chibitokki

[chibitokki]

I decided. I’ll leaving my job, my first ever job coming out of university, this coming Friday.

I thought about it well. Perhaps I could have endured the struggle a little longer, but the mental, emotional, and physical damage my job gave me was not just worth the pain but also the loss of happiness.

Everyday, I would wake up, get ready, spend the hour commute to work, spend my time in office until 7-8pm, and perhaps not even come home until 9pm, leaving little time to shower, eat, and much less sleep knowing I had to start my day again around 6:30am. 

It became an unhealthy and vicious cycle. My body? Tormented.

Expectations were grueling. Long hours apparently weren’t permitted, but so many people worked day and night until tasks were complete; nothing should have been left for the next day. I had to learn all of my department’s applications and systems all alone with very,very little training. I had my leaders and developers not even acknowledge my work or say a word to me about my ideas and finding until everything went behind my back.

I came to dread going to work, or even start work if I had to put effort on weekends. Perhaps I should have thought about this opportunity before confirming my offer, but I’ll admit, I was blinded by the fact that I may not even face another opportunity for a while once I graduated. The job market in the city is hard and competitive, so to know that you secured an offer straight after an internship and the semester before graduation was so relieving to hear, even if this wasn’t what I wanted to do long-term.

Now I know and have learned better; I should have put some time aside to look through open positions and tried to find something I would have liked more than what I am doing now. Most importantly, however, I shouldn’t have thrown myself away like I did for these last few months, sacrificing my entire life, family, and well-being just wanting to perform well and make others happy. I need to pursue something that makes me happy both professionally and personally. 

So that’s where I stand now. I’ll be giving my last week of efforts before saying goodbye to everyone who welcomed me so openly. I feel so much guilt knowing I’m leaving too early to even realize well enough about my actual duties, contributions, and more, but if I don’t leave now, I don’t know how much longer I would have lasted on all sorts of levels.

But yeah--that’s all that has been going on. I’ll be starting the job hunt all over again once I officially leave. It’ll be an adventure, going through the interview process again, but I can only hope for the best, whatever it may be as long as I can be happy again.

[chibitokki]

[chibitokki]

『02.18.19』

I have this sudden boost in motivation to apply for scholarships ✨ LOL so I made myself a scholarship tracker in my bujo (not yet featured tho), but here’s another February journal spread! 🎀 Ik, I’ve been posting journal photos lately. Do you have a preference to see more or less notes? 📝

「Quick tip: The best place to seek scholarships is from your counselor. Ask him/her of any of the open scholarships that you’re eligible to apply for! 🌟 」

🎀studygram🎀

[chibitokki]

the beef between STEM and arts + humanities is so tired. science and art are the same. sister subjects. they’ve fueled one another for years. one cannot exist without the other. they’re both made of the same kind of wonder, one tries to attain long sought after things in reality, and the other impliments the stuff of dreams. logic and emotionality. they’re both exercises of imagination. it’s all just beautiful, academic sludge.

[chibitokki]

It’s been three weeks since I’ve started my job, now going into my fourth.

Not going to lie, I had major impostor syndrome the first week. I thought I didn’t belong in such a huge company, allowed to work behind the scenes. Especially since I didn’t get real work that first week, I really thought I didn’t belong in the company at all. After all, I really did mess up my very first day there--I sat around a cubical without anything to do, no business computer to at least fiddle with in the meantime while all of my new employee paperwork went into the system; I did nothing that day and felt like a huge disappointment.

I’ll admit, that week hit me hard. I wanted to speak my heart out to my parents about everything that I felt, but they truly wouldn’t understand what it is like to work in a corporate environment for the very first time. I cried every night that week, wishing that everything would get better at work. I don’t think I felt so alone since I started my first semester of college.  

Despite all of that and a couple of issues that came around during that week, the second and third week went by a lot better to say so at the very least. I had the opportunity to develop test cases for my company’s upcoming integration project. Those are currently in review by my leader, but I’m definitely hoping that something went right on those since I really did give my work lots of effort despite the doubts that I had.

Now going into my fourth week at work, the current experience is still a little scary. I’ve come to a point where everything I do for my company and under my company has to be taken seriously, but I often come under the fear of not knowing if my work is even adequate to for company use. I really do scare myself with those thoughts and definitely should try to help myself overcome those worries by asking my project members and other coworkers for the slightest bit of help. However, everyone is so busy and so overwhelmed with their own duties that I often feel like I shouldn’t muster up the courage to bother my team. It’s such a fatal flaw of mine, but I always hate feeling like a burden to someone, especially when I’m supposed to know what to do or what is going on.

Truly, this whole corporate experience is new and perhaps difficult to break in at first, but I’m hoping to get more comfortable as the days and weeks go by. I know my manager has a lot of faith in me, or otherwise, he wouldn’t have offered me the position during my internship; bless his heart for recognizing my work ethic and wanting me as a valuable asset to his team.

I always feel so blessed and grateful that I’m given these opportunities, but I can’t help but to always doubt everything that I am and do, like I don’t belong where I am.

Praying everyday to overcome this rough patch soon. I always hear the first few months can be difficult when it comes to starting a new job, so I know I’m not alone in this journey. I just need to continue with the positive mindset that sparked during my second week. I want to keep doing better at all costs.

[chibitokki]

four essentials for the signs

aries - a hand to hold, courage, inspiration, the sun 

taurus - a garden, empathy, velvet voices, good wine 

gemini - a good book, a friend, openness, a pen 

cancer - someone to care for, someone who cares, honey, old photographs 

leo - challenges, sensitivity, release, love 

virgo - a home, knowledge, a mindfulness class, goals 

libra - solitude, honesty, a name tag, true love 

scorpio - peace and quiet, lightning, a mirror, closure 

sagittarius - a blank map, laughter, faith, a path to take 

capricorn - patience, equality, a role model, warmth 

aquarius - obstacles, thoughtfulness, resolution, passion 

pisces - music, a soft bed, water, companionship 

[chibitokki]

I forgot to report on this, but ya girl went through her graduation commencement ceremony with honors yesterday and passed all of her classes with better than anticipated grades. :’) Diploma to come in January!

So long to my education for now. Perhaps I’ll follow up with my masters in the next couple of years once I’m financially stable~

[chibitokki]

oh my god he’s a really bad boy he’s a really really really really really bad boy :o

(my insta: @milkybujo)

[chibitokki]

[chibitokki]

I started moving all of my college apartment stuff back with my parents!

Didn’t realize how much stuff actually accumulated over the last two to three years... Some stuff I can definitely do without since I know it’s not going to be of use later on.

Why don’t you guys check out my Depop shop here? I actually have some stuff for sale already, such as journals, clothes, and some K-beauty, too. I’ll put more items on there as I continue sorting and organizing my belongings back in my room.

Let me know if you’re interested in anything!

[chibitokki]

Finally done with all of my classes for my bachelor’s degree! 

It’s really been a wild ride, but I’m happy I can settle down for a couple of weeks and catch up with life again before I start my job. Just got to wait for grades to come in, though. 😓 I'm sure I did well, but I always generally expect the worse out of myself. 

[chibitokki]

here’s to every girl working so so hard to reach her goal. i see you. you can do it.

[chibitokki]

Hey guys, so I’m nearing the end of my senior year, and it’s been great so far! I accomplished my academic tasks efficiently and didn’t burn myself out, and I think the main contributor to my success as a student is my organization system. This system has been refined throughout my high school years, but I think now I’ve finally found the most effective methods.

Please remember that this isn’t the only organization system you can adopt; this is just the one that works the best for me, and I hope that by sharing it with you, you’ll gain a new perspective on how to stay organized as a high school student.

The first thing I wanna talk about is my notebook system, which I briefly mentioned in my Guide to Note-Taking.

My notebook system comprises three types of notebooks: the Everything Notebook, the subject notebook, and the revision notebook.

The Everything Notebook

The first stage is in-class notes. I only bring one notebook to school every day. I call it my Everything Notebook, and this is where I write down all of the notes I take in class. This way, I don’t have to lug around six notebooks where I’m only going to use a few pages in each of them that day.

Subject Notebooks

At the end of the day, I would revise my notes and compare them to the syllabus so I know where we are in the learning process. I would then transfer my class notes from my Everything Notebook to my different subject notebooks. This is stage two. I also start to jazz up my notes because I use the notes in my subject notebooks to study for tests.

In addition to my class notes, I include material from my teachers’ notes that they might not have elaborated on, as well as points in the syllabus (I’m currently taking A2) that were only glazed over briefly, or not at all, in some cases. (Note: this does not mean they completely skip a chapter or topic; it’s more like they missed a few bullet points that should be in my notes but aren’t. An example would be if we’re learning about phenol reactions and the teacher forgot to mention the use of FeCl3 as a test for phenol.)

Revision Notebooks

Stage three comes a little later, when exam week is just around the corner. Essentially, I rewrite and improve my notes from my five different subject notebooks into a single revision notebook or binder. (Recently, I’ve opted for a revision notebook because they’re lighter and easier to carry around.)

Because my teachers don’t always teach in the order of the syllabus, the first thing I do is organize my notes according to the syllabus. I would then fill in any other missing gaps in the material that hadn’t been filled in stage two.

When compiling material for my revision notebook, I use as many sources as possible: my own notes, my teachers’ notes, youtube videos, online sites, and my favorite, the mark scheme! I add in some answers from past papers (explanations only, so no calculations) mainly to secure marks. It’s safer to memorize definitions straight from the mark scheme than from the textbook or from handouts. I also do this to ease my memorization, especially for topics that require lengthy explanations. It’s a lot easier to remember the 6 points I need to explain the principles of NMRI than to remember everything in the four-page handout my teacher gave me.

Folders and binders are essential to organizing your papers. Some people keep a single accordion folder for all their papers, but for me it’s just too heavy to carry around all the time. The same goes for subject folders that are brought to school every day.

Instead, my binder/folder system comprises my Everything Folder and my subject binders.

The Everything Folder

The folder I carry with me to school every day is this A4 folder I got from Tokyu Hands. It has 5 pockets, one for each day of the week, so all the papers I receive on Monday will go behind the first divider, and so on.

Some people also keep blank papers in their folders; I don’t because my school has its own lined paper and graphing pads that I keep under my desk that I use if a teacher asks us to do an assignment on those papers. If I do work at home, I prefer to just use a plain A4 paper or a legal pad.

Subject Binders

At the end of the week, I’ll sort my papers into my subject binders. Sometimes I’ll keep some papers in the folder if I think I’ll be needing it the next week. This usually only applies to worksheets because all my teachers’ notes are available on Google Classroom, so I can access them even if I don’t physically have them.

Each of these binders have sections inside them:

Physics: 1 for handouts, notes, and tests, 1 for Paper 4 (Theory), 1 for Paper 5 (Practical Planning). I included extra tabs to mark the different topics in the handouts section.

Chemistry: same as Physics.

Economics: 1 for Paper 3 (MCQ), 1 for Paper 4 (Case Study and Essay). A lot of my Economics material is online, though.

English: 1 for Paper 3 (Text and Discourse analysis), and 2 for Paper 4 (Language Topics, which includes 1 for Child Language Acquisition, 1 for World Englishes). Past papers, handouts, and notes all go under their respective topics.

Mathematics: I just keep everything together because I never revise math and just constantly do past papers.

This makes it easier for me to revise each subject because I can just take one binder with me instead of a messy folder with everything just shoved in there.

I keep a magazine file for each of my A-Level subjects (English and Mathematics are combined). All my textbooks, revision guides, and subject notebooks are kept here, so if I need to revise one subject, that’s the magazine file I’ll take out.

These magazine files prevent any small things (like my book of flashcards) from being shoved to the back of my bookshelf, or materials from different subjects from getting mixed up.

In my senior year, I mostly plan using this app called Edo Agenda. It syncs across all my devices for free and has all the features I need: a to do list to organize tasks, monthly and weekly calendars to organize events, a journal to organize notes and memos.

I used to bullet journal regularly, but it takes too much time during weekdays, so now I just bullet journal for the therapeutic effects it gives me, and I use an app for organizing tasks and events. Sometimes at the end of each week, I’ll transfer my tasks to my bullet journal and then decorate the page, but again, this is just for its therapy.

Organizing your school supplies is just as important as organizing your papers and notes. With a more organized backpack and pencil case, you won’t waste time looking for your things at the bottom of an abyss.

Pencil Case

I don’t find it necessary to bring so much stationery to school unless I plan on making notes at school (usually during revision week).

Backpack

Because we’re already in the revision term, I don’t really carry a lot of things in my everyday backpack, just the following:

Pencil case

Everything Notebook

Everything Folder

Revision notebook

Kindle

Phone

Wallet

Earphones

Calculator

Speaker

Drinking bottle

A pouch with things like a hairbrush, pads, and lip balm

And that’s all for now! I hope this post will help you organize your school life (if you haven’t already) or at least provide some useful insights on some ways to stay organized as a high school student.

[chibitokki]

10.13.18 // hello everyone :)!! i’m back after yet another week of inactivity lmao i got sick again !!! anyway i’m back and midterms are totally kicking my butt lmao but i’m very inspired to be the best i can be this month!! things are looking up! i’ve got lots of posts planned for you all :)! i hope you’re all doing alright!!

ig: noodledesk

[chibitokki]

honestly someone tell me

how does a month-old laptop get defeated by a plastic pen cap?

howhowhowwhhywhwyhwyw

the screen is cracked, and i can’t get it serviced until the end of the semester fml : (

ugh i’m genuinely upset that i paid $1600 including store warranty and anticipated services for a new lappy after the motherboard on my old one decided to give up, and a month later, the display screen cracks because i failed to pack up my pens first before putting my laptop away in my backpack, causing a pen cap to get lodged by the screen’s hinges. 

like, i didn’t even see the cap until i tried to close my laptop and noticed that it wasn’t closing. with a slight effort to get it to close, i heard a crack from the inside, and that’s when i knew i was done for.

[chibitokki]

concept: let’s go to bed at 9pm instead of 3am. let’s drink more water for our bodily health and less coffee the aesthetic. let’s not skip breakfast because it’s worth running a little behind even if it’s just some fruit or cereal. let’s go socialize even if we’re kinda nervous. let’s love ourselves when we feel down, because flaws are not the end of the world. let’s work hard but take breaks in between instead of procrastinating and then rushing. let’s ignore what people who don’t know us have to say about us behind our backs. let’s be kind to each other because we’re all trying here. let’s hype up being mentally healthy rather than being perfect. let’s live our lives like we want to.

just a thought.

[chibitokki]

0 here! Former art student and a lover of colors, ah!

How well do you see color?

I’m cry I scored 60, I feel blind