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Wait staff at Bruce’s galas

Ya know the whole “Bruce hates talking to socialites at a gala” thing, I imagine in all his Brucie-ness to get out of it he develops a reputation of just, spending entire galas talking to the servers, at a certain point it becomes a standard at these things that is Brucie starts asking “oh what do you do for fun” or “you ever heard of gray ghost.” And at first reporters are speculating that maybe Bruce is trying to flirt with the staff at these things till an interview with one of the servers came out and he was just like “he went on a REALLLLY long tangent about one plot line in like… a murder mystery or something and then we started talking about penguins, cause I’m studying zoology and he asked me about like their behaviors and stuff, went on a tangent about how once a he tried to run after a penguin and broke his nose slipping on the ice, and gave me eighty grand for my college and then asked if I knew how to make wontons. It was actually a lot of fun, at the end of the evening he thanked me for all my help too, even though I spent the entire night just chatting with him I didn’t actually work much that night, haha but it was great” and just more stories about Bruce come out of him having the most random conversations with the staff and their all “oh haha Bruce is so funny with these crazy topics” but never realize that he is just so lasered in as Batman that he finds ways to speculate anywhere he goes” while also getting out of talking to shamarmy richler number 3 by the drink table again.

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Did you see that Mr strange made a video on you

(Cock softening, tilting its head to the side as it does so as if confused) What? No... No there must be some mistake...

(Looks online, shocked and enraged)

(Now completely flacid and PISSED OFF)

WHAT????????!!!!!!!!

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Megladon

So like, we all know the things of “maybe it’s still out there! Spooky!” But picture this the megladon is an ancient Percy Jackson monster and there is only one of them and it’s in the sea of monsters somewhere for it, I need that as a monster battle, I want Percy to unlock megladonian shark god lore god damnit!

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It’s an experience when your stressing over being a bad friend and not doing enough, then the next time you hang out you realize that they’re so used to bad friends the bar is in hell and you suddenly are feeling a mixture of relief and even intenser guilt over it.

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You ever go to someone’s house and they don’t have drinks, like even tap water is a foreign thing for them and they look at you crazy for asking, and your trying to be chill but internally your just like “do you consume liquid? This is the third instance of this barb are you okay?”

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HD Draco is a bit unhinged fic recs

Here are a few recs where Draco is a bit unhinged. Listed in alphabetical order.

(Fucking) Harry Fucking Potter by @bixgirl1 [6k]

It had to have been a dream, didn’t it? …Fuck.

Always the Last to Know by @nv-md [10k]

“I’m not napping,” Harry mumbled, his face still pressed to the floor. “I’m thinking.” “Salazar help us,” Draco muttered, walking around Harry’s prone body. Out of the corner of his eye, a bit blurrily, Harry watched as Draco lay beside him. “And what, pray tell, is so difficult to ponder that it requires a lie down?” Harry took a deep breath, very much considered lying, closed his eyes, and said, “Love.”

Bite Me, Hate Memes by pir8fancier [44k]

Draco Malfoy is incensed to realize that someone is trying to usurp his position as the premier Harry Potter hater.

Contretemps by @moonflower-rose​ [8k]

Draco Malfoy has been living like a model citizen. If only he could convince Potter.

Special Magic by lauren3210 [7k]

Harry was seriously considering the fact that his partner might be completely insane.

Storm in a Teacup by @faith2wood [7k]

For reasons he’d rather not think about, Draco is obsessed with Potter’s hair. This cannot end well.

Then Comes a Mist and a Weeping Rain by @faith2wood [21k]

It always rains for Draco Malfoy. Metaphorically. And literally. Ever since he had accidentally Conjured a cloud. A cloud that’s ever so cross.

I hope you enjoy these stories as much as I did!

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Why must this happen

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the volunteers who run ao3 are stronger than the military

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me: I don’t really have a type…

my lying ass:

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The binder trope

So I like reading things that tend to have headcannoned trans characters, specifically I’m referring to ftm, which great, usually they’re really good fics.

But I have one complaint to the people writing these.

We head not a word of it, a mention that they are trans until the inevitable lines

“I woke up with my ribs hurting, I shouldn’t fall asleep with my binder on.”

I swear to god the amount of fics that use that exact same scenario to be like “btw they trans surprise!” Please find another way.

I can’t take it anymore, like teah don’t fall asleep wearing a binder, I just read FIVE FICS WHERE PETER PERKER FELL ASLEEP IN HIS BINDER! PETER DO A DIFFERENT SCHTICK! I love yall on all forms but find. A new. Trope. This one’s done, ghosted, been there done that tell me about how instead he wants to get more guys clothes, or like, foreshadowing or just saying “since I came out as trans” or something along those lines,

I know this is nitpicking and I’m likely just cranky from work, but it’s been on my mind 😅

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Bruce: Damian, don't you think that maybe you should make some friends outside of being Robin? Like some friends at school?

Damian: You want me to have friends? The very thing that killed Julius Caesar? I think not

[Dick, Jason, and Tim, all hysterically laughing]

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Harry Potter fic rec Time travel/dimension travel

Organised by word count. This rec list involved time travel and dimension travel, not really alt dimension/au. This will include multiple ships like Drarry, Tomarry, Jegulus and Wolfstar.

masterlist

Ouch you landed on my hand and somehow we are in the past - Gravepizza

Scorpius/Albus, wolfstar, Jily meeting the family | G | 1k

Fucking with the future - plecotusauritus

Wolfstar time turner used for inappropriate things, smut, Remus certified DILF | E | 1.6k

Changelings - TreacleTeacups

Tomarry time travel, kid fic, humour, established relationship, mamma bear harry | T | 1.7k

He Who Knows Too Much (and I, Who Knows Nothing) - coribbit

Tomarry time travel, fix-it, seer harry, obsessive tom | T | 1.9k

Everything and Nothing - XxTheDarkLordxX

Drarry post-hogwarts, time travel, hurt/comfort, angst | T | 4k

A Perfect Night for Trick or Treaters - PhantomGrimalkin

Wolfstar time-loop, first war, 1981, angst | T | 4k

Draco at Nineteen - birdsofshore

Drarry Time Travel, Age Difference, Hogwarts 8th Year, First Time | E | 5k

Our Little Life - tackytiger

Drarry post-hogwarts, time travel, dream sex, falling in love, past lives, idiots in love | M | 7k

The Soldier - woobyo

Wolfstar sirius fix-it, bamf sirius, harry is not a horcrux | M | 9k

Quick as a Flash of Lightning, Unhurried as Eternity - babooshk_art, onbeinganangel

Drarry Post-War, Time Travel, Auror Harry, Domestic Fluff | E | 10k

Fifteen - mysid

Wolfstar time travel fix-it, alternate realities, veil of death/opportunities | T | 11k

Brevem Conspectum - Lauren3210

Drarry Kid fic, Domestic, Fluff and Smut, Short Time Travel | E | 12k

Eudaimonia - duplicity

Tomarry time travel, child abuse, angst, age difference, happy ending, harry kinda helps raise tom | E | 15k

tempor · al | ary - asterismal (asterisms)

Tomarry time travel, established relationship, voldy wins, threesome | E | 16k

Yuletide Discussions - J_L_Hynde

Tomarry time travel, discussion of wizard politics, tom lusting harry, alt reality, auror harry | M | 18k

Relativity. - Ideasofmarch

Tomarry time travel, fix-it, BAMF harry, morally grey harry, slytherin harry | M | 18k

Draco Malfoy and the Mirror of Ecidyrue 

Drarry PTSD, Time Travel, Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, Character Study | M | 20k

Enoument - Accipitae

Tomarry master of death harry, harry grows up with tom in orphanage, time travel, homophobia, angst | M | 22k

We Shall Not Cease from Exploration - krabapple

Jily, Wolfstar golden trio time travel, Lily working for the order | T | 23k

The Devil’s White Knight - orphan_account

Drarry Time Travel, Alternate Timeline, Everybody Lives, No Voldermort | E | 24k

Just a Matter of Time - gracerene

Drarry Post-War, Time Travel, Unspeakable Draco, Age Difference, First Time | E | 24k

Draco Malfoy and the Letter from the Future - DracoWillHearAboutThis

Drarry time travel, POV draco, harry potter series retold, draco and harry friendship, draco questioning parents beliefs | G | 33k

More Than You Know - moonscone

Wolfstar friends to lovers, oblivious sirius | G | 47k

If we could turn back time - MBlack93

Tomarry master of death harry, magically powerful, time travel, fix-it, sane tom, slytherin harry, bamf harry, knights of walpurgis | E | 54k

Time is of the Essence - Leaslemoon

Jegulus time travel, fix-it, angst with happy ending, slow burn, friends to lovers, sibling bonding, OOC snape, canon divergence | M | 58k

The Guest - BummedOutWriter

Drarry kid fic, time travel, get together, mrpeg, truth serum, 6th year, seer draco | M | 60k

Heir Apparent - MonsieurClavier

Tomarry time travel, sane voldy, voldy adopts harry, pseudo-incest, powerful harry, possessive behaviour, enemies to friends to lovers, humour | E | 61k

The Devil's White Knight - orphan_account

Drarry dimension travel, no voldy, time travel??, enemies to lovers, post-war trauma, everyone is gay | E | 65k

The Lesson of You - thecouchsofa

Drarry accidental chil acquisition, getting together, family feels, kid fic, fluff, time travel, smut | E | 65k

Everything Black - General_Jellyfish

Drarry Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, BAMF Harry Potter | T | 66k

Game On, Your Move - Ailora

Tomarry time travel, crack treated seriously, obsessive tom, sassy harry, time loop, eventual happy ending, enemies to lovers | T | 75k

Tip of Your Tongue - Spork_in_the_Road

Tomarry time travel, fix-it, morally grey harry, dumbledore critical, slow burn, mystery | M | 78k

The White Pawn - Soupy_George

Drarry time travel, romance, adventure, disenchanted draco, relive sixth year | T | 81k

At the end of every road - sassysquatch

Tomarry time travel, obsessive harry and tom, mutual manipulation, enemies to lovers, fake relationship, class issues, politically motivated marriage | M | 84k WIP 1 last chapter

Into the Dark - PhantomGrimalkin

Wolfstar also drarry, time travel, established relationships, first war, slow burn drarry, suicidal thoughts, manipulative dumbledore, canon divergence | T | 89k

Into the Dark - PhantomGrimalkin

Drarry time travel, first war, slow burn, suicidal thoughts, hocrux hunting, established wolfstar | T | 89k

where are you (my lion)? - harrysblueshirt1

Drarry time travel, canon divergence, jily sent to future, fix-it, emotional hurt/comfort, good draco, professor harry | 99k

That'll Be The Day - Waterloo

Drarry time travel, friendship, hogwarts redo, slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers, pov alternating, wolfstar raise harry | M | 112k WIP

Far From The Tree - aideomai

Drarrys kids time travel to hogwarts, pre-relationship, down and out draco, dom draco | E | 112k

you belong to me (i belong to you) - Child_OTKW

Tomarry time travel, slytherin politics, mind games, auror harry, slytherin harry, master of death harry, PLS READ ALL TAGS | 112k

Turning Leaves - Kbrick

Drarry time travel, pining draco, slytherin harry, angst with happy ending, harry is bad at feelings, drunk sex, auror harry | E | 113k

good night, darling - purplemineralwater

Tomarry time travel, fix-it, master of death harry, slytherin harry, knights of walpurgis, possessive tom, sane tom, hurt/comfort, slow burn | E | 138k

Bewildered - SparrowGrim

Drarry dimension travel, canon divergence, a/b/o, magically powerful harry, top draco, happy ending | E | 148k

When you are ready to go on... but you go back - Sakura521

Drarry time travel, fix-it, harry heir of house black, slow burn, good malfoy family | M | 166k WIP, 1 more chapter

Always Already - aibidil

Drarry time travel, post-hogwarts, department of mysteries, drarry go back to marauders era | E | 171k

Praeclarus Anguis - KaedeRavensdale

Tomarry time travel, slytherin harry, possessive behaviour, tom has met his match | M | 172k

Diablerie - Oceanbreeze7

Tomarry bamf tom, sane tom, time travel, ptsd, book 5, mental health issues, canon divergence | T | 176k

47 Days to Change (a translation) - snow_owl01

Tomarry time travel, slow burn, dubious consent, alt universe | E | 200k

What He Grows To Be - Severus_divides_into_H

Tomarry unhealthy relationships, obsessive and possessive tom, master of death harry, time travel, tom raised by harry, self-harm, psychological torture | M | 266k

What Souls Are Made Of - Emeralds_and_Lilies

Tomarry golden trio accidently time travel, angst, mind games, unhealthy relationships, slow burn | E | 278k

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what are your favorite drarry fics? :)

I will only pick 7 and it might not really be my top seven to be fair as I’ve read probably hundreds. I’ve only just a few days ago gotten an ao3 account so I can save them yeesh. So here are 7 Drarry fics I’ve read and immensely enjoyed!!

In no particular order:

All Our Secrets Laid Bare by firethesound // E rating, Auror partners

An Issue of Consequence by faithwood // E rating, 8th Year setting

Slithering by astolat // E rating, set soon after DH

Azoth by zeitgesistic // E rating, hogwarts apprentice partners in Alchemy

Draco Malfoy and the Mirror of Ecidyrue by starbrigid // T - E rating, an epic and completed canon rewrite concerning Draco going back in time to before his 1st Year at Hogwarts

Turn by Saras_Girl // E rating, I cried, disgustingly, like when I rewatched Kiki’s Delivery Service as an adult post college burnout.

Eclipse by Mijan // T rating, written and set after Order of the Phoenix, huge Draco arc with lovely magic and mystery and a very, very long hiking trip.

And a bonus of anything written by bixgirl1 as I’ve read almost every one of their fics and I’m obsessed.

There are lots others like Running on Air of course and just gosh so, so many others I think it’s unfair not to list them. That’s the wonderful part of this fandom. It’s so rich and active it’s hard to taste it all. Oh yeah and most of the fics I’ve read are from over 3-4 years ago or older because I’ve been working through the search result on Ao3 in chronological order like a cracked walnut with a nasty case of completionism.

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people are being awful so here is an inexhaustive list of 50ish of my favourite fanfictions ever in no particular order. most of them have changed my life in some way shape or form and i am eternally grateful and in awe: <3 xo

Wolfstar:

All The Young Dudes mskingbean89

Blends rvltn909

Sweater Weather lumosinlove

Dear Your Holiness mollymarymarie

The Cadence of Part Time Poets Motswolo

Honey if I'm not BrigidFaye

There's your trouble xxxnoimsiriusxxx

If You're Gonna BrigidFaye

Currents lunchbucket

Liebestrum lunchbucket

The Road Not Taken mollymarymarie

Bird Set Free mollymarymarie

Ever Thus WrappedUp

Just What the Doctor Ordered WrappedUp

wading in waist-high water colgatebluemintygel

Disarm You With A Smile five_ht

10 Reasons to Go to Michigan greyeyedmonster18

Nothing Sweeter than my baby DamageControl

Not another band AU thelovelyzee

A Black Mass Over Highway Ninety Greenvlvetcouch

Solntse lumosinlove

We Can Be Heroes youblitheringidiot

Like Real People Do Third_Crow

Beneath A Big Blue Sky Eyra

A Brief History of Dragons Eyra

The Birthday Boy greenvlvetcouch

The Killing Time (unwillingly mine) epicblueblanket

Till We Have Arrived Home Again prouvairing

The Players Secret WrappedUp

Let's Play Pretend msalexwp

Jegulus

Only The Brave Solmussa

You Signed Up For This Solmussa

Kill Your Darlings Messermoon (this counts for wolfstar and rosekiller too!)

Blue and Yellow Skies Alarainai

Drarry

What We Pretend We Can't See gyzym

Everybody Hates A Tourist wolfpants

Running on Air eleventy7

Terrible People wolfpants

Way Down We Go xiaq

Draco Malfoy and The Mirror of Ecidyrue starbrigid

Dramione

Measure of A Man inadaze22

Remain Nameless heyjude19

selfxconclusion spicyxpisces

Beginning and End mightbewriting

How to Win Friends and Influence People OlivieBlake

Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love isthisselfcare

Jily

Shelf Awareness ghostofbambi

Room Service ClaudiaWrites

MISC

A Dress With Pockets PacificRimbaud

The Audacity of Lavender Brown malpal132

Devil's Snare All The Way Down malpal132