moongirl-survives

[moongirl-survives]

My dude *using my mirror

Later

Me: “hey have you seen my mirror you were using earlier I can’t find it?

Him: “ why would I know where it is?? This is your room and it’s your mirror”

Me: okay well if you find it just lmk

Him: I’m not gonna fucking look for it , why would you piss me off asking me loaded questions!!?!?

Me: “ it’s not even a big deal just let me know if you see it”

Him: “ why would you even talk to me? I wish you didn’t talk to me”

[moongirl-survives]

[moongirl-survives]

I’m not even sure what to write.

It’s 4am and I should be asleep. My family is asleep. I wish I was asleep. It feels like my mind is racing but I have no thoughts. How could that be?

I miss having friends and people to talk to. I used to love tumblr but it’s been about 5yrs since I’ve been on here. I feel like I don’t really know how to communicate on social media anymore. I’m just not social anymore. I don’t know why. I used to just talk to everyone but I guess since having a baby and being in a relationship I’ve changed. I feel like I’ve lost myself. Like I’m just here for everyone else. I take care of my child and boyfriend and I have no time for myself. I know that how it should be. I know it’s really just my fault and there’s no one to blame. But what do I do? How do I find myself again? I don’t really do anything different than before I was a mom but everything definitely feels like it’s all different.

I really don’t think it’s about me being a mom. That doesn’t bother me at all I love it. I really think that part that gets me is the coparenting even though we’re together and live together sometimes it’s like I’m all but myself. I feel like it’s fucked up to say cause he helps… he works,changes a few diapers and takes the trash out. But just cause he works and I’m a sahm it’s like I don’t do anything. Or I don’t do enough. He comes home and if our kid is doing something he doesn’t like instead of correcting him like a parent would, he gets upset and tells me to correct him or ask why I’m not telling him anything. Or when I do correct him and he doesn’t listen (cause obviously he’s a child and when do they listen?) I’m the bad guy. The one who doesn’t do anything. And just sits around on there phone not parenting… but like wtf that not true at all he’s a toddler and I’m constantly after him. Is it so wrong that when my partner comes home I expect him to help with disciplining? Or not even that cause honestly the stuff my kid does doesn’t bother me. Like I’m a toddler mom of course he’s gonna wanna run around and play and jump around, doesn’t bother me. But it bothers him. So if I don’t say anything I’m automatically the bad guy just cause I “don’t care” that my child is being a child.

I feel crazy. This post is just a giant rant. I usually do this in my phone notepad. So sorry if I seem crazy. But I felt like maybe if I put it on tumblr instead of my notepad I’ll feel a little less crazy cause maybe someone will read it and talk to me. Or maybe I’m just talking to myself.

I guess I’ll find out eventually.