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Noah Puckerman, Ph.D

*Pretty huge Dick

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I’m going to miss you.

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[ b l o g g e r - u p d a t e ]

believe it or not, but it’s been a long while since i’ve actually been able to log into my personal blog from my laptop. i changed my phone number almost a year ago, and since my old number was linked with @pruncessleia and i had the two-factor authentication ticked... well, i’m essentially locked out of my own windowless house. thankfully though, i’ve been able to hang onto my account by a thread thanks to tumblr mobile. (knock on wood.)

i’ve tried emailing tumblr staff. they asked for photo verification. they wanted me to send the tag where i post photos of myself...

which i don’t have because H E L L O ~

THIS IS THE FUCKING INTERNET AND MY PARENTS RAISED ME TO BE WARY -- !!! STRANGER DANGER !!! -- AND NOT POST PERSONAL PHOTOS OF MYSELF ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB.

i tried to come up with something that would please the tumblr staff gods... but no dice. it wasn’t enough. what i want to know is why??? because, for one, why the fUcK would a hacker go through all the effort that i put in to hack my blog? it makes no sense whatsoever. none. zilch.

so yeah. that’s what i’ve been up to. besides getting a job, school starting again, being hired to work on my college newspaper and semester magazine, quitting said job because i found another job... *sigh* 

i’m fine, i’m fine. this is fine.

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“ was this all just a joke to you? ” [Lucariette]

Lucas wanted to smile; he wanted to smirk and raise his face to the heavens and bark out the heartiest of laughs. Something he hadn’t felt like doing in a while. Because this whole thing – the shit doghouse shitshow his dick had gotten himself into – was funny. Abso-fucking-tutely hilarious! In the most unhumorous of ways. Because what were the odds of him being in this situation? If he could go back in time and tell his past-self to stay faithful to Mariette, past-Lucas would laugh at himself and would tell his future-self to go fuck himself up a fucking tree.

But his face remained serious and stoic, keeping his emotions close like a poker hand.

His hazel eyes scanned over the young woman in front of him. Mariette looked so grown up standing up to him and his reeking bullshit. It was almost like she’d aged five years right before his eyes. But he was still eighteen and immature while she was twenty-something and full of life experience.She looked so beautiful, even though he could tell that she was hemorrhaging inside. Not just from what he did to her – cheating on her with Neve, Mariette’s best friend. But Danny too…

Fuck.

If he wasn’t the biggest, unceremonious dildo dickbag of an asshole in the whole universe right now, Lucas Hughes wouldn’t know who was. But it was him. He was it. Slap his dumbass mug shot on an America’s Most Wanted flyer and send his cheating ass to a high-security prison because he’d probably feel better about himself being dead meat and butt-fucked into oblivion than facing Mariette right now. Like father, like son…

“A joke? Mariette– no! You know that’s not true.” He dropped his eyes and let out a defeated huff. 

“You mean the world to me. You still mean the world to me… which is why I– … why I feel like the shittiest douchebag in the world right now. I’ve destroyed your trust. I just took the biggest shit on it. And I know that I’ve said it probably a thousand times now… but I’m sorry. I’m sorry.  I just… We– I– I just got caught up in the moment. With everything happening, I was fucked up over Da–…” His words got caught in his throat. He coughed and cleared his throat to try and force them out. He still couldn’t say Danny’s name out loud. He was still fucked up over his roommate’s gruesome murder.

“Marriette…” His head rose to try and look the brunette in the eyes. “What can I do? I’m not expecting you to forgive me or anything… but I don’t– my dad, I’m not him. I don’t want my life to end up just like my deadbeat asshole dad’s. I wanna fix this. Salvage us– or at least our friendship, however I can…”

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[ trying times || salisha ]

adopedesire‌:

“I barely was wet,” she spat back, as her back thumped against the wall. Alisha folded her arms beneath her bra that was wrenched to one side. A nipple, lightly dusted a soft tawny shade and still stiff from her previous pulls and twist to it, was exposed, like most of her body. Her jumper was off, underwear balled on top of it. And despite their session abruptly ending, she didn’t motion to get dressed. Her short legs and shapely thighs, still bent at the knees, sharply closed at the knee. Leaving her partially covered, but still open. Situated to taunt him. Dare him to venture a peek between her legs; where her evidence of her lay. Because it was noticeable - the sleek heat, dripping, and shining - she was everything ‘barely wet’ was not.

She was soaked. Which was why the words were pointed and crude. Cripple him like he crippled her orgasm that was just seconds away.

She sighed again, practically pouting. Which could have been cute, if not for the hard, slanted lines of her eyebrows and the daggers she was shooting at him. Damn his hard jawline. The cold cut jaw, that pulsed with tension when they had their joint masturbation sessions. That always made her weak - the pulsing; whether it was his or cock. Then there was his mouth, always exceptionally still except for the occasional quiver of his lip, or when they peeled back, baring his perfect white teeth when he orgasmed. It was erotic, and unhinged from his usual rigged, Fort Knox stature; where eery movement, or lack of, always seemed to be a calculated move on his part to make himself disappear.

God, she was really horny now. Thinking about Simon not holding back; them not having to hold back with one another. But she couldn’t say that.

That was kind of her thing with Simon. Insult him, be indifferent at best, and sometimes - when she couldn’t fight it - begrudgingly smile at him, because he made her happy. She had a theory: show a guy you care, show yourself to the ‘used and played’ door. As long as she kept Simon directly under heels, Alisha was sure he would stick around.

She pulled out a joint and sparked it. “Maybe you need to focus on me more,” she said a little less tempered. “Like, you do the dirty talking. I mean, it’s only fair you get me off.” The last part picked back up on that edge again; the leering judgement eagerly awaiting the signal to join if he didn’t, or couldn’t. She took another puff. “Maybe I’ll let you film it so you can have something to watch other then whatever freaky shit for later.”

He swallowed thickly as her thorny words hit his ego. Simon felt like wincing, letting his body bend as he braced himself against the sharp quip. But he’d been around the ASBO gang long enough where their comments didn’t have the effect that they used to anymore; he’d grown a bit of a backbone spending time painting walls and picking up garbage with Nathan, Curtis, Alisha, and Kelly and their back-and-forth banter. He might not be able to toss a grenade of jest right back at them, but he didn’t physically shirk at their remarks anymore.

But it was moments like this where he wished he could do chose another superpower. Instead of invisibility, he wished he could have gotten a power where he could control Alisha’s body -- with her permission of course! The no touching thing was a pain-in-the-arse. If only he could practice some kind of telekinetic, body-manipulative puppetry, he could manipulate Alisha to touch herself. So, by extension, it’d almost be like him touching her. He thought of being able to watch Alisha lose herself in the sensation of her ministrations, without actually being in control of administering the orgasmic touches. He thought about how hot it’d be if could play her body like a cello; if he could touch here, rub there, and caress her body until she sang the moans of a sexual release.

Simon nodded thoughtfully at her suggestions, but his eyebrows rose sharpy at her last proposal of allowing him to film her. The idea of the opportunity to do this sent a thrilling throb to his cock. His eyes returned to her face, watching the tip of the blunt burn cherry-red and hot. His cheeks quickly mimicked the blunt. The long sleeves of his orange boiler suit that he had pulled down to have better access to his balls ticked the skin above his ankles. He wanted to scratch but refrained. Scratching was one of his nervous ticks, and the last thing he wanted was for Alisha to catch a whiff of any nervous demeanor.

“Oh-- um… Yeah, tha-that could work.” Simon cleared his throat, his voice sounding huskier than usual. “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it. I want to make you come.”

The metal folding chair creaked as he shifted in his seat and fished out his cell phone. He held the device in his left hand while his right creeped over his lap to cover his growing erection. He wanted her to feel like he was doing this for her; not for material for his spank bank. (That’s just a perk of the opportunity.)

Filming was going to be the easy part. The dirty talk was what was going leave him stumped. He’d done it before; he had been visiting adult chat sites since year seven. But it was one thing to do it to faceless strangers online and an entirely different situation to do it to an actual real-life half-naked woman in front of him.

With his camera phone open at the ready and a deep breath of confidence, he scooted his chair a smidge closer to Alisha, closer but not touching. “Open your legs and show me how wet you are.”

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“ you said you would keep trying! ” simon x alisha :p

Simon let out a low, guttural growl of frustration as the last waves of pleasure washed over his body, his heartbeat pulsating in his ears. His cock was going flaccid in his sticky palm and the result of his efforts grew cold on the concrete floor. He didn’t even have to peek at Alisha to know the condemning look on her face. It was hard to ride the wave with her scrutinizing at him like that.

He wiped his hands off on the legs of his orange community service jumpsuit before he tried to speak. “Ah– Alisha, I– uh…”

Simon promised that he’d control himself, keeping himself collected. After the first time they did this together since he all but busted a nut quicker than Nathan could spit a witty, yet venomous remark, he promised he’d hold back so they could come to an earth-shattering climax together. That way, it’d be the closest thing to them having physical sex. Considering Alisha’s power and the lack of immunity that he had to her, masturbating close to each other like this was about as good as it was going to get without Simon getting all psycho-rapey whenever he touched her skin. Or, well, that’s what he thought it was about.

He sighed. This compromise sucked.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he met her bewitching hazel eyes with a sheepish, short-lived smile. He had practiced edging, just like he said he would. But it was one thing to edge when he jacked off, alone in his room, fantasizing about the woman, and a whole different thing when she was actually in front of him, in all her goddess-like glory. “Did you– um, did you at least…” The sentence trailed from his mouth like wisps of smoke wafting from a cigarette.

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Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

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Force my Muse to Spill their Secrets

🌧- For a heavy, emotional secret

🙃- For a lighter, slightly embarrassing secret

🌟- For a secret wish or desire of theirs

🍏- For something they secretly wish didn’t exist

🍎- For something they secretly wish did exist

❤️- For a secret crush

📲- Talk about someone/something you dislike, but only pretend to like

👁‍🗨- Talk about someone/something you like, but pretend to dislike

🍻- For something bad/mischievous you did as a child or teen that your parents don’t know about

🌜- For a ‘weird’ habit or tic that no one knows about

💃- For a talent that they like to keep hidden from others

🏹- For a talent they wish they had

👻- For something that scares or disturbs them, but they refuse to tell anyone

☢️- For a controversy or scandal they have been able to keep mostly under wraps

🐇- For a secret item they keep (stuffed animal, comfort object, etc)

📒- For a secret journal/diary they keep (Bonus: Share an entry from it!)

📔- For a secret sketchbook they keep (Bonus: Share a sketch or doodle within it!)

🖤- For something they secretly wish they could do with your muse

❓- Free Space! Ask them about a specific secret!

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- ; phrases that really hit you where it hurts

“ did you really have to be that honest? ” “ every time i see you i just feel more alone. ” “ you changed me. ” “ was this all just a joke to you? ” “ i don’t want to know. ” “ can we start over? ” “ you make me feel so insecure. ” “ i don’t know if i can love you. ” “ every time i wake up i’m reaching for you … but you’re never there. ” “ of course it meant something! ” “ stop yelling! ” “ i gave up on you a long time ago. ” “ you think i care about you? cute. ” “ did you just forget about me or something? ” “ i still need you. ” “ i wanna say that there’s still hope but sometimes things just don’t go your way. ” “ you said you would keep trying! ” “ no, you ARE strong. ” “ you promised me! ” “ fine. you’ll never see me again, okay? ” “ i gave you everything i had. ” “ your eyes can be so cruel … ” “ i can never do anything right can i !? ” “ i want my life back. ” “ stop crying. ” “ you should go. ” “ don’t come back. ” “ does hurting me make you feel good or something? ” “ just stop it. ” “ i was never in love with you now leave me alone! ”

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ARE YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO BE?

“Couldn’t handle her broken heart.” “I’m afraid of saying too much and ending a martyr.” “ I’m afraid to face god and say I was a coward.” “Are you what you want to be?”

ASK YOURSELF

“Never needed the proof, just followed the rules.” “Your confidence is fading with your youth.” “Is this the life you’ve been waiting for?” “Force a smile and never say what you mean.”

COMING OF AGE

“You got those crying eyes.” “I’m always moving forward and not looking back.” “I tend to leave a trail of dead.” “I seem to hurt the people that I care the most.”

NEVERMIND

“I will calm you in the storm.” “You’ll always find what you’re looking for.” “It’s hard to know the truth.” “I’m afraid of what you’d want from me.”

PSEUDOLOGIA FANTASTICA

“Are you sharpening your sword?” “Don’t be afraid of the knife.” “You’ve got to get back up and face your demons.” “Don’t ever be afraid of starting over.”

BEST FRIEND

“It’s hardest from the start.” “You say it’s what you need.” “Hide your eyes when you’re close to me.” “I feel I’ve got a lot to prove.”

A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO DESTROYING THE MOON

“I can’t blame you, and I can’t save you.” “I’ve been searching for answers.” “I will breathe in all the truth I can stomach if it keeps you alive.” “You’ll never be whole until you lose control.”

GOATS IN TREES

“I was filled with indifference.” “I can’t find my way back home.” “I can’t hear the angels calling.” “I buried all my wrongs there with my youth.”

THE TRUTH

“I only want the truth.” “I have tried so hard not to be like them.” “There is a hope for the hopeless.” “The world is so broken.”

FIRE ESCAPE

“My spine’s made of iron.” “Save yourself.” “I’ve been waiting for you.” “I’ve watched the dreamers find their legs.”

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Han: you look pretty

Leia: what?

Han: I SAID YOU LOOK SHITTY GOODNIGHT LEIA

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✧  MAGIC  SENTENCE  STARTERS.

relating to, but not limited to, witchcraft & witchery. may or may not contain triggers, categorized by good/bad/neutral as requested.  please proceed to read/reblog with caution.

GOOD  MAGIC

❛ not all spells are bad, you must stray away from the bad magic. ❜  ❛ there’s nothing wrong with a bit of magic, as long as it’s for the good. ❜  ❛ you’re like a vase and the magic is the water.  ❜  ❛ i don’t need magic to see that. ❜  ❛ not every spell is considered to be bad. ❜  ❛ this spell book here contains no such bad magic nor will it ever. ❜  ❛ i’m working up a new potion. it’s for the greater good, of course. ❜  ❛ i’ve never used my powers/magic for anything but good things. ❜  ❛ there is no competition with magic, you either possess, or you don’t. ❜  ❛ no one power/magic is better nor greater than the other. ❜  ❛ remember, everything you learn is to be used for good. ❜ ❛ you think every witch/sorcerer is bad? do i look evil to you?  ❜  ❛ i’ve only ever used my magic/powers for good. ❜  ❛ it’s not the magic/powers that are bad, it’s the person who possesses it. ❜    ❛ there is good and bad in everything, you must always chose to be good. ❜  ❛ my powers/magic are not a weapon! i will not be treated as such! ❜  ❛ i cannot help you with your wishes, it’s far too evil. ❜  ❛ magic is a delicate thing and i treat it as such. ❜  ❛ i don’t always use magic/my powers, i don’t always need to. ❜  ❛ it is a blessing not a curse, it’s only a curse if you wish to do evil. ❜  ❛ i did come here to show off my powers/magic, what do you take me for? ❜  ❛ i’m not a witch! i’m a person possessing magic. big difference. ❜  ❛ these are healing potions, they will heal just about any form of life. ❜  ❛ the good always outweighs the bad, just remember that. ❜  ❛ it’s best to use magic/powers when you understand them.  ❜ 

BAD  MAGIC

❛ i’ve never used magic for anything other than evil. ❜ ❛ i will be the greatest and the most powerful, mark my words. ❜ ❛ i’ve hexed so many people, i’ve lost count. ❜ ❛ a curse is never easy to lift, hence the sole purpose of it. ❜ ❛ what’s the point in having powers/magic, if you don’t take advantage? ❜ ❛ you have always abused your magical privileges.  ❜ ❛ i wouldn’t use my powers/magic for the good if it was life and death. ❜ ❛ you really only know how to cast curses/hexes? ❜ ❛ i specialize in curses and hexes only, anything else is just noise. ❜ ❛ shhh, you shouldn’t even speak of such dark magic. ❜ ❛ this book is full of the darkest magic you’ll ever read. ❜ ❛ what is the difference between voodoo and dark magic? ❜ ❛ dark magic is wonderful, you learn the most from it. ❜ ❛ there are so many hexes/curses to cast, i never know which one to pick. ❜   ❛ have you ever had a curse/hex casted upon you? ❜ ❛ there is no such thing as good magic. ❜ ❛ why are you so wicked with such a beautiful gift? ❜ ❛ you do not deserve to possess magic/powers. ❜ ❛ i’ve got a wicked idea in mind, want to hear? it involves magic. ❜ ❛ the best magic of all, of course, is dark magic. ❜ ❛ have you ever wanted to step into voodoo? ❜ ❛ this a book of dark magic/voodoo, but it is not easy to open. ❜ ❛ you have to do a sacrifice to get this dark magic/voodoo book open. ❜ ❛ have you ever participated in voodoo ritual? it’s very liberating. ❜ ❛ all of these spells contain blood and sacrifice… ❜

NEUTRAL  MAGIC

❛ what witch/sorcerer doesn’t own a spell book? ❜ ❛ for future reference, never interrupt my ritual again. ❜ ❛ gemstones are great collectibles for healing. ❜ ❛ every movie about witchcraft is kind of off point, i feel. ❜ ❛ i’m unable to use magic/my powers until i’m older. ❜ ❛ do you fly on broom stick and all that? ❜ ❛ it’s actually rather hard to stir up a potion. ❜ ❛ i don’t own a wand nor a broom stick, but i will drop a house on you. ❜ ❛ spell books are often hard to find. ❜ ❛ i could close my eyes, pretend to concentrate and you would be scared. ❜ ❛ you know they used to hang witches back in the olden days. ❜ ❛ this isn’t a spell, this is common sense. ❜ ❛ this isn’t magic, it’s just glitter. ❜ ❛ i’ve always wanted to live in a cabin in the woods though. ❜   ❛ the best time to do a ritual is of an evening. ❜ ❛ would like to do a healing ritual with me? it’s harmless. ❜ ❛ let’s go candle shopping, come on! i love candles! ❜ ❛ i’m still human, you know, with feelings! ❜ ❛ you know, there is something else i possess; feelings! �� ❛ look, it’s really not like any of that. ❜ ❛ what’s so special about it? nothing, of course. it’s not special. ❜ ❛ i don’t feel any greater or better because of it. ❜ ❛ there are spells/potions that can be used for both, good and evil. ❜ ❛ i would rather not use magic/my powers, i’d rather pretend i don’t have any. ❜ ❛ i would never flaunt it as if it’s something so great to have! ❜

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Red Cloak

30min. spitpaint, Photoshop CC2017

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[ t e x t s ⇄ 🚮 p u c k t a n a ]

SL: I know you're an idiot, so you easily misread signals. but when my mom cuffs you, it's not for some kinky sex game, it's because you're getting arrested.

SL: Period meds? Is this why you started banging 4's that either live in a senior citizen home or can cash in on the senior discount at restaurants - their lack of hearing allows you to get by with your lack of a personality?

NP: the puckster gets what he can u kno dam well that there's next to none hot ass tail that the puckerone can chase in castleport everyone but berry and that weird ass crazy chick who's got that hole in her throat has moved off to greener pastures

NP: but to answer ur question on what beer i got there's a 6 pack of keystone chillin shotgun next to me on the couch