chrisgraves09

[chrisgraves09]

It’s times like these where I feel like a day would turn out decent, but the next it reaches the midpoint, I get hit with the reality beam in my chest. Let’s see:

1. Quitting two dev teams due to feeling useless to fangames that I’ve been passionate for.

2. Having left another dev team due to the fangame that I’ve actively helped with on the verge on cancellation.

3. Having self-doubts about myself almost daily and getting anxiety issues the more I age.

4. Distancing myself from everything, making me have trouble socializing.

5. Literal burnout and loss of motivation to do anything.

6. Having to hear and/or see people I’ve looked up to be into controversial stuff.

[chrisgraves09]

Imagine this scenario

You’re a fan of a certain fangame that you created your own fanmodels of it all by yourself, other people noticed this and were impressed, even the devs are impressed that you’re the first person to make fanmodels of their fangame, even nicknamed as the “Fanmodel Speedrunner” as a compliment.

Later on, the dev asked you to come onto the dev team for the fangame’s next update, and you accepted it. You thought you’ll be able to help with the game’s modeling, being able to show the dev team what you can do for the game. But you’re just relegated to beta-testing,

At first, this doesn’t seem so bad, playing the game’s new update early and providing feedback + looking for bugs. Not to mention, you’ll be able to continue making character fanmodels as you get to see them early before they’re officially announced. Sounds good, huh?

Well… you’re on a dev call with many other developers who are helping with the game one day, and right at the end of the call, the main dev tells the others what to do. As they went to you, they just say: “Keep supporting the game” You brush this off, laughing about it as the call went to an end.

However, that phrase still stuck with you for a while, almost like a parasite that’s telling you that you’re just somebody in which the main dev invited you into. A somebody, or a nobody? A nobody that’s… “just there.” Sure, you make fanmodels and is friendly towards other members of the dev team, but what else do you offer? What purpose do you serve for the team that’s at least something productive?

Nothing.

Again, you DO make fanmodels and even know of the characters that aren’t revealed yet. But that’s all you do along with beta-testing. This sort of makes you… envious? Jealous? Any of those kind of words, that other members get to do something worthwhile for the game, while you’re left with nothing. Even a couple of new members who joined that did something got themselves a certified cameo/role in said game.

While you’re proud of them for that, you suddenly felt another emotion deep in your soul that you didn’t want to express it. You felt useless, self-conscious about your purpose for the game as the months went on. About what you do in life in general. As a nobody that feels like you’re annoying the dev team every time you posted about making yet another character fanmodel that’s not announced yet. So, you decided to pack your bags and leave the dev team without anyone noticing and never looking back.

Even after that, you become more and more wary if your purpose is even remotely special. Or if you even have a purpose at all. Soon enough, you heard that the game you used to be a part of its dev team was cancelled due to… whatever happened. But you didn’t know what happened since you’ve left all those months ago.

And you didn’t want to know. Not even because of ignorance. But because this game itself makes you question yourself. You don’t want to be reminded of the game that really asks you what do you really provide of value. The amount of character fanmodels that you’ve created and wasted your time making, not even worth it.

You’re just as useless as you were on the team.

Just wanted to talk about this scenario for a moment lol?

[chrisgraves09]

All stories must come to an end. And this is where the horrors reach the midway point into its final conclusion…

So… It has certainly come to this. Almost everything in the entire world has been destroyed. War never seems to change after what that corrupted company did in the 2020s that caused the apocalypse. That cursed building still stands to this very day, creating mass-produced robots that could make humans extinct by the next decade.

It is the year 2036, the world has been hit with its Second Great Depression and the entire country has been affected by it. You and your family have become poor, your food supply is growing dry, and the house you’re currently living in? Walls cracking, infested with bugs, its age becoming noticeable that it makes living there unbearable. As you check the news on the old television, it said that in 6 days, dozens of nuclear weapons will be launched all across the Earth, eradicating everything and everyone. What a fitting way to go out… But then you happened to come across a piece of newspaper that has a interesting place with good pay:

——————————————

“HELP WANTED! Amusement park looking for security guard!

Fazbear INC + Wilson Galleria presents Culinary Carnival: Daylight Thrills & Nightfall Specials! The incredible family funfair where from 8am to 5pm, it’s a fun party. And during 6pm to 11pm, it’s a true paradise.

Night shift starts at midnight and ends at 6am. Monitor security cameras, ensure safety of equipment, attractions, and other items, and make sure nothing gets stolen. We are not responsible for any damage, injury, or dismemberment.

$75 an hour, $2250 a week in total.

To apply, call: 1-888-MWY-PROJECT”

——————————————

You might as well apply for this one last job for your family. Hopefully this one will bring some joy in your life before you lose it in a couple of days. Good luck… you’re gonna need it.

The End of Days Prophecy is near… your actions in this chapter will depend on its final outcome…

[chrisgraves09]

I’m fukcin older now

[chrisgraves09]

[chrisgraves09]

Ref of my persona: 2025 edition

[chrisgraves09]

codename: B-F-P

[chrisgraves09]

"The Midway Project is complete and is ready to send! Press ENTER, so we can begin our descend into our final show..."

[chrisgraves09]

The second spinoff to Fazbear's Return: ELLIE'S. Now THIS is the final game to the Fazbear's Return Saga, meaning that ALL of the characters from the series are modeled!

[chrisgraves09]

And now we're at The Sea Shift at Austin's 2. Yes, it did get a sequel and yes, it's still related to Fazbear's Return.

[chrisgraves09]

NOPE! Apparently, there's more Fazbear's Return games with its first spinoff, The Sea Shift at Austin's. And here are its characters!

[chrisgraves09]

Finally, we're at the fifth and last (???) Fazbear's Return game. Totally isn't the final one of the series.

Or is there?

[chrisgraves09]

Now we're entering the fourth game of Fazbear's Return, all characters modeled!

[chrisgraves09]

Part 3 of modeling the Fazbear's Return characters, going into the third game!

[chrisgraves09]

Part 2 of modeling the Fazbear's Return characters with the second game!

[chrisgraves09]

Moving on, now we're onto last major piece to my TRtF Rewritten Multiverse AU with the Fazbear's Return series with the first one!

[chrisgraves09]

When people ask if I’m alright, I always respond that I am fine. But in reality, I’m not.

When I found out about the Internet when I was very little, I became hyperfixated on it, mainly watching videos on YouTube. As time went on, I found other parts of the worldwide web like Reddit, Tumblr, Twitter, etc. and it was quite the interesting but fun place to see people interact on social media. It was all simple back where I would join a couple of fandoms of different games/shows: Five Nights at Freddy’s, Friday Night Funkin’, and many others. And my one mistake I made on the internet is trying to get involved with each community, because if I dare step into one, there’s always a large amount of toxicity and hate. Resulting in me keeping a distance from it all.

Now, for some that might not know, I’m most likely part of the autism spectrum from what my mom told me. I wasn’t diagnosed but from what she said, I showed a few signs of being autistic like having a shy, quiet, and timid personality + a creative mind which is how I’m able to draw pictures and make 3d models. But the signs that are the most present are being too slow to do anything or speak up when talked to, unable to understand things I’ve should’ve known, and a large amount of anxiety and stress where I would have a habit of sweating, intense heart beating, and just not saying anything. Even as an adult at 22, I still have this traits on me which makes it really difficult to make friends both online and in real life. This also causes me to completely avoid anything that bad happens, running away from the reality of things.

That’s where the Internet comes in, I see it as a way to temporarily escape from reality in a world where I can interact with others online while in the comfort of my room. But when I open up to others, I go full on nerd-mode that it feels like I bore those around me. It happened one time when an old friend of mine visited me and they fell asleep when I was nerding out about things I’m interested in. Even more was that I have this constant fear that people might be talking shit about me behind my back that also contributed in me not engaging into a conversation. I’ve been saying to myself that I’m completely alright with people not noticing me, seeing as how I’m just a regular stranger on the internet and they got no time to talk or chat. However, there comes a time where I feel like I’m intentionally left out and get very lonely due to my introverted nature.

For time to time, this lingering thought has been on my mind for a while, my placement in the world. More or less, the internet. Because what purpose do I serve around here? Yeah I can model and draw things, but what else? Nothing. Those are just hobbies that I find passion in. When I just talk about stuff I like, nobody gives a hoot because they don’t know me well enough. Which is fine for me I guess? I’m just spouting out words that come out of my mouth that would just make completely no sense to anyone. I have no placement whatsoever and is just a boring nobody that’s only known as “The Fanmodel Guy” for making fanmodels of characters from a piece of media. I’m not even asking for attention or anything, this is just what’s been going on in my mind.

I’ve been running away from so much conflict for I don’t want to get involved in them. I didn’t want to face the reality of it all so I hide my real feelings and just find comfort on the internet. But even that’s not helping with what’s happening both online AND in real life, resulting in me distancing myself from anyone. I didn’t want to talk or say anything, for the amount of things that go into my mind was too much to handle that I needed a moment of silence and comfort.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: I’m a random introverted nobody that is scared of reality and wants to isolate myself from it through the internet. But due to so much conflict and controversy around the internet, I just distance myself from everything. Which results into me self-reflecting on my placement in the world and feeling like nobody cares or just straight up doesn’t like me.