coffeenvibes

[coffeenvibes]

I asked Chat GPT to come up with a funny sketch where MC calls Sylus from a police station, and oh I had such a good laugh. Then I asked for more and it got me a whole series called "MC's vs. The Law", and I found it hilarious, so I wanted to share.

1. “Your girlfriend is in Holding”

It was a peaceful afternoon at the office when Sylus’ phone buzzed with an unfamiliar number. He glanced at it, debating whether to pick up. It wasn’t a saved contact, but something in his gut told him to answer.

“Yes?” he said briskly.

A small pause. Then, a sheepish, but unmistakable voice came through the line.

“Hey… so don’t freak out, but I’m kinda at the police station.”

Sylus closed his eyes, inhaling sharply. Of course.

“MC/n” he exhaled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Explain.”

“Well,” MC/n started, and he could already hear the defensive edge in her tone, “I went to get my coffee, right? My usual. Grande Caramel Macchiato, extra shot, oat milk, you know, my drink. And this—this absolute menace of a man—just grabs it before I could reach for it.”

Sylus opened his laptop, already signaling his assistant to clear his next hour. “And?”

“And,” MC/n continued, as if she were narrating a crime documentary, “I very politely pointed out that it was actually my drink, not his. But instead of just apologizing like a normal, civilized human, he gives me this look and goes, ‘Well, I already touched it, so what are you gonna do about it?’”

Sylus sighed. Oh no. “MC/n… what did you do about it?”

“…Okay, so in hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have tried to grab it back.”

He closed his laptop with a quiet thud. “You started a physical altercation over coffee?”

“Physical altercation is such a strong phrase,” she huffed. “I’d say… I strongly expressed my feelings about the blatant injustice occurring.”

Sylus rubbed his temple. “Did you hit him?”

“…Not exactly.”

“MC/n.”

“He was a condescending asshole!” she burst out. “I barely even touched him, and now somehow I’m the problem?”

Sylus could already picture it. MC/n, absolutely incensed, probably invading the guy’s personal space, yanking at the cup while shouting, “Give me my damn coffee, you thief!” Meanwhile, some poor barista in the background panicking.

“Did the police actually arrest you?”

“Well, no,” she admitted. “But they said I was being aggressive and escalating the situation.” He could hear the air quotes. “So they asked me to calm down and step aside—like I was the bad guy!”

Sylus exhaled, a slow chuckle threatening to break through his exasperation. “You, calming down? They had no idea what they were asking for.”

“I know, right?”

He shook his head, already reaching for his car keys. “Stay where you are. I’ll be there in twenty.”

2. The "Borrowed" Shopping Cart Incident

Sylus had barely stepped out of a meeting when his phone rang. MC/n. He sighed, already bracing himself.

“Let me guess,” he answered dryly. “You’re at the police station.”

A beat of silence. Then, “…It’s not what it looks like.”

“MC/n.”

“I might have borrowed a shopping cart.”

“Borrowed?”

“It’s just that my car was parked far, and I had a lot of bags, so I borrowed it to take them to my car—”

“And?”

“…And then a security guard saw me pushing it across the parking lot and thought I was stealing it.”

Sylus pinched the bridge of his nose. “MC/n.”

“I was going to return it!”

“Did you tell them that?”

“Yeah, but they didn’t believe me. Apparently, they’ve seen me before.”

Sylus went silent for a moment. “How many times have you done this?”

“…It’s not important.”

3. The Dog Rescue Incident

This time, Sylus answered with pure exhaustion.

“Please tell me you didn’t fight someone.”

“…I didn’t fight someone.”

He exhaled. “Okay, good.”

“But I did break into someone’s backyard.”

“MC/n.”

“In my defense, they left their dog outside in the rain! I was just rescuing the poor baby!”

Sylus closed his eyes. “Let me get this straight. You saw a random dog. In a random backyard. And decided, ‘Yes, I, MC/n, should climb the fence and steal it?’”

“Well, when you put it like that, it sounds bad.”

“It is bad.”

“But it was cold!” she whined. “And I was gonna give it back! After they learned their lesson.”

“…I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

4. The Wrong Uber Incident

By now, Sylus didn’t even flinch when her contact name appeared on his phone.

“Let me guess. You’re at the police station.”

“…Soooo, funny story.”

He sighed. “Just tell me.”

“I got in the wrong Uber.”

A pause. Then—“What?”

“I thought it was mine! The car was the same color, same make—”

“Did you even check the plate?”

“…Vaguely?”

He groaned. “So what happened?”

“Well, I got in, and I was giving directions and everything, and the guy was really confused, and I was like, ‘Why is this man acting brand new?’ And then—”

“—You realized it wasn’t your Uber.”

“—I realized it wasn’t my Uber.”

“MC/n.”

“In my defense, the real driver pulled up at the exact same time, so it was an easy mistake to make.”

Sylus pinched the bridge of his nose. “And now?”

“Well, they called the cops because I, uh… refused to leave until he took me where I needed to go.”

Sylus dragged a hand down his face. “Stay put. I’m on my way.”

Bonus 1.

The next time her name popped up on his phone, Sylus almost ignored it.

Then, he answered with an exhausted, “What now?”

“…Okay, so technically, I’m not at the police station.”

He narrowed his eyes. “MC/n.”

“But my car is.”

Sylus groaned. “I knew I shouldn’t have gotten you that Aston Martin.”

Bonus 2.

At some point, one of the twins had made a whole group chat logging each of MC/n’s police encounters like they were sports highlights.

Group Chat Name: MC/n vs. The Law (Live Updates)

📌 Kieran: BREAKING NEWS: SHE’S DONE IT AGAIN. THE QUEEN OF CHAOS RETURNS TO HER KINGDOM (THE POLICE STATION).

📌 Luke: What happened this time?

📌 Kieran: SHE GOT INTO A STRANGER’S CAR.

📌 Luke: ……did she steal it?

📌 Kieran: NOPE. JUST GOT IN LIKE IT WAS A TAXI. SHE WAS EVEN POLITE ABOUT IT.

📌 Sylus: DELETE THIS CHAT NOW.

📌 Kieran: You can’t silence the truth.

📌 Sylus: I am blocking you.

📌 MC/n: LMAO this is my favourite fan club.

📌 Kieran: WE RIDE AT DAWN FOR OUR CHAOTIC QUEEN.

📌 Sylus: I AM BLOCKING ALL OF YOU.

5. The Duck Incident

Morning. Sylus, in his office, already deep in emails. Then—

MC/n: Sooooo… don’t be mad.

Sylus immediately leaned back in his chair. "What happened?"

"Okay, first of all, did you know that it’s illegal to take a duck from a park?"

Sylus inhaled slowly. "Tell me you didn’t."

"I rescued it! It looked lonely!"

"You kidnapped a duck."

"I borrowed it! I was gonna bring it back!"

"MC/n."

"Okay, fine, the park ranger didn’t believe me either, so… yeah, I’m at the station."

Sylus closed his laptop, stood up, and grabbed his keys. "I’m coming."

6. The Shopping Spree That Went Wrong

Evening. Sylus was reviewing reports when his phone lit up.

MC/n: Sooo, I might need you to come get me.

He called immediately. "Where?"

"At the mall."

"…Why?"

"Okay, you know those fancy stores where they watch you like you’re about to steal something?"

"What did you do."

"Nothing! I was just in one, and the lady was hovering, so I made eye contact and dramatically whispered ‘I will rob this place’ as a joke—"

Sylus groaned. "You joked about committing a crime in a luxury store?"

"Well, yeah, but I said it ironically! Apparently, the security guards don’t do irony!"

"Stay put. I’m coming."

The One Time Kieran Called MC from Jail

...It was 1:37 AM when MC/n’s phone rang.

She groggily reached for it, squinting at the screen.

Kieran.

Huh. That was unusual. What’s he doing calling me at—

She answered.

MC/n: “…Kieran?”

There was a beat of silence. Then:

Kieran “Okay. Before you get mad—”

MC/n sat up. Oh, this is gonna be good.

MC/n: “Oh-ho, no, no, no, you do not start a conversation like that. WHERE are you?”

Another pause. Then, a sigh.

Kieran: “…The police station.”

MC/n: “OH MY GOD.”

She was suddenly wide awake.

MC/n: “YOU?! YOU’RE IN JAIL?! NOT ME FOR ONCE?!”

Kieran: “First of all, rude.”

MC/n: “Second of all, WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Kieran mumbled something.

MC/n: “What was that? Speak up, jailbird.”

Kieran: “…There was a situation.”

MC/n: “A SITUATION?! DID YOU KILL SOMEONE?!”

Kieran: “I—WHAT? NO! WHY IS THAT YOUR FIRST THOUGHT?!”

MC/n: “Because you’re a demon”

...

Group Chat Update: "KARMA IS REAL"

📌 MC/n: EVERYONE WAKE UP. KIERAN. IS. IN. JAIL.

📌 Sylus: What.

📌 Luke: BROOOO. WHAT DID YOU DO.

📌 Kieran: WHY DO YOU ALL ASSUME I DID SOMETHING BAD?!

📌 MC/n: BECAUSE YOU’RE IN JAIL, KIERAN.

📌 Sylus: I just woke up for this. Explain. NOW.

📌 Kieran: I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING THAT BAD.

📌 MC/n: THAT BAD??!

📌 Luke: Bro, did you steal a car?

📌 Kieran: WHY IS THAT THE FIRST GUESS?!

📌 MC/n: I’M ON MY WAY. IF I GET THERE AND IT’S STUPID, YOU OWE ME MIDNIGHT CAKE.

📌 Kieran: Deal.

Group Chat Update: "SITUATION GETS WORSE"

📌 MC/n: UPDATE: LUKE IS ALSO IN JAIL.

📌 Sylus: WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TONIGHT.

📌 Luke: In my defense, I did nothing wrong.

📌 Sylus: CLEARLY, SINCE YOU’RE IN JAIL.

📌 Luke: Hey, we just defended a lady’s honor.

📌 MC/n: Okay, that is admittedly hot, but STILL.

📌 Kieran: Are you bailing us out or not?

📌 MC/n: Oh no. I’m letting you suffer for a bit.

📌 Sylus: Leave them there for the night.

📌 Kieran: BOSS.

📌 Luke: RUDE.

📌 MC/n: I’m at least making them buy me cake before I pay.

📌 Kieran: Fine. But expensive cake.

📌 Luke: Deal.

[coffeenvibes]

A little Solavellan sketch

[coffeenvibes]

His favourite dress

there is a story, she comes across his sketchbook and finds his greatest weakness then uses it

[coffeenvibes]

It always seemed to me that the first night after the finale of "Trespasser" Lavellan and Solas would cry. Everyone has their own reasons, but... it's sad 😭