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Ok this is the best one i've seen.

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been feeling a lot like him lately

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if you hired a galapagos finch as a linecook it would perfectly evolve a beak to optimally smoke cigarettes behind the dumpsters

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calvin and hobbes

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half this tradwife shit is just being lazy and not wanting to go to work lmao

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in your future

p.s. my new book is out now! get your copy here

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I just want to get dicked down again =/

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I do wholeheartedly believe Wes Anderson is a sick sick freak. I like his movies but I definitely think this guy has like a hidden room in his spacious french apartment that he slips into quietly each night and it is just filled with tiny little doll replicas of all the actors he's ever used in any of his movies and he puppets them around and mimicks their voices and shit. and sometimes he'll text Owen Wilson pictures of his little doll with a comb or something from an untraceable number and pair it with like "see how I take care of you Owen?" and then the following day Owen Wilson will find him at the service table and go, "Geez Wes look at this," and Wes will pretend to be all concerned and horrified but there is this calculating almost eager look in his eyes that unsettles Owen Wilson. and the next time Wes is having a little soiree with all his actors, his beloved beloved actors, maybe Owen Wilson will accidentally get lost on his way to the beautiful bathroom and find that little room and see all those dolls and his throat will hitch with horror. And before he can call Bill Murray or Adrian Brody to look a dark silhouette will appear in the doorway and Wes looks sort of resigned when he says, "I see you finally found my secret, Owen," and Owen Wilson will try and pretend that he's fine with it but they both know better. and Wes will go (the look in his eyes back again) "We both know this can't get out, right?" and he'll grin very suddenly and Owen Wilson will laugh along very nervously and leave the room and eat some brioche and when the evening is over he will rush over to his Prius and frantically click his keys but over the cobbles on the beautiful beautiful street there is the sound of footsteps. and tears are running down Owen Wilson's cheeks but he can't say a word and Wes, emerging from the shadows, will gently touch him on the shoulder and say, "look, I'll drive you to the airport, huh?" and Owen Wilson will try to refuse but they both know it's futile. and, halfway through the drive, Wes Anderson will smile and say, "I'll miss working with you" and then perfectly jump and roll out of the car, wiping off his corduroy pants, while Owen Wilson's Prius swerves into a local patisserie, bursting into flames

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chAAAinnnnn walletz. shirts wiv Jack ssSSkellingtin that. bBoney Boney! BOYYyh :D Hau would you like to see! 👀 a INNNNN 🤤🥵flux of customehrs *big breath* SOLELY due to the ssssUDDEN rrRRrRR(😖🥵🥵🫨🤤🤤🤤👅🫦)RApid SUc-- 💦💦💦💦💥💥🤯😵-------cess 😮‍💨 Of. HAZZBEEN HOE-TELwe're!!!!!BACK !!!!!Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaallll the freaky little "𝕲𝖔𝖙𝖍𝖘" who smellllllike 𝑭𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒐 Baaaaaaags Cummmm Trudging Thru our DOhwrs once more........... """ehdventure Tiiiiime""" ? eKhHhHN HN HMMM~~~ >:]]] 😈🦹🏻‍♂️ SPENNNNDINNNG TIIIIIME YOU SAUCY MINXXXXAH!

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