criss962

[criss962]

amm I was just thinking about these the other day, cuz like any other overthinking person I torture myself with no other thing than my thoughts

Like 4 years ago, I started to come to terms with the idea that man wasn't the only choice for me (as a woman) to be with in a romantic relationship ... which (in a way) felt like some sort of relief, cuz before, I was terrified because of the fact that I had convince myself that I hadn't in me the capability of loving another person, this under the reason that man wasn't attractive to me (I mean don't get me wrong, Harry Styles Ross Lynch and others are gorgeous human beings) I could never picture myself in a relationship with a male partner, instead, I dreamed of being the Anakin Skywalker of Padma Amidala, she was the first woman that I picture as "I wanna marry her" haha, so yeah. I thought I was like broken like something in me was off and I was so scared, and honestly I still am, that there's no chance for me to be happy with this mistake, with this broken part in me. My parents are people that are completely strangers, so I'd never had anybody to hold on to, anybody to show me love in a hug, a word and my friends (or maybe it's just me idk) tend to come, stay for a while and then for one or another reason leave, my school (back then) or my town or even the country so yeah I've been lonely in a "sentimental way" most of my life.

Going back to the time line, 4 years ago I creat a Tumblr account cause somewhere, I think it was YouTube, I saw a video where a girl was celebrating her anniversary of idk how many years with her gf who she met through a post on Tumblr (yeah was one of those videos that YT shows you to remember you how single and lonely you are) and I was like... why not?

So I creat my account I personalize my profile and all of those, sometimes, unnecessary things that we do when we create some account. The things is that I posted like maybe 4 to 7 post with similar messages "any gal who wants to talk" and things like that with every saphic tag that I could think of and nothing happened. Until I get a few messages comes in, and with one girl we connected like inmediately, she was a year younger than me and had the craziest sense of humor. It was the kind of connection where you can talk all day and all night and you still have things to say. We'd talk through every social media that we knew Insta, Snapchat, Twitter, here... She had this some sort of power of magic inside of her that I just could not take my eyes off and it was mutual, we shared dreams and thoughts and idk it felt real it felt like something that was meant to be... Gezz we even talk about getting married, kids, future jobs and cabins in the woods.

Things started to fall apart like a year and a half later... and I think that that was the first time I could empirically empathize with every break up song that I've ever heard. My world stopped and like I was, and I'm still, in the closet with every relative that I have, I cried in the dark at nights, trying to make as less sounds as I could.

We met around this time of the year 4 years ago, she later got herself a gf and moved on as I heard after... I eventually dated a man for a couple of months just to idk "fit in" with the heteronormativity that was tattooed in my head since day one but we broke up a few month after.

Remembering her feels like a hole, because I start remembering those sweet conversations and then the bitterness of the goodbye. I honestly don't know anything about her actual status or what she's been up to. I just wish her the best and hope that she's doing all right.

I miss that kind of love that I had for her... where I felt safe of being clumsy or not that smart or just me. And that's something that thanks to her I learned about what I search for, maybe unconsciously, I don't expect that my partner make me the happiest person in the world, happiness it's quite absurd, I want that the person that I choose and that it choose me, gives me peace... that being around her makes me exhale, makes me let go the heavy of the world around us.

I loved her but I'm greatful for the time we shared and the things I learned from her. I missed the feeling that I haven't been able to find again but I hope that the both of us find our person.

flo

[criss962]

[criss962]

Vivo con la extraña sensación de querer irme siempre. De no pertenecer a ningún lugar.

- Edith / 03.07.24

[criss962]

Shout out to the queer kids who live in an accepting area but still aren’t sure they’re always accepted.

shout out to the kids who’s parents are *fine* with them, but nothing more than that.

shout out to the kids that had a really awkward coming out, and no one’s mentioned it since.

shout out to the kids who’s straight friends like to discuss queer issues, and often have the a skewed idea of what’s ok.

shout out to kids who are mostly accepted, but still would rather leave.

You’re valid

(I very much liked a recent reblog from @morsobaby: those whose parents are “being accepting in actions rather than mindset” <3 this is for you too)

[criss962]

inconsistente.

[criss962]

returning to tumblr feels great

[criss962]

By: blancoymiedo

[criss962]

Y vuelvo a mi escondite en Tumblr, donde nadie sabe quien soy y a quien escribo

.nothappyuser

[criss962]

looking at the lesbian tag isn’t enough, I need an actual girlfriend to be with

[criss962]

[criss962]

imagine watching this wholesome show and coming away thinking, ah yes, this is BAD it’s all a NEFARIOUS PLOT

[criss962]

receiving coming out story's on my inbox

(jk... but if you want I'm not jk)

[criss962]

I'm on my Reputation era on instagram but on Tumblr... girl, nobody knows who the f*ck I am... here I feel powerful and free b*tch

Does that makes sense? idfk but it feels good

[criss962]

Consuming sapphic content isnt enough anymore I need to kiss a girl

[criss962]

i just wanna cuddle up in a blanket and melt into her arms while she hugs me as tight as possible and we hold hands softly under the blanket with her arms wrapped around my stomach and everything is soft and theres a show on probably something gay the lights are dim and then she falls asleep and i don't DARE move a muscle because i care about her so much and shes just so cute so i turn the tv down and keep stroking her back until i fall asleep too and were both just so comfy and soft and lost in our own little world thats all i really want in life

[criss962]

sapphic daydreams ❀

[criss962]

amen

girls are so pretty and smart and funny and perfect and i’m kinda obsessed with them tbh