chipsandpeas

[chipsandpeas]

not to be corny but friends supporting friends is the most important thing in the whole entire world

[chipsandpeas]

“they’re burning all the witches” 

ARTIST CREDIT

[chipsandpeas]

I'd very much like to punch a feminist.

I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist. It’d bring me great joy.

[chipsandpeas]

I can’t believe they oblitered straight men like that

[chipsandpeas]

I can’t believe they oblitered straight men like that

[chipsandpeas]

the speech impediment of the 21st century (by Marc Johns)

[chipsandpeas]

class lecture:

1 + 1 = 2

homework:

Your friend Sandy has five apples, you took one. How many does she have left?

exam:

You in the kitchen eating wine and your gf went upstairs to purchase a pair of dimes then you see a cucumber-shaped fish in the patio running to the store to purchase 57 commodities. What is the volume of the water bottle in mm³? 

[chipsandpeas]

get rich or die trying to graduate from college

[chipsandpeas]

i love saying fuck me because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly

[chipsandpeas]

Being able to find someone you click with so naturally is the best feeling ever. You feel like you’ve been best friends you’re whole life, it feels like you’re coming home. You’re so comfortable with them. Maybe that’s what a soulmate is. Not someone who shares every single thing in common with you, but someone who feels like home.

[chipsandpeas]

When you’re in the middle of sobbing and you start dissociating so you’re like “okay I’m done now” and turn into an emotionless zombie

[chipsandpeas]

People look down on McDonald’s employees but fail to realize that if all these folks left McDonald’s and pursued “better careers”  your ass wouldn’t be able to get a McDouble with an Oreo McFlurry at 3am. 

You can’t demand a service while simultaneously degrading those who provide it for you. 

[chipsandpeas]

you can make nearly any object into a good insult if you put ‘you absolute’ in front of it

example: you absolute coat hanger

[chipsandpeas]

[chipsandpeas]

i feel like im in the sims where it takes 5 hours to make pasta and then u have to immediately go to bed

[chipsandpeas]

[chipsandpeas]

No offense but I want to fall in love with someone who wants to fall in love with me