crackedtothecor-blog

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Usually when we hear or read something new, we just compare it to our own ideas. If it is the same, we accept it and say that it is correct. If it is not, we say it is incorrect. In either case, we learn nothing.

 Thích Nhất Hạnh (via purplebuddhaproject)

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After over a decade of pain and wondering what’s going on in my body, I’m just glad to finally have an answer.

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Apparently, it's common enough for people to feel more anxious in the fall that people have started calling it "Autumn Anxiety". This fall was a tough one, anxiety wise for me. Here are a few things I wrote over the course of late summer and fall.

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Just Breathe

There is a weight on my chest. It’s not a metaphor, it’s real, I can feel it. Anxiety. Just a seven letter word but it’s so heavy…

It’s hard to breathe. Asthma? No, it’s different.

I’m not gasping for air, I’m holding my breath: Scared to move, Scared to breathe, Scared to live.

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"Everything you gain in life will rot and fall apart, and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart... You will only ever have two choices: love or fear. Choose Love, and don't ever let fear turn you against your playful heart."

Sometimes, I feel like I waste all my precious personal time mindlessly scrolling through news feeds, but other times the right things find me at just the perfect time. I try to work with my fear, but if I'm honest, I let it call the shots more than I care to admit. Lately, I've had no shortage of fear to work with–and no shortage of anger, either. I found myself playing the blame game, big time.  Last week someone said they thought blaming always came from anger, and that behind anger is always a sense of helplessness. That stopped me in my tracks. For me, at least, it rang very, very true. I'm afraid, I feel helpless, and I've been pilling on the armour–choosing fear, instead of love. Time to slow down and gently let my heart open.

This speech by Jim Carrey is wonderful. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: comedians are going to save the world! I'm going to take his advice, I'm gong to go relax, and dream up a good life.

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This is me trying to live a life true to myself, not to my fears...

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(via Change Starts At Home)

1 in 3 kids in Saint John live in poverty--1 in 2 (49.5%) in Ward 3.

Today is Universal Children’s Day. Let’s stand up for our kids. Please sign the petition! 

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A couple months ago, just as the election campaign was getting underway,  I borrowed an old copy of a Shambhala sun magazine from the meditation group I am a part of.  It was sitting on its own on a shelf, and the featured article was Choosing Peace, by Pema Chodron—my go to author when I am feeling out of balance and caught up in chaos.  

“Choosing Peace… Yeah, I should probably read that right about now,” I thought to myself.

So I borrowed the magazine and took it home.  I opened it to the article by Pema, and set it down on the arm of my couch—there it sat, open, unread, until today.  

Today is Remembrance day. Today, collectively, we remember the sacrifices that were made for us.  A few years back, I went to the beaches of Normandy in France—I was about 22 at the time.  I walked through the rows and rows of white crosses and thought “Oh my god, they were all younger than me…”

I think about the sacrifices that were made so that I could be free. So many lives lost. Others, changed forever by the hours that they lives through.

I think of my grandparents—both of my grandfathers fought in the second world war—and everything they had to endure.  My dad’s mom thought my grandfather was dead for an entire six months.  My mom’s mom was pregnant when my grandfather left—my aunt didn’t know her father until she was 4 or 5…

In honour of Remembrance Day, I thought it would be appropriate to finally read the article on choosing peace.

It was a powerful reminder of the ways we get caught up,  swept away—of how in my everyday life I can do better at letting go, opening my heart, and choosing peace. Today, I commit to working with my mind and emotions—working on myself—and consciously choosing peace, to the very best of my ability. I am human; I will screw up. When I do, I can be gentle and kind to myself, while still applying discipline so that I don’t get caught up in settling the score.  It won’t lead to happiness or peace for myself or others. I know this, and I will try not to forget.

I will remember.

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I think if we didn’t contradict ourselves, it would be awfully boring. It would be tedious to be alive. Changing your mind is probably one of the most beautiful things people can do. And I’ve changed my mind about a lot of things over the years.

Paul Auster (via quotemadness)

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Your vote matters!!! Please, go vote! You can find out where to vote by entering your postal code at elections.ca, pollenize.org is a fantastic resource for learning about the different party platforms (they also have apps for iPhone and Android), or take a quiz to find out which party is most in line with your values: https://canada.isidewith.com/political-quiz or https://votecompass.cbc.ca #elxn42 #SaintJohn #livelifeuptown #NB #LandYouLove

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#sunset on Duke street #ilovesaintjohn #SaintJohn #livelifeuptown #sunshineafterrain (at Saint John, New Brunswick)

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Beautiful evening. Perfect for taking a stroll to the polls and exercising your democratic right! You can go vote right now, polls are open till 8pm! #SaintJohn #NB #livelifeuptown #vote #youthvote #elxn42 #cdnpoli

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Sometimes when I get irritated, what I really mean is thank you...

I have so much to be thankful for, but today I would like to express how grateful I am for all of the amazing people I have in my life who inspire, encourage, and support me.  I am especially grateful to those of you who push me to be the best version of myself, who call me on my bull-shit, and force me outside of my comfort zone, because you know I can take it, and you believe in my potential. 

 In the wise words of J.k. Rowling:  

“It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends.”

When you push me outside of my comfort zone, or don’t indulge my fears or complaining, I might not react with gratitude at that moment, but I do appreciate it.  Thank you! I love you.

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Right now, my Red Heart is aching… It feels heavy and there is a tightness in my chest. I’m sad, anxious, and I’m scared for the future. I want to scream. I don’t know what to do.

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I feel like a lot of my photos are of the same thing... But I will never tire of looking at the sky! #SaintJohn #Sunsets 💕😋