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Okay I love the fanon Dooku and Obi-Wan dynamic and all of them getting along and being a great master and Padawan pair.

But consider...

Au where for whatever reason Dooku has to take on Obi-Wan's apprenticeship and they absolutely hate each other.

Dooku (68 and trying to get seduced to the dark side): are you going to tattle to the council again?

Obi-Wan (19 and not having it): are you going to drop protocol and try to choke someone out with the Force again?

Like Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon always had their moments of friction but the level of ice that can develop between Dooku and Obi-Wan is legendary.

Obi-Wan: Master I don't think siding with capitalists and billionaires will help the people of this planet like you think it will.

Dooku: the red tape of the republic-

Obi-Wan: is there to ensure walkways have guard rails. Do you see a guard rail here? If knighthood doesn't pan out I'm applying for a job with Space OSHA.

Dooku: Padawan the Jedi are the attack dogs of the Senate.

Obi-Wan: hey I am not the one using the force to choke people on my missions. I use my words. I think you'll find you're the one attacking--

Dooku: are you ever going to let that go?

Obi-Wan: of course Master! I know how to let go! Unlike you when you're crushing someone's windpipe!

Dooku: why you little-

Obi-Wan: *choking sounds*

Mace: you've been together for a month, surely this is just a rocky first step.

Dooku lifts his arm, Obi-Wan is biting him hanging off by his teeth: I'm going to level with you Master Windu. I was considering leaving the Jedi and joining a Sith Lord who plans to destroy the Jedi and take over the galaxy, but now my only desire is to get as far away from Obi-Wan Kenobi as I can and never speak to him again.

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Jedi-isms

What Jedi say: Emotions lead down a dark path.

What Jedi mean: Calm your tits before you hurt somebody.

What Jedi say: The Force shall reveal the time for action.

What Jedi mean: Nah.

What Jedi say: I sense darkness in you.

What Jedi mean: Hey, asshole.

What Jedi say: The Force works in mysterious ways.

What Jedi mean: That’s the worst question I’ve ever heard.

What Jedi say: I will meditate on your words.

What Jedi mean: Go fuck yourself.

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No one ever tells Obi-Wan that he is his Master's padawan.

Of course, for most people who had known Qui-Gon Jinn, telling someone else they resembled the the man would in fact be a thinly veiled insult. But still, Obi-Wan feels the absence of comparisons almost as strongly as he feels the absence of his Master.

There is no one for Obi-Wan to push against now, no strong presence at his side, ready to grab him by scruff and pull him back from another reckless stunt. It's an odd feeling. He has been set loose against his wishes. There is no one to his left and Anakin at his heels, but Anakin had needed, still needs, a strong, gentle figure for his prickly but sensitive heart. For even their worst bickering could not hold a candle to the scathing remarks he and Qui-Gon had shot at each other and Obi-Wan knows he cannot push and needle Anakin in the same way.

When Qui-Gon had been alive they had been an amusing, mirrored pair, the maverick and his rule-following padawan. Opposites clashing against each other, yet working together to complete the most difficult missions. Few saw that Qui-Gon's impertinence had indeed rubbed off on his padawan, cultivated from that small, angry initiate, because the only way to rebel against the rule-breaker had been to parrot the Council fastidiously. No one would ever get to see that again. Obi-Wan is one half of a mirrored pair trying to complete a routine on his own. What once was an impish, teasing compliance is now a betrayal of all his Master's values.

"How could Qui-Gon raise such a model Jedi?" He hears them say, "It's admirable that Master Kenobi was appointed to the Council despite his Master's maverick ways."

Padawan Kenobi would have yelled and kicked and screamed. Master Kenobi is serene. It should feel like an achievement. It feels like a disappointment.

Sometimes, Obi-Wan looks at the shape of the man he has moulded himself into, and aches to be his Master's padawan.

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Episode V

more [or click here for more roommate shenanigans]

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Episode VIII

more [or click here for more roommate shenanigans]

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All the Boys I’ve Kissed Before (and My Sister) (We Don’t Talk About That One)

Din gets a crash course. Don’t listen, Grogu, you are too innocent for this.

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Every time I think about, “Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend.” I start laughing because IT HAPPENED LIKE TWELVE YEARS AGO and THE ONLY PEOPLE THERE WERE SIDIOUS AND PLAGUEIS like there’s no way for the Jedi to even know this story existed, it’s not a millennia old tale, it was INCREDIBLY RECENT and they were Sith Lords IN HIDING, yet Palpatine just says that entire story with his whole chest like Anakin’s never going to go go the Jedi and say, “Hey, what’s up with never telling me about that Sith Legend Darth Plagueis?” so the Jedi can go “who the fuck is Darth Plagueis????” and Palpatine is RIGHT, Anakin’s brain is just like a hamster on a squeaky wheel, “oh okay I don’t know enough to tell if that’s true or not but I’m just gonna believe it”.  ABOUT A STORY THAT HAPPENED A DECADE AGO, NOT SOME ANCIENT HISTORY.  The absolute gall of Sheev Palpatine, there will never be another villain like him, he’s the bestworst.

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Been thinking about them lately.

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Obi-Wan, looking through his clothes : Has anyone seen my top?

Rex : Cody in the kitchen.

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Comprehensive Lexicon Guide for First-Time SW Fic Readers:

Flimsi/Flimsiplast = Paper

Flimsiwork/Datawork = Paperwork

Stylus = Pen

Datapad = Tablet

Comlink/Comm = Communication Device/Phone

Binders = Handcuffs

Chronometer = Clock

Spectacles = Eyeglasses

Chrono = Watch

Conservator = Refrigerator

Caf = Coffee

Nerfburger = Hamburger

Blue milk = Milk (literally blue)

Hubba chips = French Fries

Sweet roll = Doughnut

Flatcakes = Pancakes

Tabac = Tobacco

HoloNet = World Wide Web

Holovision/HoloTV = Television

Holodrama/Holovids = Movie/Videos

Holocamera/Holocam = Camera

Holomap = three-dimensional map

Holojournal = Newspaper

Holocube = Picture frame

Holotable = Projector

Holoscanner = X-ray machine

Holojournalist = Reporter

Flatholo/Holograph = Photograph

Sonic Damper = Active Noise Cancellation

Refresher/Fresher= Bathroom

Sonic Bath = Bath

Sanisteam/Sonic shower = Waterless Shower

Hydrospanner = Wrench

Hydro Flask = Water Bottle

Power Cell/Energy Cell = Batteries

Authorization Chip = Decryption key

Datatape = Disk

Datastick = Flash drive

(Personal) Com Code = Phone number

Datachip = SD Card

Synthflesh = Synthetic skin

Glowrod = Flashlight

Sparkstick = Match

Slugthrower = Gun

Slug = Bullet

Vibroblade = a blade that can vibrate at high frequencies, increasing its cutting power and penetrating ability (tactical knife)

Rangefinder = Rifle scope

Turbolaser = Cannon

Ion pike/Vibropike = Spear

Electro Staff = Stun baton

Blaster = Pistol/Rifle

Stun Blaster = similar to a Taser

Landspeeder/Airspeeder/Speeder = Car

Turbolift = Elevator

Slideramp = Escalator

Starfighter = Fighter jet

Rotorcraft = Helicopter

Hoverpack/Jetpack= Jet pack

Speeder Bike = Motorcycle

Skylane = Traffic lane

Railspeeder/Hovertrain = Train

Power Chair/Hoverchair= Wheelchair

Windscreen = Windshield

Podracing = Car racing

Dejarik = Chess

Sabacc = Poker and Blackjack combined

Galactic Rebels = Combat simulator

B'shingh = Dungeons and dragons

Jizz = Jazz music

Wailer = Singer (ie. Jizz Wailer)

Cantina = Bar or Pup

Para Sailing = Paragliding

Aurebesh = Alphabet

Credits = Money

Sleeping Pallet = Bedroll

Naming Day = Birthday

Youngling = Child

Galactic Basic Standard/ Basic = English

Medkit/Medpac = First aid kit

Hypo = Syringe

Medic/Healer = Doctor

Medcenter = Hospital

Bactapatch = Bandaid

Nanoweave = Fabric

Transparisteel = Glass

Plastifoam = Packing material

Durasteel = Steel

Plasteel = Plastic

Duracrete = Concrete

Slicer = Hacker (slicing = hacking)

Identikit = Passport

Minder = Therapist

Synthleather = Vinyl

Viewport = Window

Cooling Unit = Air-conditioning

Honeydarter = Bee

Slythmonger = Drugdealer

Spice = Drugs

Stimpill = Caffeine pill

Power Socket = Plug

Cutters = Scissors

Cycle = Day

Standard Cycle = 24h

Standard Week = 5 days

Standard Month = 35 standard days

Standard Year = approx. ten months

Tenday = literally ten days

Cigarras/Smokes = Cigarettes

Click = Kilometer or 'a moment'

Parsec = a unit of distance

Tweezers/Clanker/tin head/tinnie = Droid

Separatist = Seppie

Promise Ring = Wedding Ring

Body Glove = Jumpsuit

Slicksuit = Wet suit

Civvies = Civilian clothing

Carbonite = a metal alloy used to freeze a person in a state of hibernation

Hyperdrive = device that allows a starship to travel faster than lightspeed

Moisture vaporator = device that can extract water from the air, commonly used on tatooine

Glareshades = Sunglasses

Gasser = Gas Oven

Repulsorlift = technology that can create an anti-gravity field and is used for levitating heavy objects

Heating unit = Heater

Utility Droid = Roomba

Sunbonnet = a Clone trooper helmet

Bad Batcher = a defective Clone Trooper

Banthabrain = birdbrain/ a stupid person

Bantha fodder = waste of space/nonsense

Blast! = word of exclamation

Blasted! = s.o in anger or annoyance

Blaster-brained = dimwitted

Blaster fodder = cannon fodder

Blast off = Piss off

Brainless = Stupid

Bug/Bugger = used to refer to Geonosians

Forceforsaken = godforsaken

Full of Poodoo = full of shit

Poodoo = Shit

Kriff = Fuck

Jedi scum = derogatory term for jedi

Kark = derogatory expletive

Larty = LAAT/i gunship

Laserbrain = insult

Meat droid = derogatory term for Clone Troopers

Redrobes = Palpatines guard

Rookie/Shinie = newly recruited Trooper

Scum = insult to refer to bounty hunters/rebels

Sharpie = Sharp-witted

Sithspawn/Sithspit/Hellspawn! = expletive

Sleemo = Slimeball

Son of a bantha = insult

Wizard! = Cool

Spaced = dead

Hutt-spawn = Bastard

Karabast = exclamation of dismay

Stang = Crap

Buckethead/Bucketbrain = derogatory term for Stormtroopers

Bucket = Helmet

Nat-born = Natural Born

Roger Roger = affirmative/copy that

Droid poppers = EMP grenade

Sitrep = short for situation report

Backwater Planet = any planet that isn't part of the core system

Holocron = device that can project a three-dimensional image of a person/object and is used for communication or entertainment.

Kessel Run = a risky Operation. Commonly used as a metaphor in impossible situations.

Thermal Detonator= device that can create a powerful explosion like a grenade or bomb

Ray Shield/Energy Shield = creates a (protective) barrier

Rebreather = device that allows a person to breathe underwater or in toxic environments

Phrases:

Wild goose chase = wild bantha chase

That's bantha shit = that's bullshit

As slippery as a greased Dug = untrustworthy

Credit for your thoughts = penny for your thoughts

Cut the poodoo = cut the crap

to get your gills in a twist = get upset about something

Holy mother of meteors = holy mother of god

Oh my skies/ Oh my stars = exclamation of surprise

Stars' end! = exclamation of disbelief

What in the blue blazes = exclamation

When Geonosis freezes over/When it snows on tatooine = extremely unlikely

Who pissed in your power supply = who pissed you off

Blast it = damn it

By the maker = exclamation of surprise

Great karking Dragon = expression of disbelief

Lothcat got your tongue = equivalent of 'cat got your tongue?'

Sod it = expression of frustration

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I think the Jedi council should have at least considered sending obi-wan over to Dooku to be like “yes hello I am here for sith training” just to see what would happen

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Lightsaber Theory: Obi-Wan "Sith Lords are Our Specialty" Kenobi consistently loses duels to Dooku not for any reason of technical form mismatch or lack of ability, but because Dooku is not even pretending to try to kill him. Resultantly, Obi-Wan can’t figure out what the fuck is going on when they fight. 

Obi-Wan: (preparing to defend an expected lethal strike) You’ll answer for your enormities, Count!

Dooku: (giving him the lightest love tap on the leg) Don’t be so sure, my special good lineage baby boy, so perfect in my eyes. 

Obi-Wan: …What?

Dooku: What?

Which Dooku and Obi-Wan proud lineage moment is even the most unhinged? There are so many to choose from! Is it Dooku’s frequent inability, both in AotC and TCW, to keep from spontaneously gushing about Sidious’s plans and even his own dark secrets to Obi-Wan?? Is it the time in Labyrinth of Evil where Dooku drags a long-suffering, bored Grievous over to watch a holorecording of Anakin and Obi-Wan thwarting his plans yet again, to point out how beautifully they’re working together as a team and how much he likes watching their lightsaber work evolve? Is it in the recent Brotherhood novel, where Obi-Wan just has to casually namedrop Qui-Gon to get Dooku to do exactly what he wants?

Obi-Wan is a big problem for Sidious in his mission to destabilize and corrupt Anakin, and Sidious knows it. He needs him out of the picture to do the same isolating, evil bullshit that worked so well when ensnaring Dooku himself. But the war has been going on for years now, and guess who remains inconveniently alive? And whose job was that to take care of? Oh yeah. I remember. His useless, Padawan assassin-collecting apprentice: fucking Count Dooku. By the time of RotS, Sidious has specifically ordered Dooku to make fucking sure Obi-Wan is dead only for him to completely ignore the command about a half-dozen times.

Going by the Stover RotS novelization, in the same scene where Dooku also literally refers to Obi-Wan as his fucking grandson actually, add that to our earlier list, Sidious reiterates that KILL OBI-WAN is the plan (over the sound of Dooku’s loud complaining) moments before that final duel.  I kind of wish we’d gotten a shot of Sidious's incredulous, enraged expression as Dooku knocks Obi-Wan unconscious and pins him safely out of the way. He is, once again, going out of his way to not kill Obi-Wan in that duel, and this time directly disobeying his Master to his face after they just had a conversation about it. You just know exactly what Sidious must be thinking at that moment. Oh, Dooku. You are so fucking fired.

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 i find it kinda silly that [almost] nobody acknowledges how boba shares a face with like a super legendary army

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Common Knowledge

Anakin: [getting ready to leave for a mission] Well, we’re just about ready to head out. Tell Ahsoka to meet me at the hangar. See you in a few weeks, Master. Obi-Wan: [casually, as he continues to read something] All right, may the Force be with you, Anakin. Love you. [turns the page in his book]  Anakin: [stops halfway through the doorway] [walks back into the room, stunned] …I. Obi-Wan: [looking up over his reading glasses] Forget something? Anakin: [wide-eyed, staring] I. You. Obi-Wan: [concerned] Are you all right? Are you hurt? Anakin: You. You said. Obi-Wan: [furrowing his brow, standing up and reaching for Anakin’s forehead] I said what? You look flushed, Anakin, what in blazes is the matter all of a sudden? Anakin: [sounding almost hysterical] Y-you said. [points accusingly] You said, “love you!” Just – just like that. [lowering his voice] You said you love me. Obi-Wan: [baffled] …yes? Anakin: [grabbing him by the shoulders] It’s OK, Master, your secret is safe with me. I’m not upset. Don’t freak out or anything. Obi-Wan: [deeply confused] “Freak out”? I…and why would you be upset about that? Anakin if you’re just acting strangely to try and get out of this mission, I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to get you out of having to – Anakin: [whispering, gently touching Obi-Wan’s face] I’ll never tell a soul. Obi-Wan: [making a face] Never tell a soul what, exactly? Anakin: What you said, obviously. To me. About, y’know…[muttering] loving me. Obi-Wan: I…you certainly don’t have to, but I hardly think it’s classified information. Anakin: [scoffs] What? Are you kidding me? But why didn’t you ever say anything?! Obi-Wan: I didn’t think it wasn’t being said! Certainly others have commented about it. Anakin: Wh – wait, are you saying other people knew, but not me?! Ahsoka: [walking in with her duffel bag] Other people know what? Anakin: Snips, does Obi-Wan love me? Ahsoka: [cracks up] Oh yeah right, gee I wonder, Master. Anakin: [frowns] Ahsoka: [sobers] Oh my gods, were you serious?! Uh, he literally packed your bags for you this morning. [gestures at Anakin’s hand] I already know he made you that to-go caf with that gross sweet syrup you like in it. And he faked that knee injury that one time so you guys wouldn’t have to go on a mission during the finale of your dumb soap opera. He’s always doing stuff like that. Obi-Wan: [hands Ahsoka a paper bag] Here’s some lunch for the trip, by the way, young one. Ahsoka: [pecks him on the cheek] Thanks. [looks back at Anakin] I mean, he takes care of everyone but there’s no way you didn’t notice that he takes care of you the most. Obi-Wan: That reminds me, Anakin, you should probably take your fleece-lined cloak on this trip. It’s winter where you’re going and I know how you hate the cold. [starts putting it on him] Anakin: [furious while still allowing himself to be dressed] You mean this whole time I’ve just been going about my business and Obi-Wan’s loved me – loved me best – and everyone knew but me?! Ahsoka: I guess? Obi-Wan: [smoothing out Anakin’s robe] It appears that may have been the case. Anakin: [still miffed] Oh, this is some – [grabs his comm and punches in a number] Padme. Hey. Does Obi-Wan love me? Padme: [laughter heard over the line] Ohh, Ani, very funny. [pause] Wait. Are you serious?

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ITS YA BOY QUINLAN VOSSSSSS

Best buddy and wingman of one Obi-wan Kenobi!💪🏻

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to this day i wonder what in the galaxy possessed cody to respond with "that sounds.... entertaining" when obi-wan tells him about being chained to a pole. of all the adjectives he could've used, the ever professional, protocol following marshal commander cody chooses "entertaining", therefore implying that he likes the mental image of his high general, literally his commanding officer, being tied to a pole. and he says that to obi-wan's face.