ciown

[ciown]

cw: sh mention

regarding archivedblog12 / angrykittenisupposes / neva. edited this for clarification and to correct myself on the later things i said

something being for coping reasons doesn't mean it won't hurt or upset other people. there ARE harmful coping mechanisms and making a mourning altar for someone is upsetting for anyone, especially someone who has you blocked and has told you to leave him alone

from what i'm aware of, you said something that actually alluded that you wanted someone (or your hubert from your canon) to take your bad actions / abuse. i am not going through all the literal hundreds of messages you've sent us to find that, so take it with a grain of salt

maybe that isn't what you want, i am not in your head. if i somehow implied that you wanted someone to abuse because of your PD, then i'm sorry for that. i think you as a person cannot see outside of yourself and are - even unintentionally - guilting people into taking your negative behaviours and the words you use make them feel like they deserve what they get from you. i think that you would prefer if people could suck it up while you insult them and degrade them because it would give you the chance to recover. i don't think it has to do with your PD, because there are many people who struggle with BPD and do not go to the lengths you do to avoid respecting people's boundaries and avoid respecting them as a person

respect includes not spamming people when they're asleep or when they're not messaging you. even if you didn't realize he was asleep (somehow), that doesn't give you the excuse to act the way you did. if someone doesn't have the energy or does not want to respond to you for a few hours - or godforbid a full day - then that is within their right, especially when you had hardly known him for three days at that point. considering there are PDs and other mental/physical illnesses that make responding to people hard (if not impossible), i would think you'd also find your behaviour ableist, especially when you treated his PD as an inconvenience to you

i stand by my mention of you being selfish because i've repeatedly seen you talk about how all of this affects you while dismissing or ignoring how any of your actions here would make him feel. it's not ableism to point out your hypocrisy and self-centeredness. i have been the person too stuck in my own head to see how my actions have hurt other people. it was not ableist of the people calling me out to call me out on that. it's made me a better and more mindful person to think about how my words may affect other people. this is something you need to work on. you need to give yourself time to think about the things you say. no every stream of consciousness are things you need to tell other people, especially when they are things you assumedly don't mean. and if you do decide to tell them, then you can't be upset with them that they are upset or do not want to be near you

standing up for yourself is not what you're doing. you're harassing someone you hurt and stalking him and his friends. what are you standing up to? your own behaviour? because we are upset and hurt with you because of the things *you* said. we have said things in frustration because you still haven't left us alone in 8 months and likely won't for years because you've done this same thing before

i don't think you set out to abuse people. i do think you genuinely wanted to be hubert's friend but couldn't control yourself or respect him enough to not to dump it to him on essentially day 2 of your acquaintanceship. you made the active decisions to continually message him instead of venting in a private space, or playing a game to distract yourself, or turning off your phone, or going to sleep. you made the decisions to send hurtful and stressful things to someone who was only ever patient with you and who did not deserve your cruelty

you were not mean to him after he was mean to you. you were mean to him to begin with

you threatened to have a panic attack if he spoke to anyone else about your behaviour towards him (first image is unedited, second is for readability. it's the same message). maybe you meant this, somehow, as just "being the truth" but this is still something that would scare someone into not speaking up about your behaviour

calling him stiff and cautious and guilting him over being more comfortable talking in a server than talking one on one with you, a literal stranger who he hasn't had a conversation with outside of her struggling with her mental health (unedited / edited)

calling him a nightmare for joking around with me, his best friend. this resulted in his first ever time blocking you, so no you were cruel first (you also, again, called him a "little cruel" for not responding to you while he was asleep even before this)

implying he traumatized you for blocking you when you triggered him. you knew each other for less than a week. also this was sent to the most popular kin blog and a vent about ren the person and not your hubert from your past life

your response to him joking with an edelgard double in a kin server unrelated to you in every way. said joke being him reacting to a message with an emoji and sending another emoji in response to the edelgard double's response

all the above was sent WAY before he was ever "mean" to you

what conclusions about you are you talking about? what things did he do that scared you? you repeatedly said the time he took to word his responses to you was something that made you feel better. what're you talking about

what in the world are you talking about regarding commodifying relationships? are you saying you did something kind for hubert? or are you saying hubert thought of your initial acquaintanceship as something he commodified? where does abuse come into this? what're you talking about? can you explain that in different words? i can't understand it

the issue with this is that this is something you've done to other people that had lasted 3 years. i'm not saying you do this to everyone you meet. but i am saying this is repeated behaviour. like three years for them and then 8 months for us is not whatever it is you think this is. it's not coping. it's not standing up for yourself. it's repeated harassment and stalking to the people you've deeply hurt and betrayed

i'm calling you a leech because you negatively affect and drain the happiness from the people you spam and stalk. you have stalked hubert, his boyfriend, his best friend (myself), his other friend, and who knows who else from our circle. i'm not delving into the things you did to the people before us and it's not really something i want to talk about in depth. i'm saying this to point out to you that you are repeating the toxic and abusive behaviou that you've done for years. the issue is that you haven't changed in what is now 4 years. the issue is that you do horrible things and blame it off on your emotions when this has been happening for at least eight months with JUST us. there is a limit to how far you can blame it on impulse and emotions. this is an active decision by you

if you understand how upsetting boundaries being crossed are and having your discomforts disrespected, then you surely understand how this eight months of harassment might be affecting us. right? surely? or maybe at least how your racism and transphobia might affect people?

correcting myself in this bit, he wasn't trying to calm and placate yourself. he was trying to be nice to you because he is a nice and kind person. i feel like you'll take me saying "calm and placating you" as something negative to do to someone who is having a breakdown

he was trying to be mindful of his wording because he understands that emotions are all-consuming for those with BPD and that they can be almost impossible to deal with and control. he was trying to be patient and considerate toward you while you were clearly in distress. you told him and admitted to him that it helped and that you enjoyed that he was careful with his words so that he wasn't hurting you

when he finally set permanent and unshakeable boundaries by telling you he wasn't in a place that he could help and be patient with you when you were insulting him and disrespecting both him and his struggles with his PD, you brokedown and essentially started begging him in our server to come back. you brought this all the way to that kin blog and started to say he traumatized you. you triggered him constantly and held not a shred of care for how your words affected him

and i do not believe you are stupid enough to think he would not be following what has been the most popular kin blog for years now, or that the plethora of people in server would not be. you are NOT subtle, i don't doubt that someone noticed what you said and brought it up to him

and at the VERY LEAST, you should not have been saying he traumatized you for setting his boundaries and you should not have been using that blog to vent (again) about someone who is alive right now at this second

[ciown]

how many shall she send today, let's see

super normal and "i'm in the right" behaviour is sending 4 asks, blocking me, sending 3 more, and blocking me again

[ciown]

super normal and "i'm in the right" behaviour is sending 4 asks, blocking me, sending 3 more, and blocking me again

[ciown]

Okay yknow whatever, what did I ACTUALLY do wrong besides getting pissed off and hurt ect. Because what it actually looks like to me, is needing an excuse because you two dont like my personality and cant respect that other people have feelings and opinions different to yours. Im p sure your friend just couldn’t handle me or make up his damn mind. For some reason you wont even let me have the peace that the universe is vast and just because one person kins them doesnt mean I have to see them as wholly them if its hurting me. Obviously I dont want people to hurt me because it means people do horrible things to me and spread harmful info about me. Hes deeply hurt is he well do you not think being called horrible names and treated like scum has had an impact on me. He needs to get his head out his arse, hes been horribly ableist and even attempts to make sure I cant engage in a community but complains I drove him out. He just refused to communicate normally.

dismissing the things you did as "getting hurt and pissed off" when it's been over 8 months of you stalking and harassing hubert and his friends - some of which has been vehement ableism, transphobia, and racism - is so incredibly fucked up that i can't even put into words how frustrated and angry that makes me

i don't like you personally. i have never made that a secret. i do not have to like the person who called my best friend a "muddy girl pretending to be [hubert]" and a "BPD [person's] worst nightmare" for not responding to you on time when he was asleep or busy as a grown man with his own responsibilities and life

you do not respect our feelings. if you did you wouldn't have been stalking and block evading us for literal months. you would not be messaging me right now. also what "opinions" are you even talking about? what part of any of this is opinions

he couldn't handle you. that is why he blocked you. i don't know how that is such a wild line of logic for you. you would spiral/breakdown in his DMs at his 1am and then would send 10 more messages essentially guilting him for not being able to respond while he's asleep or insulting him by calling him "a bit cruel" for not responding because, again, he was asleep

also what do you even mean by "make up his mind"? are you talking about that time he gave you a second chance in a completely different kin server only to blow up at him when he interacted and joked with another edelgard? that second chance? the one *you* fucked up? that one?

i have never said you can't see him as hubert. if i have, i literally don't care if you do now. it means nothing to me whether you see him as a hubert or not. it is literally the least important thing to me right now when you're harassing and abusing a real life person in this life. i think his feelings as a thinking and breathing human being is more important than things that happened life times ago, most of which being things You as edelgard were not apart of. you are not his edelgard canonmate. he is not yours. i do not care what you see him as, i want you to leave him and his friends alone

alright. what about the people you hurt? should hubert just suck it up when you repeatedly break his boundaries and send him and his boyfriend and his best friend and his other friends vitriol for weeks? should he not make true on the boundary he set when he TOLD YOU he would post the screenshots of you being abusive and toxic in his inbox if you didn't stop messaging us? what about the people YOU hurt? what about the people YOU are harassing? should they just let you? should we just allow you to call us horrible, racist, transphobic, and ableist things? should we allow you to continually tell us to kill ourselves and that you wish us or our pets to die? are we not allowed to call you vermin or a parasite for continually stalking us and sending us messages when you've said so much worse? where is the line drawn? when do WE get to be upset and frustrated and fed up with your behaviour and actions toward us? when do WE get to be hurt and upset? when do OUR feelings matter?

you are the one sending us "harmful info", aka toxicity/abuse. us speaking up about this so others are aware and are able to make a decision over whether to interact with you is out of concern for their safety. do you think what you're doing here is normal? do you think it's reasonable? do you think if this was happening to a group of people unrelated to us wholly, that they would be in the wrong to speak up about this stalker's behaviour?

you are the cause of this. you make constant and repeated decisions that put people in harm's way. you put in the effort to block evade and send 200+ asks in 3 days like it's nothing. when exactly should we be able to speak up about your behaviour? when do we get to tell others to be mindful of talking to you?

"Hes deeply hurt is he well do you not think being called horrible names and treated like scum has had an impact on me" do you not think being told to die has an impact on him? do you not think wishing his husband, his best friend, or his pet to die has any affect on him? do you not think making a mourning altar for him would affect him?

you need to stop projecting. you are the one who was unable to give him space to breath, let alone deal with his own mental health. he was exceedingly patient with you every time you vented, brokedown, and spiraled in DMs over the course of the 4 or 5 days you knew each other. you called him cruel and nightmare for being unable to support you every waking and sleeping hour when he has his own struggles to deal with, which you know about because he fucking told you during those days. instead of trying to be patient and understanding, you got pissed at him for exhibiting symptoms and struggles of his own disorders when he was nothing but kind and patient to you with your BPD/MH struggles. you started this off being ableist and uncaring and cruel

if you can't engage in the community, then that is your OWN fault for not understanding the literal basics of boundaries and respect. there is nothing lost in communication with blocking you and telling you to leave him alone SEVERAL TIMES. for MONTHS. MONTHS. EIGHT MONTHS. there is no loss in communication that you getting pissed at him for interacting with a double is unreasonable after everything you did. you left that group on your own. you did that yourself. he did not force you. he did not even ask you. he said it was fine before you felt entitled to him as a person enough to think he should never interact with another edelgard in front of you after all you did. he did not stop you from entering other kin spaces after he blocked you. there was MONTHS of him taking your abuse before he posted that callout. you are the one who made the active decision not to go elsewhere or find other kin spaces instead of spending all your energy harassing one man for the gall of being human and having feelings + boundaries. god forbid one man doesn't want to be around you. god forbid he has limits. god forbid he doesn't want to insulted and degraded for his mental health and his own disorders because they are an inconvenience to you. god forbid he doesn't want to be told to die or have his loved ones wished death upon. god forbid he has enough of your constant abuse after a last desperate effort to get you to leave him alone with that callout that he TOLD YOU HE WOULD DO if you messaged him or his friends again

what the fuck else is he supposed to do now, neva? what the fuck do you want from him? from us? was he not supposed to leave? is that not what you wanted? you made it clear you thought of him as subhuman. should he simply stay and have to read the horrible things you say to him forever? is that better for you? for You? since that's all that matters to you. how things affect you. only you and never anyone else. what else? what is there? what can he do? he will never win in your eyes. he will never be enough. you will continue to take and take and take and never think of other people beyond yourself

you only ever see how things affect you. you will only ever care about your own feelings rather than the mental health and safety of others. you will continue to harass and harm others and break their boundaries in desperation for someone to take your abuse so that You can feel better and feel safe and feel loved. you will never care that they feel unsafe around you, that their boundaries will never be respected by you, that they will feel like you only care about what they can do for you. do you genuinely believe that all the people you've hurt are in the wrong? do you genuinely not see the harm you've caused? you're doing this all over again, neva. we are not the first people you've done this to. i'm scared thinking this will never be the last

[ciown]

my issue is that you keep convincing yourself you did nothing wrong and then bringing your "i'm innocent!" ranting into one our askboxes over and over again. you lying to yourself about this is an issue because you keeping making it our issue. you work yourself up over something that you're misremembering and forgetting and then you try vilifying us for our normal responses of disgust of the things you say or just general hate for you. you think our dislike for you is somehow unwarranted despite the continued actions that you consciously and willingly make

you are not the only one who lives with their abusers, i don't know why you think that alone is enough to give you a free pass to continue to harass hubert and his friends. when i said that other people go through the things you do and don't exhibit this behaviour, i meant every thing that you go through

i'm 28. me wanting my best friend of 8 years to not be tortured by you day in and day out and being pissed that you drove him from a place he wanted to be in is not sexual nor does it mean i want something from him. i genuinely care for him and i want him to be safe and happy in the spaces he wants to go into

cw: racism + transphobia

"I didnt insult people I told them the truth"

this is why you need to stop messaging us because you keep forgetting the shit you send to people

Regarding @angrykitteniguess

Cw: (all text) death wish, sui, car accidents, pet death wish

She does realize she sent this before Hubert made his callout, right? Remind me again how this behaviour is totally okay because it's her breaking point but Hubert posting a callout in desperation after months of "reactive abuse" is totally bad and not ok

[ciown]

Regarding @angrykitteniguess

Cw: (all text) death wish, sui, car accidents, pet death wish

She does realize she sent this before Hubert made his callout, right? Remind me again how this behaviour is totally okay because it's her breaking point but Hubert posting a callout in desperation after months of "reactive abuse" is totally bad and not ok

[ciown]

he didn't cause this. i'm not sure what exactly you're referring to, but if it's being randomly @'d by a friend's stalker, then that's no one but the stalker's fault. if you mean You stalking and harassing us then, again, that's no one's fault but yours. we have asked repeatedly for you to leave every single one of us alone and you have repeatedly ignored that and block evaded us

i'm asking yet again, what did HE do BEFORE he blocked you that warrants your behaviour toward him? you ARE ruining and HAVE ruined his mental health. that is why he blocked you the several times he's had to. you have sent ask after ask and stalked his blogs for months now. you have forced him off a site that he didn't want to leave to get away from you

your mental health doesn't excuse you of any of that. every single one of us has some form of mental health issue that we're working through and coping with, some of those being things you struggle and cope with as well. it's the way you're coping - by spamming, insulting, guilting, or hurting others - which is what caused us to block and kick you

you are "fucked up" by your own actions and by your own decision. no one is forcing you to message us. no one is forcing you to say cruel things in our inboxes. no one wants you to message them to begin with. you are making several active decisions to send us messages. making new emails to make new blogs to send us asks over and over again when we continue to block your accounts

hubert *told you* that he would post what he did SEVERAL TIMES. he said if you messaged him or his boyfriend or his friends again, that he would post the screenshots of the awful things you said. you didn't believe him apparently, because you still messaged and then got pissed that he did what he said he would

keep in mind that this was after the 5 months you've been doing this. it was his last resort to get you to leave him alone. you are the one who made the decision to ignore what he said and continue to attack him which you are still doing to this day

[ciown]

what in this life? I didnt know him. but tbh I was codependent with my hubert, thats why I think im so desperate and expect more than im given, and why I also kept pushing him away a little cause I knew that if I felt slighted my bpd would make it hurt worse but im genuinely shaking and I know it wouldnt be a good mix tbh but its cause he kept giving me chances then removing them and I was being a bitch to everyone also everyone kept telling me I was evil which im ngl is kinda hilarious bc im edelgard but also deeply stressful u know

so... you punished him for something from a past life? you punished him for expectations you had because of your past life? i don't understand what you mean. he never did that to you. he gave you many chances which he kept up to until you triggered him to the point of tears which caused him to block you the first time

it was myself and his other friends who were saying he should block you conversations before, but he genuinely want to give you a chance. we asked him many times if we should kick you for his safety but he genuinely just wanted to give you a space to be and to heal. but you couldn't give him a modicum of respect to at least let him sleep without multiple messages. some of the crueler ones being ones you deleted

so ask again. before he blocked you, what did *he* do that was not very nice?

[ciown]

comforting🤎

[ciown]

he wasnt very nice to me either tbh

? what did he do to you before all of this started

[ciown]

BUT HES HUBERT AND HUBERT WAS MY FRIEND

and you decided that him being your friend in that life wasn't enough to treat him kindly. so he left because he deserves better than that

[ciown]

THAT FUCKING BASTARD JUST FUCKS OFF FUCK YOU ALL

he said directly that he wasn't using his tumblr. i don't know what to say to you

[ciown]

@angrykittenisuppose hey, can you stop sending messages to hubert for a day? it's hubert's birthday and i'd appreciate him being left alone for a little while. he's not seeing these asks since he asked to not be told about the things you say for his mental health, but i still have my email connected to his account and get emails of the messages you send. i'm just asking that you stop for a day for his birthday

[ciown]

Afterglow….

[ciown]

I just saw Freddy Fazbear. By the way

But did you say hi?

[ciown]

You should get lobotomy. NOW!

only if you hold my hand for it

[ciown]

my husband