chrofeisnightmaregf - Tumblr blog

chrofeisnightmaregf · 10 days ago

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girl crush or crush crush?

content: wlw, yuzuha x fem!reader, high school setting, fluff, one shot

playlist: link

entry 01:

since when did we have a shiba fan club? is hakkai really all that attractive? i mean i guess he looks pretty cool sometimes but come on, a fan club? anyway, i have to meet up with minari and emi for a group project tomorrow.

oh yeah and i have that portrait assignment, i'm really bad at drawing people's faces let alone realistically T^T i'll figure that out later.

update: the shiba fan club was for yuzuha-senpai?! emi told me that i'm "too engrossed" in my doodling... now that i think of it, the girls here talk so loud so how did i never find out about this? oh well, i still don't really see the point in a fan club but i guess it makes more sense for someone like her.

"hakkai!"

you look up from your diary upon hearing someone calling out for your classmate. "crap," you mutter to yourself when it turns out to be none other than his sister. you close your diary in an instant, shoving it into your desk drawer.

you really tried not to look when yuzuha and hakkai were standing by the doorway, chatting about something you couldn't make out from the back of the class. unfortunately, you often have a hard time seeing the board ever since your teacher randomized the seats last week, but this was the perfect spot for when you wanted to doodle in class... or even staring at the senior that everyone has a girl crush on.

each time you averted your gaze from her, it was as if there was some invisible force pulling your head in her direction. you always knew someone as pretty and cool as her existed in school, but you never paid too much attention to her up until now. well, every other girl here is pretty cute. how's yuzuha any different?

you don't know how to answer that either. maybe it was her charisma that was too hard to ignore, or the way her hair drapes and rests gracefully over her shoulders, or maybe it's the way she glares at any guy trying to hit on her, and the way she smiles—hold on, what the hell am i thinking?

thump. your heart drops as if it weighed a hundred something pounds. you think you might have been staring a little too hard because yuzuha notices you and sends a small smile your way with a wave.

your face feels hot much to your dismay, and you didn't really know how to act in the moment. the second you rose your hand to wave back, she was already looking away. yup, this is great.

"yuzuha-senpai waved at you?!" emi's whisper-yelling voice echoes in your ear from beside you out of nowhere, causing you to jump in your seat.

"ack!" you accidentally let out a bit too loud when your knee hits the bottom of your desk, garnering everyone's attention, including yuzuha's. in one swift movement, you put your head down against the table—partly to hide your pained expression but mostly to hide from her. your face contorts and you silently wince upon realizing you had practically smashed your head against the wooden surface.

"uh, y/n?" emi calls out to you hesitantly and she flinches a little when you look up momentarily to glare at her.

entry 02:

there is no way i'm THIS out of touch.

yuzuha-senpai is the head of the kyūdō club??? that's like THE HOTTEST COOLEST thing i know about her (˶°ㅁ°)!!

my art club teacher is absent for today and tomorrow so the assignment's due date has been postponed to next week. maybe i can get minari to come with me and see yuzuha-senpai. is that too creepy? no, right? i'm sure her fans have done worse...

i kinda wish i was more like emi, good at sports like volleyball. i think yuzuha-senpai would be interested in girls like that. haha why does that even matter to me?

"well? what are you waiting for? go say hi!" minari encourages you, nudging your arm. it doesn't really have its intended effect on you as you vigorously shake your head.

"no way! i'm fine with watching from afar."

minari sighs, crossing her arms. you almost feel bad, considering that you couldn't wait till the end of classes to see yuzuha in her club. you just had to drag minari along to run around the whole school, just to get a glimpse of your senior.

"since when were you part of the shiba fan club, y/n?" your friend asks you quizzically.

"what? i'm not a part of any fan club," you deny her claims immediately. "i think the fan club's stupid, but i do think she's pretty..." you trail off, watching her carry a tray of today's lunch to a table with her friends.

"you wouldn't do this with me when i wanted to see shoji-kun at his basketball practice match." she pouts, following your gaze that was glued onto yuzuha.

"shoji's like, the lamest guy ever," you exclaim, rolling your eyes as you proceeded to rant. "i don't know what you see in him, he's so stuck-up and annoying. being athletic is all he's good at, that's not even a redeeming quality!"

"what?"

you and minari freeze, your bodies stiff as if ice travelled from your toes up to your stomachs—the only thing you could move were your heads as you turn to each other before looking over your shoulders.

shoji. of course he's just not-so-conveniently standing right behind you.

"shoji, wow!" you force a grin, laughing out sheepishly. "i did not see you there—hey, you're looking two inches taller today. keep it up, man!" you blurt out random words, lightly punching his arm before grabbing minari (who is absolutely lovestruck) by the arm and dashing off.

in the distance, yuzuha lets out a quiet chuckle at the commotion you were previously making. some of her friends ask what's so funny and some look behind their shoulders.

"ah, are you looking at shoji?" one of her friends tease her, only to be met with an offended yuzuha.

"shoji's like, the lamest guy ever, why would i be looking at him?"

entry 03:

i was (respectfully) watching yuzuha-senpai at the kyūdō club again today and she caught me staring!

this is all minari's fault by the way... while yuzuha-senpai was aiming her shot, minari sneezed so fucking loud. thank god there weren't that many people around, just yuzuha-senpai and a couple of other students. we still had to apologize for disturbing them though.

"you're y/n, right?" yuzuha asked, approaching you with a warm smile.

"how'd you know?" you tilted your head, confused. the both of you have never exchanged words till now.

"hakkai told me—well, more like i asked him," she clarified, chuckling as one of her hands move to settle on her hip. "i saw you that day in your classroom, and yesterday at the cafeteria."

"oh! that explains it," you chuckled, embarrassed as you rubbed the back of your neck. you couldn't believe she asked her brother for your name—you had to snap yourself out of it before you started acting too much like her fangirls.

yuzuha looked behind you then glanced around, "hey, where's your friend?" her question made your eyes widen and search for minari.

'did she seriously just leave me here?' you thought to yourself and sighed. "i... think she ditched me. i did sort of drag her here so she probably has somewhere else to be." you explained as you looked for an opportunity to leave as well.

yuzuha's lips curved into a lopsided grin as a soft chuckle escaped her. 'how could someone be so cool yet warm at the same time?' you thought as you feel heat rushing to your ears. for a moment, you didn't even care that your friend had abandoned you.

you were so lost in the sound of yuzuha's laughter that you didn't even notice she had walked back to her bag to fish out a camera.

"so," yuzuha whipped her head to look up at you, her ponytail swishing with the motion. "what brings you to the kyūdō club, y/n? interested in joining?" she asked jokingly, and wow, your name sounded so nice coming from her mouth.

"oh no, no, i'm just– uh," you stammered, shaking your head. thank god, the students were too preoccupied with whatever they were doing to notice you being an absolute loser in front of yuzuha. "i'm in the art club! my teacher is absent today though, so... i wandered around and ended up here." you explained, patting yourself in the back mentally for what you believe to be a genius excuse.

"art club? so you're good at drawing?" yuzuha sat on the floor, her back against the wall and she pat the spot beside her.

you nodded while moving to sit next to her. "i mean, i wouldn't say i'm that good at it."

"i think every good artist says that," yuzuha teased, giving your arm a little nudge.

you chuckled, "actually, i might be better at painting. even then, i'm better with backgrounds and animals than people."

"hey, that's still impressive!"

"i know, thank you but..." you paused and found yourself smiling at her compliments. "my current assignment isn't my strong suit at all, so i've been mulling over it for a while now." your chuckles died down as you hugged your knees up to your chest.

"lemme guess, you have to draw people?"

"worse. i have to draw their faces."

yuzuha threw her head back, hearty laughter spilling out—light but unrestrained. she doesn't know much about art and the struggles of an artist, but she found your exasperated tone and expression amusing and endearing.

"why don't you draw my brother? i think his face looks good at a 45 degree angle," she suggested, partly joking.

deep down, you wanted to say no. the words never formed—they would never come out with convincing excuses. maybe because you already knew who you wanted to draw for the assignment.

"hey, why don't you help me out with something?" yuzuha stood on her feet, offering you a hand.

"me?" you echoed, pointing to yourself and glancing at her outstretched arm.

"yes, you!" she affirmed, urging you to get up.

you slowly reached out, grabbing her hand as she pulled you up. "what do you need help with? are you sure i can help?" you asked, walking right behind her and looked around. surely the other club members would be more helpful?

"it's easy, i just need you to get a picture of me aiming for a shot." she gave you the camera, and positioned herself with the bow and arrow. "we're planning to make a poster for the club, you can get one up close and another from afar."

yuzuha's form was no less than perfect, her foot placement and her posture as she draws the bow and aims. it was no surprise coming from the head of the club herself, you were so entranced that you almost forgot to take a photo.

"how's this?" you walked up to her and showed her the photo you took.

"ooh, that's nice! you're a better photographer than hakkai," yuzuha remarked, chuckling as she patted your shoulder. "get one up close this time. stand here, almost in front of me." she instructed.

you positioned the camera to get shot of her from the stomach up. "you know, your face looks good at a 45 degree angle too, yuzuha-senpai," you blurted out, only to accidentally capture the moment yuzuha broke into a flustered grin. "oops, let's take that again." you chuckled, retaking the photo properly this time.

"great! thanks for your help, y/n." she smiled gratefully, as you returned the camera.

you nodded, "it's no problem." you found yourself trailing off, your lips pursed and eyes wandered. yuzuha had a feeling you had something to say. "actually... can i have these photos too?"

yuzuha was expecting you to say anything really, but not this. "oh, why do you want them?" she asked, her tone full of curiosity as she raised an eyebrow.

"well, i just got really inspired all of a sudden. i want to use these photos to practice drawing people and different stances." you explained, hoping that you didn't sound like an absolute creep to her because it's true—you really did want to use these photos as practice.

"you want to draw me for reference?" yuzuha's face lit up, grinning when you nodded. "give me your email—i'll send you the photos when i get home. you have to show me your drawings later!"

entry 04:

i didn't ask for the photos as an excuse to exchange emails with her, i swear that never crossed my mind! but ever since then, i've been itching to send her messages occasionally. i probably shouldn't though... i don't know why i'm overthinking it.

other than that, i am absolutely done with this portrait assignment. why is drawing faces so hard?! i can't get the eyes to look the same, her eyebrows are way too asymmetrical, and i'm pretty sure her nose doesn't look like that. i complained about it to minari (who's a lot better at portraits than i am) and all she told me was to keep practicing like yeah no shit（ ; ; ）but i'm at my wit's end, girl.

"whatcha drawing?"

you jump in your seat, and suddenly you're getting deja vu. you shut your sketchbook immediately, crossing your arms over it.

"nothing!" you exclaim, your ears reddening as yuzuha, who's standing behind you, tries to look over your shoulder.

"i clearly saw you drawing some portraits, lemme see!" she insists, but you shake your head.

"no, no, it's so bad. it's just for practice." you plead, still shaking your head.

"you can't expect yourself to get good overnight," yuzuha chuckles, pulling the empty chair in front of your desk closer to sit before you. "alright fine, it's okay if you don't wanna show me." she lets you off the hook with a smile and you breathed a sigh of relief. "but can i see your other drawings? ones you're more confident about." she requests and normally you'd still be too shy, but it wouldn't hurt show off a little, right?

you open your sketchbook, careful not to open the one filled with portraits of yuzuha. instead, you turn to a page covered in doodles. right beside it is a painting you made a few weeks ago, a sunset adding a splash of pink and orange on a small piece of paper that you taped to the sketchbook.

"aw, these are so cute! i love this sunset painting," yuzuha praises and you couldn't help the proud grin that appeared and shy chuckles escaping your lips.

you watched as she goes over each doodle, most of them drawn during class when you got bored or couldn't focus. every now and then, she'd point to a specific drawing she's fond of—you noticed it was usually a cat or some other cute animal.

unbeknownst to you both, a few members of her fan club gathered by the door frame to get a glimpse of yuzuha sitting with some random girl from class 2-D. whispers of "who is she? how lucky! yuzuha-senpai is so pretty when she smiles" fly around, but they never reach you.

entry 05:

dear diary, i am fucking horrified.

well, it happened a few hours ago but i still can't stop thinking about it. i stopped by the kyūdō club since yuzuha-senpai wanted to show me the poster they made. today, i found out the cool and charismatic girl crush of the school hated bugs with a burning passion.

i'm no different! i'm just a girl, okay? most bugs scare the hell out of me, so when did i gain the confidence to play hero all of a sudden?

one of the students stumbled backwards, pointing a trembling finger to the ground.

"cockroach!"

her yelling interrupted the previously serene backdrop of the club's dojo, and all hell breaks loose as most of the students recoiled in unison. you blinked, barely processing the situation until you followed the finger to the culprit—a glossy, twitching nightmare crawling across the floor.

"oh, hell no," you muttered under your breath, feeling your skin crawl. you caught sight of yuzuha curled up with her friends, backing up with a grimace.

"someone get it!"

'oh diary, i may be a little stupid and scared of bugs, but i didn't regret what i did at all.'

you grabbed a nearby shoe (you apologized to the owner afterwards), your body moving on its own as you approached the bug with stealth.

"i- i've got it!" you shouted, slamming the shoe down, albeit rather shakily. the roach scrambled across the floor, resulting in everyone's shrieks. your breath hitched as you chased after it, hitting the floor a couple times before the shoe finally landed on the target with a resounding smack.

silence fell. you stared at the bug for a second and only snapped back to reality after someone yelled out, "my shoe!"

"you actually did it," one of the club members said in awe.

"my hero!" yuzuha grinned and slung an arm over your shoulders, ruffling your hair, and your cheeks instantly flushed. you weren’t sure if it was from the heat or because your very pretty and cool senior was this close to you.

“it was nothing,” you chuckled sheepishly, flicking your wrist and waving her off.

entry 06:

that's it. i've gone insane.

i think i've been drawing at least 5 portraits of yuzuha-senpai everyday and i know it's just for practice, but now i can't bring myself to use any other person for reference. is this what it's like to have a muse? i feel like a creep! i've been pretty transparent with her about it so i don't feel as bad, but still! thankfully, she doesn't think it's weird.

anyway, i've gotten better at drawing (her) portraits over time and i finally handed in my assignment yesterday. my teacher even noticed my improvement! i'll show it to yuzuha after it's been graded. god, i haven't even talked about today yet. where do i begin?

"y/n, do you have a crush on yuzuha-senpai?"

emi asked you out of the blue, making you cough and choke on your food. you were quite sure a grain of rice or two had travelled up to your nose.

"pft, a crush? what makes you think that?" you questioned and their faces dropped like you were stupid. "everyone's got a little girl crush on yuzuha-senpai. besides, i don't think i'm as bad as her fans." you added in defense, shrugging.

"true, 'cause you're worse."

"what?" your eyes widened at minari who was stifling her laughter. "you don't get to say anything, you literally have a crush on that lame ass shoji!"

"huh?" shoji magically appeared by the doorway, overhearing you—again.

"get outta here, man!" you groaned, showing him the way out with your pointer finger. you don't miss the way he rolled his eyes and shook his head before walking away.

"also, i'm not talking about a girl crush," emi corrected you, pausing to chew her food. "i'm talking about a crush." she emphasized.

"like," you blinked. "a crush crush?"

"yeah?" emi responded like it was common knowledge. you obviously knew what she was talking about, but a part of you didn't want to acknowledge it.

"it's okay, y/n. there's nothing wrong with liking girls, your secret's safe with us," minari chimed in, prompting you to raise an eyebrow at her.

"i didn't even say anything."

"oh, trust me—you don't have to," emi gave you a knowing look while minari snickered.

you sighed, finishing up the last of your bento, making sure not to leave a single grain of rice behind. you weren't completely oblivious. it's clear that you've been gushing over yuzuha the past few days, but you've been brushing it off as platonic admiration. even hakkai—ceo of not knowing how to talk to girls—had started exchanging a few words with you because he thinks his sister has a new best friend. he'll have to get used to your presence eventually, right?

the teachers? oblivious. your classmates? none the wiser. you could stare at her with sparkly puppy eyes and search for her around the school, and no one would suspect a thing. and yet, that one time you asked a guy from the student council a simple question about the school's festival, everyone swore you had a crush on him.

the only people who've caught on to your special admiration for yuzuha are minari, emi, and yuzuha's fan club.

and you're beginning to realize it too.

it's become a habit for you to absentmindedly draw portraits of yuzuha from different angles. for practice? maybe. because she's pretty? definitely. now you'd find chibi versions of you and yuzuha amongst the little critters, hearts and cupcakes on your sketchbook.

no one else knows, but you had a specific page bookmarked that you and yuzuha doodled on together. you remember that day, you were on cleaning duty and yuzuha visited you in class. you hadn't started cleaning when she stopped by though—you were working on a still life assignment instead. she told you that you looked so serious when you draw. as usual, she sat in the vacant seat in front of you, watching you do your thing and asked about your day. well, your days have started to feel like adding splashes of colour to mundane sketches ever since yuzuha came into your life.

"wanna draw something?" you remember offering as you turned to a blank page. the both of you spent thirty minutes doodling random cute things that day. you also recall her giving you ideas for your signature—it was such a simple activity, yet you had a lot of fun. maybe too much fun because you nearly forgot you were on cleaning duty. whenever yuzuha was around, your heart feels a little lighter, your mind a little clearer.

another time you realized your admiration for yuzuha might've been more than platonic was when you saw her interacting with her fan club members. you weren't jealous—not even a little bit, but you found yourself asking, "i wonder if she likes any of her fangirls?" sure, you were just curious, but why did it even matter?

the answer wasn't as complicated as you thought, you didn't want her to like any other girl.

you hoped that she'd admire you the same way you admired her. you hoped that maybe she’d like girls—girls like you. even when you were having a bad hair day and didn't have time to fix it in the morning. even when you didn’t get a good grade on your test. even when you made a fool of yourself getting caught drawing her in class with little stars around her. even when you tried to impress her and just looked lame. you hoped that there's a chance she’d be into you.

"alright, you're dismissed!" your art teacher clapped her hands, cueing your friends to start packing up. you remained in your seat, staring at an unfinished drawing of violets. "not going home yet, y/n?" your teacher called out to you, swinging her bag onto her shoulder.

"in a bit," you responded, nodding.

"i saw a bit of the violets you drew today; they look great. keep up the good work," she praised you and you thanked her bashfully. "don't miss your train!" she added as she walked out of the classroom.

normally, you'd rush to meet yuzuha at her club, but the thought of seeing her now made your heart both flutter and ache. you thought you could use some time to think through this whole crush thing, maybe even try to move on. it might be a little easier to be on your own than yearn for someone you can't be with.

you stayed back a few more minutes, trying to finish the drawing, but your pencil never got too close to the final lines. you took your sweet time packing your things before sauntering out of the nearly empty hallways.

club activities ended a few minutes ago, so yuzuha-senpai has probably gone home already.

"y/n!"

you froze in your tracks, looking up to the voice that pulled you away from your thoughts. standing by the school gates, the wind brushing against her strawberry blonde hair, amber eyes that put the summer sun to shame, and her smile, although small, warm as a fireplace. you've been seeing this same person a lot the past few days, but every single time your eyes meet, it always feels like the first time.

"yuzuha-senpai?" you gaped and for a moment, she gave you a puzzled look. what's got you so surprised?

"you didn't come to see me earlier, so i asked minari where you were and decided to wait for you," she said, meeting you halfway.

"you were expecting me?" you breathed and yuzuha's smile widened into a grin. she reached out to seemingly remove something in your hair.

"of course, i was. i sorta got used to you visiting me after class." she admitted, gripping onto the straps of her school bag. "you know, i wanted to do it more often, but you always beat me to it."

and there it was—an easy demonstration on how to get you flustered and red all over. yuzuha couldn't help chuckling at your baffled expression. was it so odd that she wanted to see you as much as you did?

oh.

"s–sorry...?" you blurted out an apology and yuzuha blinked at you before breaking into another fit of laughter, a bit louder this time.

"why are you apologizing, silly? i don't hate it or anything." yuzuha moved beside you to link your arms together. "anyway, hakkai is going out with his friends today. i didn't feel like joining so, we should hang out."

"really? the two of us?" you echoed, glancing around with slightly widened eyes and raised eyebrows. was this seriously happening? this was way too much for you to process!

"yes, really. so, do you wanna go to an arcade? or are you too tired for that? we can go to a cafe if you'd like."

"sure," you responded quickly, but sounded a little unsure. "i mean, the arcade sounds great." you immediately elaborated, receiving another laugh from her.

"okay, let's go! i'll walk you home after we're done."

yuzuha's hand travelled down to hold yours, intertwining your fingers in a slow, experimental manner. your heart skipped a beat, and you tightened your hold just a little, hoping it was enough to tell her you didn't want to let go. not when this connection beyond friendly admiration finally felt possible.

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