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cluelessgurl · 2 years ago

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Give In

A/N: Okay so I have not written something this long in a hot minute sooo... please ignore any mistakes or let me know and I will fix them. I wrote this after listening to a couple of songs and then got inspired mainly ‘Shameless’ by Camilla Cabello if you want to listen to it I’d recommend towards the end . lmao enjoy :)

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Female Reader

Warnings: A bit of fluff, a heap load of angst, long separation, reunion and implied smut.

Words: 2.6K

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Your whole life, you’ve known him. The day that you first laid your eyes on the Jedi temple, you laid eyes on him. He remembers meeting you a few weeks after arriving at the temple himself, you timidly peered at him whilst slightly hiding behind your masters robes. Master Windu never really approved of him from the start yet, Obi- Wan thought it wise for him to make friends and be among his peers at the temple, so your master hesitantly obliged.

‘My name's Anakin, what's yours?’ he enquired trying to conceal his own shyness with a grin; he never really spoke to many pretty girls back at Tatooine let alone at the temple. Ironically, you thought he was rather confident for a young boy, which encouraged you to match his grin ‘I’m Y/N, nice to meet you’. Anakin now smirked and held out his hand, which you shook ‘Y/N..I think we’re going to be great friends’.

Little did you both know that your friendship would blossom even further. Further than the boundary of the code would ever allow. It’s a bit trivial really, how could your masters let the two of you grow together, become a constant in each other's lives, until it really became one life shared by two souls and not expect an attachment to form. Years of training, shedding laughter, tears and blood in missions. So much so that you anticipated every move and very word the other would conjure in their mind. Yet both of you remained utterly clueless of the brewing sense of affection that swelled in your hearts since the days you were mere padawans sneaking out at night to stare at the Coruscanti stars in the courtyard to Jedi knights fighting for each other’s lives in the frontlines of the battle against the Separatists.

‘ANAKIN!!’ you didn’t care if you were in the line of fire right now, you could not give a damn ‘R-Rex I need you to handle this please, please’ you voice trembled as you spoke into your comm ‘Yes Sir’ he knew you had just seen him cornered and shot down, he knew you needed to be by his side. ‘Anakin you need to wake up right this second’ you controlled the tears brimming in your eyes, not daring to let even one shed because if you did you had accepted the worst. ‘Anakin GET UP’ you uttered firmly, shaking his form on the rocky floor continually for what felt like hours. He made no attempt to move or even open those blue eyes of his so you closed your own. Finally, the tears shed down your face, you laid your head on his chest trying to hear his heart ‘A-Anakin stop this please.. Just stop’ you spoke between sobs his life force was nowhere to be detected ‘I cant feel you! Stop please don’t do this to me’ ‘I CAN’T FEEL YOU’ you bellowed into his neck repeatedly.Throughout the years of fighting in this godforsaken war you had faced torture by the hands of your captors time and time againbut this, this was something beyond any pain your body ever was built to withstand, this felt as though your own heart didn’t beat, given the choice you would endure years of physical torture by the cruelest hands over this. This was pain that struck from the tip of your feet to the top of your head, rippling again and again. You gripped his arms and held them as tight as a rope and sobbed as you shook vigorously , strands of his long hair on his limp head now shaking too. ‘ I refuse to live knowing I failed to save you! I refuse’ you didn't want to face not having the opportunity to hear his voice dampen the dark thoughts you carried in your head, not being able to see his signature smirk that you had found so annoying before but now when you look back on it, you remember how his eyes at the corners of his face would crinkle when he would smile or smirk, how his presence was the closest thing you had ever felt to home so warm so soothing, how you loved the sound of his laughter especially if you made it happen. No. No. You could not give in to this, this can't happen. You forced your pained body to sit up, your knees now cut up by the shards of rock and shrapnel now pushing into you knees as you bent, forcing all the pain behind you closed you tear soaked eyes and called out into the force and pulled each and every corner of its unfathomable depth and did your utmost best to soak it in and push it out towards Anakin’s body. It was the greatest plea for mercy you had ever attempted, it had to work. It has to. He’s the chosen one, he’s the order’s most powerful, he’s the most valiant knight in this war…he’s your Anakin .It has to work.

The silence that followed was deafening despite the marching of the droids and the yelling of your troops in the background. It left your chest heaving. He made no movement. You tightly shut the lids of your eyes, gripping your hair so hard it might rip out and turn your head facing away from his form. But- but you had felt the exhausting intensity of the force within you, ��so much so you swore you felt your own life force being pulled towards him like strands of thread being ripped from cloth. You swore you felt it.

Just as more tears flew out your lids, you were forced to turn your head in a flash. You felt a grip on your arm. ‘Y-y/N..’ his timid voice uttered from his bleeding lips. You felt as though you had regained your ability to breathe ‘Anakin.. You’re really here? That's you right?’ There was a moment of silence as he found his words, finding it difficult to move much until he spoke again ‘Well who else would it be?’ he spoke sarcastically. How he’s able to maintain his humour in a moment like this is truly beyond you . You bitterly scoffed ‘Guess your sense of humour survived’ you smiled through your tears just glad to see his own toothy grin etched on his scarred face ‘You’re no where near funny though, I’m sick of the stunts you pull’ ‘Y/N’ he interrupted but you continued ‘I swear to the maker I’m so done with you’ ‘Y/N’ I’m telling the council to keep me away from you’ you rambled ‘Y/N listen to me!’ ‘What?!’ you replied frustrated as you finally found it within yourself to look him in the eyes, you immediately melted. ‘I’m in love with you.. And you’re right I’m stupid for waiting this long to know it and letting it get this far, I felt your pain, I felt everything and I still feel you within me I think I always will, I don't ever not want to feel it again, I’m so utterly in love with you’. As soon as he finished, you did not leave it even a second to give in, give into the urge you both knew you nurtured over the years and you kissed him, it was the most beautiful culmination of the closest bond Y/N and Anakin had ever had, they were finally one. It was soft and tender, both their bodies intertwined ‘I love you too, more than anything or anyone in this whole galaxy, I love you’ you breathed out. The biggest smiles that had ever decorated their faces, hands tightly held. Their love was not bound or complicated anymore.

Until it was. ‘Jedi Knight L/N, step away from Skywalker immediately.’ the sharp voice of your master tore through your ears. You looked up to see him and Master Kenobi looking down at both of your figures tightly woven. Rex must have called for back-up as soon as you told him to take over, knowing the battle was too much for the troops to handle alone. Both you and Anakin had been so immersed in one another you had not felt the familiar presence of your masters, but both of you knew that they had witnessed your admission of love. All of it. ‘You both have disgraced all that the Jedi Order stands for, you have acted selfishly, unrepentantly indulging in the apparent attachment you have formed, almost jeopardising the Republic and the war.’ As their harsh expressions stared at you, you both peered at each other, looking into his deep blue eyes whilst Anakin focused on yours.

And that was the last time in a year you had seen them and he had seen yours. They told you that you should be grateful that you had not been expelled, that you should be grateful that you had been forgiven. It didn't feel like a relief, it felt a punishment. The most cruel one at that. Never had you been kept apart like this, the first separation you had faced since your padawan days, like a tree torn from its roots. The council kept both of you busy with one gruelling mission after another consecutively, systems apart.

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After a particularly harrowing mission from Hadros the Republic frontier, Anakin was finally sent back ‘home’ to Coruscant. The war seemed so mechanical now. He felt no different than the droids, sent to fight as though it was automated. What was the meaning of it all if you were supposed to fight for it but not care for it, no attachments. His head reminded him yet again. Obi- Wan insisted he sympathised with him yet he had drilled this further into his mind after.. He didn’t let his mind wander to her. It was too painful. Ever since that day on the battle of Caraxes, where you brought his essence to life, he had felt a tight tether to you. He meant what he said, he felt everything she had felt, her pain, her tears. He believes the force has tied a knot, intertwining him and you. A part of Y/N in him. He swears sometimes, he hears whispers of your voice in his mind when he’s in pain, which has only happened more now that he's kept apart from you. He shuffled restlessly in the bed of his quarters, sleep has not been a familiar friend of his, your memories on the other hand, had been. He needed to attempt to control his qualms so he decided to take a familiar walk in the temple, in the quiet safety of the night.

Your ship the Custodian, had just arrived back to Coruscant deep into the night after it had sustained unmanageable damage. This particular battle had taken a heavy toll on your troops and especially on you. The war had caused so much loss, and taken too many lives. This battle had taken the lives of a large part of your troops, their deaths had hit you to the core of your being. Death ever since Caraxes, had the most scarring effect on your mind, every death you witnessed, was a callous reminder of him.. his memories constantly haunted you. Coming back here on top of the heavy feelings you carried was inexplicably painful. The temple carried far too many memories you two had shared. Joyful ones, a stark contrast to the memories you had made since the day you parted. Your mind felt so burdened by the past year and this mission that your mind was brimming with dark thoughts.You needed a release, you felt yourself wanting to cry and so you found your feet wandering to the familiarity of the temple courtyard. It was a stormy night filled with lighting and relentless rain, which is rare for Coruscant, ‘but I guess that conceals the very obvious tears falling from my face’, you pondered, ‘At least the maker has shown mercy’. You found yourself in the centre of the courtyard, pulling your lightsaber out to release some tension by training, it's the nearest thing to a distraction you had found along the way. The deep blue hue reflected on the drenched ground, as your tunic became further damp. The swift, violent strike of the saber whooshing against the whistling wind. Your wet hair swayed messily, tears mixing within the rain as the force grasped for your attention. You swore you felt his presence, but you dismissed it as a cruel deceit of your mind. It had been tormenting you with his voice every now and then, almost taunting you for being torn apart. You continued.

Anakin paced, evidently on edge as the rain poured and the wind roared, his eyes roamed aimlessly until a clear blue hue similar to his own in the distance caught his eye. He felt himself impulsively walking towards it with no care for the rain that now dripped down his face and soaked his battle-worn armour. He wandered as slow as his legs would allow, scared to face the possibility that his mind had yet again betrayed him. Yet when his eyes fell on her figure, skillfully striking her saber just the way he had become accustomed to all these years, he stopped dead in his tracks, she was beautiful. Although his mind should be racing with thoughts, her being in such close proximity to him quietened every thought he had plaguing his mind in the past, he became focused on the present, a present with her, as he yet again made steps towards her .

Shivers envelop her, as his hands slowly ghost down her arms. A soft stroke, that both could never allow to be a mere memory. Y/N let out a hushed gasp, goosebumps appearing as her eyes closed, soaking in the feeling of his touch. He had been deprived of her and now as he heard her gasps under his touch he was desperate to hold her in his arms as close to his firm as physically possible. His mind wandered to avenues they had never dared venture to, it was a cavernous desire forged by his relentless yearning for her. It became explicit to her that his mere presence was intoxicating, the type of intoxication that forces one to relinquish any morals, any code that confines them. She turned to face him steadily, looking at his eyes, still the familiar blue that reminded her of home, but darkened with thoughts she wasn’t trained to comprehend. After a distance of systems, now remained inches in between us, through the sound of the cracks of lightning that lit up both their faces in intervals and the heavy pattering of rain, the two could discern a dense tension in the air as deep, sharp breaths were drawn between them that could be felt on their faces. As she glimpsed at his rain dripped lips and he did hers both their voices echoed in the bond of their tied minds. ‘I want you to give in’. These whispers were electrifying so much so, that they both truly gave in, closing the gap that had been created in between by the same order that intertwined their souls from the first day they met when timid smiles were shared between the two. Now, their bond had grown far beyond the boundaries set as Anakin gripped her face with an unwillingness to ever let go again and clashed his soft lips hungrily against hers. Y/N roped her arms around his arms just as tightly as she had that day he almost left her side forever, making sure to never let go again no matter the order, the restrictions that had trapped them their whole lives. They both didn’t care if they were forgiven.

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cluelessgurl · 2 years ago

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When it's Time to Go (Anakin Skywalker x Reader)

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Jedi Reader

Summary: The realisation of regret drums through your body to the rhythm of explosions outside the cave wall. All the things you should have done itches at your skin. Especially the ones with Anakin. If only you could make up for it.

Warnings: NDE

Word Count: 3.2k

The ground trembled beneath your feet as you reached out to the cave walls to find your footing. You heard the group behind you crying with each shake. Through the glow of your lightsaber, they huddled together for support. With snotty noses and flushed cheeks, the people howled in fear. Guilt sat on your shoulders, licking its bitter tongue into your thoughts. It sits there chattering its rotten teeth. Here you were, assigned to protect these people and the best you could do was herd them into a cave like sheep. You couldn’t even use the Force to pull a boulder to close the opening. The tremors had caused a slip in the foundations concealing the entrance for you. Together you listened to the whistling shots and thundering explosions outside.

Adrenaline pumped like a drum, and you hadn’t even noticed the crowd shivering behind you. Your eyes were intensely trained on the rocks that piled upon each other keeping you from finding help. The comm on your wrist had fallen off long ago. You wonder if Anakin was looking for you.

Click HERE to read more. (Full story posted on AO3).

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cluelessgurl · 2 years ago

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- 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐒!

𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘫𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯, 𝘱𝘰𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯, 𝘬𝘺𝘭𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘬𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘦𝘳, 𝘰𝘣𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘯 𝘬𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘣𝘪 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝐢’𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐬. 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.

𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭, 𝐬𝐨 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐠!!!

𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐫𝐞𝐜 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 • 𝟒𝐭𝐡 𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐

- 𝘋𝘐𝘕 𝘋𝘑𝘈𝘙𝘐𝘕

𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 ➵ @theshireisburning-so-mordoritis

𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 ➵ @flightlessangelwings

𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 ➵ @//liltangerineart

𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐫 ➵ @queenofthefaceless

𝐛𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 ➵ @frankiesbadlanding

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐚 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 ➵ @absurdthirst

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 ➵ @javierpinme

𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ➵ @liltangerineart

𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 ➵ @thatredheadwriter

𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 ➵ @//oliviajdjarin

𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞 ➵ @omgreally

𝐤𝐚𝐫’𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐫 ➵ @the-archxr

𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐬 ➵ @zinzinina

𝐫𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐨𝐧 ➵ @whirlybirbs

𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭 ➵ @michinnyun

𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤 ➵ @//omgreally

𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 ➵ @oliviajdjarin

- 𝘗𝘖𝘌 𝘋𝘈𝘔𝘌𝘙𝘖𝘕

𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ➵ @im-poe-dameron

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐞 ➵ @starryeyedstories

𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐫 ➵ @//starryeyedstories

𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 ➵ @whattheheckmidoriya

𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬? ➵ @eyelessfaces

𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 ➵ @the-little-ewok

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐞 ➵ @light-yaers

𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡? ➵ @batshitbimbo

𝐠𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐠𝐞 ➵ @ichorai

𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞 ➵ @foxilayde

- 𝘒𝘠𝘓𝘖 𝘙𝘌𝘕

𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐞 ➵ @kylorengarbagedump

𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 ➵ @empressofalderaan

𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 ➵ @roanniom

𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐤𝐲𝐥𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐜 ➵ @kylosjuul

𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬 ➵ @benslittlestarkiller

𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐧𝐚𝐩 ➵ @renstardust

- 𝘈𝘕𝘈𝘒𝘐𝘕 𝘚𝘒𝘠𝘞𝘈𝘓𝘒𝘌𝘙

𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐮𝐬 ➵ @petersniya

𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 ➵ @full-time-make-believer

𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 ➵ @dexthtoyounglings

𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 ➵ @ofallthingswhythis

𝐜𝐨𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐧 ➵ @mountkennedie

𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 ➵ @//mountkennedie

𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ➵ @x-childish-x

- 𝘖𝘉𝘐 𝘞𝘈𝘕 𝘒𝘌𝘕𝘖𝘉𝘐

𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 ➵ @//full-time-make-believer

𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐡 ➵ @makrokosmuss-blog

𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 ➵ @//grippingbeskar

𝐚 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ➵ @grippingbeskar

𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 ➵ @//im-poe-dameron

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝 ➵ @spidersbane

𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 ➵ @certifiedskywalker

𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐥𝐮𝐱𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 ➵ @clints-lucky-arrow

𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 ➵ @milleneumfulcrum

𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭 ➵ @221bshrlocked

𝐩𝐬 • 𝘪 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘶𝘱𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘪 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦’𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵.

𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘣𝘰𝘹 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘺. 𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪’𝘮 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘢𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯 :)

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cluelessgurl · 2 years ago

Text

My current obsession because of the fact that it’s ridiculously amazing writing! The aching slow burn is killing me 😫 give it a read, very very much worth it!

My Very Soul (Chapter 5)

Anakin Skywalker x Jedi!Reader

Link to Chapter 4

Warnings: tiniest bit of jealous Ani, intoxication, spice/drug mention, attempted kidnapping, protective Anakin, protective Dallum, a (very consensual) kissy kiss between OTHER characters tehe (ALSO ANAKIN FLUFF YAY) 💕

Summary: Your attempt to sneak out of the Temple with a few of your Padawan friends is hindered by unexpected consequences

Word Count: 5.4k (every single time I think I've written under 3k and then I check the count. I get carried away on my Anakin bullshit lol)

You walked through the hallway of the Padawan dormitory, your mind restless. Master Yuma had been sent out on assignment without you, a diplomatic mission to Mandalore, and whenever you had to stay at the Temple for long periods of time without her, you grew fidgety. It wasn't uncommon for Jedi Masters to be sent out without their Padawans, and it didn't bother you to be left out of this particular mission. Still, you felt yourself becoming antsy as the days passed, with nothing to entertain you but the walls of this building, the endless archives, and your own meditative explorations.

You headed into the turbolift and pressed the panel on the wall. It was a bit later than you usually prefered to rise and head to the mess hall for breakfast, but without Master Yuma's presence—or, really, any motivation to do anything—you'd felt no need to get out of bed in a timely manner.

You felt the presence before the doors of the lift opened. How does he manage, you thought, flushing, to always show up exactly where I—

The lift doors opened to Anakin's smiling face, standing in front of you, his eyes looking mischievous.

"Fancy seeing you here, flea," he said, poking his tongue through his teeth, his grin matching the elation you felt rising around you, his Force presence catching in the air.

"You're back," you observed, walking from the lift straight ahead, in the direction of the mess hall. He followed you.

"Aren't you going to ask about Riosa?" Anakin solicited, puffing out his chest slightly as you walked through the hallway.

"Factory disputes don't interest me, much," you told him in a slightly teasing tone.

"This one would. Wait til you hear what—"

But Anakin's words were cut off by a whooping holler, coming from the direction of the main Temple entrance. Both of you looked around.

"No way!" Dallum shouted, running forward and grabbing you in a playful headlock, giving you a noogie by rubbing his knuckles against your head.

"Get off of her," Anakin said coldly, straightening up. You laughed as Dallum released you, smiling.

"What's up, Dal," you asked. Behind Dallum you saw Master Quinlan Vos, and you put two and two together—they must have finally returned from their stay on Onderon.

"Is Eha back too?" you asked hopefully, craning your head and looking around, but you saw only Master Quinlan and his rambunctious Padawan. The two of them being paired together was a liability to the Order, you thought, but it did provide some entertainment value.

"Yeah, she's somewhere," Dallum said, a wide grin spreading across his smug face. Eha and her Master had accompanied Dallum and Master Quinlan, you knew, on this last mission. They'd been gone a while—too long for your taste. "Anxious to see you too, I'm sure." Dallum had grown significantly in his years as a Padawan—his thick shoulders were wide, his muscles straining against his robes. He puffed out his cheeks, looking from you to Anakin.

"So, listen," he said more quietly, out of earshot of his Master, who was greeting a few other stragglers coming out of the breakfast hall. "We're planning a little heist, tonight."

"A heist?" you asked warily, watching Dallum's face light up in excitement.

"It's Seeva's birthday! What, did you forget, worm?" Dallum teased. You had neglected to remember that Seeva was turning 15 today.

"Don't call her that," Anakin told Dallum angrily, his jaw clenched, putting his hand on your shoulder to try to step between you and Dallum. You shoved Anakin off.

"What, so it's okay for you to call me a bug, but it's not okay when he does it?" you turned and asked Anakin, amused.

"It's not the same," Anakin said, pouting.

"It's exactly the same," you said in a dry tone, trying not to smile. In some ways, you thought, Dallum and Anakin were quite similar—they were both cocky when it came to their abilities, both overconfident, both boisterous in their teenage sensibilities. Still, you knew that Anakin would never have bullied you, or anyone, the way Dallum had in the past. You were glad that stage of Dallum's character development seemed to have ended when he'd become a Padawan. You could admit that Master Quinlan had been a positive influence on Dallum. Though the two of them at times seemed to egg each other on, they got results. Plus, Dallum seemed to have grown out of his insecurity, and with that growth had come a much nicer attitude toward everyone, especially toward you. You turned back to him.

"You know, Dal, these stunts of yours tend to get all of us in trouble." It was true—Padawans who were under 18 were not allowed to leave the Temple unsupervised by a Jedi Knight. It was easy enough for Dallum, who was already 18, but Eha was only 17, and you, Anakin, and Seeva were even younger. You didn't want to get caught sneaking out.

"It will be innocent fun," Dallum promised, putting his hand up to signify the honor of his word. "It was Seeva's idea, and all. We'll just go out, stretch our legs, get the little nugget a birthday treat..." Dallum leaned closer to you, ignoring Anakin's stare, which you felt might be searing a hole through the back of your head. "Perfect place to escape the...scrutiny, of the Temple, if you know what I mean." He pulled back, giving Anakin a wink, and mouthed eight PM quite obviously before turning back to his Master.

You turned around, walking toward the mess hall, Anakin following. "What did he mean by that?" you asked, puzzled. You felt a hint of discomfort enter Anakin's presence.

"I'm not sure," he said. You shrugged. "Do you want to go?" Anakin asked, watching you as you made your way toward breakfast. You nodded.

"I haven't seen Eha in ages," you said, longingly, missing your friend. "What could go wrong, right?"

You waited, your cloak's hood up, hiding behind a pillar on the steps leading into the temple. No one was around, coming in or out, but that could change at any moment, and you didn't want to be seen. You listened, hearing laughter.

"Y/N, this isn't a dangerous mission. We're just going to get dessert," you heard a laughing voice say from behind you.

"Eha!" you squealed, trying to remember to quiet yourself as you ran into her arms, hugging her tightly.

"I missed you too," Eha said, hugging you back, jumping up and down in her excitement. You saw others coming up from behind Eha, and you looked around, making sure none of the Masters happened to be leaving the Temple for an evening stroll.

"What, I don't get a hug?" Seeva asked, their small voice like bell chimes, their cute pointed face in a grin.

"Happy Birthday Seev," you smiled, pulling them into a tight grip. Seeva was even smaller than you were, with delicate features, and short, straight hair that curled around their face. You were having a hard time believing they were now the same age as you.

"Well, come on, we don't want to get caught," you heard Anakin say from behind the group, looking uncomfortable.

"Always the buzzkill, you are," Dallum said rowdily, running down the stairs, stopping behind Eha to tickle her sides. She jumped.

"Wait!" a small voice pealed from the top of the stairs.

"Oh, come on, Dal," you said, sounding exasperated, "you sprung Leve?" Leve jumped down each step, looking excited. She was still a youngling, having not yet been chosen to become a Padawan, and sneaking her out of the crowded youngling bunks certainly added a level of risk to your endeavor. Padawans were afforded small, private rooms of their own in the dormitory, making it easier to come and go without being seen.

"She's part of the group," Dal said honorably, faking a sense of decorum.

"I invited her," Seeva said firmly, putting their arm around Leve's neck and starting off the bottom step.

"What about Yumi?" Leve asked, looking around.

"She's still out on assignment," Dallum said, waving his hand airily. "It's just us tonight."

"Let's go!" Eha whispered, grabbing your hand and leaping forward, and you couldn't help but laugh. You glanced around one more time, but you only saw Anakin and Dallum behind you, no Knights, no one who could protest your leaving the Temple.

You all walked through the streets of upper Coruscant. You'd explored the city some before, most of the time with your Master, though younglings were occasionally taken out on excursions. You'd also stepped out a few times unsupervised, you could admit—as much as you knew yourself to be a rule follower, Padawans were known to sneak out time and again, and you weren't going to miss out on the fun.

Dallum, who was 18 and therefore allowed out on his own, led everyone through the maze of city streets to a small late night diner.

"Why are we all the way out here?" Anakin asked him, and you sensed that Anakin spent more time out in the city than he was supposed to.

"Less likely to be seen out here," Dallum answered, "by any meandering Jedi, that is." It was true that this area did seem a bit more run down than the streets closer to the Temple, but the diner you all entered was well-kept, and had a clean and friendly atmosphere. You took Seeva and Leve's cloaks, hanging them on a hook near the door with your own, while Dallum went up to the counter with his credits. Eha led everyone to a large, circular booth in the back.

The diner was a lively place. You saw Twi-leks laughing raucously around a table full of drinks and fried rycrit meat; you saw a Gran who looked like he was deep in conversation with a Wookie, both of them gesturing wildly with their arms; you even saw a few species you couldn't identify. You slid into the booth between Anakin and Seeva, looking around at the scene. If you had been here with Master Yuma, you would have asked her to tell you about these unknowns. You knew it was rude to stare, but you admired the atmosphere. There was a lot about the galaxy you still didn't know.

"Dallum!" you chastised hastily, as you watched Dallum arrive with a circular tray of glasses filled with a mysterious liquid.

"Relax, Y/N," Dallum said obnoxiously. "It's Blumfruit juice, see?" He held up one of the glasses. You tried to loosen your shoulders, passing the juices around the table.

"To Seeva," Eha sounded, holding her glass up in front of her.

"To Seeva!" you all happily agreed, and you drank. The juice was sweet.

"Y/N, tell me about Muunilinst," Seeva said excitedly, turning to you. "You saw Henry, right? How is he?" You smiled down at Seeva, feeling Anakin's presence beside you. You had returned from Muunilinst over a month ago, but you weren't sure if this might still be a sore subject.

"He seems like he's doing really well," you told Seeva's innocent face, "aside from the blaster wound, that is."

"What?" Seeva squeaked. You laughed, beginning the story. As you talked, a few plates of appetizers came to the table, and you ate excitedly. It wasn't often you got to eat food that wasn't from the Temple. Temple food was never fried in delicious oils and covered in salt. You licked your fingers, enjoying yourself.

"It was actually Anakin who stopped the assassin from hitting Henry in the chest," you continued, turning to the boy next to you. Seeva looked at him in wonder.

"Really?" they asked, eyes wide. Anakin smiled at them. "How do you stop a blaster from firing?"

"He didn't," you explained. "He stopped the bullet in mid-air." You saw Anakin's face turn pink beside you, felt the joy and pride in his presence at hearing you speak this way. The conversation turned elsewhere, you asking Leve about her training. You wished you could see your fellows more often, but the life of a Jedi was complicated, busy. You savored these moments of reunion.

"Eha, please tell me you'll be back for a while?" you asked her, turning in her direction. She blushed as you turned your attention on her, and this confused you.

"I hope so," Eha said, Dallum chuckling beside her.

"I've missed you," you told her honestly, and as she looked back at you, you felt there was something unsaid in her presence—felt her emotions reaching out to you, wanting to tell you something, but holding back. You looked at her, quizzically, but she turned away, looking at the floor.

It was only then that you realized you could see Dallum's hand intertwined with Eha's, partially concealed by the table. Dallum seemed to be stroking her hand with his thumb. You balked at the sight. What is going on? You turned to look at Seeva, who gave you a knowing smile and a shrug. You didn't understand.

"I'm going to use the toilet. I'll be back in a few minutes," Eha said, sounding giggly, but slightly uncomfortable. She peeled herself out of the booth, walking in the direction of the diner's entrance.

"I—me too," Dallum said, laughing nervously, and he too left the booth, following Eha toward the door.

"What's with them?" you asked, turning from Anakin to Seeva. Both shrugged, but both were smiling, and you felt something in their emotions, part squirm, part laughter. It was like...an embarrassed kind of pleasure, the feeling permeating the table. Leve ate her food quietly.

"I'm going after them," you said, gesturing to Seeva to let you out of the booth.

"Y/N, wait," Anakin said, getting up with you, grabbing onto your arm. You pulled your arm free.

"I want to know what's going on," you said simply, though you had a feeling Eha had been keeping something from you—something big.

As you reached the doorway of the restaurant, you felt yourself pulled into the corner. "ANI—" you started to shout, your heart beating, but Dallum slapped his hand over your mouth. Eha was standing next to him, having just grabbed Anakin's arm, pulling him into the corner with you. You turned around, looking at Dallum in confusion. He took his hand off your mouth and put a finger to his lips in a silent "shh", then pointed back in the direction of the doorway.

Your stomach dropped. You watched as Master Plo entered the diner, walking directly toward the booth where Seeva and Leve sat, enjoying their food. Eha and Dallum must have seen him outside, you reasoned, and it didn't seem that Master Plo thought to look into the corner, in your direction. You saw Seeva and Leve looking up at the Jedi in horror as he sat down opposite them. Their faces hung as he spoke, and you imaged that he was giving them a stern talking-to.

"Come on," Eha whispered, "he hasn't seen us." Eha pulled you and Anakin out of the diner, Dallum following, and all of you jogged down the street, darting in and out of alleyways, running until you were at least a few blocks away, out of earshot, and unlikely to run into Master Plo should he exit the diner with your fellows.

"Poor Seeva," you said, feeling terrible, "poor Leve. This is all our fault."

"Master Plo will go easy on them," Dallum reasoned, "easier than he would go on us, at least."

"I still feel bad," Eha said, her face puckered.

"It won't do them any good to get ourselves in trouble, too," Anakin said, and you knew this made sense.

"He'll get them home safe," Dallum said cheerfully. "Which means," he continued, grinning impishly, "that the night is young, and the little ones will be in bed." He swung around the nearby pole of a streetlamp, apparently trying to seem suave, though the overall effect was quite clumsy. "Where should we go?" Anakin stood behind you, watching you, waiting for your reaction.

"Absolutely not," you said, shaking your head. "As soon as the coast is clear, we're heading back to the Temple."

"Oh, come on, don't be boring, Y/N," Dallum whined.

"I mean it," you said, your tone firm. "I don't want to get into any more trouble."

"Ugh, the two of you are always such killjoys," Dallum said to you and Anakin. "What is it about being the top of the class that makes you so un-fun."

"Hey," Eha chided. "Be nice to my friend." Dallum shut his mouth. You grabbed Eha by the arm, pulling her ahead of Dallum and Anakin.

"I really have missed you," Eha said, putting her head into your shoulder as you walked, arm in arm, linked. The two of you started a slow procession toward the Temple, feeling Anakin and Dallum following behind you.

"I wish we could be together all the time," you said, and you meant it. "Why is it we're never assigned to missions together? I'm paired with Anakin every other week," you continued, laughing.

"I don't know," Eha said, her voice growing quiet. "Listen, Y/N...A lot has changed since the last time we were both back here."

"Yeah," you said, ready for her to come clean, "about that—"

But you didn't get the chance to finish your thought. Everything happened so quickly, it felt like one millisecond, and also like it happened in slow motion, your quick reflexes taking everything in with minute detail. You heard the glass smash on the ground, saw two dark shapes moving around you, and felt the orange particles moving up into your airways. Someone had smashed a small vial of Spice onto the ground in front of you and Eha, and before you knew it. there were arms around you, picking your body up off the ground.

You reacted instinctively. Using the Force to loosen the man's grip, you took your lightsaber from your belt, working quickly and swinging accurately. You slashed the man's arm that was holding you, and then both of his legs, on the sides, giving him deep burns that would prevent him from using his limbs temporarily, but wouldn't maim him completely. He was on the ground, writhing in pain, when you turned to Eha, who had been grabbed by the other attacker. Dallum got there first.

"You will never touch her," Dallum said, his voice cold and angry, his white lightsaber lit and held high in the air. You felt Anakin on your other side, his blade held up as well, felt the anger in his familiar Force presence rising. "You will never touch either of them, or it will be the last thing you do." The Force command Dallum infused into his voice was shocking. He was really becoming a Jedi.

The man who had attempted to grab Eha looked down at his companion, the man you had attacked, writhing on the ground.

"Guess we chose wrong, tonight," the man in front of Dallum said in a nasty voice, looking at you, Anakin, and Dallum with your lightsabers lit. He glanced back once at his companion, and then ran in the other direction. You felt Anakin's intentions before he could enact them.

"Anakin, no," you said, grabbing onto his arm, trying to thwart his attempt to follow the man. You felt Anakin's anger, felt him thinking of all the ways he would like to kill this person who had tried to attack you, but your senses were beginning to cloud. You looked around, saw no more evidence of the orange Spice in the air, but felt a funny feeling in your airways.

"He could attempt to attack someone else," Anakin said, his voice shaking, his anger palpable.

"It's not the Jedi way, mate," Dallum said, trying to reason with him. "We don't deliver vigilante justice." Dallum turned his attention to Eha. "Are you all right, beautiful?"

Eha's eyes looked funny. You watched as her pupils dilated and then shrank, over and over again. Dallum looked at the broken vial on the ground, and then back to Eha.

"Spice," he told you and Anakin, but you felt all of a sudden as if the world were shrinking in front of you, as if your vision was being stretched by a long tube. You tried to look at your friends, or speak, but you felt frozen by the intoxicating sensation.

"Little flea, you don't look so good," Anakin told you, taking a step closer to look you over and make sure you weren't hurt.

"Dal," Eha said, and you turned your head back to her, slowly, watching her form swim in front of your eyes. "Dal, that was amazing, you—you saved me—" and with those words, Eha collapsed into Dallum's arms, kissing him enthusiastically. Dallum responded with as much enthusiasm, holstering his lightsaber and wrapping his arms around Eha. You watched, confused, but the two of them changed color in your vision, first becoming blue, then becoming pink, then fading into bubbles around you.

Oh no, you thought to yourself. I hope they don't pop.

"We've got to get them back to the Temple, where they'll be safe," Anakin said loudly, trying to interrupt Eha and Dallum's long embrace.

“We can’t go back to the Temple like this,” you heard yourself say, from far away, bubbles floating all around you. “We’d be expelled from the Order.”

"Well, we can't stay here," Anakin said, sounding worried, looking around the darkened street, as if expecting more attackers to emerge at any second.

"Find somewhere to wait it out," Dallum said, his cheesy grin looking funny through your Spice haze. Eha starting pulling on his chin, trying to bring his face back to hers. "You'll take care of wormy, yeah?" Dallum asked, looking reluctantly back at Anakin and gesturing toward you with his head, his hands moving around Eha's waist. Anakin nodded, and Dallum turned back, kissing Eha passionately against the wall of the building behind them.

"Come on, Y/N," Anakin said gruffly, looking around. "We'll...we'll find a safe place." He waited for you to come with him, his arm outstretched to lead you, but you felt oddly planted to where you stood, as if you had become a tree. You looked down at your arms, and they were branches.

"Oh," you said softly, waving your branches, feeling the leaves moving, rustling with the wind. "Pretty..."

Anakin drew his face closer to yours, looking into your eyes. "Oh boy," he breathed. "Okay...um, let's try this." Anakin moved in front of you and knelt, reaching behind him with his arms to gently pull at the spots behind your knees. The pressure of his hands caused you to fall forward, against his back. Surprised, you grabbed hold of his shoulders to steady yourself, and he stood up, lifting you into a piggy back.

"Woah," you giggled, watching as your vines combined with Anakin's vines. "It's...it's an..." you struggled to find the words as your limbs flowered. "It's an epiphyte."

"Uh huh," Anakin grunted, carrying you along with him as he looked around. "Okay, I have an idea. Hang on, flea." He tightened his grip around your right leg and let go of your left, but you weren't concerned. Your vines were gripping his tightly, one plant growing on top of another as he climbed up a ladder, up onto the roof of one of the smaller buildings nearby. When you both reached the rooftop, Anakin swung you off of his back, holding onto you, looking around.

"This is fine," Anakin said, still sounding concerned, but seeming calmer. "Can you stand?" Anakin let go of you, and as he did, you sunk into yourself. Anakin caught you under your arms as you fell to your knees.

"Gods, Y/N," Anakin said through his breath. "Remind me never to do Spice." Anakin laid you down gently, onto your back on the surface of the roof, and then dropped to a seated position near to you, his arms around his knees.

"No, Ani, no," you said breathlessly, shaking your head against the hard metal of the Coruscanti roof, your hair splayed out under you. "It's wonderful." You lay looking up at the stars, feeling like you could see the entire universe. All of it was moving, forming different shapes, different planetary systems, all of the matter exploding and reforming in front of your eyes. You remembered that you were seeing back in time.

"Was Eha...were Eha and Dal...was that real?" you asked, the words coming out of you slowly.

"Yeah," Anakin said, his tone slightly bitter, infused with some other emotion you couldn't identify through your stupor.

"That's so weird," you said, your eyes watering as you felt the Spice moving through you. "She used to hate him. And it's...it's not allowed." You felt a pleasant smile sit on your face. Though you knew there might be a part of yourself deep within that was upset about Eha, and you knew the presence of Spice in your veins should be causing you to panic, all you felt was a contented, euphoric lens over everything, as if life were suddenly being colored, the motion capture covered by a painted, translucent fabric. It was a lovely sensation. You felt it in your ears.

"Technically, Jedi are allowed to kiss," Anakin said, sounding the tiniest bit grumpy.

"I've never understood the difference," you admitted, watching the swirling vortexes above you collide together. You could hear it in your mind—the sound these nebulas in the sky made, as they hit each other's edges. It was a beautiful tinkling.

"Have you ever kissed anyone?" The Spice visions were distracting you from Anakin's presence as it began to swell beside you. It took you a moment to understand his question. You shook your head.

"No. And I doubt I ever will," you said honestly, through your haze, feeling the most comfortable calm washing over you, the light show in space changing colors.

"Why?"

"What I just said, about attachment...kissing..." you lost your head for a moment, putting your hands up above you, pulling at the shapes in the sky. They moved with your touch. "Look!" you gasped, grabbing Anakin's wrist. His heart was beating heavily through the sleeves of his tunic, his pulse fast. You pointed up at the sky with your other hand, wanting to show Anakin the lights, but all of a sudden, they were gone.

"Oh," you said mournfully, letting go of Anakin and dropping your other arm. "Never mind." The Spice haze was shifting so quickly, it was hard to keep up.

“Y/N, do you hate me?” Anakin asked, his voice quiet, his breathing uneven. You felt confused by how much everything was spinning around you. Ani's words didn't make much sense. It took you a while, in your mind, to piece together what he was asking.

"Hate you?" You turned toward the boy sitting beside your supine figure, crinkling your face. You could see Anakin, but his outline seemed fuzzy, like it was moving, or perhaps like it contained another dimension that it didn’t have normally, one with more colors. "No. I don’t hate you, Ani," you sighed, truthfully, all of a sudden feeling very heavy in your head, your arms, and your legs. Anakin sat watching you, his presence uncharacteristically passive, his eyes sincere. “You do bother me sometimes,” you admitted, thinking it through slowly, the cogs stuck together in your intoxicated mind. “Sometimes it seems like you want to. You know, bother me." You watched the world turn inside out through your lashes, and felt it, too. Your lips struggled with words. You felt a bit like jelly. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling. The Spice inside you was creating a little tornado of happiness. You worked to keep your mind focused on the conversation. "Why is that?” You looked back at Anakin and saw he was smiling, looking quite pleased.

“I don’t know, exactly,” he said, his eyes downcast, his smile seeming unintentional. You rolled your eyes at him. This made you a bit dizzy.

You held your arms up on both sides of you, to steady yourself. All of a sudden, you forgot there was roof beneath you—it felt like you were floating in space, the distant galaxies floating with you.

"What are you doing?" Anakin asked, through his laughter. You realized that you were not floating. Disappointed, you put your arms down, blinking your eyes.

All of a sudden you felt through the haze a concentrated effort on Anakin’s part—his thoughts turned to you, his emotions becoming stronger as if he himself was turning the dial up on the volume. His Force presence was all but shouting at you, and you knew he was doing it intentionally. You felt these emotions of his moving through you, and you felt as if you were inside Anakin, feeling all of these feelings with him. You couldn’t just read them—it was almost as if you were his feelings of adoration, desire, want, insecurity. It was almost as if these same feelings were coming from somewhere deep inside you, as well as from him. You shook your head to clear it.

"What?" Anakin asked, part cautious, part hopeful.

"I…I can’t tell what you’re thinking,” you lied. You kept your tone convincing, even through the drug’s influence. Anakin laughed.

“I guess Spice really does a number on you.” You felt the world spin, but not in a nauseating way. Anakin waited, his breathing halted, as if he was trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say.

“Didn’t you feel it, though?" he began, and you felt his emotions swell inside him, a wave that refused to crash, his feelings growing bigger and bigger. "When we met? Didn’t you see that we would be—"

You waited for him to finish, seeing things in the stars, things you shouldn’t be seeing. "That we would be in each other’s lives,” he continued, “that we would be a part of each other’s stories.”

Of course you’d felt it, but the Spice haze had begun to shift, and you were gaining back your ability to remember to hide your true feelings and emotions.

“I do remember the day you came to the Temple,” you said honestly. “I felt something before I’d even seen you…I could feel your—" you paused, realizing this might be too honest. “I could feel your sadness.”

The wave crashed, but not in a devastating way. Anakin's Force presence shrank, and you knew he felt vulnerable, raw. You felt him casting around in his mind, trying to decide on the right thing to say in response.

“So you admit it," he smiled, his voice refusing to betray the stormy ocean within him. "That we’re friends.”

“Yes, we’re friends,” you said, smiling in spite of yourself. The Spice haze was definitely beginning to fade slightly, leaving in its place a tired gladness, a relaxed feeling, a sweet and innocent enjoyment. "You could try, though, you know,” you told him, turning to look him in the eye. “Not to be so irritating.”

“Deal,” Anakin said, smiling.

A long period of quiet passed between you, you enjoying the feeling of regaining your senses, Anakin lost in thought. His thoughts were quite pleasant, and something about the haze, or the evening, or perhaps a shift between the two of you allowed you to feel his thoughts without fear, or judgement, or anger. It wasn't so bad, you thought, to be beside him now.

"Are you ready to go home, little flea?" Anakin whispered, breaking the long silence after a while. You nodded, shifting, trying to sit up.

"That’s not home," you said, pulling yourself to a standing position, relieved your muscles had begun to work again. Anakin stood as well, considering your words thoughtfully.

"I suppose you’re right," Anakin replied, looking out over the Coruscanti skyline in the direction of the Temple. He was quiet for a moment, and you felt his thoughts move toward his mother. It was a tender feeling. It made you want to pull him into your arms. You breathed in and out, trying to expel this certain urge.

"Thanks," you said, and at this, he turned back to look at you. "You know," you smiled, "for not leaving me to rot, in a Spice haze, in a ditch somewhere."

Anakin grinned down at you. "What are friends for?"

************************************************************************

Chapter 6 coming soon!! Please let me know if you'd like to be tagged when it's out. Also, meet Eha, played by the beautiful Auliʻi Cravalho:

Now accepting casting suggestions for Dallum 😉 Also, I hope everyone is fine with me nerding out about the new NASA telescope in the middle of my fic! tehe

divider credit: @racingairplanes

taglist: @iyoogi @cluelessgurl @layazul @annadastra @graciexmarvel @galaxiasy @organasith @indigoblues1207 @outoftheregular @katsukiswrld @prettyboyrryy @jellydodger @wildflower57 @lydiamartinslover @em-asian @heavenseraph @iloveinej @leapofblank @sahverah @elsyyie

(if you’re on this list, make sure you have tags enabled!)

#anakin skywalker #hayden christensen #star wars #star wars fanfiction #anakin x reader #anakin fanfiction #star wars fanfic #anakin fanfic #obi wan kenobi #star wars prequels

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cluelessgurl · 2 years ago

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One shot

A/N: This is literally something random that popped in my head lmao so here it is. Also if there are any grammar mistakes please let me know :)

Pairing: Vader X Female Reader

Summary: A mysterious sith reader follows the orders of her master to collect Vader from his failure at Mustafar.

Warnings: Descriptions of pain, burning, overall angst.

Vader laid there helplessly as his every inch of his body seared and charred, a pain that he knew would haunt him all his life if he somehow survived this. He felt weak, not only physically as he utilized his newly developed powers of the dark side to keep his now unfathomably pained body alive, but also mentally. He felt ashamed that he had been so vulnerable, left to rot and burn as though he were an old letter that held no more sentiment by the man he had once regarded his father.. his brother. He felt weak. Although his anger had reached a platform he could have never imagined, he felt weak. He had screamed and screamed until his throat had slowly eroded enough from the immense heat of the lava that he had no choice but to mute. He was left to sustain his life yet, he had no idea how much longer he could prevail, he felt no one was coming for him as he finally gave in and let his head fall to the scalding surface, letting out weary breathes.

Till he heard footsteps scurry, his initial thought was that Obi-wan had returned so save him, like he always had when they had be been brothers. But there was no sense of urgency in these footsteps. They seemed calculated, most importantly, it was not Obi-wan’s familiar presence in the force , but completely unknown to him. They approached closer and closer till they halted neatly to a safe distance. “Wh..who ar-are you” Vader muttered, yet again in a wretchedly weak manner. However, the stranger did not respond. Vader attempted to raise his head for his blurred eyes to see them yet he failed to do so. The stranger did not move , made no sound until they gently lifted using the force, wrapping around him until Vader shifted from the depths of fire to the ground Obi-Wan once held . Only then did they speak, with a conviction and depth Vader had not experienced before. “My master shall see you now” and when he heard those words he finally managed to lay his eyes on her. She stood there towering above his body, hands pinned behind her. She was dressed in black robes, a lightsaber clipped to her side as her dark hair cascaded down with a face that held no emotion. However Vader could not avoid her most prominent feature, her piercing yellow eyes of the sith. She emanated sheer strength, and power that he had never experienced before, he would have compared this power to himself if he had not been weak enough to end up in such an inferior position; pain was still striking his body from every part making him writhe in agony , she noticed this. With those same furiously yellow eyes looking down at him, she placed him on the med carrier, with no movement yet utilising the force when she abruptly turned around, hands yet pinned to her back and uttered no other words as she took him his fate.

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cluelessgurl · 3 years ago

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Absolutely in love with this!!! Pls check the check @cathartiha’s account out, her writing is amazing!!!

Hey!!! I saw that you were open to do headcannons with a comfort character and let me just say your amazing for doing this 😂 and I appreciate even just the thought lmao. I’d love it if you would write one for Anakin?

I feel a bit weird describing myself but here it goes aha. I’d like to think I’m a caring and emotive person. I think overall Anakin always needed a shoulder to cry on and talk through his feelings and no one in his life within the jedi really let him do that. I’d like to think that if I were in his life he’d always come to me to speak about what is bothering him and I’d hopefully always say the right things. I mean the boy just needs a bit of sympathy 😭 I feel like if he did have that he wouldn’t have chosen the path he did. To have someone to show him the light in his darkest moments and thoughts. In turn, we all know he’s very protective and loyal of people he does care about and I love that, I’d like to think he’d do that for me and look after me in the same way. Make me feel safe and protected if that makes sense.

But yeah, I’ll obviously understand if you don’t wrote about this but I’m happy you thought of the concept so, thank you! <3

hey! thank you so much for requesting <3 this turned out kinda angsty and anakin is somewhat dramatic but i hope the fluff makes up for it. i hope this is at least kind of what you were thinking of. i also apologize, this is the first time i’m publishing something like this ever so i really don’t know if this is good or absolutely terrible so please let me know what you think lol.

english is not my native language so if there are any mistakes i’m sorry!

you first meet anakin on coruscant, when you are assigned to work together on diplomatic matters. although you don’t have much time to actually get to know each other, you get along instantly. you find that, even though you don’t technically know him well, his presence makes you feel secure.

even though you don’t work with each other a lot and therefore don’t cross paths that often in the beginning, you two get along well and can talk about anything and everything.

the more time you spend around him, the more obvious it becomes to you that there is a storm raging within him. he carries so much emotion, you cannot help but be intrigued.

anakin, for his part, quickly took a liking to you, when he noticed you'd genuinely hear him when he spoke, and didn't give any unsolicited advice. he appreciates that you didn’t belittle him, like many of the jedi did, but saw him as your equal.

anakin doesn’t let himself be vulnerable around people easily. he's more used to keeping to himself, as that is what the jedi expect him to do.

one night, you see him watching over coruscant, the city lights reflecting in his eyes. you wavered at first, but decided to go up to him and ask if he’d like you to keep him company or if he’d prefer to be alone. you stay by his side in comfortable silence.

that was when anakin started trusting you fully.

you two start meeting more often, spending your nights together, talking, stargazing or saying nothing at all. anakin tells you about his home planet, his family, his hopes and dreams.

he doesn't notice it at first, but slowly but surely he starts falling for you. and you feel the same.

he notices when he realizes he gets a bit too anxious about your safety. he can’t help but be conflicted about his feelings at first, as he is a jedi and wants to take his duties to the jedi order seriously, but eventually he decides to run with it. within all the wars going on in his head, he only ever truly feels at peace when he is with you.

which doesn’t mean he wouldn’t fight for you. in fact, if anyone wants to hurt you they're gonna have to get past him first. he's very protective of you. he also may teach you how to defend yourself, if you can’t do that already. though he’d rather risk his own life fighting for your safety.

he’s planning to tell you about how he feels, romantically, in quiet, when the both of you are alone. it ends up being quite different.

anakin has opened up to you about many things, but never about his nightmares. until now, one night, when you hear someone frantically knocking, or rather punching, at your door.

as soon as you open, anakin bursts in. he looks seriously upset, his hair is messy and his eyes are reddened.

nevertheless, he’s still the most beautiful being you know.

he enters your room and practically collapses in your arms.

“you're alive. thank god you're alive."

when you ask him what is going on, he apologizes and says he needed to see if you were alright.

you hold him until he's somewhat calm, drawing shapes on his back and whispering sweet nothings to him. once he's able to talk, he tells you about what happened. he had a nightmare in which he lost you.

"i couldn't live without you. the thought of it tears me apart. i can't lose another person i love."

what did he say? for a moment, the both of you only halfway seem to realize what is happening.

you speak up first. “i love you too anakin"

and then he kisses you.

"i want to be yours, if you’ll have me”

and that was how your relationship started

no one can find out since anakin is a jedi, but you manage.

you help him with his nightmares, even when no one else takes him seriously, which he appreciates a lot.

he also makes sure you know that he’ll be there for you if you ever need anything. he wants to be certain that you feel as safe with him as he does with you.

and you do. <3

#anakin skywalker x reader #anakin x reader #anakin x reader headcanons #anakin headcanons #anakin skywalker #clone wars #star wars #general skywalker #jedi order

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cluelessgurl · 3 years ago

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Omfg just look at thiiiisss crossover . It shows so powerfully how Vader is Anakin vice versa. How one can’t exist without the other, Anakin always did live within vader . Also Obi-wans voice 🥲🥲🥲

The creator is Jax Navarro

Tiktok @plasticaction

#anakin skywalker #star wars #general skywalker #jedi order #obi wan kenobi #star wars art #marvel #doctor stephen strange #doctor strange #Darth vader #mystic arts #padme amidala #clone wars #galactic empire #the clone wars

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cluelessgurl · 3 years ago

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hello! this is a question ab anakin. was killing palpatine THE moment he finally fulfilled the chosen one prophecy? bc vader never seemed to be the type to want to become emperor. he wanted to save padme to keep her and that failed. i feel like he was only greedy to defy death for padme and not really to kill palps and become the most powerful ruler of the galaxy. so how did he manage to let go of the dark side through luke and why was luke the one who made that possible? was letting go of his fears and anger the thing that made it possible for him to rise back into the light?

Hi! I don't think Anakin wanted power in the sense of wanting to become the Emperor, per se. He does say that he can overthrow Palpatine in Revenge of the Sith, but I think it's more about "we can make things the way we want them to be!", that Anakin wants to force the rest of the galaxy to live by his rules, rather than that he specifically wants power over other people directly. Primarily, he wants power because he wants to be able to force the people he loves to stay with him, he wants to keep death from happening, he wants to be strong enough that nobody that he loves will ever die again, because he's afraid to face those feelings, because he's unable to let go even when death happens. ("You can love people, but you can’t want to possess them. They’re not yours. Accept that they have a fate. Even those you love most are going to die. You can’t do anything about that. Protect them with your lightsaber, but if they die they were going to die, there’s nothing you can do. All you can do is accept that fact." --George Lucas, Star Wars Archives 1999-2005) Anakin fulfilling his destiny isn't about taking over for Palpatine, it's about ending the horror of the Sith. And it's his compassion for Luke, that he finally stops saying, "I want this person to live, because I am afraid to live without them, because I want to possess them" and instead says, "Regardless of what happens to me, I care about this person, and I want them to be happy." He finally lets go of his attachments and saves Luke with selfless love, it's not about himself at all, it's about what's best for Luke. Not what Anakin wants for him. With Padme, "Just help me save Padme's life. I can't live without her.", that's not about her, that's about Anakin and his feelings for her. What started as a sweet and cute relationship grew into an obsessive and possessive one that Anakin was unbalanced by. "I've got to save you!" "You already have, Luke." and he lets Luke go, to live a life without Anakin because nothing can stop him from dying now and he's accepted that. He doesn't cling to Luke, he doesn't try to hold on even against the impossible to change way of life and death. What started as an obsessive and possessive relationship grew into one that Anakin was finally able to let go of, to find balance in. Precisely why he's able to do this with Luke is probably a mix of things--Anakin has had 24 years of being miserable and without anyone who truly loved him, he's been a walking black hole of depression that entire time, maybe he's finally ready to actually die, maybe it's because children are different than peers and spouses, maybe it's because Luke never knew him as Anakin Skywalker, so he didn't look at him and see the betrayal of the good man he once was in anything more than a vague abstract, instead of someone who intimately knew him and Anakin would never be able to look at them without seeing them knowing what he'd done. Anakin was able to rejoin the light because finally he let go of all that hate and rage he'd been carrying around his entire life, because he was able to be purely selfless when he sacrificed himself for Luke, it wasn't about wanting to die, so much as not caring if he did or not, because Luke was the only thing that mattered to him, that Luke live and go about his life, regardless of whether or not Anakin was a part of it. The prophecy was for him to end the Sith, but it was his own personal victory that let him rejoin the light, because letting go of all of that is hard and he did a monumental thing and Anakin Skywalker was incredible and I love him forever and thanks now I'm feelings all over again.

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cluelessgurl · 4 years ago

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DUDEEEE I wasn’t prepared for this 😭😫😫

#anakin skywalker #star wars #clone wars #obi wan kenobi #obi wan needs a hug #obi wan star wars #obi wan x satine #obiwanedit #general skywalker #general kenobi #qui gon/obi wan #rots #revenge of the sith

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cluelessgurl · 4 years ago

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Hey! Here is the request from prompt list! Hope you like it! <3 @luminara123

Agony

Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Reader

Warnings: Angst

Words; 1.5K

Writing prompt #1- ‘I can’t live without you’

#6- ‘Let’s get married’

#68- ‘Go away’

‘I - I.. we cannot do this Anakin. This is wrong, what we did, what we’re doing is wrong.’ you sighed, closing your eyes tightly, to hide from him ‘How could something that feel so beautiful, so blissful be wrong Y/N? I can’t, I don’t believe it’ Anakin countered, his face was sprayed with crimson blush as his eyes scrunched, turmoil obvious within them. ‘Our whole lives we have been told this is wrong, attachment. The Jedi Order is our whole life, we vowed ourselves to it’ you spoke quietly, as your nose burnt and eyes stung, tears threatening to trickle down your face. All this time, he had been the solution to your problems. The voices that screamed in your head, telling you that you would always fail were hushed by him, his laughter filled it instead. The scars that once dirtied your body, now adorned on your skin as his hands smoothed over them. The pain your heart once endured eased as the joy and elation you felt every time his presence was around now filled it instead. It was all him, Anakin.

Tears were quick to flow down his face, as Anakin turned his head to look away, he felt angry but above all, he felt emptiness. The person he loved so dearly, closely and intimately, was refusing to reciprocate. He knew how you felt, he could feel everything you felt as you sat crouched beside him, as you started into your hands. He had to tell you how he felt though, desperately had to. ‘I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you—I can't breathe.You are in my very soul, tormenting me...what can I do? Believe me, I wish I could just wish away my feelings, but I can't. I can’t live without you. You let out a short, shocked breath as you looked up to meet his deep blue eyes, swimming with tears. You couldn’t lie anymore, you couldn’t deny it, living a life with him absent would be eternal pain, it would be.. Agony. You both felt each others’ emotions, the strongest urge to give in. And as your lips touched his, you both did.

‘Absolutely not Anakin! I’m not pleading Obi-Wan to make suggestions about our legions being sent together on every mission!’ you replied as a stream of laughter left your lips he started to whine ‘Why not? We both work great together, we always get the missions completed far quicker than any other pair and.. We could spend all our time together’ Anakin replied through a smirk as he pulled you closer , you did what you usually do what he smirks like that, you rolled your eyes ‘No, that such an unrealistic notion, and he’s your master’ you huffed smiling brightly, ‘Yes but we both know he likes you more, he’s always going on about how mature you are and how your a great strategist unlike my ‘reckless’ ways..’ he spoke out as he placed tender kisses on your forehead,‘you gave him side eyes as you shook your head ‘..anyway, it’s not like i’m your wife you’d get sick of seeing me everyday’ you chuckled, he paused as he stared at you, his face remained emotionless, until his eyes brightened and he gave you a crooked smile ‘Marry me’ you blinked a few times, trying to process what you thought had been said ‘I’m sorry what-wha’ he laughed, thoroughly enjoying your reaction ‘Let’s get married’ he spoke so casually that you assumed he must be joking ‘Your really funny Anakin, come on we have to leave for Ryloth rather soon’ you quipped as you turned to walk. But you were stopped as a strong, but gentle grip hooked around your wrist making you face him. ‘I’m serious darling, let’s get married’ now he spoke with a seriousness you hadn’t seen in years.'Be my wife and spend the rest of your life with me’ the brightest smile appeared on your face as your mind flashed with endless possibilities of how a marriage between the both of you might be like, and it all ended in happiness. Which is why you agreed.

Your heart dropped to the bottom of the hot soil, your body felt rigid, tight, restricted as amber eyes started into your own, it was as if they were burning you. The flames of betrayal, loss and …. Agony burnt you from your fingertips to your toes, cascading down. You hadn’t dared let yourself believe Obi-Wan’s words about your husband, but his actions and words became apparent as you saw him, heard him.

‘Love can’t save us Y/N, only my new powers can do that.’ he spoke out with strain, he could sense your apprehension but he wanted,needed you to understand, he refused, utterly refused to live without you. The Jedi will tear us two apart now that they knew the truth about our love, our vow.. Or our ‘attachment’. The way they so ruthlessly simplify love, passion and commitment, they are wrong. They are evil. These thoughts relentlessly whirled in Vader. ‘I will not lose you the same way I lost my mother, I am becoming more powerful than any Jedi, I’m doing this to save you, to save us’

Anakin’s voice boomed in your head, his face looked pained, like he was fighting within himself. He looked drunk with power, your husband. Your husband looked like a man you didn’t recognise, this only amplified as he boasted. Not in the way he oh so cockily used to in the thousands of missions and battles you both had fought together. No, his usual smirk was replaced by a scowl, his gentle nature had thickened ‘I am more powerful than the Jedi, I will ensure our future. With you, with these powers, we can rule the galaxy, make things the way we want them to be! Destroy the Jedi, they oppose love, they oppose us. They are our enemies!’ he shouted, as his features curved into a deranged smile. You felt fear seep into your heart, something you never imagined Anakin would make you feel.

‘You’re breaking my heart Anakin, this.. this isn’t you Ani. You have good within you, you are selfless, you're brave. You're pure. You're a Jedi, come back! I beg you my love.’ you helplessly yelled, desperation drenched in your words, you couldn’t fathom a life without Anakin, you needed him back, the real him.

Vader saw red flash in his eyes, his rage boiling within him, it filled every inch, every crevice in his body, and he allowed it to. Hands clenched, face contorted in fury he bellowed ‘I am no Jedi! They are evil, they hide behind principles and stupidity. I am no Jedi!’ he inched slower towards you as your eyes froze in shock, you flinched at the sheer harshness of his voice.

‘Then you are lost. The Jedi raised you! They gave you a home, they gave you knowledge! They gave you everything you just threw away-’ suddenly the force around shrouded in darkness, the pit of your stomach ached, your throat tightened slowly, like a snake coiling around you.You were under his grasp, your lungs releasing precious air. Slowly and painfully you felt yourself losing. You looked up to look upon his face one last time, as painful memories poisoned your already broken heart. Your Anakin, your husband, your love was going to be your demise, he was not Anakin, you had truly lost him. You shut your eyes forcefully as tears flooded your sockets, you didn’t care about how your head was blaring and ringing, all you cared about was the agony of losing him.Blood now dripped down your neck from your ears.

STOP, let her go! A voice within Vader’s mind screamed at him, it was so loud that it shook him from his core, his eyes now flickering, from fire to ocean. The force was brimming inside of him, it wanted to be liberated, it wanted to let out. It fought and fought relentlessly,until his eyes opened abruptly.

His blue eyes now felt blurry as tears filled in. What had he done? Crimson now painted your beautiful face, his wife’s face. He was supposed to protect you! He was supposed to save you! But he was weak. He was now forever caged in Vader, this was the cruel trap of the dark side, whilst in search of salvation, he found temptation. This was his fate, this was Vader’s fate. But he would not let it be yours.

Suddenly, air once again seeped into your body as you fell to your knees ‘Go, Go now’ he mumbled until it bellowed ‘GO AWAY!’ you huffed as exhaustion took over you, your breaths became shallow as his voice became deeper and louder.Until you eyes finally shut.

And finally when they did open, the familiar hum of the ship and the bright flashes of lightspeed flickered upon your face.

It didn’t end in happiness, it ended in agony.

#anakin skywalker #star wars #clone wars #jedi order #general skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #vaderkin #darth vader fanfiction #vader

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