columbus-official

[columbus-official]

You shall be eaten raw!

Breaking News!

List of countries that aren't real:

France.

Sealand.

Ohio.

New Jersey.

Pufferfish.

Australia.

[columbus-official]

I'm going to eat the news!!! >:(

Breaking News!

List of countries that aren't real:

France.

Sealand.

Ohio.

New Jersey.

Pufferfish.

Australia.

[columbus-official]

CLEVIE! No better city exists!

[columbus-official]

I don't like anything about rock and roll.... It's loud and it.. uh... Scares Frederick! Yeah.. that's it!

[columbus-official]

I do not like our rock and roll museum. I do quite enjoy the lake water tho, it's really tasty!!

[columbus-official]

McDonald's parking lot freak? I thought McDonald's was that restaurant thing with the big m why would they have parking lot freaks?

You haven't seen a fat racoon wearing a now probably broken shark costume have you? Chicago suggested that he might've ran over in this direction and he seems to gravitate south whenever I let him run loose so I figured I'd start with you!!

i cant.. say i have?? *suspiciously black gray and blue blob runs past* damn wtf is that another mcdonalds parking lot freak? god i swear-

[columbus-official]

Here you are! I was originally gonna use that to pay for the funerals of the dead but since the sour apple isn't here to tell me what to do you can have them!!

Hi there!! I need some help with finding a bunch of people! I kind of murdered a good few people and apparently I need to pay for their funerals so if you could help me track down the families of those people that would be great!

Firstly, that's illegal, so... you're under arrest, and secondly, who did you murder? I need to know the names to track down their families.

[columbus-official]

If I give you like 240 thousand dollars for your budget can you let me go? That's all I can get you right now..

Hi there!! I need some help with finding a bunch of people! I kind of murdered a good few people and apparently I need to pay for their funerals so if you could help me track down the families of those people that would be great!

Firstly, that's illegal, so... you're under arrest, and secondly, who did you murder? I need to know the names to track down their families.

[columbus-official]

Have you tried getting handcuffs that aren't made out of cheap flimsy material?

Hi there!! I need some help with finding a bunch of people! I kind of murdered a good few people and apparently I need to pay for their funerals so if you could help me track down the families of those people that would be great!

Firstly, that's illegal, so... you're under arrest, and secondly, who did you murder? I need to know the names to track down their families.

[columbus-official]

Hey clevie is plenty qualified!!

Hi there!! I need some help with finding a bunch of people! I kind of murdered a good few people and apparently I need to pay for their funerals so if you could help me track down the families of those people that would be great!

Firstly, that's illegal, so... you're under arrest, and secondly, who did you murder? I need to know the names to track down their families.

[columbus-official]

Well they should be at the morgue!! Oh um also your handcuffs broke, sorry...

Hi there!! I need some help with finding a bunch of people! I kind of murdered a good few people and apparently I need to pay for their funerals so if you could help me track down the families of those people that would be great!

Firstly, that's illegal, so... you're under arrest, and secondly, who did you murder? I need to know the names to track down their families.

[columbus-official]

How should I know their names? It's not like i asked them! I'm sure you could find their identities and their families by just looking at them? I didn't rough up their faces that bad! Oh also can I see your handcuffs?

Hi there!! I need some help with finding a bunch of people! I kind of murdered a good few people and apparently I need to pay for their funerals so if you could help me track down the families of those people that would be great!

Firstly, that's illegal, so... you're under arrest, and secondly, who did you murder? I need to know the names to track down their families.

[columbus-official]

bro i live in columbuss 😭😭😭😭😭

Can you bite the bullet and take my punishment for murdering a bunch of people?? Be a good citizen!

[columbus-official]

Oh yeah that could work!!!

she asked me if i believed in god and i told her that when i was four i almost drowned in a public pool and in my panic mistook a stranger for my father. i clawed my way up his leg. four years later he’d send my parents a picture of the scars alongside a tin of cookies. he said, “i hope she’s still okay. i carry her with me. it isn’t every day you save a life. it isn’t every day you feel like you were here for a reason. when it does happen, you have to cherish that memory. for once, i had a purpose. just being there was enough. she tore me open but she taught me a lot about love.”

[columbus-official]

I don't care if he legally can! I'll just leave anyway!

she asked me if i believed in god and i told her that when i was four i almost drowned in a public pool and in my panic mistook a stranger for my father. i clawed my way up his leg. four years later he’d send my parents a picture of the scars alongside a tin of cookies. he said, “i hope she’s still okay. i carry her with me. it isn’t every day you save a life. it isn’t every day you feel like you were here for a reason. when it does happen, you have to cherish that memory. for once, i had a purpose. just being there was enough. she tore me open but she taught me a lot about love.”

[columbus-official]

Well apparently the sour apple says I have to find the families first so I'm trying to do that!!

Could you help me find the families of 22 dead people? I kinda murdered them all and now some sour apple wants me to pay for the funerals...

.......

does this have something to do with the other ask I just answered.

[columbus-official]

Well why can't I just leave? He can't just keep me there that would be mean!

she asked me if i believed in god and i told her that when i was four i almost drowned in a public pool and in my panic mistook a stranger for my father. i clawed my way up his leg. four years later he’d send my parents a picture of the scars alongside a tin of cookies. he said, “i hope she’s still okay. i carry her with me. it isn’t every day you save a life. it isn’t every day you feel like you were here for a reason. when it does happen, you have to cherish that memory. for once, i had a purpose. just being there was enough. she tore me open but she taught me a lot about love.”