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"Favourite friends"

And the experience of being nobody's "favourite friend."

Girl friendships, in my opinion, are one of the most complex phenomena that a girl can experience as they grow up. It is, potentially, an essential part of girlhood. I'm particularly going to focus on teenage friendships between girls, starting with early teens.

Girl friendships can be some of the most rewarding relationships that you can build. It's reassuring to know that there will always be someone to turn to, and have lighten your mood. Whenever I think of girl friendships, I immediately think of the recent trend where Rachel (from F.R.I.E.N.D.S, not that I've watched it.....sorry.....) says, "I've got my girls." I think that this completely en-captures the beauty of these relationships.

However, being in girl friendships, particularly in a group of 3 or more, can bring forward issues like hierarchy, and favouritism.

Everybody has had a 'favourite friend.' You can admit it. There has been that friend that you liked a liiiiiiiiiiiittle bit more than the rest of the group. You might love all of your friends equally..... except that one person that you love a teensy tiny bit more..... or a lot more, but the point still stands. Best friends, favourite friends, whatever you call them, exist, and are normal.

When a group is hanging out together, you might feel more (or less) inclined to attend, depending on whether your favourite friend is going to be there. You can't help who you get along with more, but you can help how you treat the friends that aren't necessarily your favourite.

I, unfortunately, had to go through the experience of being nobody's "favourite friend." As one group member out of four, I knew deep down that between the other three members of the group, they all had favourites, and I was not anyone's.

You're probably wondering how on earth a group of 4 means that one is left out- after all, trios are the most notorious friendship group number, not 4. A group of 4 should be safe- a set of two best friends, right? It could have been due to the fact that I was the youngest by at least a year, or just the fact that my personality didn't mesh with my friends as much as I wanted. Well, either way, somehow, I was the least favourite.

I slowly started becoming more and more aware of the fact that I was not getting invited to group situations as much anymore, I didn't understand all their inside jokes; we didn't know the same people, and we were experiencing different things. After many tears on my behalf, feeling like an outcast, etc. I came to terms with the fact that I didn't want to be a least favourite friend in a group, and eventually ended up leaving the friendship group I previously mentioned.

Now, many many years later, I have started moving on from this friendship, and regard these girls with respect and friendliness. After all, we were just children trying to navigate friendships.

Knowing you are not anybody's favourite friend can be extremely detrimental to somebody's self worth and confidence, and is not an experience that I would wish upon anyone. I hope that if this did happen to you, you feel less alone by my shared experience, despite the limited details I felt confident to share.

Love Always.

[cluelessgirlblog]

Retrospective Jealousy

Trying to cope with jealousy towards a partner's past.

One of my biggest characteristics growing up was that I am a very insecure person. Insecurity, especially during teenage and young adult years, is incredibly normal and incredibly common.

Before entering my first relationship, I'd watched sooooo many TikToks, Instagram Reels, etc, expressing their jealousy towards a partner's previous relationships or flings. At the time, I thought it was a quick and easy solution to think 'They left them for a reason.' Then, I entered my current relationship, and I unfortunately came to realise that these mostly irrational feelings were, for me, impossible to avoid.

The more I learnt about who these girls were, the more frequently I searched up their names on Instagram, Facebook (literally any social media I could find them on- you know the drill), and compared every one of their features to mine. And with every comparison came a reason as to why these previous girls were better than me, in every way possible.

When I first shared my feelings towards my partner, he quickly shut down any possibility of going back to these girls, offering reassurance as to why these relationships ended in the first place. Of course, when you are so deeply dug into your insecurity, this doesn't offer much comfort- I then started to think 'Well, what if ______ never happened? Would you still be with her then?' instead.

All of the fears and worries that I was feeling were very very real to me. I had never even thought I would get to the point of being loved enough to be in a relationship, so, of course, when it finally happened to me, I immediately entered self-sabotage mode. It's easy to look for reasons to be jealous and fearful, as opposed to look for reasons to stop feeling these things. It's not something I would have started working towards without such a reassuring partner, who is constantly finding ways to make me feel loved.

While I don't have a solution to this awful and upsetting feeling, I want to share one thing I think is important to remember. The previous relationships of your partner are not always your enemy. Don't hate a person just because they dated your partner. Remember, if you have been in previous relationships, then perhaps you are one of the people that another girlfriend sees and is jealous of.

Love always.