crysmunth

[crysmunth]

fear of intimacy

dead collections: a novel - isaac fellman / a pearl - mitski / aidan koch / it's only sex - car seat headrest / wikipedia

[crysmunth]

can i be a museum of you

or is that still too much

you said you're forgetting about me and i should do the same

i think i forgot your middle name

can i be a museum of you

what do i still know

you loved dave matthews

so i bought their cd

you spoke of tattoos and piercings

so i started getting inked too

you watched videos on sharks in the sea

i cried seeing them in the museum

you pin who you are on a page

that i can't let go of

can i be a museum of you

or is that still too much

see you're not in my life anymore

and i fear that if i don't pursue your interests

i'll forget you

[crysmunth]

again and against

again here i am

again it feels like it'll never end

you run your fingers along my spine

again here i am

i wish i hated you like you hated me

i wish i was against you like you are against me

i wish i was against you like i used to be

i wish i didn't know you like it used to be

again and again

[crysmunth]

okay so me too but i still do this and im in college plz help

i had a hard time socializing as a little girl so i would sit on a bench at recess studying the intricate mannerisms of the popular girls like this

[crysmunth]

no one wanted to play with me as a little kid

but i still sat there and didn't take the hint

i didn't grow up and try to be better

eventually ran away and pretended to be bitter

[crysmunth]

i am insane i am not holding it together

being insane in my room being insane in the kitchen being insane in the living room

[crysmunth]

this day is so rough bc i know all my old classmates are getting ready to see each other and drink have fun doing dumb 18/19yo shit but im not friends with anyone from this town and im gonna be alone all night :( this is what lorde meant when she said it feels so scary getting old bc why have i never been a teenager either

[crysmunth]

evermore does not get the appreciation she deserves

between themes of time, forgiveness, and acceptance, taylor touches every type of grief and loneliness within understanding monologues. yes, each song is lyrically beautiful and i love all the production. but the way the songs compliment each other with extended metaphors, create a story, create different, sympathetic sides of a story, tells a tale in a traditional sense but with a renewed tone and take. she tells an old story of lovers, but reminds us of how it repeats.

we start with willow, a declaration of commitment and romance. from the beginning, emotions are running high for love. in the first verse "rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife," resembles past burdens and treacherous loves, but that the right kind of love pushes beyond the walls one may put up. the theme of water and ships continues throughout the album, beginning in this song, representing the ineffective obstacle between the subject and their love. willow is a time capsule of love: as nature itself agrees with the object of attention, our subject follows and strays even more. this type of love, which embraces a comeback akin to the resurgence of 90's trends, is everlasting and unconditional, or even, evermore.

i want to jump to evermore (feat. bon iver) because of the continuation of the ship/water metaphor. this song, being the last on the album while willow is the first, has a similar declaration of love, but through a completely different angle, coming from a place so low and recognizing their love as a way to push oneself through rough patches. while bon iver sings his verse for the second time, she sings over, "and when i was shipwrecked, i thought of you/in the cracks of light, i dreamed of you/and it was real enough to get me through/and i swear, you were there." the two singing over each other audibly create a sense of urgency, of fighting, of the need to get your voice heard within a timely manner, something which resonates throughout the album as well. while he sings "can we just get a pause" or slow down, to keep their selves and their love together, she recognizes that while she was low, it was the idea of their love, of dreaming of their love, and it felt so real to her, almost as if he were there. this is what kept her alive through the trenches, through the difficulties of life. this is the healed version of "this is me trying," where she looks back and realizes it was this everlasting and unconditional love that kept her from herself, from the waves that refused to settle.

both the songs recognize that loneliness is temporary, because love is waiting for you on the other side. evermore digs into the darkness a little deeper, really recognizing how hard and painful it can be. both songs also pull us into taylor's folklorian forest that bore these tales, on the wintery landscape that heals. i think evermore exentuates the cold, remembering however that it wouldn't be forevermore, so it's okay to sit in it, because it won't last forever. the winter doesn't last forever, but the love does.

i'll have to do more song parallels in the future. thanks:)

[crysmunth]

i'm struggling, like, with what to do with my life. i've been an english major for two years, my passions are basically reading and listening to music. i randomly decided i could be geologist like three days ago..but i think i just lack any real plan so anything sounds approachable. anyway i might make this into a review on music blog, so maybe i could be a music and literary critic, since that's really what i like. anyway

[crysmunth]

i knew from a young age i was weird and off putting and unlovable

[crysmunth]

[crysmunth]

i would learn how to love other people

— Aure Vives, from ‘In heaven or whatever’

[crysmunth]

i wish more than anything that i had friends to invite into my home, for dates, to celebrate having woken up today.

specifically im thinking how another new years will be spent alone crying. i miss having friends.

[crysmunth]

wordle

⬛️⬛️⬛️🟨⬛️

🟨⬛️🟨⬛️🟩

⬛️🟩⬛️🟨🟩

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

taylordle

⬛️🟨🟨🟨⬛️

🟨🟨🟨⬛️🟨

🟨🟨⬛️🟨🟨

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

[crysmunth]

we slept in my bed and i think that i knew then

if we ever end you'll be the one to leave me

and not because i don't deserve it but because you had to save yourself from my lies and the hopeless wish that i might get better

i shouldn't be writing this venting, should be loving him gently like i wish i did back then but i can't because i can't stand him, he makes me his own but he doesn't kiss me like you did, hold me down the way you did

why didn't i blow out the fire burning us down

watched it and cried and i thought wasn't strong enough to stay in that town

with the ashes settling down

but now i know it was home now i can never go back without seeing you in the water and the crowds

it's self deprecating to spend all my time remembering you

not changing and getting myself together so if you ever came back i'd be ready

But I know you won't, you're happier now, I see it in her playlists, your Pinterest boards

and maybe i'm doing too much but i can't unlearn you

you pulled out the knife i left through your spine yeah i let you

with your own two hands yeah i caught you

never thought i could hurt someone who wouldn't touch a fly but those who are hurt hurt for fun or maybe i've just forgotten how to love right

why didn't i..

you showed me

that love should be

free and safe

from doubt and shame

you loved me

in a way i couldn't

give back to you

i lashed out

repeating mistakes

you had to leave

had to put it out

the fire that spread

to your skin

that i had started

smoke alarms

i ignored warning signs

i ignored your warning signs

now i sleep in my bed without you

i thought i loved you

not sure if i knew how to love you

[crysmunth]

wordle

⬛️🟩⬛️⬛️⬛️

⬛️🟩🟩⬛️⬛️

⬛️🟩🟩⬛️⬛️

⬛️🟩🟩⬛️⬛️

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

taylordle

⬛️🟨⬛️🟨⬛️

🟨🟨⬛️⬛️🟨

🟩🟨🟩⬛️⬛️

🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

[crysmunth]

i wish i had the problem of what to give my friends during the holidays

quarrying about our old conversations, trying to remember what they said they could use on a long drive or what would look nice in a certain corner of their room

instead i try to remember for the blood bound that lacks boundaries and quiet contempt

i want to go home to my friends, wherever they are, for christmas next year.