chloeibarrientos-blog

[chloeibarrientos-blog]

While in class kanina, tinanong kami ng professor namin sa social science: "HOW DO YOU SHOW YOUR STRENGTH?"

Ako, I STFU. We tend to make decisions kasi when were mad, sad or extremely glad na madalas hindi natin napagiisipan. That causes us to expect that it would turn out good but mali tayo doon. Mas madalas, decisions from our extremes, yun yung mga pinagsisisishan natin eventually. "Kudos!" para dun sa mga taong kayang panindigan lahat ng sinabi niya. Pero ako, tumatahimik ako. I keep quiet cuz I dont want to say something that i might later regret. Im not afraid to make mistakes cuz that's what i often do. I just dont want to regret on something i should or shouldn't have done. I believe that im strong when i dont speak. Ang akala ng iba kapag tahimik ka, its either you're duwag or you're dumb. Para bang wala kang lugar sa mundong to kung tatahi tahimik ka lang. But when you dont speak, its like you're letting other people  throw anything that can hurt you and showing them you're not. Acting like there's nothing that can break you. Kahit na sa loob mo, you want to fight them back kasi sobrang sakit na. Kahit na paulit ulit ka na nilang pinapatay. I remain still and not doing anything thinking na mapapagod din sila. But that doesn't end there. Babalik padin sila pag trip na nilang batuhin ka ulit til you give up but im pretty sure when they come back, you're more stronger. Not because you're numb to feel anything but because nauna silang napagod and you can think that it may happen again. At kahit gaano pa kasakit ung mga batong yun, you are more willing to receive all the pain kasi wala ng mas sasakit pa sa mga nauna. Yung mga naunang bato sayo na hindi mo napaghandaan. Sa mga unang sakit that you felt na hindi mo pa alam. Noong buo ka pa at bago ka nila subukang sirain. There's nothing more painful than the pain they've caused you when you're not expecting it. But now that you can expect the world to be cruel, the people to be harsh and their minds to judge, you can bear loads of it. You may be able to get rid of it.

Sabi nila, you have to let everything out of your system pag masama ang loob mo or galit ka cuz it hurt like hell at mamamatay ka sa sakit na naipon sa puso mo. Oo nga naman. But for me, siguro manhid na lang ako dun sa sakit pero alam kong nasasaktan ako. I dont want to hurt other people like what they're doing to me but i would hurt them my way. I can keep quiet and show them how their words can rip my heart but not my smiles. Cuz even my heart was torn a million times, it can be healed by the unconditional love of the people who truly cares about me. I can allow them to say or do anything to me but i promise a can fucking get the creep out of them by making them wonder how can i still be able to smile. At kahit na tahimik lang ako to all my problems and worries, i know that my God makes noises for me everytime. The noise of the blessings that He continous to give me all the time. Yung ingay na lahat ng makakarinig ay mabibingi. And me being still is believing that everything has a reason. It will all turn out good and as we move on from it is a new beginning and a more stronger character that i possess. Maybe not now but eventually all great things will happen and blessings will be overflowing as it is.

I am really not in to expressing myself kapag nasasaktan ako to other people. I'd rather keep it to myself kasi ayokong makasakit. I would choose to get hurt by anyone than to hurt anyone cuz i know how the fucking hard it feels. Na masaktan lalo na ng taong mahal mo? It's not pagiging martyr. For me its bravery. I believe it strong.

[chloeibarrientos-blog]

iiiitttssss... ME TIME!!

Tbh. Im not so happy with what is going on in my life right now. I dont know what im doing. I dont even know where am i or why am i here. All i know is that i am somewhere i dont belong. Im not so sure if i could get along with it or how can i get rid of this thoughts. I mean its hard to think about it all day. Think about what is wrong with me, with the people around me, with the things that im doing or with the happenings every single day.

Asking myself, did i changed? Or will i ever change? I dont know what will i answer. At some point, i want to stop at anything. Stop doing this, stop doing that. Stop listening to this, just stop my life but not end it. I just want to rest. Alone. In a quiet place. In a place where i can think although i always think deep wherever, whenever but some people call it "me time" and find their soul. More like looking for something that's missing in some part of me.

Sometimes i miss my old self and then hate it eventually. I want to go back somewhere in the past and do some changes. Maybe if i could, i would not hate it anymore. But if i not hate it, maybe i would love to go back again and again until i cant move on. Though hating the past doesn't helps to move on. What should i do then?

Someday, im gonna find the answer to that. And when that time comes, i know im gonna be surely happy. But for now, i guess my me time is basically after schooling xD i wish it will absolutely work. So then i could focus on my priority which is studying of course and taking care of my lola and naz. As they say, everyday is a chance to make things better. Work for it.

[chloeibarrientos-blog]

God gives us challenges we expect to be easy

Elementary palang ako, i always dream of being an architect someday. Nung highschool naman i was so excited grumaduate para makapag college na. And now that i am in college taking up my first loved course, nagdadalawang isip nakong tumuloy. Tbh, hindi ko alam if nahihirapan ba ako dahil in the first place, wala namang madaling cousre. O di kaya tinatamad lang talga ako? Ito ba talaga yung course na gusto ko? Is this really my thing or im just filling up my childhood desire? Hindi na kasi talaga ako natutuwa. Sabi nila kasi pag love mo yung ginagawa mo, hindi ka tatamarinand you'll always have motivation to do it kahit na mahirap. You'll spend time and effort kahit na walang kain tulog. Ugh. Kung magshi shift man ako, hindi ko din naman alam kung anong course ang lilipatan ko? Hahahahhaha ang gulo. Tfw u really dont know kung anong mangyayari sa buhay mo. Kung ano ba talaga yung gusto mong gawin? Hmm.

Sometimes i feel like giving up. pero hindi pwede. My parents are working hard at alam kong mas nahihirapan sila para samin so if i will give up on this, para ko na ring binalewala yung efforts and sacrifices nila para mapagaral ako. Simula nung may naibagsak akong subject parang ang hirap ng magpatuloy. Kahit hindi ko minor yun, feeling ko ang bobo ko. Natakot ako ng sobra na baka hindi ako makapag qualifying exam. But God gave me and still giving me chances para mabawi yun.

Nanghihina na po ako Lord :( help me to motivate myself and do all my tasks na hindi ko nakakalimutan ang sarili ko and m family. Pls help me to manage my time well and look for ways to make the most out of it. I am craving for success and hungry for achievements. I badly want to make my parents proud of me and my work.

My mama always tell me how proud she is na i am doing what i want kahit na mahirap. She is always reminding me how lucky i am to be fulfilling my dream profession kahit hindi sa dream school ko. She always loved me even more kahit minsan nadi disappoint siya saken. And i am trying to be strong kahit maraming kahit. I love my parents so much that i am willing to take the sacrifice na malayo sa buhay ko noon. Ayoko nang madisappoint ulit sila. I told myself na yung failure ko to pass my math5 subject has to be in consequence by taking it up again at dahil dun may mga subjects pa akong maiiwan sa bes. I will accept it pero yun na ung huling beses na biguin ko si mama sa expectation niya sakin. Kakayanin ko to. Paninindigan at kakayanin ko to. Ginusto ko to e hahahahahaha!

[chloeibarrientos-blog]

yes u are

Don’t underestimate yourself. You got this ✨

[chloeibarrientos-blog]

HBD MA! 🎉🎉🎂🎈

minsan hindi tayo nagkakaintindihan. madalas nagkukulang ako ng pagintindi sayo. minsan nagkakamali tayo pareho. pero mas madalas na ako. kahit na ganon, anjan kpa din sa tabi ko. damang dama ko padin ung presensya mo kahit anlayo layo mo. ikaw ung taong pagagalitan ako kahit tama ung gnagawa ko para hindi akonagkamali kung sakali. pagsasabihan ako kahit alam mo na alam ko naman para lang tumatak sakin at di ko makalimutan. ikaw ung nakakainis na nakakairita na paulit ulit pero nakakamiss ng sobra. ung kapag ang tahi tahimik ng paligid, sermon mo lang ang gusto kong marinig. grabe ma, alam mo bang inlove na inlove ako sayo kaya eto tanda tanda ko na wala pakong bf hihihi 😜 biro lang ma. pero if ever there u will have a chance to read this wag ka sanang magagalit saken kase mahal na mahal kita. alam mo yun diba? 😊😊😊 

mahal kita kahit minsan sa sobrang busy mo, hindi mo nirereplyan ung “i love you ma” ko. mahal kita kahit parang parati kang galet (mana ka talaga kay lola) mahal po kita kahit na lahat nlang ng lalaking ipapakilala ko sayo, manliligaw ko kuno. mahal na mahal kita kahit natitiis mong nandito ako (juk 😁✌) mahal kita kahit anong tampo mo sa lahat ng nanay na nagiging friends ko. mahal kita kahit lagi mong sinasabi sakin noon na “humanap kna ng ibang mama mo, ung dka papansinin sa lahat ng ginagawa mo” sa twing dko pinapansin sermons mo. mahal kita kahit mas matampuhin kpa kesa sakin. mahal po kita kahit ano kpa. mahal na mahal kita mama. i wont wish for a different mom except u. 

happy happy birthday mama! hu. dko talaga gusto ung last na pagkikita naten e. ang sakit isipin na hindi ka namin kasama nung nag new year. kahit na ganun ung attitude ko nung nandito ka, ikaw pa rin ung nagpakumbaba saten and that was so immature of me 😕 i know. i shouldnt have done that pero ayun e. tapos na and sabi mo nga, lets move on. paano ba yan ma? how to be matured? grabe 18 nako ang laki laki ko na tas ganto pa rin ako. bat hindi ka nagsasawa sakin ma? aren’t u getting tired of me? alam ko napapagod kna din sa pagintindi sa lhat ng shortcomings ko but still, dmo ako sinusukuan. 

mama, i love u so so much! i wish u a happy happy happy birthday. thank u for all the sacrifices u’ve done for us and our family. im so glad and so proud that u’re my mom. oo nga’t hindi ka perfect but u are the best. sana po lagi kang healthy kahit stressed, at least u have time to pleasure urself with ur friends. i wish u a long long long loong long long long long long life with us! and nothing more i could ask. yun lang. just live forever and i would be most thankful. i love you ma. and again, happy birthday! 

one day, i know u’ll be able to read this. sana wag ka magalit kasi puyat ako ng puyat kahit walang ginagawa. mahal naman kita ma e. hahaha 😁✌☺💖💖

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😚😚

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😚😚😚😚v😚😚

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kalagayan ng plate ko ngayon! 💪💪💪

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[chloeibarrientos-blog]

january 4. yesterday birthday ni mikay. yung nagbigay ng porky na yan 👆 hihi i am supposed to greet her sa fb tas ilalagay ko tong pic kaso ang dami na bumabati sa kanya dun so sabi ko sa twitter nlang. then ang tagal magupload ng photo hanggang sa nag 12am na wala na 😂😂 late na hahaha btw. may next year pa naman e 😂😂😂😂😂 juk. anw, hbd chael ko! ☺☺☺☺ xoxo

[chloeibarrientos-blog]

Bachelor of Science in Architecture Major in Procrastination Masters Degree in Cramming 😂😂💪

omg! i only have 3 days and 2 nights to work on this plate. grabe. bat ba kasi ang tamad tamad ko? they always ask me why the hell did i chose this course e sa katamaran kong to baka hindi ako pumasa. and i answer them “great things take time” 😂 but hey. mas gumaganda gawa ko pag rush 💪 hihihi hopefully matapos ko to before thursday morning. kahit parang imposible naman talaga, i know flash will always be there in a flash ⚡😂😂 pero sana talaga mafinish ko sya on time! SO HELP ME GOD 🙇