crow-quilll

[crow-quilll]

Please don’t overwork yourself for our sake. We aren’t going anywhere, take your time and enjoy what you write. Don’t pressure yourself into making your writing a chore - I did that when I published a fic and the burnout is a killer. Your wellbeing is more important than weekly updates, I can assure you all of us in the audience would rather our author be healthy than have frequent updates with a miserable poster. Good luck with your studies and I look forward to reading what you create, however far in the future that may be. <3

You guys are genuinely so sweet, thank you so much for this. I know exactly what you mean - fic burnout is brutal. I'm glad I haven't reached that with Nobody's Soldier, and I will make sure I don't because truly this fic has become too important to me to abandon it.

Thank you for the well wishes, anon! And thank you for being so patient. There is an intrinsic worry with writing fanfic that your readers will lose interest if your updating slows down - so I am so relieved to see that isn't the case with many of you.

^^ this is how loved you guys make me feel

[crow-quilll]

how are you??

Hello anon!! Thank you for asking, you're so sweet <3

Truth is, I've been better. I'm very sorry to say that I'm only about 2,000 words into Chapter 14 for Nobody's Soldier - unfortunately, it takes everything I have in me to get out of bed and get university work done every day. I have some big projects due within the next couple days, next week should be slower so I hope to have the energy to get the chapter done and out for all of you to read.

I have not abandoned the fic - I will not abandon the fic. We will have our ending. It's just going to take me more time.

Thank you all for your patience. Stay safe, stay sane. I will keep you updated on the progress of the chapter <333

[crow-quilll]

crow, I am starving, when is the next chapter coming out? No pressure ofc! I just wanna know when to expect it! I love your work so much!!

Hello!! Thank you so much, and thank you for reading and enjoying so far! The next update is gonna be a bit slower than usual. This week I've got a lot of research and small papers to hand in, and the next couple weeks I've got 3 20-page history research papers due. SO updates are gonna be a bit slower - BUT they will come, I promise. This story will be finished, and I will keep all of you in the loop.

As for Chapter 14, I am aiming for a Friday/Saturday upload

Please bear with me, and thank you all for your patience and support <33

^^ me when I realize I have to prioritize university over fanfic

[crow-quilll]

OMG - You put Dogdays in the Spotify!

☂��� It's perfect because in the 2010s in Britian on the CBBC (its like the british version of the American CBS kids) they would play this song during the summer holiday when they showed the adverts (this was wayyy before streaming) so now whenever I hear this song I'm transported to my childhood summer - a type of freedom none of us will get to experience again. Which links to Squidgames because they try and recreate a sense of childhood with all the childish games.

Even without all that, the song alone is just French kiss, every time I listen to it, I feel both a sense of relief, like a weight has been lifted, but also a semse of drive like im running towards a new beginning but also, I feel like I'm running away from something, like a dark past.

why did you pick it? ☂️

HELLO STORMY! Im gonna call you stormy from here on out, I think it is fitting.

I had no idea that song had such significance! Thank you for letting me know, that's really awesome. We've got a few songs like that here in Canada, but Dog days isn't one of them. I love the part you said at the end - and that is precisely the reason I added that song to the playlist. Let's dig in:

I think this song relates so perfectly to Gi-hun based on the chorus. Specifically, the repetition of "run": "run fast for your mother / run fast for your father / run for your children, for your sisters and brothers." To me, this relates to Gi-hun's continued fight against the Front Man and his system. He fights for his family, for his friends, for everybody. The quick repetition of the word "run" also relates to his relentless race against In-ho and the system, his never-ending battle. It represents the pace that he needs to keep up, but also the fear of falling behind. No matter what, he has to keep running, keep fighting.

Also the line "leave all your love and your longing behind / you can't carry it with you if you want to survive." UGH NEED I EVEN SAY GI-HUN??? In the perspective of the fic (and season 2), Gi-hun has pushed away all affection and care (both from In-ho and from Jung-bae). He cannot bear to be comforted or to feel anything remotely positive because the war he has to win is so incredibly important. So, he pushes down every feeling, every desire, everything, because nothing matters except ending the games and fighting the system that took so much from him.

ANYWAYS that is how I think the fic relates to this song! Quite a dreary connection now that I think about it, I like your reading of the song better haha!

[crow-quilll]

im only on chapter six of nobody’s soldier and i am so uneasy about the ending. i know whatever you do will be great but in my head i hope that the ending will be gihun murdering inho in cold blood ☺️☺️☺️ as a treat. i want to hug and protect gihun but if he gets a chance he deserves to do that to this monster.

Hehe thank you for reading!! So glad you've been enjoying it so far! I won't spoil the ending obviously, I'll let you all suffer for a while longer ;))

[crow-quilll]

whenever i have a bad day i just remind myself that atleast im not gihun in nobody’s soldier 😌 then i think about him and he makes my day worse(better)

Ain't that the truth. AND Gi-hun always pushes through - he sets such a good example for us (not really though, don't sacrifice your well-being for anything)

[crow-quilll]

New chapter of Nobody's Soldier is up!! Chapter 13: Winners | Losers

All I will say is

enjoy :))

[crow-quilll]

sooo excited for chapter 13 i can’t stop thinking about ur fic it makes me so insane… the way in-ho tells gi-hun in chapter 11 that “it’s okay, he can’t touch you now” made me gasp because it’s just so… poor guy is going to need so so so much therapy after all of this shit 😭

Real, we need to start a community go-fund-me for therapy bills. He's gonna lose it at this point and we've still got so much further to go, the poor guy

^^ Gi-hun after Im done ruining him

[crow-quilll]

WHERE’S THE CHAPTER 👿👿🤬🤬🤬

IM SO SORRY I GOTTA PUSH IT OUT UNTIL TOMORROW! Chapter 13 of Nobody's Soldier is coming, I've got like 2,000 words left and I could finish it today - but this part is too important to rush through and I gotta get it right. Please, forgive me, I am but a small bird :(( The chapter will, on my firstborn child, be out tomorrow. I am so close.

BUT but as a little treat, enjoy a little snippet from the start of the chapter :)

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“Are you ready to go?” Gi-hun asks Young-il, finding it physically painful to meet his eyes.

“Yes, I am,” Young-il replies simply.

‘What just happened?’ Gi-hun thinks to himself as he nods, somehow keeping the bewilderment from his face, ‘What the hell just happened??’ 

One moment, Gi-hun was holding Young-il, trying to stop the bleeding with no more success than he had with Sang-woo.

The next, Young-il’s lips were on his own.

Now, he stands in the centre of the gathered rebels. Everyone is looking at him, waiting for him to explain their next move. And he is trying to stay focused on the task because it is so unbelievably important that they win this fight. He can’t even consider what would happen if they fail, because they won’t. They can’t. He needs to keep his ailing and scattered mind fixed on getting everyone through this alive…

but his mind just keeps slipping back to the kiss.

The kiss just came out of nowhere. At first, he wasn’t sure it was real - because how could it be real? Then, the fog of confusion cleared. All he could see and feel and breathe was Young-il. Every cell in Gi-hun's body had screamed with sudden alarm and life as if he had plunged into arctic waters, staring up at an imposing icy ceiling with an instant desire to find a way out lest he drown. Yet before he could even try, the sensation changed. The numbing cold turned warm and electrifying like the first touch of sun after months and months of grey skies. 

And after spending so long in the dark and cold, Gi-hun just wanted to feel the sunlight again.

He kissed back, didn’t he? He melted into Young-il’s touch, letting himself indulge for just a moment because he wanted it. He forgot about whatever the hell they were doing before. For a breath and a breath alone, all he knew was Young-il: the stench of blood and death was overpowered by the scent of woods and citrus, the chill of pain and fear replaced with a buzzing warmth, and the sound of distant gunshots and screams drowned out by the quick beat of his own heart.

And then everything changed. The moment that Young-il pulled him closer by the throat and slipped his tongue into his mouth, the sunlight he coveted was eclipsed by the sharp chill of reality. The tightened grip around his throat momentarily became the Front Man’s hand - not a hold of comfort or desire, but of control. Everything came screaming back to him: the games, the revolt, the lives at stake, the danger. 

Gi-hun grimaces reflexively at the memory of himself pulling away, breaking the kiss like it was burning him. He can’t bear to remember the faint shimmer of surprise and guilt in Young-il’s eyes as they stared at one another for only a moment before the others entered. They didn’t have time to talk about it - let alone time to even process it. But it happened and he can’t do anything to undo that. Gi-hun now lives in a world where he and Young-il kissed, and he doesn’t know how to reconcile with that.

If they were anywhere else in any other time, he honestly doesn’t know if he would’ve pulled away like he did.

And that thought is terrifying.

----------

;)) see you all tomorrow for the rest!

[crow-quilll]

MORE FANART MORE FANART

You guys are going nuts with the fanart for this fic lately and I AM LOVING IT!! THE WAY I AM EATING THIS UP!!

I think my favourite aspect of this is In-ho's expression in the first panel -- like actual chills. its the perfect mix between attraction and obsession, I love it. ALSO I SEE THAT BRAND ON HIS HAND AND THE BARCODE HEHE. And you know I gotta touch on the poses because WOW - the way In-ho is removing his mask in both versions is so well done and perfectly symbolizes both of his personas: Young-il brings his walls down with comfort and kindness, and the Front Man does it through force and violence. Two very different approaches but they have the same goal in the end.

ANYWAYS enough yapping - thank you so much for this you wonderful and lovely human being I love you <333

i drew more fanart of @crow-quilll 's fic Nobody's Soldier bc i am simply obsessed with it and thinking about it 24/7 lol

[crow-quilll]

At 2,500 words for Chapter 13 of Nobody's Soldier so far! Would've liked to do more, but school is back in full swing and they aren't pulling their punches. Don't they know I'm just a fanfic writer??? Anyway, I am aiming for a late Saturday/ early Sunday release! I'll keep y'all updated - get ready because it's a big one :))

[crow-quilll]

UM GUYS?

GUYS OH MY GOD??

THIS FANART IS SO CRAZY GOOD HOLY LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY OKAY GIVE ME A MINUTE

okay still freaking out but okay wow lets talk about this

First of all, your STYLE?? Magnificent, amazing, clean, crisp, wonderful. You are so unbelievably talented this is insane and i can't imagine the work that went into it. Like its genuinely beautiful, I would've gladly sold my soul for this. And I love how you coloured this, your contour and shadow work is insane. INSANE.

OKAY AND THE ATTENTION TO DETAIL?? The bruises ofc but but also the ziptie marks on his wrists, the burn around his neck from the shock collar, THE THE ELECTRICAL BURN LIKE HUH?? You paid such close attention - and i know how hard it is to keep track of his wounds because like there's alot but you nailed it. This is exactly how I pictured the scene playing out as I wrote it.

NOW. Now. I need to talk about the expression on Gi-hun's face because oh my god it's so perfect. You can see this level of shock and anger in his face because ofc -- but you can also see his realization of how much ownership the Front Man has claimed of him as the hand comes around his throat. It's this intense dread and fear and confusion as he looks at the Front Man - seen in how you've drawn his eyebrows furrowed slightly but one also raised. He's seeing what is happening but it isn't making any sense and IT IS HEARTBREAKING. Oh my god and his eyes. He's so tired. :(( AND the way he's pulling at his restraints??? Perfection. You can see the tension in his body as he tries to escape even though he knows he can't get anywhere -- making it that much more PAINFUL.

Okay lastly, such a good choice to have the Front Man's back to us because all of our focus is on Gi-hun's expression and his mangled form. It makes us that much more afraid of the Front Man because we can't see his mask, we have to simply infer whatever Gi-hun is seeing based on his reaction and it is terrifying and awful but oh my god Im in love with it.

This scene was one of my favourites to write and seeing it drawn hit like a gut punch because WOW there's something so different about seeing it like this. I guess writing the fic I always imagine everything from Gi-hun's eyes. But seeing it this way?? Let me just pick up the pieces of my HEART.

All in all, I love this, I love you, and thank you so much for taking the time to draw this. You are incredibly talented and I am genuinely so so honoured <333

Lmao so I've been reading the legendary fic Nobody's Soldier by @crow-quilll and the brainrot has been brainrotting so here's a fan art I did of a scene in chapter 10. Without spoiling too much, and for context, GiHun is brought back into the games not as a player but as a guard, and in this scene is recovering from some of the Frontman's torment, and said man comes to visit him and torment him a little more, I suppose...hfjshsjehenfjskshsj

This fic is super good, it's definitely heavy but so well written and I read every chapter ASAP. If you're here for Gi Hun whump and hurt/comfort(or just hurt 🤣) this is the fic for you lol. And I hope the fan art is okay🫣🧡

[crow-quilll]

Hey, Anxiety Military ☂️ here, and I've been listening to the Spotify playlist and do you care to explain Home by cavetown?

HELLO RAINY so glad you've been listening to the playlist, I listen to it all the time. And yes I would be happy too hehe!

Now, I mainly relate "Home" by Cavetown to Gihun (in relation to my fic). Here are some specific lyrics that called out to me when I chose it:

The repetition of "And I'll figure out a way to get us out of here" screams Gi-hun. He's constantly trying to find a way out for not only himself, but for everyone. And that includes Young-il, who mentions multiple times that he'd like to meet up once they escape. I see this line as Gi-hun's promise to himself, to the players, and to Young-il that he will get them out, whatever it takes.

"Turn off your porcelain face" can ofc be related to the mask Gi-hun is forced to wear as a soldier, but it also relates to his stoic countenance. He doesn't want anyone to see his pain or his fear, hence he keeps this "porcelain face" up to hide it.

"I can't really think right now and this place./ Has too many colours, enough to drive all of us insane." Is also insanely Gi-hun-coded because of how intimidating he finds the facility (its bright colours, childish demeanour, and twisting halls). He truly can't think when he's inside, it does something to him.

"Sometimes I think I'm dead/ 'Cause I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head" refers to his constant survivors guilt and the flashbacks he suffers of his old friends (mainly Sae-byeok and Sang-woo). I mean, if you keep seeing their bodies in front of you again despite knowing their gone, you'd also wonder if you died that day too and just never realized.

"Get a load of this monster/ He doesn't know how to communicate/ His mind is in a different place/ Will everybody please give him a little bit of space?"

This refrain is the way that Gi-hun views himself. He doesn't know how to make people listen to him anymore, he said what he needed to say and it didn't matter. As such, he feels that his mind truly is in a different place: no one seems to understand what he's trying to do and it is infuriating. That last line is a plea from him for everyone to just leave him alone for a minute. He is constantly surrounded by enemies (mainly the Front Man, who is always suffocatingly close), he doesn't know who he can trust anymore, and he just needs space. But he can't have that, not here.

"But little do we know, the stars/ Welcome him with open arms" to me is something that Gi-hun can't comprehend. It's more how we see him: he hates himself so terribly, but has no idea about the good he has done. We have the perspective to see it, and we can say that he is truly and honestly good and deserving of freedom.

NOW the last part hits me the hardest.

"Time is/ Slowly/ Tracing his face/ But strangely he feels at home in this place"

GI-hun is changing while he's on the island, and time's hand is truly tracing his face with more pressure and deliberation because of how he's been mistreated. Physically, he is withering, he is suffering. And yet, he feels at home in a horrible and twisted way. Part of that is because he feels he never really left the facility: a part of him always stayed, a part of him died alongside everyone else and can't ever leave again. But he also feels at home because of In-ho (more specifically, Young-il), who reminds him of Sang-woo and reminds him of the kind of camaraderie he used to have with his team. As cruel and strange as the games are, it's home now. And that, perhaps, is the most heartbreaking thing of all.

This song could obv. be related to In-ho as well, but I'll let you lovelies draw those connections hehe. I'm unsure of the song's true meaning, but this is what this song means at least to me in the context of the fic. Thank you for the question <333

[crow-quilll]

I’m ngl the saddest part of In-ho deciding to kill off Young-il to me is that there will be no more chances for him to make out with Gi-hun 😔 oh and the trauma of course…. *But the makeouts*

I can't say too much, but trust me, there will be more of that :)) You'll understand in the next chapter

[crow-quilll]

New chapter of Nobody's Soldier is live! Chapter 12: Ruin | Reverie :))

Now, I may have girlbossed too close to the sun and yapped for another 11,000 words - SO that means I have had to split this chapter in 2. Which means there will be more chapters hehe (This shall never end, and I have accepted my fate).

I am off to bed - but feel free as always to scream at me. I deserve it for this one.

Good luck :))

[crow-quilll]

Chapter 12 of Nobody's Soldier is at 6,000 words, friends. It will be out tomorrow evening/night, prepare yourselves.

The storm is on the horizon.

[crow-quilll]

Hehe love this analysis, job well done!! I won't say everything I want to (because spoilers) but I do have some things to add (keeping in mind that I speak of my version of In-ho in the fic) :

SO. You absolutely nailed it: In-ho didn't expect to become as infatuated with Gi-hun as he is - in fact, he never could've imagined it. He was obsessed with him prior to bringing him back (same buddy I get it) but he expected to hate everything about him and want to see him crumble and break. Now, In-ho still wants to see that for sure, but he also cares about Gi-hun in a way he'd never guess. He truly and completely enjoys Gi-hun's presence, enjoys the little game they play and their banter. What is more concerning to him is that he enjoys Gi-hun both as an enemy (as the Front Man), and also a friend (as Young-il). He never meant for it to get this far, and he's putting himself at incredible risk with how preoccupied he is with Gi-hun, but he doesn't care. He just wants to be near him, to talk with him, to hurt and heal him, to touch him.

AND you're absolutely right! In-ho himself is a victim of the system who became the victimizer. Il-nam took him at his lowest and shaped him to fit what he needed: an overseer of the games. Yet, we can't say that some of that was not In-ho himself. Based on personality alone, we know that In-ho is ruthless and has no quarrel with acting immorally for selfish reasons. So as much as he and Gi-hun share a backstory, they are fundamentally and entirely different. They have the same story but different endings.

In-ho is absolutely more complex than "evil front man" but, at least to me, he is truly evil. He's also incredibly in tune with other's emotions, he's caring, he's intelligent and charming, he's got glimmers of good in him, but he's also horrible and immoral and ruthless. All of that is In-ho, not the Front Man, not Young-il, but In-ho. So you're exactly right when you say that he himself is not just the Front Man - he's so much more than that.

"In-ho is what he did" is such a good way to put it, too. This character, even in canon, is so complex and layered. He's not your average clean-cut villain (like Il-nam or the VIPs), he's very human in the worst and best possible ways. That makes him all the more fun to write because truly, there's no such thing as heroes and villains - and I love me an antagonist who can so easily blur those lines

anyways enough yapping Ive got a chapter to write! But thank you for the essay, I love discussing this stuff so much it's so fun <33 (love the Matpat reference too) If you'd like to defend him, be my guest - but I won't make it easy. He's just getting started :))

I’m a yapper at heart so heres a typed out essay on why Inho is way more complex than just some “evil front man bad guy villain”

I’m talking ab a fanfic ver of him (fic by @crow-quilll (dont read it if u love ur life💔/j)) but can def be tied into the actual show 😋