clexa-surrogacy-au

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

You know what I think its grossly under-rated in fandom? Second loves.

What it's like to love and lose and then love again. To suffer through either the death of a loved one or the death of a love you used to share. To know that loss, to know that hurt, and to still make yourself vulnerable to someone again. To love scared, to love wounded, to love anyway.

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

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my doctor prescribed “kissing a pretty girl all over her face until she’s smiling & giggling uncontrollably” to cure all my ailments

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

Between Our Love

Chapter 10: Fifteen Seconds

Lexa floats, like a piece of driftwood, in the strange in-between world in the middle of consciousness and slumber. The car rocks gently around her, the radio hums, brief flashes of light break up the darkness behind her eyelids, and Lexa lay cradled in the center of it all, curled up in her seat with the seat warmers on, suspended in that place of limbo where time has no meaning.

At least, until the soft murmur of Clarke's voice breaks through the fog as if from a great distance. Lexa stirs, awareness gradually returning to her. Her lashes flutter as she blinks, cracking her eyes open to see Clarke looking at her with fond amusement.

"Sorry to wake you. I just— I'm coming up on the last toll and I can't find the coin purse. I think it's in the glove box. Which…" She gestures vaguely at the swell of her stomach, one hand still on the wheel. Which she can't reach. Right.

Lexa unravels her legs and spares a moment for a languid stretch before she opens the glove box to pluck out the frog-shaped coin purse she'd hidden there when they'd stopped for dinner earlier. They're already rolling up to the toll booth, so Lexa opens it up and counts out the change Clarke needs, handing it over to her. She yawns, feeling much more awake by the time they're gaining speed again.

"We're close," Clarke tells her, nodding toward her phone plugged in its holder on the dashboard. Lexa doesn't need a glance at the map to tell her that, though. She breathes in deeply and the scent of pine fills her lungs. They've already made it to the outskirts of Polis. The road ahead is flanked on either side by familiar pine trees, stretching up toward a night sky that's starting to lighten, the surplus of stars dwindling as the city's distant artificial lights bleach the sky.

Read more on ao3

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

I hope it’s okay to say this, but I just want to thank you for writing Between Our Love. I just discovered it yesterday and it couldn’t have come at a better time.

I’ve just lost my sweet baby kitty whom I’ve had literally as long as I can remember, and although it’s not the same as losing a spouse, the way I’ve been feeling and coping with it is almost exactly the same as Lexa in the story. That horrible, gut-wrenching feeling of suddenly having an empty home, of looking for them and having that crushing devastation when you remember they’re not there anymore, not being able to eat or get out of bed or do even the most basic of tasks besides going to the bathroom, the regrets over the most insignificant things like if you kissed them enough… the way you write it is so unbelievably empathetic that I find myself crying every few paragraphs (not a bad thing — I kind of need it right now) because it’s like you reached inside my brain and put everything in there into words. It’s agonising but also incredibly cathartic to read. I unfortunately don’t have a Clarke in my life to support me through it, but reading this and seeing that someone out there knows exactly how I’m feeling and understands despite the difference in situations brings me a lot of comfort.

So anyways yeah you’re a great writer lol. You’re supremely talented at both humour and tragedy and that’s a rare and admirable quality to have. Definitely keep it up and I look forward to whatever you post next whenever you’re ready 💜

🥺🥺 I am so sorry you lost your baby. I lost my baby kitty back in 2016 (just a few months after Lexa… 😔) and it’s so heartbreaking. Sometimes I swear I’d catch these phantom glimpses of her running down the hall in the corners of my eyes. Somehow the house felt less safe without her there. Hell I’m tearing up now remembering her. It’s so hard!

I’m so glad to hear this story helps you 💗 thank you so much, you’re so kind to share this and I know it’s tough right now, but I hope you find some peace and comfort 🫂 feel free to DM me if you ever want to talk!

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

thinking about this

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

"Growing Around Grief"

Lois Tonkin, 1996

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{Nicola Yoon, The Sun Is Also a Star/ Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous: A Novel/ removed the French one / u.k / words by @not-sewell /old Spanish sayings/ paintings by ker Xavier roussel/ "Man sitting on a Log", 1893, by Karoly Ferenczy/Pavel benkov/ salman toor}

{Add if you know something in your language too}

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

I really like the theme of breathing in fresh air that runs through your new chapter. Exhale the grief, inhale peace. And on the same theme, I thought letting the last of Costia go into the ocean was fitting. The waves going in and out always make me think of the earth breathing. Thanks for the new chapter, it was beautiful. And happy birthday!

🥹 thank you!! 💗

I love how you’ve described this. Exhale the grief, inhale peace is 100% what our girls are gonna do now.

Well, except next chapter it’s a little more like “inhale peace, choke on thirst” 😆

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

Between Our Love

Chapter 9: as the evening pulls the sun down

Summary: Clexa go on a roadtrip (and sometimes- gasp- there's only one bed!)

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

Just read the BOL snippet and it made my morning! I am unreasonably excited about them embracing this next stage in their relationship. They’re both being so careful it’s precious and makes soft cuddling just as exciting as a spicy smut scene lol

🥰🥰🥰 thank you!! It feels just as exciting to write it too 😆

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

Little snippet of the next chapter of BOL for you 🌈

//

Morning comes slowly.

It’s a soft crawl of sunlight up off-white washed walls. It’s a gentle breeze that stirs Clarke’s hair, has her wrinkling her nose at the tickle of a curl on her skin before she ever opens her eyes; has her blowing it away from her face because however she’s laying, it’s far too comfortable to actually move. 

It’s the stutter of her heart as she realizes why she’s so comfortable.

She’s tangled up in Lexa, who is wrapped around her and still sleeping deeply if the steady breaths are anything to go by. They’re so close that the tops of Lexa’s thighs are pressed against the back of Clarke’s, their knees lined up. Her legs are longer, so it has Clarke’s legs folded up higher to compensate; meanwhile, she’s nestled in Lexa’s arms, one hand clutching Lexa’s forearm her head rests against and the other still loosely entwined with Lexa’s hand. Lexa’s face must be buried in Clarke’s hair, because she can feel the warm puffs of her breath against her neck.  

It’s like lightning, the strange mix of panic and delight that tears through Clarke. Maybe she shouldn’t be doing this. Maybe she should pull away, put some space between them.

The idea just makes her clutch Lexa’s hand more tightly. Clarke’s heart jumps again, this time in panic and guilt, when it causes Lexa to stir.

It’s as slow and gradual as it was for Clarke. Lexa’s breath hitches as she finally wakes and registers the position they’re in. Clarke squeezes her eyes more tightly shut and waits for it, waits for Lexa to untangle herself and pull away and for this to be an awkward blip in the trip. Clarke even releases Lexa’s hand, reaching up to casually rub her face and push her hair out of her eyes. She waits for it.

But it doesn’t happen.

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

I’ve been writing a lot of BOL lately, the next chapter is nearly done 🥹

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

♾️ HAPPY CLEXAWEEK 🎉

[clexa-surrogacy-au]

as much as i love the trope of a character falling fast and hard for someone, i also love the subtle decent where they don’t really think about it; where that person is just kind of there until one day they realize that person is so ingrained in their lives and they cannot do without them. where there is no conscious effort on either ends to become romantically involved but somehow the thought of them being with someone else is disconcerting. where “i enjoy being with you” unwittingly turns into “i want to be with you”