   do you think even the worst person can change…? That everybody can be a good person, if they just try? ❜  

❛   i don’t want to break their hearts all over again. it’s better if they never see me.  ❜  

❛   please leave me alone. i can’t come back. i just … can’t, okay?  ❜  

❛   no matter the struggles or hardships you faced… you strived to do the right thing, you refused to hurt anyone. ❜  

❛    people like you don’t ever want to be happy.  ❜  

❛   i don’t want to let go. i’m not ready to say goodbye yet.  ❜  

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Blog on hiatus until 19th July (last day of work before summer break).

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opens a single eye to stare at dash