citizenkenz

[citizenkenz]

November 25, 2024

I wanna sleep so bad but my roommate/friend WILL NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! Like she's not even talking to anyone. She's talking to herself. And this isn't something I'm like judging her for or anything, but this shit is driving me insane. She's been doing it since she woke up. She goes into the bathroom for hours on end and does it. She does it with her headphones on. She does it with them off. She does it when we're in class together.

She's not even saying actual words and she doesn't know she does it. Anytime I point it out she's all like😮 and it stops for maybe 6 seconds and then she's at it again.

AND we have to take all our classes together next semester because she can't handle not being in a class without me. I'm at... My wits end. I need a break from her before I crash out... But I can't get a break because I'm her ride home! 🤗😀 I LOVE THAT FOR ME!

You know the saying "too much of a good thing"? That's what's happening!

And it's not just the talking to herself that's driving me insane. It's the other little noises, the weird ones where she just screams or groans out loud out of nowhere. No, this isn't a tick. The inconsiderate way she plays her show/movie/video at max volume whenever she's watching something. She has two sets of headphone, yet doesn't use either of them. What the hell is going AWNNN?!?!

Another thing that particularly pisses me off is that she keeps moving the bathmat from in front of the shower so there's water all over the floor in the bathroom. Like what the fuck did I buy it for if you're just gonna shove it behind the toilet while you go in there and talk to yourself? I literally bought it. Not her, not my parents. Me. Now if I take it back home and don't bring it back like I did my flannel (which she got mad at me for, because God forbid I don't wanna bring something I OWN back to the dorm for her to wear and never give back), I'll be in the wrong. Right? Cool.

All I wanna do is sleep. She won't let me. I can't leave the room because she's all in my shit whenever I leave (and by shit I mean my business because 9 times out of 10,whenever I leave, she wants to leave too! 🤗😀) I NEED A BREAK! FUCK!

I thought she was finally being quiet. There are Instagram reels playing at like 60 on her phone now. Her light is still on. I can't turn it off because she's going to turn around and say "I'm using that" like she did last time. (She then proceeded to use that thing for 3 more minutes then shut it off)

I need a break. I wanna be alone so badly next semester. I hate to say this because she's my friend and I love her to pieces.... But if she can't come back next semester, I think I'll jump for joy.

Man, that took a weight off my chest.

Oh my god, her phone is getting- it's quiet! YES!

Never mind, she's talking to herself again.

I don't know what to do. All I wanna do is sleep.

This sharing a room shit was getting old last year. Now it's just ancient. I could blow dust off this shit fr.

[citizenkenz]

November 17, 2024

Emotionally, I'm not doing too hot. Everytime I try to write it out or tell someone, it goes away, like I've been faking it or something even though I know the feeling of.... whatever the hell it is... is there. Was there, I guess. Whenever I focus on it too much, I feel a lump in my chest that goes to my throat and it makes me feel so... annoyed? fed up? sad? I don't know. I just know that the feeling drains me. A couple months ago, it made my period last like a month long. I had to take ibuprofen to get it to stop. I'm trying to keep my emotions in check so I don't end up crushing drugs in a ziplock bag like a little crackhead, but it's so hard. Especially when I can't pinpoint what's wrong.

So, that's why I've made this account. To try and get to the bottom of it. I don't have insurance, therapy is out. TheWizardLiz is usually my go to, but I don't think she can help me this time. Trying to thug it out and keep it in is what got me into the ibuprofen mess in the first place.

The more I think about it, the more upset I get. I wanna cry, but I know that isn't a long term solution. The feeling'll just come back stronger, and when it comes back stronger, I end up losing interest in things I love.

I just wanna take a nice, long break. Sleep doesn't work anymore. I go to sleep hoping it'll get better and I wake up only to find it's gotten worse. Whenever I try to talk to someone or put it into words out loud how I feel, I get hit with a complete subject change. Somehow the conversation is about them now. I'm so tired.

Anyways, let me stop being a bitch and lock tf in.