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[chronicallyoverthinking]

[chronicallyoverthinking]

there is nothing quite like a charming lake house to savor the twilight of summer and a bit of our nostalgia youth. — unknown

[chronicallyoverthinking]

“Some days I think I’m wrong Some days I feel like I’m overreacting but then other times I can see it very clearly and I have nobody to blame but you. Walking on eggshells Walking on needles and pins Walking on a minefield trying not to set anything off is not really working for me. We share the blood that ignites in your veins setting off on every loud sound on every carefully chosen word on every mistake but mine does not boil. Mine is a lake quiet, listening, calm slowly moving underneath, carrying mistakes like an undercurrent cradling them in the pit of my stomach swallowing rejects aching with every discarded emotion slime covering every hatchet buried in the sand among the pondweed keeping them safe for an unearthing an unearthing that will split the ground in two dry out the lake I will take the googolplex buried hatchets bury them in you instead and shatter myself to pieces in the process because we share the same blood that ignites in your veins and I cannot shatter you without shattering myself but you have been shattered for so long that you no longer notice when everyone around you withers and crumbles. But after 27 years it’s really just simple math one soul shattered is better than three I am already sorry that there has been a lifetime of sadness and walking around your minefield for everyone else, least of all me, but I will no longer walk there I will be the first to leave I hope they will follow my example because as sorry as I am that you had had a terrible childhood and a life to complement it because you did not believe you deserved better I choose a better one for myself. I will walk your minefield no more You will trip me no longer If you cannot allow me to say any word I like If you cannot allow me to breathe to a tempo that is not your own If you cannot realize that I am not myself when you are there If you cannot make yourself better then I am leaving. I want nothing I need nothing I wish I could give you back every penny you have ever spent on me I wish that I could pay you for this laptop I’m typing on I wish I could return the bed I am laying on I wish I could give back every material thing I have ever had that you paid for. You are not the victim. You are the raging fire that has swallowed me whole and I can no longer be the person in the fire because I really hate the heat and the time has come for the blisters on my tongue to heal.”

— chronicallyoverthinking

[chronicallyoverthinking]

Happy Monday! Hope you have a wonderful start to your week! 🌿

(via #vintagehouse@ig)

[chronicallyoverthinking]

[chronicallyoverthinking]

can we just mourn last year

can we just stop

and mourn

so heavy

so much fighting against an invisible foe

even in silence

even at home

even on your couch

we fight

heavy heart

plastic dividers

video calls

let's mourn

take a break and mourn the year in which you havent touched as many people as you could

the year you left your assprint on your dining room chair. permanently.

the year your laptop went into overdrive

the year netflix became boring

the year that brain fog became an atomic bomb, engulfing your thoughts, turning them to dust

mourn the year your brittle bones got so used to the comfortable blanket it started scratching like razor wire

the year when the fact that you

couldnt.

drink.

coffee.

outside.

was a breaking point

the year that crumbled cities which were already in shambles.

the year political leaders failed you. for the most part.

let your heavy bones not write lists. let your bones not make plans. let your bones sink so deep

under the foundations of

houses

buildings

closed shops

let them mourn the agressive four walls you've been surrounded with

allow them to sigh

creak

cry

you deserve it.

relax your shoulders.

drop your tongue from the roof of your mouth.

forgive yourself.

you're doing your damn best.

[chronicallyoverthinking]

➕𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡 𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬

http://instagram.com/coffeeandseasons

[chronicallyoverthinking]

Another advice for girls and young women: love and sex is supposed to be fun, happy and make your life better. If it’s not, if it’s making you miserable, if it’s making you love yourself less, if it’s making you doubt yourself, and if you feel like you have to sacrifice yourself or put up with things you don’t want to, you are absolutely entitled to throw it out from your life. In fact, you should, because your life is so, so valuable and you have the right to be happy. Being a girl does not mean having to accept misery and pain, even if that’s what we’re often taught. You are allowed to decide what comes into your life. Let it be happy and beautiful.

[chronicallyoverthinking]

I am loud at pleasant social gatherings like my mother

I laugh like her

I crack jokes like her

I am funny like my father

quick witted and sly

connecting the unconnectable quickly

grasping the metaphors

snapping my fingers

weaving a web of a story

sorting the words in just the right way

to crack a joke.

Sometimes I think that no one really likes them

or likes me

sometimes I feel like I’m too much

like they give me attention because they feel pity for me

like my father.

Sometimes I feel like a victim

and wonder why everything is happening to me

I just take it quietly and overreact in my head

like my mother.

Sometimes I think I’m better than others

like I am more clever

more quick witted

more deserving

like my father.

Sometimes I feel like I have to do everything

like others depend on me too much

like my mother.

Sometimes I overexplain things

in fear that someone might not understand them

like it’s my duty to share everything I know

like my father.

Sometimes I hug too tight

like my parents

sometimes I get angry

like my parents

sometimes I cry quietly with the weight of everything unsaid on my shoulders

like my parents.

A lot of times I stand with my arms perched on my waist

like my mother.

I always carry a messenger bag like a mailman

because otherwise it falls down often

over my slouching shoulders

like my father’s.

But I have a kindness towards others

that my father doesn’t have

and that my mother may have lost along the way.

I have an understanding of my shortcomings

and a willingness to work on them.

But also an innate laziness to do so

like my father.

But also a fence and a way to ignore it

like my mother.

I have a drawer full of discarded and jagged parts

and many gaping holes within my drafty skeleton

like everyone.

I hope by 54 I can fill them in

not lose more bone marrow.

chronicallyoverthinking

[chronicallyoverthinking]

[chronicallyoverthinking]

James Lloyd Cole 

[chronicallyoverthinking]

[chronicallyoverthinking]

[chronicallyoverthinking]

“Study me as much as you like, you will not know me, for I differ in a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Put yourself behind my eyes and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see.” Rumi

[chronicallyoverthinking]

“I hope that one day someone will make flowers grow in even the saddest parts of you.”

— vacants

[chronicallyoverthinking]

city sunsets (Zagreb, Croatia)

[chronicallyoverthinking]

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” ― Marcus Aurelius