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tumblr staff finding out their site has crowdsourced a viral song, only to discover it is 100% unusable in any corporate marketing scenario

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WAIT!

Before you hit send on that ask, reblog, or reply, remember to stop and PROOFREAD!

am I Pissing on the Poor?

did I Read the post in bad faith?

could I be Overexaggerating?

am I Out of line for saying this?

is it kind of Fucked up to say that to a total stranger?

is what I said Rude?

am I being Egotistical?

am I Angry at words that weren't in the post?

did I Dream up a pretend person to get mad at?

ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT YOURSELF FROM LOOKING LIKE A JACKASS ONLINE!

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Let me tell you how all "discourse" works when you run a big blog

See an innocuous post

Lease a comment you believe to be equally inoffensive

Receive 5 anonymous tips that the OP hates you

Find the least-offensive one, edit out the user's name, and make a post saying that you have received this message and it's okay

Receive 10 anonymous tips that the OP saw this and is receiving a massive influx of anon hate because your followers figured out who they were and leapt to your defense.

Make a public post reminding your followers to please not harass people

Receive 20 anonymous tips that OP is posting thinly-veiled vagueposts about you and how awful you are

Check if this is true

OP's blog is invisible because they blocked you

Shrug and go about your business

Sporadically receive incredibly graphic anonymous threats over the next three months from people defending OP against your horrific abuse, who you suspect have no relation to OP whatsoever

Scroll past 5-6 posts accusing you of eating puppies

Scroll past 2-3 posts describing you as a Death Note-level criminal mastermind skillfully manipulating the public into thinking you're a victim when obviously you've planned this all out from day 1 as part of your plot to destabilize a small foreign government and eat all their puppies

Scroll past 1-2 posts about how someone who has no sources once heard someone say that actually they think they heard you say that you want to skin puppies alive to sew fur coats for dictators

Never actually speak to OP, never see whatever it was they may have supposedly said, never hear of them again

4 months pass as the incident is forgotten

Return to step 1

BONUS ROUNDS:

Someone calls back to a previous incident in which the only details they can recall are accusations thrown one way or another by a third party, quoted as fact: IE, "Yeah remember when they ate all those puppies?"

Someone calls you a pedophile, like that's just a silly little word we can just throw around at each other with no consequences and not a real life crime of the worst kind

Death threat

Rape threat

"You did nothing wrong, OP is just a [horrific line of slurs]"

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on endlings, and despair

Hey, y'all. It's...been a rough couple of weeks. So, I thought--better to light a single candle, right?

If you're familiar with wildlife conservation success stories, then you're likely also familiar with their exact polar opposite. The Northern White Rhino. Conservation's poster child for despair. Our greatest and most high-profile utter failure. We slaughtered them for wealth and status, and applied the brakes too slow. Changed course too late.

We poured everything we had into trying to save them, and we failed.

We lost them. They died. The last surviving male was named Sudan. He died in 2018, elderly and sick. His genetic material is preserved, along with frozen semen from other long-dead males, but only as an exercise in futility. Only two females survive--a mother and daughter, Najin and Fatu.

Both of them are infertile. They still live; but the Northern White Rhinoceros is extinct. Gone forever.

In 2023, an experimental procedure was attempted, a hail-mary desperation play to extract healthy eggs from the surviving females.

It worked.

The extracted eggs were flown to a genetics lab, and artificially fertilized using the sperm of lost Northern males. The frozen semen that we kept, all this time, even after we knew that the only living females were incapable of becoming pregnant.

It worked.

Thirty northern white rhino embryos were created and cryogenically preserved, but with no ability to do anything with them, it was a thin hope at best. In 2024, for the first time, an extremely experimental IVF treatment was attempted on a SOUTHERN white rhino--a related subspecies.

It worked.

The embryo transplanted as part of the experiment had no northern blood--but the pregnancy took. The surgery was safe for the mother. The fetus was healthy. The procedure is viable. Surrogate Southern candidates have already been identified to carry the Northern embryos. Rhinoceros pregnancies are sixteen months long, and the implantation hasn't happened yet. It will take time, before we know. Despair is fast and loud. Hope is slower, softer. Stronger, in the end.

The first round may not take. We'll learn from it. It's what we do. We'll try again. Do better, the next time. Fail again, maybe. Learn more. Try harder.

This will not save the species. Not overnight. The numbers will be very low, with no genetic diversity to speak of. It's a holding action, nothing more.

Nothing less.

One generation won't save a species. But even a single calf will buy us time. Not quite gone, not yet. One more generation. One more endling. One more chance. And if we seize it, we might just get another after that. We're getting damn good at gene editing. At stem-cell research. In the length of a single rhino lifetime, we'll get even better.

For decades, we have been in a holding action with no hope in sight. Researchers, geneticists, environmentalists, wildlife rehabbers. Dedicated and heroic Kenyan rangers have kept the last surviving NWRs under 24/7 armed guard, line-of-sight, eyes-on, never resting, never relaxing their guard. Knowing, all the while, that their vigilance was for nothing. Would save nothing. This is a dead species--an elderly male, two females so closely related that their offspring couldn't interbreed even if they could produce any--and they can't.

Northern white rhino conservation was the most devastatingly hopeless cause in the world.

Two years from now, that dead species may welcome a whole new generation.

It's a holding action, just a holding action, but not "just". There is a monument, at the Ol Pejeta Conservancy, where the last white rhinos have lived and will die. It was created at the point where we knew--not believed, knew--that the species was past all hope. It memorializes, by name there were so few, the last of the northern white rhinos. Most of the markers have brief descriptions--where the endling rhino lived, how it was rescued, how it died.

One marker bears only these words: SUDAN | Last male Northern White Rhino.

If even a single surrogate someday bears a son, we have erased the writing on that plaque forever.

All we can manage is a holding action? Then we hold. We hold hard and fast and long, use our fingernails if we have to. But hold. Even and perhaps especially when we are past all hope.

We never know what miracle we might be buying time for.

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Friendly reminder how to actually use band aids on fingertips because we see people doing it wrong all the time.

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spin this wheel of hobbies

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New York City ballet production of Midsummer Nights Dream

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You should only write in present tense with extreme caution.

not because it's bad or anything but because if you do it even once you're going to be editing the bits where you shifted tenses out of your writing for the rest of your life

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Alternative readings are good, I say, while grinding my teeth because I don’t like this particular one

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Tshirt idea I had

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the fact that walls get dusty is ridiculous. you're vertical. act like it.

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(X)

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Isnt it weird that hotel rooms provide toilet paper, tissues, shampoo, conditioner, lotion, soap, and ive even seen some provide make removal wipes, but I’ve never seen a single one provide pads or tampons?