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SIGNALIS: MEMORIES (Side B) has officially been released by 1000 Eyes. Truly something special… Haven’t seen any posting about it here so I’ll post it here.

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is this anything. do you see the vision

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did anybody else realize the main melody in As Long As I Can Dream by red vox is the same as rem's lullaby from trigun 98 or am i just too autistic for my own good

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And if i said deltarune.

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when I got sad over my health 2 days ago, I dreamt like wanderenvy again.

it was that common dream of wanting to be super alone.

the common trope of having a secret second bedroom.

but after that, I went through a secret portal to my old house, leaving everyone in the current house for a brief reprieve. dark, abandoned, but still perfectly clean and functional. it was left all to me and no one knew about it. for some reason that thought is so comforting. i don't know why... and it makes more sense when I'm asleep.

of course, i know i have scopophobia... and i've never lived alone... and i've been a people pleaser perfectionist with social ocd... well, maybe that's it then.

the depressingly empty and barren snowy field outside became such a euphoric comfort to me. i ran in the dark snow night for some reason, like an animal with the zoomies just practicing free will to prove it's not enclosed. even though i was completely alone, i still had a bit of paranoia. even deers looking at me made me scared, so i went inside and locked the door.

Then i saw my dead cat alive ! that happens when i dream about my old house... that's gonna be a trend for a while... but it's not a bad thing. this is my previous cat, not the recent one who passed away last month. this was her brother who passed away many years ago. usually when i see him, in the dream i always believe he was always alive and just was hiding away in the basement. but this time, i knew he was dead. so i pet him and said "you're dead, i love you so much, but you're dead." it's the same way i feel about my recent cat who passed away. they kind of swapped, because i dreamt about her once so far and in the dream i believed she was alive. unfortunately that dream was just me feeling stressed because she'd still be sick if she was still alive.

anyway ... this wanderenvy. i still feel it ever since that day. even though im over that whole health dread thing- i dont have anything to feel bad about. maybe it's just that i'm forced to rest, so i feel that longing for ability right now. sehnsucht. #arianeyeong

it's sometimes like this where i have residual plural symptoms, too. they resolve naturally now with my current schematics

but wanderenvy is ... always special

i think its just a reminder, like insecurity, that i need to spend more time with myself

right now, i only thought of it because i listen to a relaxing signalis music playlist most nights when the silence is deafening or my head is too loud. and it appeals to that wanderenvy atmosphere. i'll probably keep dreaming like this for a while

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Annual kill la kill rewatch 🕺

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Mako that I drew for a friend :)

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OK

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will i see you again?

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I do have a consistent art style, but my own mindset has held me back from utilizing it. I'll talk more about that in another post.

sooo.. this is something I only realized after I yapped in the tags of a random artist about how their art reminded me of my own (honestly was very unnecessary of me but it was enriching for me nonetheless)

I thought about what I said and wondered why I said it. if this is not what "inconsistent" means in this case, then why did I identify it with why my own art is inconsistent?

well, because I do exactly what I described.

yeah, it's dynamic. I enjoy looking back on my art and getting to experience a drastically different concept and approach every time. it's not like I'm just putting characters I like in the same ink stamp, font, or same face syndrome kind of consistent artstyle... but I've always Wanted that ability, too 💔 ...

I just couldn't make it work. when I drew characters I liked in a constricting artstyle, like anime or whatever, I felt weird about it. like it looked bad or didn't fit.

why's that? it's because of mindset...

about fundamentals and how important they are to making the artwork good (specifically if you are wanting a consistent style like a common animator does, like i want to do for the sake of making comics + character art)

let me explain. in the tags above, I frame this as a compliment because I enjoyed it in someone else's art. but in my art, I am responsible for this happening, and I want my art to reflect everything I like- including consistent style and robust abilities.

but I lacked the mindset that harnesses the ability to address fundamentals first. the style or aesthetic aspects were not the issue, but rather my fundamentals. I would change the style and aspects to make the piece appealing whenever the pose, composition, anatomy, and lineart wasn't working...

basically, I was playing around with art, which is fine. it still looked good half the time.

but I don't enjoy only being dynamic all the time. I want to able to get better at doing one specific thing, too

the mindset i need going forward is to not to instinctively change the aesthetic elements within the artwork, but rather to consider the fundamentals of the artwork. that way, I won't forsake the style I like just to make it look good in the moment without sacrificing a pose that isn't working for the skills and style i really truly want to cultivate

of course, that philosophy of not forsaking my stylistic preferences that i just described kind of clashes with my current journey into making art simpler. but like i said, i'll swing between normal and simple so that both improve. i want to improve both in an easy/simple manner and a normal/challenging manner, whichever i prefer in the moment.

i really do want to find more things i like. i could maybe even enjoy a simpler style. im not attached to any singular thing in art, but not trying to destroy anything good that i can still use, either.

hopefully i do find the consistency and the strong fundamentals i desire!

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so yea basically I wanna do more chibi/simple art... unabashedly. not bc chibi is what i wanna do forever,, but because it will really help me over this hurdle..

well, i specifically want to swing between normal and simple art. i want to swing until i find the middle point. basically, so that my chibi practices enhance the anatomically accurate practices, and vice versa.

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yknow i am quite understanding and have been very accepting in my past but i have been understanding more and more how important it is to be a bit stuck up and LOUD about what you're un/comfy with purely for the sake of yknow having boundaries which i didnt set properly before

so while i am grey stanced on things, just being grey isnt productive or meaningful unless you also have real personal values and personal boundaries beyond your stance on Internet Discourse (applies to every stance btw)

so like if anything, having "proship dni" or whatever is just a way to keep people on their toes. like yeah i interact with arguably proship people, but im still going to include that dni whenever i feel like it. why? because it makes insecure people nervous. i dont say this to be evil, but rather to be cautious and righteous about being honest about how dangerous insecurity can be in a relationship. i would know, ive lived the dangers of toxic codependent n exploitative relationships. ive been betrayed a lot and just accepted it because i was empathetic towards our differences. when i shouldve just acknowledged that those people were using me as a vessel for validation of their taboo kinks they were so ashamed and insecure about

so yeah its okay to be cautious

that being said you gotta talk the talk and walk the walk

which is what im doing when i make posts like these or just verbalising my criticisms about these behaviors in general

just a dni isnt going to do anything anyway, like i said it will just make them nervous but it doesnt inherently stop them from interacting with you and just lying/exploiting you. so walking the walk and being a little inaccessible to just anyone who comes up to you is important. people pleasers, heed this warning especially.

in this case i am not exactly keeping the rent low, i am keeping the rent high lol

apologies for landlord allegory, but here it's fine because the property is me & my time & effort. it's always okay to gatekeep yourself if you want to

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I do feel progress in my current journey towards optimal simplification. I actually have an example on hand hold on

this is all for the same ref of prota/jasmine... that ive been working on since june

and planned to work on since the start of the year hahahha. or maybe since forever, technically (i've had jasmine for a long time, just under different names & designs)

so yeah. inconsistent artstyle, inconsistent workflow... always has been

i could probably approach this ref situation better by redrawing simple concept art until i decide on a design and pose. maybe even thumbnail the entire ref a few times before jumping in again. considering... even a few thumbnails aren't enough to predict how i'll change my mind on what i want to do later on during the process...

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my current list of goals for my art

1st would be enjoying the process.

my enjoyment is dependent upon what I'm drawing but also how I'm drawing. so, I want to draw the things I like in the way that I find most fun. but I also want it to be good, or at least "good enough" to my own standards at that moment...

2nd would be getting comfortable with the cycle of drawing something and posting/finishing it.

I want to be able to finish art, since all my bigger goals depend upon that cycle first. this isn't inherently an artistic skill per se, it's more of a cognitive skill in a way. but it does depend upon my own navigation of my artistic skills, because I'd only be able to convince myself that an artwork is finished if it is up to the standards I set for that artwork

for this reason I have been doodling more often. I want to learn how to make good art, and make it simpler and easier to make. I think I'm not there yet, so this is the goal I'm currently focused on as of writing this post. I think I make simple art that isn't exactly up to my standards, and because of that, the art isn't determined "finished" yet. in response to that, the next art I draw becomes simpler, in hopes of finishing it due to the reduced workload. I'm figuring it out slowly.

3rd would be achieving a linear process in my art. this pertains to consistency.

4th would be achieving a consistent art style.

I do have a consistent art style, but my own mindset has held me back from utilizing it. I'll talk more about that in another post.

5th would be making stuff that I've always wanted to make, I guess!

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Seeing a lot of new people show up in my notes with like "proship dni" or whatever so RENT LOWERING GUNSHOT: IM AN ADULT WHO DOES NOT CARE IF PEOPLE HAVE PROBLEMATIC SHIPS, IM OLD AND BELIEVE TABOO FICTION IS SAFE AND HEALTHY, IM AN OLD MAN WHO THINKS IT'S FINE TO HAVE SHIPS THAT WOULD BE BAD IN REAL LIFE, I BELIEVE IN TABOO KINKS AS HEALING PLACES, I DO NOT DO SHIP DISCOURSE, I THINK IT'S OKAY TO WRITE ABOUT BAD THINGS HAPPENING TO GOOD PEOPLE WITHOUT CONDEMNING IT IN THE NARRATIVE, I THINK IT'S OKAY TO GET OFF TO MAKE BELIEVE BAD THINGS!!! THANKS

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dude last night was a 2005 eroguro bl visual novel

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