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critleemadness-blog · 13 days
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If you’re doing requests again, can I ask for something pretty odd, you know how people ship the goat and the lamb together, but the goat is an alternate version of the lamb? Yeah???
Puprinder and Narinder, kissing maybe?
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So I got a bit carried away…
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critleemadness-blog · 14 days
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The urge to be held like that is such a need! Freddy is not a morning person and needs to be dragged out of bed!
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critleemadness-blog · 14 days
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Kiss the head chef wife.
Just felt like drawing my Lambsona with Heket
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critleemadness-blog · 15 days
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well life can be unfair for a little bear like him. He gets zoomies around his wife a lot and she needs to put up with him <3
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critleemadness-blog · 15 days
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Contest For My Love
Narinder was having a pleasant day. Not only did he do minimal effort for his chores, he watched two drunkard fools fight for the last jug of beer (which he promptly drunk it behind their backs) and he kicked a puppy in the jugular because they were staring at him with those beady little eyes.
This is such a grandiose day that nothing could ruin it. So when he entered his hut so he could have an early sleep, he stopped dead in his tracks.
His face contorts to a blank glare when he sees his home was occupied by his siblings, sitting down and drinking tea and sharing bread like no one's business. It took him a few seconds to register what the hell he was staring at and even more to make a sentence.
“Okay, what in the fu-”
“Howdy, Narinder!” Leshy screamed, waving his hands at his brother. His other siblings waved as well, except Heket who was pointing a very mean gesture to him.
Oh they are not going to ruin his day. Twitching his eyes and trying to dilate his growing anger, he calmly said to them, “I'm asking this politely to you all since I'm in a good mood. Get out of my house.”
“No can do Nari!” The Lamb popped out behind the open door, kicking it close in the process.
And now his day was officially deemed ruined, “You gotta be kidding me, why are you all in my hut!?”
The Lamb giggled at his anger, cutely placing a finger on their chin, “Weeeell, my wife, bless Tali Zorah's soul, has died because someone sneezed at her general direction and I am in need of a new one. And that's where you'll come in.”
“And you want one of us to be your consort? We all tried to kill you!” Narinder yells as his siblings nod in agreement. 
The Lamb mewled at the very true statement before having a conclusion, “To be honest, that's kind of hot.”
Narinder was pretty certain he was having an aneurysm just from talking to them, “Seriously, what the hell's wrong with you?”
“Lots of repressed trauma!”
Kallamar groans as he places a tentacle on his forehead, showing obvious signs of a migraine, “Don't try to convince them, brother. We tried to and all that led to was their perverted fantasies.“
“Like you're one to talk, sword humper,” Leshy muttered out loudly, causing the aquatic sibling to slowly turn to him.
Before the squid could choke his leafy, worm brother’s windpipe out, the Lamb clapped for their attention, “Now that we all settled down, I brought you all here so I can find myself a new beloved. One I will choose to care for and pamper for the rest of your life. A privilege I assure.”
“And how do you suppose you choose your next lover, hmm?” Shamura queried, showing some level of interest.
The Lamb stared at them dumbly before scratching their chin, “Give me a minute, haven't even thought about it. I just really wanted to get hitched.”
Heket scoffed, “I bet it's something ridiculous like a kissing contest.” 
The Lamb gasp, a bright smile plastered onto their face, “Actually yeah, a kissing contest sounds like a good idea. Thanks Heket!”
The hut fell silent as all of the ex-gods stared at the wooly god before turning their fiery glares at the toad who in no doubt regretted saying such. Her face cringing and blushing mad, she looked the other way to hopefully save herself some dignity.
“Welp, I regret waking up today. So how is this going to work, best kisser or something?” Kallamar asked as he thought of ways to not be picked.
“Eh, it's just a kissing contest, nothing too complicated. Maybe making it messy gives bonus points, I don't know,” Leshy raised his hand and tried to say something before he was cut off, ”And no, you can't back out of this, I already cursed every escape option the moment Nari set foot.” Heket raises her hand, “Neither is killing me or yourself is an option.”
She lowered her hand.
“This is bloody stupid,” Narinder spat out as he sat next to his siblings.
Heket nods in agreement, “Took the words right out of my mouth.”
“And I will be in it in a few minutes,” The Lamb winked at her. She couldn't decide to either hurl on the table or hurl them through the window at the promise, “Now who wants to start this off? I have plenty of love ready to share, and we have all the time in the world.”
As expected, the group was silent as they looked at one another to see who went first. There were no takers.
The Lamb rolls their eyes, “Y’all no fun. You do not need to worry, I'm a certified kisser. Men, women, inbetweens and outliers all love me giving them the good ol’ tongue fu-”
“Just choose damn it, we don't want to hear all that!” Narinder yelled.
“Leshy.”
The worm stood up from his chair, flabbergasted at being picked, “W-what, why me!?”
“Cause you were my first of course-” They all stopped and looked at the aforementioned worm as if he committed a sin, “On me killing him. And you people think I'm a pervert.”
Leshy growled, “That's complete asinine and you know it.”
“Well excuse me princess, but I don't make rules.” They smiled wickedly at him, “Oh wait, yes I do. And by law and order, we must smooch.”
A shiver went down Leshy's back as his heart rate became faster. He was about to ask for help only to be pushed to the Lamb by a smirking Narinder, “Good luck, little brother. Remember to give them a big smile and do whatever you can to make them be yours. Counting on you.”
“Let go of me, you self-fellating piece of charcoal!” He growled at the chuckling cat, ready to take a swipe at him. Sensing a very giddy sheep close to him, he sighed to himself and decided to accept his fate, “Fine, whatever. Let's just get this over with.”
It took a split second before his leader jumped onto him and cradle close to his mouth, “Glad we're in agreement, my love.” 
Another shudder went through his spine as they pressed their wooly body against his leafy surface. Their hands wrapped and comforted him, which was surprisingly nice. 
The Lamb took charge, pressing their lips to his. At first the kiss was beyond awkward, especially on Leshy's part. Yet when he took in their unique scent and felt the cuddling hands, he couldn't help but take it all in.
When he fully embraced them did the mood change, finally relaxing and pressing onwards on his own will. The drumming heart in his chest rapidly grows quicker as he deepens the kiss further. If anything, it sounded like Leshy wanted more of the affection at the slight moans.
When they separated, one could hear a little whine between his labored breaths coming from the worm.
“Th-there, satisfied?” Leshy breathes out, still feeling like his heart is about to burst out of his chest.
The Lamb chortled, “Funny enough, you're a really good kisser. Been practicing with mortals, ‘ey?”
He shook his head, adding in a nervous  laugh, “Why would I kiss a mortal? They're icky, nasty and-”
“Don't you hover around that yellow cat every single day, young Leshy?” Shamura cuts in, a faint smile on their face.
“Lies and deceit, sibling!”
“Oh you don't need to hide it, Leshy,” They went to their tippy-toes to reach his ears, whispering to him, “Maybe we should get that lovely Vial you like so much to join in, I don't mind sharing. Imagine; double the love, double the action, double the fun~.”
“Can we please move on to someone else, it's embarrassing standing here with you!” Leshy yelled as his voice pitched higher than before, flowers blooming on his face like he was blushing mad.
The Lamb smiles cheekily, finally letting go of the grassy thing, “Alright, alright, take your seat already. Again, I will say that you were an excellent kisser, so take pride in that,” Skittering away like the bug he was, he took his seat at the table before hiding his camellia filled face with his arms. Shamura patted his back for reassurance. “Alright one down, four to go. Who's next?”
The four ex-gods look amongst themselves to see who's next. Since no one is taking initiative, Kallamar decided to take the reins. Being the second oldest of the family, he took the responsible roll on being a worthy sacri- “All say Heket be next say ‘aye.’”
“Huh?!”
“Aye!” Everyone, including the Lamb, yelled out.
Heket flatly glared at her siblings, “Oh all of you can drop dead.” She turns towards the Lamb, hoping they reconsider, “Seriously, why can't you just skip me?”
“Because the jury said so and to be honest with you, I'm excited. Let me tell you, big, strong ladies are nice to snuggle with~.”
Heket gawked at the Lamb as the audience made an annoying ‘ohs’ and ‘ahs’ at them. Shaking her head from secondhand embarrassment, she glared murder to the mutton, “Why you little shit, I should smash you!”
“Pinky promise?”
Her eyes twitched as she thought of numerous ways to commit unadulterated  violence. She would have committed such atrocities if it wasn't from the teasing looks her family were giving off.
“Don't rip their face off, or do. Either is fine.” Narinder comments with a smug look, meanwhile Leshy made loud kissing noises that made everyone laugh.
“Shut it, and look away,” Heket growled out to her siblings, yet the only thing they did was continue waiting for the kiss for their amusement. Rolling her eyes, she turns towards the Lamb, “Know I will not enjoy this.”
“We'll see about that, froggy.”
Heket stared at the waiting cult leader, mentally preparing herself. The Lamb smiles as they see the cogs turn in her head. After so long of hesitation, she grabbed the wool from the back of their head and pulled towards her.
She went straight to the point, smashing her lips with theirs. The Lamb was caught off guard, her long and bulbous tongue filled the Lamb's mouth instantly. Though they were quickly overwhelmed, they soon matched her passionate ferocity with heavenly touches. She did say she wouldn't like it, but from the numerous groans she made placed it as debatable. 
Both were consumed by one another before Heket finally pulled away first, her face more red than a bleeding tomato. The Lamb was in a similar state with swabbed saliva on their lips. Both were severely out of breath as they stared at each other absentmindedly. 
Meanwhile, their audience looks in awkward silence at the scene. They looked very uncomfortable. 
“....Okay, is it just me or was that a bit too intense?” Kallamar whispered to his siblings so she wouldn't hear him.
Leshy nods as well, very much regretting teasing her, “I know right? I swear I can hear them from here.”
“She was the one who suggested a contest for Lambert's heart. It was to be expected,” Shamura loudly added in, putting out a smile once their sister snapped out her haze then glared at them for the reminder.
“You were getting into it, if I know any better you wanted more.” The Lamb licked their lips and smirked, “Maybe you're the one for me.”
Heket scoffed at the statement, for some reason not immediately letting go, “I will murder you before that time comes, mutton.”
“It will be a date then, my toad.“ The Lamb kissed her hand that only further frustrated Heket. Heat coming from her cheeks, she pulled away and then stomped to her seat. She could still feel the softness of their lips that made her crackled.
To add salt to the wound, Kallamar, with his highty tighty voice, teased her, “Ach, flirting with the devil I see. Maybe the Lamb should be your lawfully wedded spouse, sister.”
Heket growled at her brother, digging a claw onto his chest, “Shut up Kallamar, you don't even know what a spouse is, much less get one.”
He gasped dramatically as he slapped away the finger, “Can to, I had a lot before we got into this mess; Narinder!” The cat simply points his favorite finger.
“Pfft, I’m sure you don't know how to get one anymore. Only reason you had any consorts to begin with was because you were a god. Now nobody likes you, not even our use to be followers want you around!” Leshy cackles while Heket nods in agreement.
Kallamar stood up, yelling at them like a petulant child, “It wasn't just that, fools! I have charm and smarts unlike you two, literal pea for brains and miss chomps a lot!”
“No maidens?”
Kallamar pulls out a sword from his robes and points at his snickering sister, “The next person who insults me is getting amputated!”
“I may have to interject, brother.” The spider cut in.
Kallamar, with his sword violently shaking and seething in the mouth, looked at them with anger, “Shamura, don't you dare-”
“Heket and Leshy are right, not a single mortal hasn't given you a time of day since we're here. I'm surprised no one tried to complain about harassment when you asked them out, much less give you a kiss. Even young Leshy found a potential suitor, which I say good job brother,” They sipped the last remnants of their tea, “No offense.”
As Kallamar looks to be ready to froth in his mouth, Narinder starts to laugh loudly. His uncontrollable laughter caused him to get off of his chair before falling on his knees as if he was taking in the last gasp of air.
The Lamb, ignoring the dying ex-god, scratched the back of their head, “Sheesh, now I wonder if you know how to actually kiss someone.”
“Doubt it.” Leshy and Heket nonchalantly said at the same time.
“I know how to kiss, gods damn it!” Kallamar threw his sword on the ground, eyes red with fury and a vein appeared on his forehead. Snapping his attention to the Lamb, he quickly approached them, “Get over here, you filthy sow!”
“The hell you just called me-” Before they could protest, they were pulled to him with a surprisingly mighty kiss. 
Forgetting about the insult for the moment, they let him take charge. The Lamb can feel his fury from his lips and tongue, lashing and sucking with no escape. His many hands held onto them like a vice as he dug deeper. 
In what felt like forever before Kallamar seemed to have eased up. They thought that he was finished, but no, he seemed to double down on them, leaning so forward the Lamb had to hold his back so they wouldn't fall. After a few excruciating moments and a wet make out session did they finally separate, leaving the Lamb cross eyed with a droopy look on their face. 
“There, happy now!?” He screamed at everyone that he proved his worth. His sibling's reaction was a mix between surprise and honest respect for the squid. They even clapped in his honor. 
Good for him, good for him.
The Lamb giggled, looking like they were at an all time high, “Oh my, aggressive kisser when angered. Keeping that for later for bed, dear. Baahah~.”
Kallamar's face morphed from anger to confusion to realization to mild disappointment of himself for stooping so low. Dropping the Lamb on the ground, he returned to his seat and sulked, “I hate everyone in this room equally, including myself,” He took a quick glance at his cat brother, who was still having a little giggle, “Narinder especially.”
Narinder made a curt laugh, “Join the bandwagon, why don't you?” 
He wasn't laughing for long before getting a face full of wool and dark skin in front of him, “Speaking of Narinder,” The Lamb made a kissy face with a bit of tongue out to him, “It's your turn, my master.”
Before they could get sloppy, the cat put a hand on their face to stop them, “I despise you with every part of my being.”
The Lamb raised a skeptical brow at the cat's statement before smirking, “Nari, I can read yours and everyone's mind, and I'm pretty certain ‘despise’ isn't the word you would use for me.”
“Point still stands, you yaboo.”
Before he could push the Lamb away from his personal space, he felt a hand on his shoulder, “Narinder,” Shamura said, ready to shed a tear, “I have forgiven you of all your transgressions, it is all in the past for a brighter future. But now it is your time to fully call it even for the rest of your siblings. So please, as my favorite brother of all the realms, sacrifice yourself and give into the Lamb's whims so the rest of us may walk freely. Please oh brother of min-”
“No.”
“Welp, can't say I tried.“ Shamura sat back down and leaned back with their arms behind their head, not even feeling any regret from the cold gazes of their siblings for their blatant and obvious favoritism.
“...You know you're a massive cunt, right?” Leshy said flatly.
“Enough stalling,” The Lamb snapped their fingers to get Narinder's attention, “Now pucker up, pretty boy.”
Narinder can only groan to himself from this inevitability. 
Throwing away his limitless pride, the cat leaned down to their mouth just enough to feel their breath. Sudden nervousness and fear delved into his stomach and mind the more he looked at their cutesy face. Couldn't handle seeing them any longer, Narinder closed his eyes and took a quick plunge.
He gave them a short and small peck onto their lips. His clenched face turned surprised at how good it felt. The Lamb expected the little kiss was just it only for Narinder to hold onto their cheek and give them a second one that was much longer than the first. Hell, they could feel his tongue touch their lips before pulling away completely with a stunned look.
As fast it had started, it ended as quickly. 
The Lamb blinked owlishly, a bit surprised by the cat's rather chaste forwardness, “You're surprisingly gentle, you know that?”
Narinder blinked once, then twice before he finally realized what he had done. His face turn harsh red, he blabber on, “I just-, I could have-, this isn't what it-”
The Lamb smiled as they let go of him, “It's alright, I like it too, master.”
Steam begins to form from his ears as he tries to deny any and all affection for them. With the only thing he could make out was hot air, he made his way back to his seat while avoiding his sibling's gaze.
“Aww, too much for you, Nari~?” Leshy cackled before he whimsically sang,  “Narinder and Lambert, sitting in a tree. K, I-”
The worm was cut short when his brother grasped his shoulders before violently shaking him, “There better be two Ls in that or I will take more than your eyes!”
The Lamb quietly chuckled while the two youngest brothers bicker and fight with each other. Once they felt a tap on their back, they turned to see Shamura bearing down on them. “And now for the grand finale, Shamura! Hope you know how to kiss, you old decrepit skeleton. Make it sloppy and maybe I'll humor you.”
They lend out their hand to the spider, who quickly accepts it with a chaste kiss. Shamura gave a few moments to think, “Am I allowed to use my poison to quicken the process?”
“Only if I could bite your tongue off that turbid maw off yours.”
“Oh, that is very tempting,” Shamura bared their wicked fangs.
Placing a hand under their chin and shifting it upwards, Shamura bent down to give them a simple kiss. Nothing too grandiose nor complicated, hells below there wasn't even any tongue. It did quite feel nice though.
Shamura seemed to not bother with any shame, slowly placing their claws on the Lamb's wooly side and if they wanted to, they would have pierced their skin. In turn, the Lamb's hand went to the back of their hand to further exploit them. Despite threatening them by chewing their tongue out, they were actually hoping to taste the spider's alluring poison.
Their shared moments together were certainly the longest as the other ex-bishops looked at each other with gross concern. 
After a whole three minutes they finally separated. “Wow,” The Lamb's eyes fluttered open to see the deep purple of Shamura's own staring down on them, “And here I thought you were a prude, but you surprised even me. Though I told you to be sloppy for me.”
“Oh, Lambert, you poor fool,” They chuckled, slowly scratching the Lamb's chin with a scandalous look, “I wanted to do it on my own terms, I will not give you the privilege, not to a wretched abomination.”
The Lamb in turn gives them a challenging smirk, leaning closer for another kiss, “Mmm, oh it's going to be fun breaking you~.”
Shamura chuckled as they did the same, “Break me? You wouldn't be able to walk if you chose me.”
“Aaaugh!” The Lamb and spider jumped from their meandering from Heket who looked genuinely disgusted at the two, “Eww, eww, eeeewwww. Shamura, shut up please. Disgusting!” Heket spat out, covering her ears so she wouldn't listen to this farce, “Gods, I need to burn my eyes and ears now.”
“Never thought I would hear the day Shamura flirted with someone,” If Leshy still had his eyes, it would have been filled with suffering.
“Could be a lot worse,” Despite everything, Kallamar looked nonchalant about it. Probably got used to the horrors very quickly, “Still kind of wish I was completely deaf again. Think you can help me with that Narinder… Narinder?”
Narinder stared at the spider and Lamb with utter confusion, “I suddenly want to drown myself in the nearest river… huh.”
Shamura finally let go of Lambert as they sat by their disgusted siblings, “T’is but a jest, I would never lay with the beast…” One their eyes turned towards the Lamb with predatory gleam,“...unless-”
“Shamura!” The spider chuckles at their siblings' expanse.
“I would say the same thing if you weren't such a good tempter, mummy.” The Lambed winked at Shamura before clapping their hands to get everyone's attention, “Well I learned a lot from each of you. Plus it was fun, wasn't it?”
“No!” Shamura would have said otherwise if Heket hadn't shoveled bread into their mouth.
“I take that as yes.” The Lamb cleared their throat as they gave each of the ex-gods a smile, “Okay, I have decided on who will be my new beloved. After some very careful analysis, I finally realize who I will be spending my time with… so prepare… the one I choose is…”
Leshy's heart slowly went faster. The ever growing imaginations of being shared sound a bit too appealing.
Heket softly placed a hand on her lip, still feeling the soft touch of the Lamb. An all too sudden craving for more of them took shape.
Kallamar crossed his fingers as he calculated the pros and cons of being pampered and loved by the Lamb. There were a lot of pros.
Narinder leaned ever closer, all eyes solely focusing on them with crazed anticipation. Many confusing thoughts rapidly went through to him.
Shamura chewed at their bread without any concern, showing that no matter the choice, they'll be satisfied albeit a little disappointed.
The Lamb held their breath and brought their finger down towards the group… “...eenie meenie miney moo…”
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critleemadness-blog · 1 month
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Lamb x Heket fic
Something cute
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Yes, this is the true ending 🌱
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Yes, I'm late with my bishops designs, but who cares?
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critleemadness-blog · 2 years
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Drew this on a whiteboard today
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critleemadness-blog · 2 years
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Cannon
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How narinder lost his trust in the old faith
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critleemadness-blog · 2 years
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banner i made for twitter
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critleemadness-blog · 2 years
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Been thinking about making another cotl oc for a little while now so here!!
Just a concept so far. She'd make clothes in exchange of gold-- or sometimes a particular follower. Hasn't used leather to work with for a while.
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critleemadness-blog · 2 years
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I drew follower-ish forms for the four bishops.
I liked the idea of all five siblings reuniting somehow. Maybe you can spare them or just resurrect them, or something, i dunno. 🐑
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critleemadness-blog · 2 years
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Someone requested follower bishop AU a LONG time ago and I hope this fic was worth the wait. I took my time on this one.
In which I force Narinder to reconcile with a revived Shamura.
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critleemadness-blog · 2 years
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Badass bishops discord requests ! Yay
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critleemadness-blog · 2 years
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The lamb, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.
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critleemadness-blog · 2 years
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I'm confident in saying that Twitter will now become my new home. I do like Tumblr but it seems that Twitter is more interactive with my content and that's really what I'm aiming for. I'll probably be on here every other day but I won't be as active as I have been. MAIN TWITTER NSFW TWITTER
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